Secrets and Lies
by OCDJen
Summary: Edward has always had these strange feelings, but has always pushed them down and away to scared to explore them. When he bumps into a mysterious yet beautiful golden haired man will he explore the hidden depths he has pushed away for so long? Please R
1. Chapter 1

_**AN/ **Okay so this little plot bunny hit me the other day, I was going to hold on to it and keep it in the background but with BDBN being such a hard read I wanted to give you guys some fluff_, _you know try and balance it out a bit. _

_I hope you guys enjoy this one with its lighter tone, but much like Right There was light, it is me which means I won't be able to resist throwing in a bit of drama for the boys :D. _

_I haven't forgotten about It's Fate and I am currently beating the living hell out of them to talk to me so I can start the next chapter, so until they start talking there will be updates for this and BDBN, god help me when they do start talking, hehe. _

_Again a big thank you to my wonderful beta who is just superwoman being able to cope with all my chapters for different things and her own work. _

_Anyway here is chapter one!  
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_**EPOV**_

__"Hey.... watch it." The tone of his voice made my heart thump loudly in my chest. It was as if his voice alone had set my body off on fire, either that or the sudden rush of excitement I got when I crashed into him as I walked into Starbucks.

"Sorry....." As I spoke I looked into his deep stormy blue eyes that were laced with gray. I was lost, stuck to the spot just staring at his eyes. His golden sun-kissed curls hung down to his strong jaw line that was sprinkled with a slight stubble, the corner of his lips curved up into a soft smile and I realised I was staring at him. Feeling the heat creep up my skin and through my cheeks I felt embarrassed for A staring at a man, and B getting caught out.

"Jasper." He offered his hand to me. His hand felt warm in mine, a rough palm that I suddenly began to wonder what it would feel like to have it running over my body. That thought both shocked me and excited me which made my voice come out a little shaky.

"Edw.." I stopped and cleared my throat "Edward." There, that sounded better than the first attempt. He snickered lightly as his stormy eyes were focusing intently on me.

"Coffee?" He asked in a silky tone that made my stomach knot up with butterflies.

"Yeah, I'm just here to pick one up." As the words left my mouth I suddenly felt stupid, as though I hadn't been able to fully process what he said. It seemed odd at first giving I was heading into a coffee shop to begin with, which was probably why I had come out with such a stupid answer.

Chuckling softy he looked around the coffee shop before looking at back me. "I meant would you like to have coffee with me?" My lips formed a perfect O which caused his eyes to darken slightly and stay trained on my lips.

"Su... sure." The fumbling words continued to come from my mouth as though I was unable to form any sort sentence that wasn't either stupid or a complete pathetic mess.

Flashing me a grin he walked past me and sat down in a booth while I headed to the counter. Just what was I doing? Why the hell was I agreeing to have coffee with him? Placing my order I stood waiting for it thinking how insane I must be right now, I hadn't done this before... had this type of interaction with a man, it was out of character for me.

For as long as I could remember I had always felt something more towards men than women, but I had never even attempted to explore that side before. Yes, I knew I was living somewhat of a lie, being with Leah and not really wanting her in that way. Yes, she was beautiful and we had some good times together, but there was no spark for me, no burning desire to lock her away in the bedroom and have my wicked way with her. In fact, there was no desire to sleep with her at all which was probably why I had manged to get to twenty-one and still remain a virgin.

Taking my coffee I slowly walked back to where he sat, leaning back all relaxed against the back of the booth, a killer smirk on his lips with his tight white T-shirt that hugged his chest. He was confident in just appearance alone. Me, on the other had, I didn't feel happy and secure in my own skin which hindered the way I expressed myself. Surely the fact that I never bothered to explore the side of me that shouted at me didn't help. The side that burned deeply and told me I would never know what I truly wanted unless I tried both, but still I didn't and I continued to be in a meaningless relationship that was going nowhere fast.

Smiling I sat down and looked at him, he cocked his eyebrow looking at my drink. "I have a sweet tooth." I mumbled out. I did, chocolate seemed to be my biggest downfall and I would have it in any way, shape, or form.

"Caffe Mocha is always a good choice, but I prefer the Caramel Latte myself." He grinned at me before taking a sip of his drink. "So what else are you sweet for?" He asked a little smug which sent the heat right up my cheeks again. My face felt on fire and all over some little comment like what I was sweet for. Jesus, I needed to get to grips with myself. "Sorry I didn't mean to embarrass you." He leant forward resting his elbows on the table.

"I've not done this for a while." _Done what?_ I thought to myself. I must have looked stupid, the confusion on what he meant must have been clear as day on my face, covered by the expression of wondering what he was on about. Jasper looked at his coffee then back up to me clearing his throat. "Chat a guy up, I mean." _I've never chatted a guy up full stop. _Now he said it I really dd feel stupid.

"It's okay." I mused. "It's not something I tend to do myself." Shock covered his face, his eyes went wide as he stared at me. I wondered what I had said that had suddenly caused this shock expression to plaster over his gorgeous face.

"Oh god.... I'm so sorry, I thought you were gay." He flustered out. "I seemed to be picking up all the signals from you. I got it wrong, please accept my apology." He grabbed his coffee and began to stand.

"Wait, please you don't have to go." He looked at me with a confused expression on his face, clouding his stormy blue eyes. "Please." I sounded so unbelievably pathetic, almost begging the man to sit back down and talk to me.

I hadn't even said if I was gay or not. Well, I didn't know what I was, but I was about to find out. The reason I had never explored the hidden depths to me where because it had never been offered to me. I didn't know where to go to find these things out, to see if I was gay, or if my lack of interest in women was because I hadn't explored the other possibility and all I needed to do was just explore and everything would fall into place and my need to fuck a woman into next week would suddenly appear.

"I don't want to make you feel uncomfortable, straight men can be a little freaked when they realise a gay guy has just come on to them." He smiled nervously at me and I had this sudden urge to hug him. I picked up my drink and smiled into it before taking a sip hoping that my hands would resist the urge to just touch him.

"Besides I never answered the question and told you if I was or not." He chuckled and relaxed a little more into the seat.

"Well are you?" He asked before adding "Of course you're not, you're too good looking to be gay." I scoffed at that, what made him so different from me? He was gorgeous and surely could have any woman he wanted. If you went on looks alone you would think he had a different woman in his bed every night and the thought of sleeping with a man had never occurred to him.

"I could say the same thing about you." He chuckled and pushed the golden curls off his face that looked so soft.

"Point taken." He pulled his bottom lips between his teeth and I couldn't help but stare at it, stare at his lips and wonder what it would feel like to feel his plump pink lips against mine, the thought struck me. Though I had wondered what it would be like, I had never followed that yearning, would it be different to kissing a girl?

We talked for ages, filling each other in on the other. Jasper told me he was twenty-three and worked in construction, building houses for his uncle's company. It explained the tanned skin and toned arms where his biceps pushed against the fabric of his T-shirt. He told me about his little sister who drove him insane with the latest fashion and thought that because he was gay he might be more into shopping than the average male. He quickly informed me that no, he didn't enjoy shopping and only did it when he needed too and it normally lasted all of an hour with no messing around.

The more he talked, the more I wanted to know. He was so mysterious to me, depths to him I didn't know but wanted to find out. I wanted to spend the hours and the days fitting together the little jigsaw that was Jasper until I knew all about him. I was excited at the thought of actually, finally, exploring this part of me that I buried away for so long, too afraid to look at for fear of what I might find.

Hours ticked by and whatever was planned for me today had been crossed off completely. The cups of coffee piled up as we talked about what music we were into, what films we both loved, liked and what we hated, TV shows, which caused us to both sit for over an hour trying to figure out what was happening in Lost before giving up, realising that that show was just too confusing.

"You're training to be a Vet? What made you choose that career?" He asked looking at his watch. I felt a tab bad seeing him check the time, I had taken up most of his morning by talking to him, though I didn't want him to leave.

"Sorry, do you have to be somewhere? You've been here all morning." I tried to apologise to him but he just laughed at me, showing a perfect row of pearly white teeth.

"No, honest, this beats the hell out of my plans for today. I am getting hungry and I wondered maybe if you want to grab a bite to eat with me?" My heart started beating wildly in my chest. I was grinning on the outside like a mad man, but on the inside my stomach was turning and twisting with nerves.

"Um, yeah?" Making it sound like a question rather then an answer. Clearing my throat I tried again to not make myself seem completely incompetent. "Anywhere in mind?"

"Yeah, actually I know a place that serves great food, did you get here by car?" Jasper asked as he pulled out his car keys from his pocket.

"It's outside in the lot." I fumbled around in my pockets like I was looking for something, only I wasn't looking for anything, I just didn't know what to say next.

"Great, just follow me." Flashing a smirking smile he walked past me. Pushing the big glass door open he stepped out into the lot with me closely behind him. My eyes caught sight of a great big transit van that suddenly flashed its hazards as Jasper hit the button. My expression must have been of shock as Jasper cocked his eyebrow with a smirk on his lips. "Work van." Again I felt like a fool.

"No... um, sorry, I... um..... it's just..... um." I stuttered flustered and fumbled my way through the sentence making Jasper laugh. His laughter was magical, so warm and rich and carefree.

"Man, it's okay, the van or beast has its uses when I'm not working. Besides, people move out of the way more with the van. Is that yours?" He pointed to the BMW Silver Z3. Nodding he walked over to it and took a look around it. "Beautiful piece of metal. I had my eye on one not long back, but I hear the parts are really expensive when they break, kind put me off when I was told a tyre alone would cost me a small fortune."

"Yeah, they are, but it's the price for excellence." Mentally I cursed myself for sounding like a complete and utter twat.

"I guess so, but if I'm gonna start having to take a small mortgage when something breaks I would sooner do it over a Austin Martin or something of that nature. Having said that, if someone let me drive their BMW I wouldn't say no." He said with a wink at the end. "Follow me there, okay?" With that he headed towards his van.

Starting the engine I waited for him to pull out first, I felt giddy with excitement. I had thought about exploring, but never really enough to make me do it and in the space of one morning I was suddenly exploring it, following him to some place for something to eat. All I needed to do was stop making myself look like a complete and utter moron and I might actually discover something that I had pushed away for years.

A silly ass smile stayed on my lips as I followed Jasper through the streets towards this place, as we passed down certain roads I began to to realise where we were heading. Part of me hoped that we weren't heading to Lilly's, not that I had anything against the place because I didn't, it was a hidden gem in the city and cooked the most mouth watering food I had ever tasted. It wasn't the type of place that served fancy prancy food that you could barely pronounce when ordering, it was down to earth and whatever they cooked was amazing whether you were having something like Ribs or pie and mash. The problem with coming to Lilly's was Leah. .We had been here a few times not for a while mind you. but still it felt a little strange coming to a place where I had brought my girlfriend.

Just as I feared we pulled into Lilly's car park. Sucking in a breath and smiling I cut the engine off and tried not to think about it. I wasn't doing anything wrong, this was the same as us being in the coffee shop talking only over food instead. "Lilly's?" I said as I got out of the car. Jasper flashed a toothy grin at me as he slammed the door to his van.

"You know Lilly's?" He asked walking to me in an almost swagger effect that left me fixed on the spot looking at him unable to form any words from my mouth, leaving me only capable of nodding. "They do great food, don't they? Who wants to go and eat at a fancy place that has some weird name for steak or some shit." Chuckling to myself I couldn't help but agree.

"It's like they slap that extra twenty on it just for the fancy name." I said as we reached the door. Jasper pulled the door open and held it letting me in first. "Thanks." I muttered slightly embarrassed.

Taking a table we sat facing each other flicking through the menus trying to decide what to have. "What are you having?" Jasper asked as I stared intently at the menu.

"Umm..." My eyes scanned the menu over and over again before settling on a old favourite. "Club Sandwich, I think." A simple nod from Jasper as he closed his menu made the waiter come to the table.

"Two club sandwiches please and a coke with no ice for me.... Edward?" His stormy blue eyes looked at me smiling, almost dancing. Feeling myself get lost in his eyes it wasn't until he cocked his eyebrow that I snapped back out of some spell I was under.

"Um, same please." The waiter took the menus from us and disappeared muttering the words of "It's shouldn't be too long," or something to that effect. "Copying my order, huh?" I felt like ice had reformed again and I was eager to break it, though it was more than likely me who was thinking this, but the drive here had cut the run of talks we had and I wanted to fall back into that stream of idle chit chat.

"It rocks, I knew what I was having before we got here. It's the same thing I always order, the menu was only to be polite. So Edward you never answered me before, what made you choose the path of becoming a vet?" He asked as his long golden fingers played with the edge of the table mat.

"Well, my father is a Doctor, and while going into that did appeal to me, I have always had a softer side for animals. I'm really enjoying it, just started my second year at Vet school and I'm now more into the surgery this year than last, shadowing more and being dragged all over. Next year will be even better, you get to experience more with each year. The idea is that you slowly have a transition from being a student to being a vet. Text book is all fair and well, but nothing beats learning while on the job." Stopping at the end I wondered if I had bored Jasper to tears rambling on about me becoming a vet, looking up at him I saw him smile softly.

"I agree, nothing beats learning on the job. To be honest, I don't have much education that way. Yeah, I went to school, but after that I kind of dossed around for a while before my uncle took me on. I did the odd course here and there for things I needed to have that bit of paper for, but all my knowledge of building work comes from learning on the job. Yeah, it's not the same as training to become a vet, but the principles are the same." He finished talking just before our food arrived.

We chatted a little over the course of dinner. Jasper told me things that had happened on the building sites, both funny and serious, making us both laugh while I told him about some of the things I had seen when people had brought their cat or dog in. Talking with Jasper was so easy, I loved hearing his thoughts on things and how we could go from a serious topic to something stupid and funny in a matter of moments without it seeming to be out of depth for the other. With everything he spoke about he applied so much compassion, he was passionate about what he believed in, what he spoke about and what he thought, I truly was captured by him.

We must have stayed there of two hours, lost in time, lost in our own little world. I knew I had to leave soon, exams were fast approaching and I needed to get the extra study time in. Sitting hunched over a textbook reading about the insides of a cow wasn't my idea of fun, I would sooner be here sitting across from Jasper talking to him and just forgetting everything else.

"I don't want to cut this, but I have to get to the builder yard to collect a few things and they don't tend to stay open all day." Jasper said before finishing off his coke. My heart plummeted slightly, even though I knew I couldn't complain and I had things to do. I didn't want our time together to end, by the look on Jasper's face neither did he.

"It's fine. Seriously, I need to get some studying in, I have exams all next week." Jasper chuckled and signalled for the bill. "It was really great bumping into you Jasper this morning." Why did that sound like I didn't want to see him again?

"Likewise." Splitting the bill and leaving a tip we walked out of Lilly's in silence and out into the car park. "You know Edward, I've really enjoyed the last couple of hours with you and I....." He trailed off and rubbed the back of his head with his long golden fingers. "What I'm trying to say is would you like to do it again sometime? Go out on a date with me?" He looked a little nervous as he finished talking, I smiled sweetly at him.

"Um, sure?" Again I made it sound like a question rather than an answer. Jasper's eyes lit up and a smirking grin appeared on the plump pink lips of his.

"Great, you got a number I can call you on?" My fingers became all fumbled as I pulled my phone out and handed it to him. He punched in his number and handed it back to me before he handed me his. Typing my number into his phone I had to read it back about ten times just to make sure I hadn't hit any wrong numbers by mistake in my panic. "Great, I'll give you a call and we will sort something out." He licked his lips slowly and my eyes darted to them. "Edward? Can I kiss you?" Nodding he moved closer to me.

His lips brushed softly against mine at first before coming back a little harder. My lips felt on fire and I froze on the spot unable to kiss him back. He pulled away looking slightly concerned before looking at me as though a light bulb had just gone off in his head. "You're not gay are you?" He stated matter-of-fact at me.

"Truthfully, I haven't explored this before." I answered him honestly, he snorted and shook his head at me.

"Explored? Wanna fill me on what you mean by explore Edward?" His sharp tone surprised me, caught me off guard. I hadn't expected him to react that way, maybe explore had been the wrong word to use. He sighed and looked at me. "Sorry, I'm not demanding you tell me anything. We don't know each other, but I would like to know what you mean by explore." He corrected himself which eased me a little bit more.

"I've had these feeling for a long time, but I have never done anything about them. I didn't know how to go about them so I guess I just pushed it all aside and tried to continue my life the way my friends are." My answer sounded as though I was suddenly sixteen again and completely unsure of the whole fucking world.

"I get ya, so I'm your first male kiss then?" He smirked. "I like the thought of that. Edward, it's okay, you're not the only guy that has pushed these feelings down and tried to live a life of what some would class as 'normal'. There are gay men that get married, have children, all with a woman to try and make themselves straight before finally giving up and just dealing with those hidden thoughts and feelings. I suppose it might be slightly more confusing if you're bi, though I wouldn't know as I've never tried to get on with a woman before." He chuckled. "Wanna try the kiss....." Before he could finish his words my lips crashed onto his.

Setting a light and running a hot white fire through my body I moaned into the kiss. As my lips parted his tongue gently pushed through into my mouth caressing against mine softly as we tasted each other. The kiss was soft and gentle, everything a first kiss should be with someone they just met, but it felt so different to the first time I kissed Leah or the first time I kissed any girl, this just felt right.

Pulling back slowly from the kiss I smiled sheepishly at Jasper who flashed a wicked grin in my direction. "You will call, won't you?" _Oh for the love of god will you button that fucking mouth if you're just going to sound stupid!_

"Of course I am...." He moved closer to me and whispered in my ear "My first time boy." The heat crept up my cheeks as he said that making feel even more a tool than before. He chuckled and kissed my cheek gently, just brushing his wet lips lightly on my hot skin.

"I'll call you before the weekend. Go and study Edward, think of all those dogs and cats that may need saving in the future." He called back to me as he walked back towards to his van. Laughing gently I nodded and watched him climb in. He started the engine and pulled away giving me a quick wave and a honk of the horn before he disappeared.

Smiling and standing in the car park my lips slowly simmered down to a gentle warming feeling after the kiss. I was happy, excited, and fucking scared, but desperate for him to call. Telling myself that I wouldn't call him until at least Saturday if I hadn't heard from him I tried to resist the urge to call him or text him now. My phone buzzed into life and I got all excited thinking it was Jasper texting me so soon after leaving me.... like seconds after leaving me, but to my disappointment it was Leah asking me to pick her up.

_FUCK!_

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_ What do we all think then? _

_You know what to do hit the review button tell me your thoughts and feelings on it and send some love. Jen x  
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	2. Chapter 2

_**AN/ **Hi my lovelys, I take it you all liked the first chapter then? Thank you to everyone who reviewed the first chapter, of course I'm completely shit when it comes to replying to the reviews, I do try and reply as they come in but it doesn't always work. But know I love them and it keeps me writing. _

_I am 24 hours late posting this, I wanted to have it up yesterday but the world had other plans for me. Tuesday night my dog went into labour and had 5 little black and white staffie pups, 2 boys and 3 girls, if you have been following me on twitter then you may have seen the pics I have posted of the new arrivals. So now I'm having to split the shifts with hubs on puppy watch and go to work so I'm really tired and my plan on updating is now all over the place. I hope to have the next chapter of BDBN up on sunday as I have begun writing it. _

_If you are following me on twitter, sorry for my random tweets that I seemed to have been posting last night while watching Twilight and being completely brain dead. I seem to have a problem with being brain dead and rambling about all sorts of stuff that randomly pops into my head. _

_I have a recommendation for you all, if you haven't gone and checked out **Two Different Worlds by dtav **then go and check it out. With one chapter up so far its setting up to be a very good little Vampire story, with a completely different take on the Vampire world. And **Just Say Yes by Darkira**....I love Darkira stories and I certainly did a little happy dance when it popped up in my inbox, go vheck out her new fic and leave them both some love.  
_

_Have you all been reading the FML entries? Good aren't they, I love how some of the wonderful slash girls managed to slash them, **rmhale and OnTheTurningAway **Have two wonderful little entries for the contest._

_Okay I have forgotten to mention this a few times becuse I am rubish at remembering this stuff. The Slash awards. What a great way to show some love to some of your favourite stories and authors, alot of fanstatic stories get left out in the awards so Domwards Mistress has created the slash awards. Go vote for your faves. _

_**www(dot)theslashawards(dot)blogspot(dot)com**_

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_**EPOV**_

__Those eyes..... those fucking stormy blue eyes that were laced with gray haunted my mind while I waited.... and waited to hear from Jasper. His name alone brought a smile to my face and gave me that twisted butterfly feeling in the pit of my stomach.

Two days had passed since we bumped into each other in the coffee shop and for the last two days I had tried everything known to man to stop me from texting him. He said he would call before the weekend, it wasn't the weekend..... yet. I could wait, I could find things to pas my time with and keep me busy, but I didn't. I often found myself myself thinking about his eyes that captured me and froze me to the spot, or the way he smirked in a unbelievably gorgeous smile or the way he spoke with so much passion in his voice that was like music to my ears. God, I needed him to call me.

"Edward?" Placing the study book on my chest I turned my head to look at Leah who stood in the doorway, her jet black hair was tied up in a bun keeping it off her face, her Tee hugged her curvy figure, accentuating her beauty.

"Hey." I answered giving her a soft smile as she walked into my room and over to the bed I was currently on. "What are you doing here?" She smiled at me and crawled her way over to me, letting her legs fall on either side of my waist as she straddled my hips.

"I came to see you." She purred before placing her soft delicate lips against mine. It felt wrong to kiss her, since that kiss with Jasper kissing her soft delicate lips felt off. I wanted to feel the sightly rougher, thick skin that cover his lips. I wanted to feel the slight tickle of his stubble as his lips moved against mine. I didn't want to feel Leah's soft baby smooth skin as she kissed me.

Pulling away from the kiss I stopped Leah's hands as they roamed slowly up my T-shirt. The disappointment was in her eyes before it hit her face. "Sorry." I mumbled as Leah sat up on my hips. I knew this look, this look that was currently running across her face, she wanted to bring up the state of our physical relationship or for want of a better word lack of it.

"You know it's been eight months now, Edward.... Don't you think it's time we took things to the next level?" She folded her arms across her chest, her chocolate brown eyes looked down at me waiting for me to give her an answer, an answer she wanted to hear.

"Lee.... You know how I feel about it." Leah's nostrils flared at me. "Why do you have to push this? What's wrong with what we have?" _Other than the fact that you have no desire to fuck her senseless?_ I bitterly thought to myself.

I wish it would change, I wish I had that desire to suddenly want her in that way, but I didn't. Maybe after my date with Jasper, I will. _Jasper... _I thought happily to myself. When was he going to call?

"Because it's normal to fuck and to want to fuck. I get that you want it to to feel right, but surely it must have in eight months." Leah got off me and pulled her knees up, wrapping her arms around her legs. "I get that you want to wait, but Edward please give this some thought... I have needs." I wasn't being fair to her, she deserved more than what I was giving her.

I was playing with fire, but this was the only way I was ever going to find out. Never before had an opportunity come before me and my chance meeting with Jasper had presented itself as the perfect opportunity. Yes, I was lying, but hadn't I lived a lie for most of my life? I knew what feelings were there under the surface, yet I pushed them away, buried them deep within me in the hope that they would just go away. I didn't know what to do with them. I didn't know how to go and explore these strange feelings that I had, instead I pushed them away and hoped for the best.

"Leah, I have to study." I took hold of her tiny hand in mine, feeling the smooth skin that coated it. Why couldn't I just want her? She was beautiful, funny, and smart, yet she wasn't want my body craved. _Please let me crave her after my date._ I silently prayed. I was hoping against hope that my date with Jasper would make me want her and get rid of these feelings.

"I know. I'll see you later, okay?" Her soft glossy lips brushed against mine and once again I thought of Jasper. "Don't work too hard." She smiled and slid off the bed picking her bag up that she had discarded on the floor before heading out the door, closing it gently behind her.

Getting my head back into my book I tried to push away the thoughts of both Leah and Jasper. I was being unfair to her, denying her of what she wanted because I didn't feel the need or desire to drill into her like any other hot red-blooded male would. Yes, I thought she was beautiful, sexy even, but her body close to mine never felt truly right, no other woman's ever had. There was the slight feeling of guilt that hung around me for kissing Jasper, for spending most of the day with him, but I reasoned with myself that other than a kiss I hadn't done anything wrong. I knew I should have never kissed him in the first place because of Leah, but I couldn't help but want to feel his plump pink lips pressed to mine. I was glad he did kiss me.

Excitement crashed through me as my phone suddenly burst into life, my heart rate picked up and I hoped that I would look at my phone and see Jasper's name flashing at me. Every time my phone rang I thought it was and I would go into some frenzied panic trying to get to my phone, it was as though I had never been out on a date before, it was getting that silly. I guess, in a way, as I never had been out on a date with a guy.

"Hello." I didn't look at the flashing number as I answered it. I didn't want the disappointment if it was Jasper on the other end.

_"Hey Edward, it's Jasper." _That rich magical voice hit my ear making me melt on the spot and lose all power to be able to form any sentence. My mouth hung open while my mind processed the fact that yes Jasper had called me, and yes he was on the phone right now. _"Are you there?" _He suddenly asked snapping me out of my internal thought pattern that he had actually called.

Feeling my cheeks heat up I answered "Um... Yeah... Sorry, I was.... Um." Jasper chuckled down the phone hearing my flustered ramblings. _Why the hell have I lost the brain power to be able to speak to him?_ "What's up?" I blurted out fast wanting to hear him talk again.

_"I know you're studying and I completely understand if you can't, but I was wondering if you wanted to meet up later tonight? Nothing too serious, just a few drinks, maybe something to eat if you want; or if you're up for it we could go for a walk along the canal, it's beautiful at night when the moon is out." _By the time he had finished talking I was already grinning like an idiot who had just been asked out by their crush. God, how sad was I?

"That sounds nice, I've never been there at night. A few drinks then a walk it is then." I was giddy and over excited and had wiped out all thoughts of Leah and the fact that I blew her off not too long ago because I was meant to be studying were long gone.

_"I'm not getting in the way of your studying am I?" _Jasper asked with a slight chuckle, such a beautiful sound that just hearing it did things to me that I never thought would happen because of a simple chuckle.

"No, not at all, it's good to rest the mind you know? Spent all day studying so I deserve some time off." Waiting for him to talk I tried to slow my heart down, and stop myself from becoming such a complete messy pool of goo on the floor.

_"I like the sound of that. Shall we say seven down by the Exchange? They do the best milkshakes there." _He chuckled and before I could engage my brain I answered.

"God, yeah, they do." _Just shut up Edward, stop acting like a sixteen year old who has never been on a date before._ Kicking the bedpost I cursed at myself for being so naive and stupid, which then turned me into biting my bottom lip from letting out a yelp as I hurt my bare toes.

_"Yeah, sweet tooth, I remembered, so seven tonight then?_" I wondered where he was calling me from? I could hear the faint sounds of diggers going which meant he was at work.

Suddenly my mind was filled with Jasper working on the building site shirtless and sweating, letting the beads of sweat run done his muscular tanned back. Stopping myself from moaning at the thought of him in dirty low cut jeans with no Tee on I bit my lip painfully hard to shake the thoughts away so I could answer him.

"Seven at the exchange, I'll be there." Did I just sound too eager? "Bye, Jasper." My voice squawked out as I tried to hide my excitement in my voice.

Chuckling he answered _"Don't be late, Edward. Bye." _The phone clicked off and I missed hearing his voice right away. I had to check my phone after he hung up to make sure that I wasn't going mental and this wasn't something that my mind had just cooked up for me, that he had actually called.

For the next few hours I tried to cram in a few more hours of study time, but it didn't seem to last long before the thoughts of fixing a dog's broken leg disappeared and thoughts of Jasper entered. I needed to stay on track though, as excited as I was to see Jasper tonight, to have heard from him, I couldn't let him effect my studies too much. Well, I couldn't let him effect them at all. I had worked too hard to get to where I was, their uni's were hard to get into and most didn't get in on their first or even their second try. I had got in right first go and I couldn't afford to mess this up and let my studies go to pot all because some guy had shown an interest in me and was allowing me to explore this side of me.

No, I would need to find a balance between studying for my exams, working and having fun. Although I was thinking that this would be the first and last time I would see Jasper after our coffee shop chat I secretly didn't want it to be. Yes, I wanted to know what I truly wanted; and yes, I wanted this to confirm that I was well and truly into women, but there was this small part of me that still wanted to see Jasper. There was also a small part that wanted it to go the other way. If that was the case I would need to dump Leah right away. I didn't want to hurt her and drag her along when I knew what I wanted, so if tonight proved that these feelings I have had were what I wanted I would be dumping Leah tonight.

Showering and changing I fucked around for what seemed like forever trying to figure out what to wear. I wanted to look nice and it was the middle of summer, but I knew it would get cool tonight and a walk along the canal could be a little on the chilly side. Settling for a pair a dark jeans and a light blue long sleeved shirt I figured I would take a jacket and leave it in the car, I could always get it out before we went for the walk if I was a little cold.

Grabbing my phone and car keys I bolted down the stairs and out the front door not even saying goodbye to my parents I was in that much of a rush to see Jasper. Most people I went to vet school with lived in shared houses or they lived on campus. I had been lucky enough that I got into the vet school in the city I lived in, or lucky that I lived in a city where they had a vet school, whichever way you want to look at it. I didn't have to waste money on rent for the time being.

I was early when I arrived outside the Exchange, ten minutes early. Looking around the car park I couldn't see the Van Jasper had been in the other day, but I did happen to catch sight of Black Audi park about three spots down. I wondered if that was his or not. In fact, I wondered if I should go in and wait or stay out here for a bit longer. Deciding that I would look like some nut job sitting in my car looking in I got out of the car and walked in. My eyes scanned the room before falling on a halo of golden curls, I hoped that was him. It looked like him from the back, but I wasn't too sure. Taking a deep breath I walked towards him shaking slightly, as I reached the table I saw a chocolate milkshake with whipped cream and a cherry on top with a straw in it. Jasper suddenly turned his head and smiled at me, a real lazy smile, but one that looked fucking gorgeous on him.

"Hi, hoped you didn't mind, I sorta order it for you remembering that you had a sweet tooth and liked chocolate." Nodding and smiling I sat down looking at the mysterious golden haired man that sat across from me.

"Not at all, thank you." I took a long drink from the straw letting the ice cold chocolaty liquid run down my throat. Fuck, these fucking milkshakes were to die for. "Have you been waiting long?" I asked as I picked the cherry off the top and placed it in my mouth. Jasper's eyes were on my mouth watching as I slowly licked the cream off it first, letting my tongue dart out to lick the white fluffy mixture off.

"Jesus." He whispered almost inaudibly, if my own eyes hadn't been focused on his mouth I would have missed it. Flushing slightly realising my innocent almost childlike action had such an effect on Jasper, I quickly looked down unsure of where to put my eyes. Clearing his throat he smiled weakly and took a sip of his Iced Tea "Um, just a few minutes actually, do you want grab something to eat while we're here?" He asked picking up the menu and running his long tanned fingers down the shiny card.

"Sure." I watched as he chewed his bottom lips while looking over the menu. God, I wanted to nibble that lip between my teeth and taste him on my tongue. "Did you get a lift here or come by taxi?" I inquired. As Jasper's chuckle filtered through and hit my ears I realised what a dumb question I had asked him.

"Nope." Was his one worded answer. I wanted to ask what he came in, but I was feeling a little uneasy sitting here now. Maybe this was it, maybe I had explored and realised that those feelings were nothing but me being a little curious? "I don't drive the beast everywhere. Besides, turning up on a date in the dirty builders van is hardly a turn on." He flashed me a wink and I melted.

Who was I trying to fool? I was over the fucking moon to have Jasper sitting across from me wanting to spend time with me. He was gorgeous and I hadn't been able to move the thought of how his lips felt against mine nearly all fucking week. I had acted almost like a love-sick puppy getting their first date when he called me, over-excited and utterly nervous.

"I wasn't sure if you were going to call or not." I admitted after we placed our food order. It seemed that my mental ability to try and act cool was failing me, and in its place was the ability to tell him just how much of a teenager I had acted while waiting for his call.

"I didn't know if you would want to meet up after your little confession of exploring." He smiled at me. "I'm glad you did though, letting me get a chance to get to know my first time boy." The nickname caused the heat to raise up once more in my cheeks, I was eager to change subject and get him talking. His tone of voice seemed to relax me when he spoke making me fall into an easy chat with him.

"You said the other day that you hadn't done this in a while..... Are you getting over a bad break up?" This thought had played on my mind since we bumped into each other. The last thing I wanted was my little exploring hunt to end up with me being some rebound guy. _And I'm sure he wants to be the other guy._ I argued with myself.

There weren't going to be any regrets, I had decided that. If I left here tonight wanting Jasper more than I would be breaking it off with Leah as soon as possible. Just what would I tell Leah? The reason I hadn't wanted to fuck into next week was because she just never did it for me and I had been hiding some feelings for a long time, been afraid to look at them, even accept that they were there because I didn't know what to do? But now I know, so it's all okay? I doubted that would make her feel better, but I didn't want to lie to her either. _Just don't think about it right now, see how you feel once you leave tonight, then think_.

"You could say that." He took a sip of his Ice tea as our food arrived. "You're not a rebound or anything, we broke up about six months ago after an eighteen month relationship. We're still friends if you can actually stay friends with your ex, more if we see each other we stop and chat that sort of thing. It wasn't a bad break up in the sense that one was cheating on the other or anything like that, we just weren't really working out. Somewhere along the line we stopped actually being a couple and were just fuck buddies, it ran its course and neither of us really wanted to admit that we had grown apart." He took a bite of his food and smiled. "So what about you?" _Oh crap, not where I wanted this to go at all. _I thought to myself as I tried to think of what I could tell him.

"I mean you told me you had these strange feelings you had never explored before, so I take it you have been with a woman then? What was that like?" He asked innocently at me.

"I've dated women, if that's what you mean." _You know exactly what he means dip-shit. Why must you continue to act like a complete fucking retard?_

"I meant sleeping with a woman, or didn't it bother you? I don't know, maybe it's just me, but the idea of putting it anywhere near a dripping wet pussy is enough to kill the mood for me." Chuckling he played around with his food before finally taking another bite.

"I don't know, I haven't slept with a woman before." It seemed as though he stopped moving with his fork mid-air to his mouth.

"You're a virgin?" He chuckled at me "You really are a first time boy, aren't you?" I flushed with embarrassment, I should have kept my mouth shut instead of telling him and just embarrassing my sorry sad ass.

Pushing my plate of food away I pulled my wallet out and took out a tenner. Throwing it on the table I got up deciding that I wasn't going to sit there and be the butt end of a load of virgin jokes. "Edward, please don't go." Jasper grabbed my hand making my skin feeling on fire. "Sorry, I didn't mean to embarrass you. It just came as a bit of a shock, that's all, please sit back down." He pleaded with me, his stormy blue eyes staring at me, pleading with me to stay.

Embarrassed still I sat back down. I didn't want him to feel bad for laughing, it seemed to be a common reaction when people find out that a twenty-one year old male was still a virgin. Leah almost pissed herself laughing when she found out. "It's just never felt right to go that far." I grumbled out keeping my eyes on the table.

"Look at me Edward." His hand reached out to mine, he ran his fingertips gently over my knuckles before resting his hand on top of mine. "You know that was probably a good indication that you aren't into women. I'm sorry for laughing at you, I didn't mean to upset you..... I've thought about you a lot since we bumped into each other the other day and the last thing I want to do is scare you off because I laughed at you. Forgive me, please?" His stormy eyes stared at me, holding so many emotions in them. I was lost.

"Have you really?" I asked settling back down in the booth again. Was he just saying that to make me feel better?

"What? Thought about you a lot since I first saw you?" I nodded wanting him to carry on. "Yes, that messy bronze hair has clouded my mind for days." He chuckled. His laugh or chuckle was infectious, hearing it I couldn't help but join in.

"Yeah, I don't really know where the unruly hair came from, it has a mind of its own." Running my hand through my hair as I spoke, I noticed Jasper's eyes watched my movement with such intensity it was almost scary.

As we both relaxed and got over the slight hiccup the conversation began to flow easily between us. Laughing and joking about random things, learning new things about each other, the jigsaw puzzle that was Jasper was slowly coming together little by little. The more we talked the more I found out about him and the more he amazed me and captured me. It was becoming more and more clear that my exploration was turning out to be what I wanted. Watching his lips move as he spoke all I could think about was having them on me, all over me. The thought alone excited me and shot a faint tremor of fear through me.

Jasper told me more about his family, how his dad worked and breathed his job in cars, buying and selling both top of the range sports to classics, even to your run of the mill everyday car. He told me that while he liked cars and could appreciate a beautiful looking car the whole car dealership bored him to tears. He didn't care about what parts were inside the car to make it do this, that, and the other, or what type of leather was currently covering the seats; all he cared about was did it look good and how fast could it go.

"I'm not really into what's under the hood, but I like it to be perfect inside. No marks, no bits falling off, no broken bits, all the air vents pointed in a certain direction, I want the right mats. I'm a little freaky over my car like that, I clean it once a week, it's spotless. I even reset the mile count every time I fill up so I know how many miles I got to the gallon." By the time I finished my little freaky speech about my slight obsession Jasper's mouth was hanging open.

"Jesus, I thought only my dad did that shit. Fuck Edward, you know that's really OCD don't you?" He joked, I laughed. Yeah, I had been told a few times that I was a little OCD when it came to my car. "Let me guess, the car is set at just the right temperature and you go ape shit if someone plays with it?"

"Fuck yes, I can't stand it when people touch the buttons in the car. A, its rude, and B, you just don't do that sort of thing. I hate people moving the air vents because they don't want the air coming out. They can't turn the switch at the side to close it off, they have moved the sodding air vent." Jasper was in near tears with laughter. I could laugh at myself, I knew I had a few hang ups, but don't we all?

"You have to meet my dad. Bloody hell, he'll love you, there's another one like him in the world." That scared me, the mention of meeting his family after such a short space in time sent the fear of god into me. I was still exploring myself and I wasn't ready for anything like that, but I knew he hadn't meant it like that. He wasn't thinking of taking to me his folks, he was just saying.... At least I hoped he was.

"Fancy that walk along the canal now?" I asked. We had been sitting here for the last few hours and the staff were beginning to look at us now, wondering why we hadn't either moved into the bar or gone by now. Jasper's stormy eyes lit up at me in the most breathtaking way, they sparkled and shone at me as though I had just made him the happiest man alive.

"Love to." His voice was so husky that I couldn't stop the shudder that ran through me, running through every inch of me. His voice did things to me that I couldn't even understand. The feelings his voice alone portrayed on me was enough to make me turn into a puddle of goo on the floor.

Splitting the bill in two we left the Exchange. The canal ran along the side of the Exchange and along the embankment that was surrounded by a few nice bars and restaurants. The night had just drawn in casting a moonlit clear sky. The temperature had dropped slightly as we walked out of the restaurant, foregoing getting my jacket we walked pretty close together along the canal. We chatted easily about random pointless things, things that we loved and hated, everything feel into place so easily with him. Could I say as corny as it sounds it was like we had known each other all our lives? It certainly felt like it.

There was a certain buzz between us, that sparked between our two bodies as we walked side by side, almost electric. The moonlight was dancing on the still calm water that ran besides us. I so badly wanted to hold his hand, to feel his palm in mine as our fingers locked together, but his hands stayed in his pocket much to my disappointment. My eyes kept falling back on him, looking at his face and hair, his strong jaw line that was smooth today without a single trace of any stubble. The moonlight illuminated his face perfectly, even showing a slight crooked nose, that I assumed he had broken at some point in his life. I wanted to touch him so much that the thought alone was becoming unbearable.

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_How mean am I? They go on there walk and I stop just there. Hehe I will be back with a update in a few days, please bare with me now I have the pups around. _

_Isn't Edward a little bit cute and Innocent? hehe I have never played with Virgin Edward before...It's fun. And how nice is Jasper?  
_

_You knw what to do, hit the review button and send some love. Jen x  
_


	3. Chapter 3

**_AN/ _**_Thank you to everyone that has reviewed, I am on total fail with replying to reviews I do try but it just doesn't happen the way I plan things out to be_.

_If you didn't know, the next update for BDBN has gone up go check it out and send some love, its hard but it will get better I promise. _

_Thank you to my beta for doing her thing and correcting all y grammar problems, yeah me and Grammar were not friends. Thank you dtav for pre-reading this chapter for me and to the girls who have been WC'ing with me and talking to me at all hours of the night (my time) while I have been on pup feeding watch over the weekend._

_I have something really nice in here for you guys, don't say I'm never nice and don't treat you, lol._

_Here's chapter 3!  
_

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_**EPOV**_

The light breeze that washed over me should have cooled my skin, but it didn't. Walking next to Jasper, so close to his side that I could feel his body heat was setting me on fire. I wanted so badly to touch him, just to be able to brush my fingers against his slightly would be enough, right? Holding his hand and be able to feel his hard rough palm in mine would be amazing, but I didn't have the courage to do that. Even though I just wanted to grab his hand which was now hanging by his side, I resisted the urge to touch him; though it killed me not to, not to touch what I so desperately and badly wanted to feel I wasn't sure if my action would be welcomed by him.

He looked stunning in the moonlight, the light from the moon in the dark sky above us shone down on his beauty, from his golden curls that I desperately wanted to run my fingers through, to his nose that sat slightly out of shape but added to his beauty. I wanted to run my fingers lightly, ever so gently ghosting them almost down his nose feeling and learning the slight bump that sat on the bridge of his nose. His strong jaw line looked even more pronounced in the moonlight that my mouth filled with water as I pictured my lips kissing and nipping across it, feeling the skin on my lips. It was almost as though he wasn't even real, that he was something my own mind had thought up to tease me with, he was that perfect. Surely something this perfect couldn't possibly exist and be in my life?

"Okay Edward, I need to ask, I don't want to, but I can't act as though this thought hasn't entered my head." He stopped walking and turned to look at me. My mouth suddenly became dry as I looked upon his beautiful face, a face I wanted to worship with my lips for hours on end. "You said that you had always had these feelings and that this was some sort of an exploration for you.... so how do you feel being seen out with a man?" Well, _that_ floored me.

Out of all the things I had thought of that one thing never entered my head. I had never given it a second thought about being seen out and about with another man. I guess while I was too scared to do anything about my feelings and just hoping they might just go away I never really sat down and thought about how I would be looked upon being seen with man. Smiling slightly to him, I looked at his face that studied mine intently.

"It doesn't bother me. I've not really sat and thought about it, but I have never really given much thought to what anyone thinks." Jasper's eyes scanned my whole face, before I saw the very tips of his top teeth nip his bottom lip.

"Well that's good to hear." His tongue swept quickly over his lips. "So you won't mind if I do this?" He closed the distance between us bringing his hand up and cupping up around the back of my neck, a shiver sent straight down my spine feeling his hot fingertips on my skin. Suddenly his soft thick plump pink lips brushed slightly against mine just once before I felt him smile and kiss me more firmly.

My lips were set alight, tingling at how his lips felt on mine. His warm wet tongue pushed against my lips making me open them. As his tongue slowly pushed its way into my mouth and brushed against mine I exploded on the inside. Moaning into the kiss my hands gripped around his back falling onto the top of his ass. Pulling him closer to me his body became flushed with me allowing me to feel his growing hardness in his jeans. The sensation of feeling it pressed against mine sent me into a frenzy. My hips ground against his creating a friction that caused a delightful sound to leave Jasper's mouth and enter my own. He broke away from my lips breathing slightly hard, but kept his body flushed with mine. He smiled softly at me before his lips touched mine again just once.

"I've wanted to kiss you all fucking night." He whispered out breathlessly making my cheeks flush like a fool. "You have been on my mind since the other day." He took my hand in his and the urge to smile widely as though as I was fourteen was too hard to stop.

"Does this mean you want to see me again?" _Will you shut up! Jesus Edward, get it together. _

Jasper chuckled at me and squeezed my hand. "What do you think?" He chuckled out with a smirking grin on his lips. "This really is all new to you, isn't it? " He asked as we continued our walk now hand in hand down the canal.

"Yeah, I told you that the other day." Jasper shook his head at me.

"No, that wasn't what I meant, Edward. I know you being with a guy is new, but what I meant is the feelings you're having right now, the standing on the edge of a new relationship and how exciting that feeling is. I'm guessing that you and love don't know one another, right?" Fuck, was it really so fucking clear that the whole romance thing was new to me?

Yeah, I had dated girls before, but never felt anything. I hadn't experienced the different array of emotions you go through when you're just starting out, lusting after them and desperate to know every single detail of that one person. To explore every possible inch of their body and learn every ticklish spot, every sensitive spot they have, to be able to know where every mole, every freckle and every scar laid on their body, that really was new to me.

"Yes.... sorry." I felt a little embarrassed. Jasper knew all these things, he was experienced in something I knew fuck all about even with a woman.

"What are you saying sorry for, Edward?" He asked. His tone shifted slightly to one that seemed slightly frustrated that I had just said sorry.

"Because I'm not experienced and don't know this stuff." Jasper rolled his eyes at me.

"Listen Edward, yeah I'm experienced, but that doesn't mean I know everything. Falling in love with someone is different every time, what I experience with you is different from what I have experienced before, and if you're sorry for not having been with anyone then don't be because I'm certainly looking forward to giving you some first's." He winked at me with a wicked grin on his lips.

"Really?" Was it so hard to be able to hide the excitement from my voice? Apparently so.

"Yes, really. I like this innocent look you have, though I don't plan on you keeping it for long." I must have looked slightly afraid because the next thing he chuckled and kissed me softly before whispering in my ear. "I won't rush you too fast." I let out a breath of relief. "If you're free at the weekend I would really like to take you out again, maybe hit a club?" His fingers stayed locked in mine as we walked and talked along the canal, I could faintly hear the plea in his voice to say yes to going out at the weekend.

"To a club? A gay club?" I asked slightly worried about that thought. Yes, I wanted to see more of Jasper and I would go anywhere he asked, but a gay club?

"Yeah, I don't tend to do straight clubs unless I'm out with friends who happen to be straight." His eyes turned to me before I could hide my worry. "What are you worried about, Edward?"

I cringed, this was going to make me sound stupid. "I heard that gay clubs are just meat wagons, you go there to get laid and that's it." I mumbled out. Jasper grinned at me like an idiot.

"You really are something, Edward." He chuckled. " Yeah, most do, but not everyone. Some go there with their partners just to have a good time, it's like any other club in the land, Edward. So can I take you out again or are you going to make me beg?" He asked.

"Umm sure..... I have to study during the day, but I could do Friday night, if that's okay?" The thought of going out with Jasper filled me with unbeknown feelings that I don't think I had ever experienced.

"Friday it is, then."

The canal banks stretched for a good few miles, it was so peaceful along here and so beautiful at night, I could see why Jasper wanted to bring me here tonight. We had been walking for ages just chatting about things in general. Jasper told me all about his building work and what sort of things he was building at the moment, how the lads he worked with took the piss because he got a lot of attention from passing women when he worked with no top on, shouting things out like 'you're wasting your time' and stuff. I laughed along with him, but I felt slightly jealous.

There was no reason for me to be jealous, it wasn't as though we were together or anything and we hardly knew one another and for all I knew Jasper could just be looking for sex or he could just see me as a bit of challenge for him to have fun with. I shouldn't feel jealous, yet I did. Somewhere inside of me I was growing some feelings for Jasper and becoming very attached to him rather fast.

Stopping at some benches that looked out across the river we sat down, a silence had fallen between us and though it wasn't uncomfortable I longed to hear his voice. "Can I ask you something?" I suddenly felt nervous, what if he didn't want to answer the question? What if he thought it was too personal? _Calm down, Edward, take a deep breath and relax._

"Sure." He answered as he pulled his right foot up and placed it over his left knee.

"You don't have to answer this and you may think it's too personal, but when and how did you realise you were gay?" The heat began to creep up my cheeks again as I felt embarrassed for asking the question.

"It's cool. Um, I think I was about thirteen when I figured out that I wasn't really into girls. You know my mates were kinda trying it on with all the girls at school, but I wasn't interested. Around about the same time I started to notice guys more, like how they looked and stuff. I kinda just put two and two together. I came out when I was fifteen to everyone." He shrugged slightly with a smile on his lips.

"How did everyone take it..... You don't have to answer that." I didn't want to feel as though I was pressing for information on him. I wanted to know everything about him of course, but if he didn't want to share the information I would just have to accept it.

He ran his fingertips over my hand before linking his fingers through mine. "I want you to know." He smirked at me again and my heart rate picked up. "I got a bit of stick for it at school, but thankfully I knew how to handle myself so I never got into any fights. They weren't stupid enough to try it. My family was a little different, they didn't open up their arms to me right away, but they didn't reject me either." He twisted his body around so he was more facing me.

"My mum didn't speak to me for the rest of the evening saying she had to think. My dad just kept asking if I was sure, did I really know that is what I wanted. At the time I blew up saying that just because I was fifteen that didn't mean I didn't know what I wanted in life. Looking back I can see what he was saying, he just wanted to make sure that this wasn't some passing phase I was going through as suddenly saying you're gay and then not is a little different from going to rock from goth." Jasper chuckled and looked at me, his stormy eyes intently staring at me like he was taking in every single detail of my face.

"And now?" My voice shook slightly from being under his eyes, casting a spell over me. I wanted to stay locked right now under his cast-full eyes, eyes that I so badly wanted to fall into. Why had I never bothered to explore these feelings inside of me before?

"Now they're fine, my mum got over it. It shocked her slightly, but I am her son and she loves me. My dad was a little freaked the first time I brought my boyfriend home. He wasn't uncomfortable as such about me being gay, it was more him seeing me holding some guy's hand and kiss him. He had always pictured me bringing some beautiful girl home, he shuddered and stumbled all the way through dinner as if he sure what to say.... He got over it." He bit his bottom lip slightly

"So can I call you Ed, or Eddie, or is it just Edward?" He asked. I hated my name being shortened, but fuck, he could call me whatever he wanted to.

"Um, whichever." I nervously ran my fingers through my hair. "Um, you?" Again my hand went to go through my hair, but Jasper stopped me by grabbing my hand and holding it.

"Relax, what has you so nervous suddenly?" I blushed and thanked god that it was dark and he couldn't really see. "Feel." He placed my hand over his heart, I gasped slightly feeling his heart racing under my touch. "You're not the only one who is wondering what's going on between the two of us." He smiled seemingly so easy with it, whereas I was becoming a nervous wreck.

My heart was pounding in my chest, my palms were sweating and I was sure I couldn't suck in breath without shaking if my life depended on it. "It's just......... I don't know. I've not felt anything like this, like I want to know everything about you now; I don't want to wait to find it all out. I hate having my name shortened, but when you asked I really didn't mind what you called me, which shocked me. I badly want to feel your lips on mine again. I want to touch you so much that I'm sure I'm going to combust if I don't......" Suddenly I stopped my rambling realising just how much I flustered out in a panic. Feeling embarrassed I looked at the floor not knowing where else to look.

"Talk about playing it cool, Eddie, you just smacked that tactic out the water, didn't ya?" He chuckled. _Please ground open up and swallow me whole now. _

"I'll answer any question you have if you do the same for me." He whispered moving closer to me.

"Sorry about all that, I didn't mean for it to come out. It wasn't cool to be that forward, was it?" He didn't need to answer that, I already knew the answer to that. I might not have dated a guy before, but I had dated girls and knew you didn't spill everything in one go and yet I just did it to Jasper.

"No, it wasn't, but who cares? I've not run for the hills or anything, in fact, I found it cute." His fingers brushed the side of my face softly. "You only said shit I had been thinking." With that his lips crashed hard onto mine.

Moaning from the sudden shock of it his tongue darted in and flicked against mine. Tasting him on my tongue drove me wild, I couldn't pinpoint what he tasted of as so many different tastes hit my taste-buds at once. My fingers weaved through his soft silky curls and I couldn't help but grip and tug on them. Jasper moaned into the kiss, a moan that came from deep within his chest almost like a growl. Figuring he liked it and wanting to hear it again I tugged once more this time a little harder. A growl ripped through his chest so primal that it went straight to my cock making it become painfully hard and straining against the zipper of my jeans.

His smooth lips moved in perfect sync with mine, effortlessly gliding over each others as our tongues clasped together tasting one another. Jasper began to push me back against the bench, making me lie down. I didn't push back, allowing him to push me all the way down. His body soon found its way on top of mine. He broke the kiss leaving us both panting hard for air as he began to kiss across my jaw, nipping his teeth up towards my earlobe where he sucked it in his mouth. I squirmed and shuddered as his nibbles sent my mind racing along with my heart, he pushed his hard cock against mine and I moaned loudly.

"I want you so fucking bad!" He murmured in a husky voice in my ear. "I want to fucking taste you right fucking now." All I could do was moan at his words and buck my hips against his making him moan in delight.

I needed release badly, my body was on fire as he continued to rock his hips against mine. His hot fiery hand slipped up the hem on my shirt before his fingertips slowly trailed my abs, hot trails of white hot fire ran over my skin as his fingers left the burning heat behind. I gasped as he sucked down on my collarbone while his fingers continued their attack on my skin.

"Jesus....." My pleas were breathless as my body crashed with sudden emotion I had never felt before, never before had my body felt so fucking alive through just a simple touching trail of his fingertips. No wonder I had never been able to go further with Leah or any other woman, the burning fire in the pit of my stomach had never been lit the way Jasper had done it.

His fingers swirled around my belly button dipping slightly, I cried out in pleasure unable to stop myself as my hips rocked against his seeking more friction. Who would have possibly thought that having someone's fingers dust around and in your belly button could feel so fucking great and be such a god damn turn on? Sweeping his fingers around my belly button once more he then trailed his fingers so lightly down my happy trail making the muscles in my stomach contract.

"Can I taste you, Edward...." His voice was husky in my ear, thick with lust and desire. I think I would have agreed to anything right fucking then. Unable to find the words I moaned and nodded my head.

Suddenly he was off me and pulling me up to a sitting position, turning me around so my back was against the bench. He met my lips hungrily, in a feverish kiss full of want and need. As his tongue pushed into my mouth Jasper pushed my legs apart and slowly began to drop between not once breaking the kiss. _He's not doing it here? Is he?_ His skilled fingers pulled at my belt buckle undoing it and moving it out of the way. His lips suddenly left mine as he sat back on his heels.

_Jesus fucking Christ! We're on the fucking embankment._

He flashed me a wink and lifted up my shirt. The cool air hit my skin on my abs but didn't cool it, instead it only added to the heat that was already running its way through me like a bus on fire. My worries about doing this out here disappeared into thin air as his hot wet lips began trialling wet kisses across my stomach. His lips felt un-fucking-believable on my stomach, moving effortlessly over my stomach finding sweet spots I never knew I had. It was as though he knew my body, like he had known it for years, he seemed to know just where I liked his kiss and nibbles.

Skilled fingers found their way to my zipper and button, popping the button with ease and and pulling down the zipper. I was moaning uncontrollably, convinced the moment his lips actually touched my aching, throbbing cock, I would explode and look fucking stupid.

Warm fingers hooked the sides of my boxers tugging them gently, without even thinking I lifted my ass off the bench allowing him to pull them down. My head was hanging back as I was completely lost in the sensation he was giving me, fingers trailed up my rock hard shaft making me moan his name almost wordlessly.

"I have thought about this since the coffee shop." He murmured to me before I felt the tip of his tongue run across my leaking head. My hips bucked upwards as his lips covered my swollen head, sucking softly.

"Fuck!..... Jasper!" Crying out he suddenly released my head making me whimper.

"You fucking taste better than anything I have ever tasted." He whispered with lips lightly touching my throbbing head. The vibrations drove me fucking wild! It took everything I had not to cum there and then.

The warmth wetness of his mouth covered me again, sliding his wet smooth lips down my hard cock until my cock hit the back of his throat. His mouth steeled tightly around me, creating a mind blowing suction. He swallowed around me and hummed which made me thrust my hips and cry out. My fingers gripped the sides of the bench so hard I thought I was going to break bits off, or at the very least get splinters in my hands.

Feeling his teeth lightly graze across my cock as he brought his lips back up, I moaned long incoherent sentences as he brought my body to fucking ecstasy. His tongue swirled around my head before dipping into the weeping slit, flicking the very tip of tongue against it. I was breathless, unable to stop or slow down the heavy pants of air I was trying to suck in. His head bobbed up and down my length in a fast succulent motion, taking in every inch of me time and time again. My hips thrust upwards, forcing myself into his mouth unable to stop it from happening. His hand slipped down and cupped my balls, rolling them skillfully around in his hand before tugging on them.

"Shit... I'm..... I'm gonna...... cum." The tightening formed in my balls, a twisting feeling in my stomach, I was done for. I couldn't stop my climax from hitting home now. Trying to move him before I exploded in his mouth seemed pointless. His motions picked up speed, moving faster and faster over my pulsating cock, with one final squeeze on my balls I exploded in his mouth, shooting my hot cum down his throat.

My body convulsed as shock wave after shock wave hit my body, exploding all over me, giving me the best orgasm of my life. He swallowed around me, taking every last drop before giving me one last lick from base to tip.

I twitched as I came down from my high, he pulled up my jeans and boxers to my thighs before moving off the ground and sitting besides me. With shaking fingers I lifted my ass off the bench and pulled my jeans way back up and fastened them. He never said a word as I tried to catch my breath. I had just had the most amazing orgasm of my life on a fucking park bench by the fucking canal.

Suddenly I was mortified. I became embarrassed for the simple fact that I let him do that out here, for the fact that he didn't speak to me afterward. I was sure as hell he hadn't actually looked at me since the act itself. Was this what all this had been about for him? Just to come here and fuck with me? Maybe he suddenly realised while giving me a blow job that seeing someone so inexperienced as me was a bad idea. Up until a few days ago I hadn't bothered looking at those feelings I had pushed aside for so long, and I had admitted this. I had gone overboard and let way too much out in one night, no wonder he wasn't speaking to me or looking at me.

My breath picked up slightly again as I suddenly panicked and needed to get away from here, and away from him before I made myself look like an even bigger fool. "Are you still with me?" His voice suddenly cut into me, breaking my thoughts. Turning and looking at him I blinked a few times trying to make sense of what he meant by that.

"Sorry?" A confusing tone left my lips causing him to chuckle. His fingers brushed against my cheek and down and around my neck.

"You kinda spaced out on me there. I spoke to you, but all I got was a blank looking expression from you." He chuckled again. "Are you alright?" His tone was so soft and gentle and caring, which made me flush with embarrassment. Had I just gotten so wrapped up in what was going on in my head that I just shut off the outside world?

"Yeah.... I, um..... sorry." I couldn't exactly tell him what had been going on inside my mind that made me suddenly block out the world. "I don't really know where I went then."

"Next time you go, you fancy taking me with you?" He smiled and knocked his shoulder against mine making me let out a soft chuckle before his lips met mine in a gentle cherishing kiss.

_Jesus, I could fall in love with him._

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_How nice was that? I gave you there ful date and a hot ass BJ if I do say so myself._

_Damn I keep forgetting about this....I blame the lack of sleep. Don't forget to put your noms in for the slash awards let your favourites know how much you enjoy there work._

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_Hit the review button my lovelys and send me some love, Jen x  
_


	4. Chapter 4

_**AN/ **Hi guys, thank you to everyone who reviewed the last chapter, it means so much to me to read all the lovely comments you guys leave, thanks for taking the time out to review even though I am such an epic fail when it comes to replying. I do try and reply really I do, and I do start and then something happens and....yeah you get the picture._

_Thank you to my girls Ealasaid77 for correcting all my grammar mistakes and dtav for pre-reading my chapters. Oh a big thank you to the girls I have been WCing with lately.....I wouldn't have gotten the chapter done without._

_The second round for the slash awards is now open! OMG I made it through! How the hell did that happen? I never thought I would make it through and was completely gobsmacked yesterday when I say the noms I was up for. Right There has gone up for two, Best coming out and Best 'I thought I was straight'. Its unbelievable! _

http:// theslashawards(dot)blogspot(dot) com/ _If you haven't yet then go cast your vote!_

_Here's chapter 4  
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_**EPOV**_

__Wandering back to the cars hand in hand I felt like a little school girl walking with her crush, completely giddy and ready to beam at the slightest mention of his name alone. My hand felt fuzzy and tingly as the sparks flew between the nonexistent space between us which only added to my giddy excitement that was currently running through my veins at a hundred miles an hour. I don't think I had ever felt this stupidly happy before where I actually wanted to skip down the path holding his hand....

_Skip? Path?_

Jesus, what the hell was wrong with me? But I couldn't help it, the happy, silly, stupid feelings were crashing through me and made me feel twelve again. Just holding his hand made me want to giggle like a girl, and to think all of this started from me bumping into him in a coffee shop? Before then I was somewhat happy with my life, happy to a point with Leah. Yeah, I had no desire to fuck her into the mattress, but I was happy.... I couldn't have been that happy to find myself suddenly on a date with a guy, with Jasper.... _Hmm, Jasper._

I loved the way his name seemed to roll off my tongue whenever I spoke it. I found myself wanting to say his name just for the hell of it, just so I could hear and feel it run off my tongue and through my lips. In the same breath I wanted to hear him talk more, to hear the way he spoke and how he spoke. He seemed so passionate in the way he spoke about things that it wasn't hard to picture him as a passionate person in everything he did. The way he spoke about his family, his mother and father, his sister, so much love was woven through each word that I began to realise that Jasper was the type of person who did nothing by half measures.

The silence had fallen between us, but it wasn't awkward. The silence was peaceful, and content, relaxed and enjoyable. Just walking slowly along the canal hand in hand full of the enjoyment of standing on the edge of something new we didn't need to speak, though I wished he would. I wanted, no needed, to hear his voice, to have it fill my ears and run around my head. His voice could be stuck in my head like that annoying song that gets in there and won't leave you alone until it drives you insane. Only his voice wasn't annoying, his voice was a beautiful musical sound that I couldn't get enough of.

"So..." I started with a slightly shaky voice. Geez, a few minutes of silence and I am completely unable to get my act together and speak to him without my voice shaking and cracking as though I was fourteen and waiting for my voice to break.

Jasper chuckled next to me and flashed a dimpled grin my way with a reassuring hand squeeze. "So... what, Edward? You know you can ask me anything you want to and you don't have to feel nervous or embarrassed in any way, shape, or form." I relaxed slightly even though he had just pulled me up short for being completely incompetent while trying to talk to him. It hadn't been done in a spiteful or nasty way. He was so sure and relaxed around me that I had no choice but to relax into his words.

"Who do you look more like? Your mum or your dad?" His brow fused together slightly creating a few crease lines that I wanted to rub away with my thumb. "Sorry, did I say something wrong?" His brow relaxed slightly and he smiled slightly, a smile that wasn't forced, but wasn't the bright smiles I had seen from him.

"Nah, you didn't say anything wrong, it's...." He stumbled breaking his hand away from mine and turned toward the guardrail that ran along the canal. He rested his elbows on the railings and locked his fingers together. I stood next to him but gave him his space. I didn't want to crowd him knowing I had pulled some memory up that he rather wouldn't share.

"They're not my birth parents. You know I don't mind, I really don't. They love me and have always treated me as their own, it's not blood that makes you a parent after all." He smirked slightly and looked at me over his shoulder. "It's just that question, you know? People are so fast when you tell them to say how sorry they are and how awful it must have been for me when I found out, so please Edward don't say it." He turned his body towards me looking at me intently with his stormy eyes.

"I... um....." I stuttered out. "I... um.... are questions off-limits?" I had millions of questions I wanted to ask. He reached his hand out to me and gently ran his fingertips down my arm. My body shivered as the fire re-lit itself and ran though me.

"No, babe, they're not off-limits." He clasped his fingers over mine. "What do you want to know?" He asked. "Is it things like how long have I known, what age, that sort of thing?" He turned around resting his back and pulled his right foot up resting it against the railings.

"Yeah." His fingertips continued to play with mine.

"Well, I never met them. I was adopted almost right after birth. I knew from an early age that my parents weren't really my parents in that sense. They sat me down when I was about five or so and told me about it. I wondered why I had been given up, but at that age I didn't really understand." He smiled at me but the smile held some sadness inside of it.

"When I got older I grew angry over it and resented everything and everyone. I stopped calling my parents mum and dad and chose to call them by their names. If they referred to me as son I would blow a gasket over it and tell them I wasn't their son, they had no rights over me." He chuckled "Of course the whole adoption papers said they did have a legal right over me, but hey, you don't tend to think about the small tiny things like that at that age. I was about thirteen when I started to do this, maybe a little younger. I was so angry and confused, you know how most teenagers go through that whole 'I hate my parents' thing?" He asked. I simply nodded wrapped up in his words as he poured out his past to me.

Taken aback would be a term I would use to describe this feeling right now. I had expected..... I paused my thoughts, what was I expecting? This was the first time I had ever spoken to, to my knowledge, to anyone who had been adopted. I had no clue what was coming next, how much he was willing to share with me, to tell me these things when we hardly knew one another.

"Well mine was a little worse than the odd slamming of doors while cursing words of hate towards them. I wanted answers, answers my parents couldn't give me and for that I hated them. During this time I began to realise that I wasn't like the other boys I hung around with, which I think only added to the stress I was suffering and made things worse. I went as far as wanting to find them, my parents gave me all the information they had on them and off I went." He rubbed the bottom of his chin with his thumb.

"I kinda still feel bad for my shit back then, for the crap I said to them, when all they had ever done was love me and give me the home that my birth parents didn't want to, and yet I was nothing short an asshole with them. My search to find my real parents ended pretty quickly when I realised that I didn't actually want to know these people. They hadn't been in my life and well they didn't even want me, so I went back home, back to my real parents and began patching up the crap I had put them through." A soft gentle smile covered his beautiful lips and I had the sudden need to kiss him.

"So how do you feel about adoption then?" My words seemed too rushed as I pushed them out to stop myself from attacking his mouth with my own. Quirking an eyebrow he dropped my hand and placed them in his pocket.

"I don't know. It's not something I really want to talk about right now." I flushed with embarrassment and thanked the lord above that it was dark and he couldn't see the crimson colour cover my face and neck.

"Sorry." I mumbled. "I didn't mean to...." He cut me off by placing a warm slightly rough finger on my lips. The moment it touched my lips they were set on fire and the goofy almost girlish grin crept across face that I seemed powerless to stop.

He sighed and removed his finger off my lips, leaning forward he brushed his lips to mine gently. "It's not that I don't mind telling you, it's that I don't want us to have our first date full of that sort of serious talk." His breath fanned my face, a warm breeze that was laced with the smell of iced tea, so sweet and moreish. I actually felt myself go weak at the knees as his smiling lips met mine again.

I didn't want our kiss to end. I didn't want our night, our date, our time to come to an end, but like all good things, they must come to an end at some point. I knew our night was coming slowly to an end, slowly winding itself down to a stop and soon, so soon we would have to part. We'd have to go our separate ways, head back to our respectable homes and wait for the weekend to come. The weekend seemed so far away. Friday night seemed like it was a million years away when in fact it was only two days away. This was already our first date and I was pining for him already? Not wanting him to leave? I wanted to learn and discover these things, these feelings that have harboured my life since I could remember. Suddenly I wanted to explore them, to relish in these new and exciting feelings I was suddenly feeling, but I knew we had to part. I had to see Leah and see her soon.

That thought soured my mood slightly. I wasn't being fair to her, and I guess I never had been fair in the relationship to her. In eight months of us being together we had gone as far as fumbling. In all this time she pushed for sex but stood by my choice of waiting, wanting to find the right moment, the right time, but that right time was never going to come. It just never felt right. I knew I couldn't delay the waiting any longer. I knew it wasn't fair to continue on in a relationship that I didn't want to be in and still see Jasper. It wasn't fair to either of them.

"This Friday?" I asked trying to take away the thought of Leah and what I had to do out of my head for just a little while more. "I'm nervous." As those stupid words left my mouth I actually considered jumping in the fucking canal.

_Why on earth would he want to date me?_

As my head went down to cover my embarrassment I heard Jasper chuckle as his hand moved swiftly down my arm towards my hand where our fingers entwined. I could feel his heavy stare against me, burning through to my very core, yet I couldn't look at him. This was ridiculous, I had never acted like this before, so completely inexperienced like this. Yes, my whole dating life was pretty crappy and short, but even I knew the basics here. I knew when I should keep my mouth shut and when I shouldn't. I knew the sort of things I shouldn't say, the kind of things that would just make me look like a fool and cause them to run a mile away, but when it came to Jasper I completely forgot everything. Jasper holding my hand, sending shocks of electricity through my system was not helping.

"Hey, don't be embarrassed for saying that. Are you nervous about going there with me to a gay club?" His tone was so light, so caring. I almost wanted to do one of those Hollywood sighs that girls do when they see their crush walking by, but I somehow managed to keep it in check and not make another fool of myself.

"A bit of both, I guess. It's not nerves to be out with you, it's to be with you, but not like that, if that makes sense?" Did that make sense? It made fuck all sense to me and I said it.

"Sorta like that excited nervous feeling, huh?" He asked, I nodded feeling a little more relaxed. "Yeah, me too, though mine is more the fear of not being able to stop myself from fucking you senseless."

What was my reply going to be to that one? Oh, I can't wait? It didn't really seem that fitting. I wanted to sleep with him, I knew that much, but I didn't want it to happen just yet. Surely he wasn't about to try and get me to sleep with him right away? The heat crept back up my cheeks again and I cursed myself again for getting embarrassed over sex talk. It wasn't as though I was embarrassed over sex, it was more because I didn't really know about it. I hadn't done it so I knew not what to expect.

Jasper's slightly cool fingers ran down my cheek and I saw him beam out the corner of my eye. "I'm not rushing you, Edward, and I can stop myself from wanting to fuck you, but I couldn't resist saying it. The flush of colour that hits your cheeks when I mention sex is beautiful. Even out here I can see the faint pink tint to your skin, it's very sexy." I beamed, unable to stop myself from acting like the complete girl I had suddenly become, blushing at his words. His smooth lips kissed my cheek.

"And as for the club, don't worry, I won't let you out of my sight. No twink is gonna lay their hands on you." _A twink? What the fuck is a twink? _I thought to myself. It was on the tip of my tongue to ask but I thought better of it as we had now reached the car park.

"I had fun tonight." I said as I pulled my car keys out of my pocket.

"Fun?" He cocked an eyebrow at me and moved closer, bringing his lips right to my ear. His hot breath fanned around the shell of my ear and trickled down my neck and a small whimper left my lips. "I hope you had more than fun, you certainly seemed to be having a great time with my lips locked around your cock." He whispered in my ear making me shiver.

"I did." Nothing more than a strangled whisper left my lips as I answered him. "Friday night....?" I stopped. Where was I going with that again? _His mouth and your cock_...

Chuckling he pushed his body flush with mine and ran his hand down my chest, cupping my cock that was suddenly coming back to life. As he palmed me through my jeans his lips attacked mine with force, forcing his tongue into my mouth. He growled at me as our tongues touched and I grew even harder in his hand. Breaking apart from the kiss Jasper kept his hand on my cock as he stared at me with with dark stormy eyes.

"You can stay at mine." He gave me a wink which made me moan. "Stay, please." I was putty in his hand, how could I say no to him? Even if I wanted to, with him palming my now aching cock the words were unable to come out.

"Sure." His pink tongue swept across his red lips making my eyes fall on them. "What time?" It had suddenly occurred to me that I didn't know where or when we were meeting up.

"I'll call you tomorrow night and we can sort it out." He kissed me again this time more softly, more gently and I felt the wonderful sparks come off us, the closeness we were already growing between us. I was falling for him, was he for me?

"I'll see you Friday." I whispered as we pulled apart a little breathless. _Please feel what I'm feeling, please. _I prayed silently to myself and our fingers lightly locked together with just our fingertips.

"Friday it is then. Now go and study, babe, and I'll talk to you tomorrow." He let go of my fingers and seemed almost as unwilling as I was to let go. He smiled at me and walked towards his car. As I watched him go, walk away from me, I felt lonely like I had lost something. Was Jasper what I had been looking for?

Getting into my car I started the engine and pulled away, flashing my lights at a grinning Jasper as I passed him. I arrived home on cloud fucking nine and completely giddy. It was almost as though I was drunk but I hadn't touched a single drop, it was then I realised it. In the darkness of the house I lived in with my parents it hit me. I was happy, completely happy, not somewhat happy or pretending to be happy, but genuinely happy. Meeting Jasper this week had not only made me focus on the things I had buried away for years, but meeting him had made me whole and happy. There was no doubt in my mind now that I didn't know what I wanted. There wasn't a single element of doubt in my mind that my exploring would turn out to be nothing but curiosity, I wanted Jasper.

Walking up the stairs with a smile on my face I crept into my room. Stripping off I laid down on my bed and let my mind wander and fill with thoughts of Jasper until sleep washed over me.

I woke up early and feeling very refreshed from my blissful nights sleep. I didn't want to open my eyes as I lay there. My night had been filled with dreams of Jasper and what had happened by the canal. How his lips had felt on mine, how his hands had felt when they ran over my abs and how his mouth had felt with my cock in it. Accepting that sleep had left me I moved my arm over to the bedside table and felt around for my phone until I located it. The little red light on my Blackberry flashed at me telling me a message had been received. Clicking the button I entered the text messages and felt the warmth from last night crash over me hard as it made my heart flutter.

_  
Enjoyed last night, can't wait for tomorrow, J x_

I kept staring at the words on the screen, the black words on the white background stared back at me. I blinked thinking my mind was playing tricks on me and that it wasn't really there, that last night I had scared him off, but the more I looked the more I realised that it was there. That he wanted to see me again, tomorrow night, wanted me to stay there at his house. The thought scared me just a fraction, what if he wanted to fuck me? Yeah, I wanted to, I wanted to sleep with him, but I didn't think that I was ready to give it up just yet. I know he had said he wouldn't rush me into this, but what if he suddenly changed his mind?

I began to panic as my head filled with my first time of being with a man, being with anyone in that way would be the worst night of my life. I wasn't stupid, I realised that fucking up the ass was a little more on the painful side, and no matter how much prep went into it, it was going to hurt at least a little.

Shaking my head I cleared the thoughts of sex out my mind and texted back. _Me too, looking forward to going out tomorrow night, talk to you later, E x. _My finger hovered over send. Did talk to you later make it sound like I didn't want him to text me back and speak with me now? As I toyed with the idea of changing my text my finger slipped and I hit send.

_CRAP!_ It was too late now, it had gone, no point in dwelling over it any longer. Throwing the covers back I wandered down the hall and towards the bathroom. My mind filled with Leah. I knew what I had to now go and do and while I had made my choice last night I was a little scared of doing it. I had never been very good at breaking up with someone, but dumping Leah was going to be hard to do. I had promised her things, I didn't want her to feel as though the last eight months had just been a waste of her time. Well, they had been, but you know what I mean.

Washing and brushing my teeth I left the shower until tonight. This needed to be done now, I couldn't wait any longer and having a shower would only delay me going to see her. Changing quickly I raced down the stairs to grab my keys off the side, the house was empty by now. Both my parents had left ages ago to go to work thinking I would just wake up and study like I had done every day these last few weeks trying to cram as much in as possible before my exams began.

Out the door and towards my car my phone beeped again. Frustrated with whoever it was texting me when I was trying to do something I fumbled in my pocket for my phone. The moment I saw the name I felt bad for being so frustrated and silently cursing whoever it was. He had texted me back, my heart rate picked up and I couldn't open the text fast enough.

_I can still taste you on my tongue, my new favourite flavour. Study hard, babe, while I work and think of you being in my mouth. J x _

I groaned and felt my jeans tighten up around me just reading his words. Jesus, how was I meant to now dump Leah with those words floating around in my head? In fact, what was I meant to text back to that? Drumming my fingers against the steering wheel while the engine ran, my mind came up with little comebacks. I wanted him to suffer now, he had sent a text knowing it would turn me on, I wanted to do the same with him.

_I wish your lips were still around my big, thick cock, taking me all the way into your mouth until I hit the back of your throat and feel you swallow around me. Moving your silky wet lips up and down my hard throbbing cock. Have a good day, E x_

Hitting send I smiled to myself knowingly. Placing my phone in its holder I pulled the car in reverse and backed out the drive. My mind played up different play outs of how this was going to go with Leah. Of course, I had even thought up that she would take this smoothly but I knew she wouldn't. The best I could hope for was being told to leave and not go there again. That was wishful thinking and I knew it. The drive to Leah's seemed to take half the time it normally did, which was just my luck. Every light I came to turned green, no traffic on the roads whatsoever. Why was it when you don't want to rush somewhere you always end up getting there faster then normal?

As I pulled up outside her house my phone beeped again, the smile that spread across my lips couldn't be helped. I knew it was from Jasper and I was eager to see his response from my text. I hit the button and the screen displayed his message.

_MOTHERFUCKER! I'm so fucking hard right now it's not even funny_. _I wish I was seeing you tonight instead of tomorrow_. _J x._

Replying back quick with a 'me too' I cut the engine and got out. Leah wasn't working today, so with any luck, good or bad depending on which way you wanted to look at it she would be in.

Knocking on the door my heart thudded loudly in my chest as my palms became sweaty. The door clicked as she unlocked the door before opening it. As my eyes fell on her I felt bad. She was beautiful, her russet coloured skin always seemed to glow, her long jet black hair was so soft, her brown eyes were alive with sparkles in them. She smiled at me, surprised I had come over and I felt like the biggest ass to have ever walked the earth.

"Can we talk?" _Oh way to go, why not just dump her on the fucking doorstep!_ Slapping myself mentally I walked in and into the living room, Leah followed moments later. "Leah, there is no easy way to say this and I'm so sorry but I think we should break up." My hand went through my hair nervously as I waited for her to say something.

Sh sucked in a large breath which came out shakey. "Can I ask why?" Do I tell her the truth or do I lie? Tell her that all my life I have had these strange feelings that I had never bothered to deal with before. That I had buried them away hoping they would leave me alone and just go away, but then I just so happened to bump into this golden-haired man with a sexy fucking smirk and that was it, my chance to explore my feelings took over?

Sure being truthful with her would be the best thing, but I wasn't sure if I should just lie this time. "It's.... um.... difficult to explain." I stated, she sighed and shook her head.

"You met someone else, Edward, didn't you?" How did she know? "I called last night and your mum told me you had gone out, I put two and two together, who is she?" I was floored.

I hadn't taken this into account, Leah guessing that I had met someone else. Fuck, now what? Why does this have to be so hard? Why couldn't this go a lot easier than it was? Deciding to come clean I told her the truth.

"His name is Jasper." What happened next I did expect if I told her. The palm of her hand went across my cheek causing it to burn and sting. Tears welled in her eyes and I knew I couldn't feel like the victim in this. I had lied, lied to her, and lied to myself. Taking a step back from her I started again. "Leah, please.... I'm sorry, really, I am..... I've always felt something else...." She cut me off before I could continue any further.

"You're gay now, is that it?" She demanded at me. Anger rose in her face as she placed her hands on her hips, the tears that had gathered and welled in her eyes were now flowing freely down her russet coloured check.

"Yes." I felt like crap for doing this to her, but I told myself it was for the best. To tell her now and not let it drag on and be unfaithful to Jasper, some could say I had already been just that towards him, unfaithful, but with only one date in you couldn't really say I had been cheating on him, could you?

Leah ran her hands over her hair, holding it in a ponytail. "How long? How long have you been with Jasper? Are you already fucking him?" I shook my head as guilt washed over me. No, I wasn't fucking him but last nights events weren't great either when you have a girlfriend. "Tell me the truth, Edward, I have a right to know"

"I'm not." Running my hand through my hair I sat down, my legs felt so weak. "Leah, I met him at the beginning of the week and that's the truth. I saw him last night, but I haven't slept with him. Leah, I don't want to hurt you, but I can't hide these feelings any longer, not now that I've met Jasper."

Her tears fell down her russet cheeks as she just stared at me. I felt like the scum of the earth right now. In truth, I was. There was fucking up and then there was really fucking up and I had really fucked up. Not only have I had a date behind Leah's back, kissed said date and let said date give me a blow job, I also did this all with a man. How fucked up can one person be? To leave their girlfriend for the night, give them a pack of lies and go on a date with a guy who had just so happened to touch me in all the right places, and I don't mean touch in the physical sense either.

"You know," She started, but stopped as she laughed. What the hell could she be laughing about right now? None of this was funny, none of it. "I want to be mad at you, I want to hate you so fucking bad right now, and while I am angry at you and feel so many negative things towards you, the main thing I feel is relief." Relief? That confused me.

Looking at up at her with a confused expression on my face she continued. "I thought it was me. I thought you didn't want to sleep with me because there was something wrong with me, so to hear it's because you're gay..... well, it makes me relieved right now."

"It's not you and it never was. Leah, I know you hate me for stringing you along as I have done, but I never meant to. I honestly thought the day would come where I would want to fuck you into the bed." I sighed. "I'm sorry, Leah, really I am. Can we at least be friends?" I was hopeful, but I wasn't expecting her to agree.

No matter what she had said and how relieved she must suddenly feel, it didn't change the fact that I cheated on her with another man. I couldn't even go and cheat on her with a woman, no I went the fully plagued class A asshole way and did it with a man.

"I don't know, Edward.... Not yet, anyway..... Just go, Edward. You don't have much here, I'll make sure you get it, but for now just go." She turned her back to me. I wanted to reach my hand out and touch her, to try and comfort her but I didn't. How could I comfort her when I was the one who caused her this pain?

Standing form the sofa I walked towards the door only stopping once to look at her before sighing and heading outside. I had done what I had set out to do, I planned on dumping Leah and I did. There weren't any secrets hiding around now, I wouldn't have to be with Jasper and have our date be tainted with my thoughts of her. I was free to be with him, free to explore everything I wanted to with him and more, but why, even though I have what I wanted, why do I feel so miserable?

* * *

_So we must be all happy with this chapter? I know a lot...well most of you have wanted Edward to hurry up and dump Leah, I will tell you this was not my plan at the start, I had other ideas but of course the highjacked my ideas and changed things around, who am I to argue with them?_

_Okay so I have done a lot of thinking, I don't normally do this as you know but I am feeling in such a wonderful and giving mood I am offering a teaser! Review this chapter and I send out a teaser for the next chapter. _

_Hit the review button my lovelys and send some love. Jen x  
_


	5. Chapter 5

_**AN/**Thank you to everyone who reviewed the last chapter, I did reply and tease everyone who reviewed. The only ones I couldn't do were who weren't signed in. Its been what a week since I last updated this story? God it seems so long ago, lol. I'm maga busy right now with work and the puppies that I'm not getting as much done as I want too, sorry for the wait guys I'm hoping to pick it back up again soon._

_Thank you to mywonderful Beta for fixing my grammar errors and turning my rambled mess into something readable, thank you to dtav for pre-reading it. To the girls I have been WC'ing with who without I wouldn't have sat my ass down and written the chapter._

_BDBN updated at the start of the week, if your still following the hard fic and haven't checked it out then please do so. _

_Here's the next chapter!  
_

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_**EPOV  
**_

I made my way to where Jasper said he would meet me. My stomach turned and twisted with a mixture of excitement and nerves over tonight. I couldn't wait to see Jasper, our dirty text exchange had continued throughout yesterday, last night, and today, driving us both slowly crazy. It did make me feel better and remind me of why I broke it off with Leah. I had felt truly miserable leaving her house yesterday, even though I knew without a shadow of a doubt that it was the right thing to do. I wanted Jasper, wanted to explore this with him. I couldn't string Leah along, it wasn't fair on her or anyone else for that matter, but dumping her had hurt. It had cut me inside, deeply, but it wasn't because I didn't want to say goodbye to her as a girlfriend, it was because I didn't want to lose the friend she had become.

During our eight month relationship we had become very close, we could laugh and joke together about everything and anything. Knowing that ending our relationship was also ending our friendship hurt, and made me feel like shit for doing so. Receiving Jasper's dirty text minutes after made me see that while I was hurting for losing the friendship I had with Leah I was gaining a hell of a lot more.

We had agreed to meet at nine at the fountains. It was a usual meeting place, that had even been dubbed with a sign that said it. Jasper had said we would head straight to the club as he found the pub crawl around town too overbearing at times, which was one of the reasons for the later meet up time. Personally I wouldn't have minded hitting a few bars beforehand, I was nervous as hell to go into the club with him, it was somewhere I hadn't been before. I had to relax though and try and not make myself look like a complete fucking freak with him. I don't know why I suddenly found myself in such a flustered heart fluttering mess around him, why I flushed with embarrassment over the littlest of things and why I couldn't shut my mouth and stop myself from looking like a fool.

Rounding the corner to the fountains my heart picked up as my eyes fell upon him. His knee was bent up pulling his faded blue jeans on the knees. I could see the muscles in his thigh press against the fabric and I had this sudden urge to run my fingers over the hardened muscle there. His white buttoned shirt was left slightly open at the top, revealing some of his muscled chest. My mind filled with seeing him with it off, having my eyes run over his chest while my fingers felt every muscle that was hidden underneath that tanned skin of his. I felt myself growing hard in my jeans at the thought of it. Trying to relieve the growing pressure in my jeans my eyes looked at the rest of him. The arms of his shirt were rolled up to his elbows and his arms were folded across his chest, his bicep muscle that he had gotten from working on the building site pushed against the shirt. His golden curls were pushed back off his face allowing me to see and study every inch of it.

His head suddenly turned towards me, and his eyes met mine. A beautiful wide dimpled grin appeared on his face as he pushed himself off the wall and walked towards me. His slight swagger when he walked made my cock twitch and throb with need so that I had to bite back the groan that wanted to escape my lips from just looking at him. As we met in the middle his arms wrapped around my waist as he pulled me closer to him. His body heat burned me beautifully as I basked in the wonderful feel of him this close to me.

His smile was breathtaking as his stormy blue eyes clouded with lust and sparkled at me. "Hi." He whispered so softly that if I hadn't been this close to him I wouldn't have heard it. His lips brushed mine softly once creating a thousand tiny pins and needles sensation to erupt on my lips. He smiled against my lips before bringing his back to mine in a a deeper kiss.

Our lips met already slightly open, sliding our tongues into each others mouths tasting each other all over again. I moaned as I gripped him tighter to me, I had missed his taste on my tongue in the last forty-eight hours, missed the way his tongue felt sliding against mine. I had just missed him being this close to me, feeling every inch of him pressed against me as we shut everything out and enjoyed the feel of one another.

"Fucking fags!" I heard someone shout and Jasper's lips were off mine. His hands stayed where they were, as he shot a group of guys a look and I felt his muscles tense up. He watched them walk away without another word before he turned to look at me.

"Sorry." He muttered mainly to himself dropping his arms away and making me instantly cold. Why was he sorry? It wasn't him who had said that, he wasn't the one who started it, I couldn't understand why he would suddenly break away from me and say sorry.

"What are you sorry for, Jasper?" I asked him as I ran my hands down his arms to his fingers and laced them through his. He looked down at our hands and looked back up at me, an amused, but slightly confused expression covered his face.

"I thought that might freak you out considering what you have told me." He squeezed my fingers in his hands. "But you just have to continue to amaze me." I smiled and brought my lips to his giving him a gentle cherishing kiss.

"I told you, I don't give a fuck what people think. They don't know me, so why should I care what they think?" Jasper smiled, his dimples in his cheeks as he smiled made my knees go slightly weak.

Holding his hand and relaxing into his touch I let Jasper pull me in the direction of the club. The nervous feeling in the pit of my stomach intensified the closer we got, my mind rushed and filled with stupid yet highly detailed images. This was my first time in a gay club. Sure I had seen these clubs, I wasn't completely socially retarded, but I had never gone into them. Even though I wondered what they were like, and how I thought that going there might finally make sense of my feelings I stayed away. People had told me things about these clubs, okay I know a lot of stuff was very far-fetched, but the whole you go there to just get laid was off putting for me. I had never really seen the point in idle fucks that have no meaning, then again I had never fucked, so maybe my opinion would change once that wasn't the case anymore.

Jasper kept hold of my hand while we stood in the queue to get into the club. Warm tingly feelings crept up my arm and spread out throughout my body. I noticed the men that sent their eyes flying Jasper's way and again I wondered why he was sticking around me when all I seemed to do was show just how inexperienced I was.

Getting into the club I was shocked and a little taken aback. I don't know what I had expected heading into it, well that's not true. I had expected things like male dancers being half naked dancing on platforms and inside suspended cages. I expected to see the bar staff all buff with muscled shiny chests that had been covered in baby oil. I was not, however, expecting it to look like the other clubs I had been in.

"What are you thinking about?" Jasper whispered in my ear as we stood at the bar waiting to get served. _Keep it buttoned, don't you dare open that mouth of yours and make yourself look like a complete cunt. _"Tell me." He purred as his lips just touched my ear. The slight touch sent a shiver down my spine, I instantly wanted more.

"Nothing, just thinking about stuff." Jasper cocked an eyebrow at me and snaked an arm around me lifting up the hem of my shirt and slipping his hand up. His fingers traced small circles just above my hip. The touch was something so simple yet I found it so much of a turn on as my skin was set alight. "It wasn't what I was expecting, that's all."

He chuckled softly and signalled to the bartender. "Beer?" He asked me with his smirking smile on his lips. I nodded thinking how much I loved that smile but how much I loved the full blown dimpled one even more.

Jasper handed me a bottle and pulled me over to the railings in the club. Resting his beer on the railing his eyes looked across the dance floor before turning back to me with a devilish tint in his eye. "So what did you expect, babe?" His stormy eyes held mine trapping me on the spot, I think I would have answered any question in the world right there and then.

"Half naked oiled up men and dancers on platforms and in suspended cages." The heat began to rise up my cheeks as I muttered my words out. Jasper burst out laughing at me which only made it worse. My cheeks were on fire and I knew without even looking I was bright fucking red.

_Great, just fucking great, you should have kept your mouth shut. He's now laughing at you for being so fucking dumb.... How again did you manage to get into Veterinary school?_

Mentally slapping myself and sipping my drink while Jasper laughed his fucking ass off next to me I looked around the club. Maybe I should just go home and forget this, it's clear I was unable to stop my stupidity and inexperience from making me look like a complete ass. I should just try lonely hearts or something, at least that way the fucking sado's won't care.

"Hey." Jasper called over the music before pulling me closer to him. "Don't be embarrassed, babe, there are clubs like that. I just didn't expect you to come out with it." He smirked at me and placed a gentle kiss on my lips. "Your inexperience and the way you blush when you're embarrassed is one of the things I love about you." I looked at him a little confused, why did he love that about me? He wasn't falling in love me, was he?

"Umm, thanks... you don't, do you?" I asked wondering if he knew what I was on about. Jasper bit his bottom lip and looked at me, his eyes pooling with different emotions that flickered so fast through them I couldn't catch them all.

"No, but....." He moved his lips next to my ear and breathed his hot breath on my skin causing a shiver to run through me. "I think I could easily fall for you." He placed a wet kiss on my cheek before moving his face away from me and downing the rest of his drink and placing his empty bottle on the side. "Come dance with me, babe." He asked in a voice that made my stomach flip inside.

"Sure." Downing the rest of my drink I took hold of Jasper's hand as he led me down onto the dance floor.

The dance floor was packed out as he weaved us through the sea of bodies to the center of the floor. I was slightly unsure about dancing with Jasper. It wasn't that I didn't want to dance or that I couldn't because I did want to and I could, it was just I had never danced with a man before. Surely it can't be that different from dancing with a girl, could it?

Jasper moved so effortlessly on the floor, his whole body moved to the base line of the music. It sounds corny, but he looked so beautiful as he danced away completely lost into the rhythm of the music. My mind filled with thoughts of his hot sweaty body flush up against mine, naked in a tangled mess of arms and limbs. His words of asking me to stay with him tonight were floating around my head as I felt myself becoming hard at the thought of seeing Jasper in a lot less clothing. He flashed me a wink before closing his eyes and becoming deeply lost in the music.

Losing myself into the music I felt a hard cock press against my ass as arms made their way around my waist. At first I thought it was Jasper dancing behind me until I looked down and noticed that the arm around my waist was covered in thick black hair. Before I could even move Jasper was in front of me with a stern look on his face, his eyes were looking past me to the person whose arms they belonged to. The arms suddenly disappeared as Jasper moved forward and growled out "Mine," in my ear.

"Jazz... I..... I thought it was you." It sounded like some cheap excuse that people use when they get caught out but it was the truth, I had honestly thought it was Jasper until I noticed the black hairy arms.

He smiled and crushed his lips to mine as his fingers weaved through my hair pulling me closer to him. His tongue forced its way into my mouth lapsing with mine. I moaned into the kiss that was so full of passion, want, and need that I knew there and then I was falling for him. I rocked my hips against him creating a wonderful friction of our hard cocks rubbing together. His fingers gripped tighter in my hair as mine squeezed his pert ass cheeks. He growled at me and with our chests pushed flush together I could feel his chest vibrate. Gasping for air we broke apart, a full blown dimpled grin on his face showing me not only his dimples but a faint pinkish glow to his cheeks.

"I know." He whispered as he moved around me.

My heart was beating loudly in my chest as my breathing picked up. I could hear my heart beating in my ear, louder than the music that filled the club. His hot breath fanned my neck before placing a soft kiss against my sweaty skin, his arms were around my waist pulling and keeping me close to his body. My body tingled like a thousand tiny needles was suddenly hitting it, igniting a fire that burned in the pit of my stomach which spread through my body setting it alight.

"They're jealous." He purred in my ear. I could almost feel the smirk that sat on his lips. "If looks could kill." He chuckled in my ear while pushing his cock into my ass.

Turning my head slightly while we danced to the beat of loud music I asked him "Why are they jealous?"

"Because you're beautiful and you have been stuck by my side since we arrived, the twinks don't like it." He answered placing wet open mouthed kisses up my neck. I moaned loving the feel of his hot lips working their way up and down my neck. But again I thought what's a twink?

Turning around to face him I was met with his stormy blue eyes darkening with lust. "What's a twink?" Jasper chuckled at my remark. "What?" I asked.

"My beautiful boy, so sweet and innocent, it's a shame I'm going to corrupt you." He purred out. Taking my hand he flashed me a wink and led me off the dance floor towards the bar area again.

Grabbing two beers from the bar we managed to find somewhere to sit together. In the slightly dimmer lights of the bar area I could see the light shimmer of sweat that covered his tanned face. Watching him take a long drink I watched as his Adam's apple bobbed up and down. I had this sudden urge to press my lips against it, but I held it back. I wasn't sure if Jasper would like me doing something like that or not.

Placing his beer on the table he rested his feet up and looked at me. "So, a twink? You wanna take a wild guess at what one is?" He asked slightly amused.

"I have no idea what it is." Was it some word that only people on the gay scene would know? I had never heard of it before, I did think about Googling it to stop further embarrassment, but I thought that was pretty stupid and who's to say Google's search engine had the answer. "I was gonna Google it." I tumbled the words out of my mouth watching as Jasper shoulders shook slightly as he chuckled.

"You should have, it would have told you the answer." He moved closer to me and brought his lips to my ear. "Babe, a twink is a young gay man with that boyish look to them. Look around, babe, the place is crawling with them." He answered.

"Oh." I was slightly disappointed to find out what one was, after all I had been expecting something.... well better than that.

"If you really wanna get into it people will argue the different definitions of a twink, but they can't argue they're young." Well fuck me, it's like a whole new world I never knew existed till just now. "Not what you were expecting, huh?" I shook my head, I wasn't going to lie about it.

He placed a kiss on my lips. "Babe, they can look at you all they want, you're still coming home with me." He moved and picked up his beer and shot the rest down his throat. "Speaking of which, you wanna get out of here? I can't really drink much more as I brought the car."

"You brought your car knowing we were coming to a club?" I asked, the whole sentence didn't seem right to me.

He chuckled. "I was running late, couldn't get a cab and I hate waiting for cabs after a night out. We can stay if you want, but I was thinking......" He moved back to my ear again so he didn't have to shout over the music and ran his hand up my thigh. "We could have a better time back at mine and besides I can drink and we won't have to shout or lean into each other to talk."

"Um.... yeah." That nervous feeling suddenly hit my stomach again. "Um... Jasper?" He looked at me pulling his keys out of his pocket. He nodded slightly at me letting me know he heard me and wanted me to continue but I suddenly lost my nerve.

Yeah, I had agreed to staying at Jasper's, but I didn't want to sleep with him just yet. This was all so new to me and that part I wasn't ready for. What sort of fun did he have in mind? Surely he was on about fucking, wasn't he? Finishing the rest of my drink off I placed it on the table and stood deciding I was going to head home. Nodding towards the door it would be easier to tell him outside than in here, at least I wouldn't have to shout at him over the music that way.

Walking out of the club Jasper grabbed my hand. "My car is parked just over there." He flashed me a smile and I felt bad for wanting to bail out on him. He looked so happy thinking I was heading back with him to his place to have some 'fun'.

"Jasper.... I... um.... I am gonna head home." He stopped walking and turned to me with a confused expression on his face.

"What? Why?" He asked as I looked to the floor embarrassed. "Edward, have I done something wrong tonight?" His hand cupped under my chin and lifted my face up to look at him, I sighed seeing the almost hurt look in his eyes.

" I..... You....... I don't.... I mean I can't..... and I know you want to........ I'm sorry." I stuttered and spluttered my way through wanting the ground to open up right now so I could just disappear.

"Hey, I'm not going to force you into anything, and what I meant by fun was a repeat of the other night by the canal. I told you the other night that I wouldn't rush you. Yes, I want to bend you over and fuck you into next week, that's because I'm attracted to you, but I can wait until you're ready." Well now I felt stupid. "If you want to go home Edward, I'll drop you off, but I would sooner you stayed with me, but it's your choice."

"You sure? I mean for me to stay?" He smiled at me and closed the distance between us wrapping his arms around my neck and giving me a gentle yet passionate kiss on the lips. He pulled back slightly and smiled against my lips.

"Yes, it's the only place I want you to be right now." He removed his arms from around my neck and took my hand. "Let's go. I do have to warn you though my house is a bit of a building site. I'm redoing the place at the moment, so it's a bit of a mess." He clicked the button on his black Audi creating a loud beeping sound that echoed up and down the street. "Hop in."

Climbing into the car Jasper started the engine and flicked the CD player off. "I guess your home projects take a little longer to complete?" I asked, he laughed and nodded his head.

"You could say that, I have been working on it for about fifteen months now. The good news is the kitchen is done and in, the french bay doors are in now, which turned out to be a pain in the ass. You know it's a pretty easy task really. Take the door out and smash the hole bigger, place supports in and fit the new doors, it's a a rather simple job, but with me it was a nightmare from start to finish. The wrong doors arrived then they were too big to go in. It was a headache and a half." He smiled at me as we he drove through the streets towards his house.

Even though he was simply just talking about the work he was doing on his house I found it interesting. The way he spoke made me want to know more about the work he had done, I couldn't get enough of hearing his voice. The sound had quicky become the best sound in my world and that scared me.

Coming to a stop outside a house that I guessed was Jasper's he cut the engine and we both got out of the car. I followed him up the path towards his house, he slid the key in the door and flicked the light on. The walls were bare in the hallway, with slightly darker, almost wet looking patches.

"The plaster is drying out before I can paint it." He opened the door to the living room and I was met with the same looking walls, the room was full of bits and pieces that he had used to do the house up. "Sorry it's a mess but upstairs is all done, bedroom and bathroom were the two rooms I did first. Wanna drink?" I nodded and watched him walk away.

My eyes fell onto his ass seeing his jeans hugging it perfectly. I could feel myself beginning to harden as Jasper walked back into the room holding a bottle of wine that was open and two glasses. "Wine?"

"Bollocks, babe." He smirked walking past me with a wink. "I have no beer in, so it's wine or coffee, I would sooner have wine than coffee." He headed towards the door and I followed him as he made his way up the stairs.

Heading into the bedroom Jasper flicked the light on. The room was painted in a light honey brown colour, almost biscuit. A large king size bed was covered in deep chocolate brown bedding. The room was almost spotless, everything had it's place. Next to his bed was a picture of his family smiling, looking happy and content. There was another one next to it of a black haired woman, who I guessed must be his sister.

Jasper snaked his arms around my waist and rested his head on my shoulder. "That's the sister and my mum and dad." His lips moved up and down my neck, placing open mouthed kisses which set my skin alight. I moaned and tilted my head to side giving him better access. The feeling of his lips on my skin was amazing, his lips, his kiss set my mind into a frenzy where I just craved to have him.

Turning around to face him, I saw his eyes were dark and full of lust. "I'm glad I chose to stay." He smirked and crashed his lips to mine.

* * *

_I know, I know I stopped as they got into the bed room. There are things that I want to cover before I move forward and the chapter had already clocked up just over 4k that if I carried on it would have been about 10k, sorry I know I'm mean._

_How cute is Edward? I love playing with virgin Edward and I can't wait to start him losing this innocence he has. _

_Okay because I was so mean with where I left it I'm gonna offer a teaser. Hit the review button and send some love and get a sneak peak into what's coming in the next chapter! Oh I already know what my teaser is going to be hehe. _

_Jen x  
_


	6. Chapter 6

_**AN/ **Thank you to everyone who reviewed the last chapter. I know I left it at such a horrid place, stopping just as they got into the bedroom, hehe. Did my teaser make up for it?_

_I know I'm a little late with this update, where have the days gone where I would update everyday? RL has been kicking my ass that's where. These last two weeks have been nothing sort of a nightmare, I honestly don't know where I have found the time to sit and write lol. As a result of RL the boys have had free roam and lets just say they weren't being shy. Not that its a bad thing :)_

_A massive thank you to Ealasaid77 for just being a fuckawesome beta and sorting my complete crap out with all its bad grammar. It's not been pre-read, dtav who normally does all my pre-reads has been without a laptop over the last few days and hasn't been able to get online. A big thank you to the girls who have been WC'ing with me for their support and such, you guys rock!_

_A few recommends. Dilmn8 - go read Jungle. I'm seriously loving this light hearted fic! Mrs Aagget- Broken and Mended. I love it and hate it all at the same time, if you like your more heartaching fics then go check it out, Jasper is a bad boy! dtav- Two Different Worlds- if your looking for vamp/human fic going check it out. Vamp Jasper is seriously hot!_

_Thats enough of me rambling on, on with the the chapter!_

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_**EPOV**_

__Resting the wine glasses on the side Jasper turned to me, his stormy eyes darkened with lust as he moved closer to me. His hands wrapped themselves around my waist pulling me closer to him. A soft smile rested on his lips just moments before they captured mine, so soft and warm that they set a light of fire on my lips which spread throughout my body. His wet tongue flicked against my lips before pushing its way through, his tongue lapsed with mine, running smoothly with it as our tongues danced together. I couldn't help but moan as I tasted him on my tongue.

My hands found themselves in his soft golden curls pulling him closer to me, tugging them gently. A growl vibrated in Jasper's chest as he ground his hips against mine causing our cocks to rub together. Jasper's hands slipped up the back of my shirt and I shivered as his skin touched mine. His touch was so soft and light as he ran his fingertips over the muscles in my back. I moaned as I felt his hands sweep around the waistband of my jeans bringing them to the front.

He broke away from the kiss and trailed his lips along my jaw and down my neck, sweetly sucking and nipping at the exposed skin there. My fingers were on the buttons of his shirt, fumbling their way to open them as his did the same with a lot more ease than me. Unbuttoning the final one I ran my hands up his stomach and chest, feeling every dip and curve of his muscles. Reaching his shoulders I pushed his shirt completely off allowing me to see the chest I had envisioned for the last few days. My eyes ran up and down his chest taking it all in, seeing the tanned skin over his taut muscles that I so badly wanted to run my tongue over. I wanted to know how it felt against my tongue, wanted to taste the skin that covered this gorgeous man over and over again.

Jasper's eyes locked onto mine as I looked up, they had turned almost black. The sight of his pink wet tongue flashing out and running across his lips went straight to my cock which was already straining hard against the fabric of my jeans. I leant forward slightly to kiss him, but his hands came up and grabbed me on my shoulders stopping me from moving.

"No." Was all he said as his eyes twinkled with mischief. Staying still he pushed my shirt slightly so it was just over my shoulders before he walked behind me and slowly pulled it off. His hot breath fanned the back of my neck as he moved closer to me. "So beautiful." He whispered out just before he placed kisses across the back of my neck.

I moaned loudly as he moved across my shoulder blades whilst bringing his hands around my waist and ran them down my chest. Rocking his hips against mine I felt his hard cock press into my ass as he continued to kiss and bite across my shoulder blades. Feeling his hands trail further down my stomach to the waist of my jeans my eyes closed, letting myself feel everything he was doing. His fingers popped the button on my jeans which made me moan as I anticipated what was coming next, to where I craved his hand to be; but he didn't slip his fingers through my boxers as I thought, instead he teased me by palming me through the thin fabric of my boxers.

Letting out a frustrated moan Jasper chuckled and pulled his hand away causing me to whimper. Turning myself around I faced him seeing his teeth pull and bite his bottom lip. Hooking my thumbs through the belt loops of his jeans I pulled him closer and kissed him. Our slightly parted lips met as our tongues pushed into each others' mouths. Passion, lust, and need filled the kiss as Jasper moved us towards the bed. My fingers popped the button on his jeans before I palmed him through his jeans. My heart was beating wildly in my chest and I wasn't sure if it was from the way Jasper touched me or the fact I had no idea what I was doing.

"Jesus.... Edward." Jasper murmured as he broke away from the kiss. "You're fucking going to make me cum if you carry on." I smiled and continued to palm him. I felt almost proud that what I was doing was right, that he was enjoying it.

Grabbing my hand he pushed me onto the bed with a smirk on his lips. I chuckled as he crawled onto the bed and over me like a predator after its prey. Jesus, I wanted him so fucking bad right now. The thought of sleeping with him crossed my mind and while the thought excited me even more it also sent fear though me. It was only the start of the week that I was with Leah and busy burying my feelings away. I couldn't rush this, I wouldn't rush this.

His lips were on mine as he lay on top of me, a soft sensual kiss that was slow and delicate as his tongue moved with mine. His hand ran down my bare side so lightly like he was barely even touching me. My skin was on fire, every part of me ached so badly with need to have him even closer than he was. His scent filled my nose and lungs, making me feel high. His taste pooled in my mouth setting off a new addiction, it was my favourite drink, my favourite food all rolled into one with a little coating of pure Jasper added in.

My hands ran down his bare back, feeling every muscle every curve on his glorious body. His hips rolled against mine, creating an amazing friction of our hard cocks rubbing together. His slow rocking of his hips and sweet loving kisses had me in overdrive, filling me more and more with want and need. I was in complete heaven as he set things off in me that I never experienced before, the wonderful way you could connect by sensual kisses and touches.

Jasper pulled off me and sat back on his heels. The top button on his jeans was undone, revealing a little more of his soft blond curls of his happy trail. The dim light made him look fucking gorgeous in just his jeans. My eyes ran down the planes of his well defined chest and over his six pack. The dim lighting gave off the slight shimmer of sweat that covered his body form our make-out session.

A slight smile rested on his red lips as his eyes darkened with lust as he looked down at me. My breath hitched and caught in my throat as his hand trailed from my belly button and down my happy trail stopping at the button on my jeans where he pulled the zipper down. Wave upon wave of pleasure crashed through me as I grew hypersensitive at his slightest touch. My body ached with a need that only he could give me, only he could give me what I craved the most. His thumbs hocked the sides of my jeans, his eyes eyes stayed locked on mine as he pulled my jeans. Lifting my hips off the bed he slipped them down past my ass and down my thighs taking my boxers with him. My cock sprang free, long, thick, and hard, painfully hard and wanting desperate release.

Jasper pulled my jeans completely off and threw them on the floor. His eyes ran down my naked body as a hiss escaped his lips. "You're fucking gorgeous, babe." His voice was nothing but a whisper as he pulled back from the bed and looked at me.

I was slightly confused as I began to feel a little self conscious just lying here completely naked. I didn't have hang ups over my body but that didn't mean I wanted to be left rock hard and naked on a bed while someone looks at me. _Fuck, what if he has changed his mind about me now? _Panic tore through me as I second guessed being here, I didn't want to second guess us, to second guess what I felt with him over the last few days.

Jasper winked at me while flashing me a dimpled grin as he slowly pulled down his zipper. My mouth and throat became dry as I suddenly thought that this was the first time I had actually seen a guy naked in front of me, but more importantly this would be the first time I saw Jasper naked. He pushed his jeans down and I gasped at the sight of him as his cock sprang free, long, thick and standing proud. I had never thought about cocks being beautiful but Jasper's was. My mouth ached to feel his hard cock in my mouth, to taste the droplets that had gathered at the tip. Right now I wanted him badly and if it was at all possible I got even harder at the sight of him.

"Stunning." I muttered more to myself than to him, but I saw Jasper's cheeks taint a slight pink colour like he was embarrassed. Could I have just embarrassed Jasper? "You're blushing." I joked.

"I guess I am, no one's called me stunning before." He smiled softly at me and crawled back to me, spreading my legs so he nestled in between them. "As far as you want babe, trust me." He winked at me and I relaxed even more.

His pink tongue came out and slowly ran up my thighs to my hip bone where he gently bit me. My hips bucked as his hair ghosted over my over sensitive cock when he trailed his tongue back down my other thigh. His fingers followed the same route his tongue had just made as his head moved closer to my cock. I was writhing and trembling with anticipation at what was to come, my cock throbbed and twitched where I desperately wanted his mouth to be.

"Please..." I pleaded with him, for him to touch me where I wanted it the most. He looked up at me through long eyelashes with hooded eyes and licked his lips before kissing the base of my cock. "Fuck!" My words were breathless as his tongue licked around my balls and up my shaft.

Feeling his hot wet tongue run up my cock almost made me cum there and then, it took everything in me not to. His tongue swept across the head, running the tip of his tongue over my slit. He moaned against me as he took me into his mouth, going halfway down before coming back up and gripping the base of my cock with his hand. His tongue swirled around the head over and over again, flicking the tip against my slit while I fisted the sheets in an effort not to blow my load right then.

As he took me back into his mouth his lips sealed tightly around me and slid down slowly until I hit the back of his throat. Slowly coming back up he trailed his teeth back up hardly touching me, it was that light, but it was enough to send me spinning out of control. Jasper sucked just the head in and out of his mouth causing me, forcing me, to come undone. I battled to hold off my orgasm for as long as possible, but the tightening in my stomach began.

His head bobbed up and down my length faster and faster, sucking me harder and harder. He hummed around me and began to play with my balls, tugging on them and rolling them around in his hand.

"Jazz...... fuck." Was all I managed to get out as my orgasm crashed through me. My back arched off the bed as I shot down his throat feeling him swallowing around me until I was completely spent. My body trembled as the aftershock of my orgasm began to subside and my eyes closed as I sucked in ragged hard breaths. He released me from his mouth with a gentle kiss before trailing kisses up my abs and chest until he reached my lips.

"You're the best flavour in my fucking world." He declared before capturing his lips with mine. I moaned as his tongue slid into my mouth and I tasted myself on him, mixed with his own personal taste.

He cupped my cheek with his hand and rubbed his thumb against it as we broke apart. He smiled while his eyes shone with so many emotions in them it was hard to pinpoint what I was seeing. His hips rocked against my hips and I felt his own raging hard on desperately seeking its own release. Bringing my lips to his neck I placed soft wet kisses across his tanned neck, trailing my tongue over his Adam's apple before sucking on it.

Jasper growled at me, a sound that came from deep within his chest. I smiled against his skin before doing it again, only this time I let my hand trail lightly down his chest and abs. My hand trembled slightly, as I got closer to his cock the more my hands trembled. Lightly my fingertips touched the side of his cock. Running them up to the tip I relished in the feeling of his hot skin under underneath my fingertips. Jasper moaned in pleasure before taking hold of my wrist.

"You don't have too..." He sounded almost breathless as he opened his eyes to look at me. _Did I do something wrong? _I thought to myself while remembering how Jasper had touched me. It seemed like it was the same, well it was to me anyway. "You don't have to pleasure me, Edward, because I pleasure you. I know this is all new to you." I smiled and leant forward kissing him once in a soft cherishing kiss.

"I want to, I want to feel you in my hand." Jasper groaned at my words closing his eyes and rolling his head back. "Let me please you. Teach me, tell me what you like. Please." It almost seemed like I was begging. I guess in a way I was, but I wanted to know. I wanted to please him, to give him pleasure the way he had given it to me.

"You're fucking adorable, Eddie." He flashed me a smiling smirk and let go of my wrist. His hand overlapped mine bringing it to his mouth and licking my palm before moving my hand back down to his cock.

My hand gripped around his rock hard cock, his hot silky smooth skin covering his steel length felt amazing in my hand. I loved the way he felt as his hand overlapped mine and began to move our hands together.

"Just like that, babe..... Fuck..... you feel so good." He moaned out as his forehead rested against mine. His breaths were ragged and hard as I stroked him faster.

Relaxing more and gaining confidence a little my pace increased, adding some pressure to my strokes my thumb ran over the tip of his cock, spreading the droplets that had collected there. Jasper's forehead moved to my shoulder as his moans increased. Nipping at his neck his hand let go of mine as I brought my other hand down to his balls. Rolling them in my hand my pace increased even more as I nipped his earlobe.

Jasper's stomach muscles began to contract as his cries of pleasure became louder. Feeling him pulse in my hand I added slight pressure to his cock and ran my thumb quickly over his slit. "Fuck..... Jesus..... Babe!" He exploded in my hand. Streams of his cum shot over our stomach's as I continued to stroke him, slowly slowing my pace down until I stopped altogether letting him ride his orgasm fully out.

Releasing him from my hand I sat up grinning looking at a flushed but gorgeous looking Jasper. A thin layer of sweat covered his face as his cheeks were tinted pink, his golden curls were a disarray with some sticking to his sweaty face. His pink swollen lips were slightly parted as his breathing slowed down. His stormy blue eyes were relaxed and full of emotions of contentment, he flashed me a lazy smile.

"Was... Um... did.... I.... was it alright?" I flustered out in a mumble. Jasper chuckled at me and sat up bringing his hands to either side of my face and cupping it. His lips moved to mine, all warm and soft as they moved in a perfect rhythmic dance with mine. His tongue traced my bottom lip before sliding into my eagerly awaiting mouth, the faint taste of myself still lingering on his tongue as they lapsed and rolled together. I was falling in love with him, with everything he did to me, with everything he made me feel, I was falling completely in love with him. That scared me slightly, not me falling for him as something inside of me told me that it was the right thing, that he was right for me, but what scared me was what if he wasn't feeling the same things as me?

As our lips parted his thumb ran across my cheek. "You've just given me the best hand job I've ever had. That was more than alright, babe; it was fucking brilliant." He smiled and moved away from me. "Stay there and try and not get that hand touching my bedding." He joked as he slid off the bed and towards the door. Looking down I noticed his cum on my hand and stomach.

Jasper returned a few minutes later with a warm wash cloth. Tentatively he cleaned my stomach, so delicately he wiped my hand. He was so gentle and caring in what he did that I couldn't help but have a girlie moment and sigh contented. Unfortunately my sigh was a little loud and Jasper heard it causing him to chuckle and me to blush almost bright red because of it. He flashed me a wink and threw the wash cloth in the hamper before pulling back up his boxers and climbing on the bed with my boxers in tow. Handing them to me I slipped them on and picked up my glass of wine as I heard Jasper lay down, his head resting against the headboard.

"Jasper?" I asked as I turned myself around to face him, sitting crossed legged on the bed. Jasper's eyes opened and he looked at me, his soft eyes holding nothing but trust in them as he looked at me, waiting for me to continue.

This question I had rolled in my head since I met him. I felt embarrassed to ask him something like this, almost like it was a personal question, but I wanted to know. I needed to know that when the time came who would be taking what roll.

Looking at the bedspread I sucked in a breath. "Um, you know when you're sleeping with someone, do you...um... which way round are you?" Mentally I cursed myself for sounding so fucking stupid, surely it would have come out better if I had thought more to how I was going to say this instead of the actual question itself.

"You mean do I top or bottom?" He asked before he took a sip of his wine. I nodded my head and waited for him to continue, when he didn't I pushed the question again.

"So which is it?" I asked. He smirked and took another drink and rested the wine glass on his thigh. He looked at me, just staring, not answering my question.

"Which is what, babe?" He asked. I rolled my eyes at him. He knew what I was asking, he was just doing this on purpose. He chuckled and ran his fingers down my arm. "Say it, ask me if I top or bottom. It's sex, Edward, there isn't anything taboo over it and as much as I love to see the pink tint cast across those cheeks of yours I don't want you to be embarrassed about talking about sex with me." He squeezed my hand reassuringly, encouraging me to ask him.

Taking a breath I asked him. "Do you top or bottom?" It was more of a mumble than anything else, but it was the best I could do. I did find sex talk embarrassing, but it was only because I didn't know anything about it that made me that way.

"Both. I prefer to top, having said that I do like to switch in a relationship, but I still mainly top." I don't know if I wanted to be relieved that he did bottom or be scared that he liked to top more.

"What about when we...." I trailed off and took a sip of wine with Jasper raising an eyebrow at me. "Have sex." I finished.

"I don't mind, considering it will be your first time with anyone, not just with a man. I'm easy to go either way, I'll bottom for your first time if you prefer?" He offered. I thought about it a little before he continued "You don't have to pick, babe. It's not like we're going to have sex right away is it? I want you to be completely comfortable with me, with us being together and I want you to have many firsts with me." He gave me a wink before adding "twink" under his breath.

"Why did you call me a twink?" He chuckled looking at me while I sat there confused. I still didn't fully understand the whole term of the word.

"Babe, you are, you're a pure twink at that. Boyish looks, all innocent looking and having 'firsts', that's what a twink is. Only most twinks give off the impression they are clueless and it's all new, you genuinely are all clueless and new to it all." He laughed while I flushed with embarrassment and felt at the end of a joke.

"Thanks." I mumbled feeling slightly hurt because of my inexperience. Jasper stopped laughing and I heard the slight ping of the wine glass touching the bedside table, the bed moved slightly before Jasper had his arms around me.

"I didn't say it to hurt you, babe, or to make you feel embarrassed. I was only playing with you. I should have thought more about the fact that you're a little embarrassed by your inexperience, it was never my intention to hurt you. Look at me, babe." He moved back slightly and pushed my chin up with his fingers forcing me to look at him. "I'm crazy about you, Edward, your inexperience and all. I've never felt this way before, never had someone cloud my mind as much as you do and I've never craved someone's touch or to touch as much as I do with you. Forgive me, please?" Nodding my head slightly his lips softly brushed against mine once before pulling away. "We all start off inexperienced, babe, it's nothing to be ashamed of." Moving away from me he went back to his old position of his back being against the headboard.

"Can I ask you something? You mentioned this the other night on our date, your adoption?" He laid down and turn onto his side, resting his head in his hand and looking me with stormy blue eyes that I could get lost in.

He took a sip of his wine before resting it on the bed and holding the base of the glass. "Sure, what do you want me to tell you?" He asked. I shrugged, I wanted him to tell me everything about it, wanted to know how he felt on the matter himself, whether or not he would think about adopting his own children in the future. I wanted to know it all.

"How do you feel knowing you're adopted?" Jasper looked at me and moved so his knee was touching my leg.

"You don't waste time, do you?" He chuckled. "It doesn't bother me now like it used too. I used to hate it, used to look at my friends and wonder what it would be like to know the people who created you loved you, but that's changed now. I've come to realise that blood doesn't make you a parent. When Alice arrived I went through this stage of being convinced they were getting rid of me." He smirked slightly at the memory.

"Why?" I moved and laid down on my side facing him, with every breath he took it fanned my face.

"Because Alice is their own child, she's not adopted like I am. They tried for years, had all the tests known to man to find out what the problem was but nothing ever came of it. The test put them through some hard emotional times together before moving forward for IVF, two failed attempts later they were about to give up on ever having a child when they saw me. I was an advert, can you believe that? Before I was even born my birth mother was placing an advert for me." He snorted.

"They basically bought me, all legal papers were sorted before I was even born and three days after I arrived I went home with the Cullen's, my birth mother signing over all legal rights to them and that was that. Just after my fifth birthday Alice arrived. Esme had sat me down when she had this huge baby bump and told me about my little sister joining the family, but not too long before that they had told me that I was adopted. Well being five I got it into my head that they didn't love me anymore and that I must have done something bad. I cried for days thinking that I was going to be homeless with no parents to love me." He chuckled and took a drink of his wine.

"You know I even tried to leave, my dad found me at the end of the road with my teddy bear, some crayons and half a packet of biscuits." He laughed again. "It wasn't a very thought out run away. It took me a while to accept that they were keeping me, for me at the time I thought they had me because they couldn't have their own and when they got Alice they didn't need me anymore. It's funny what you think when you're that age, you don't see the whole picture and you don't understand it all."

He smiled at me sweetly. "So what do you actually think about adoption then?" I asked him, watching as he tilted his head slightly.

"It's good, I mean it worked out great for me, but for others they can be in homes for years before they find a loving family who wants them and even then the child can be pretty fucked up. It does have a certain effect on you being adopted, even for me and it happened when I was baby. The only parents I know are Esme and Carlisle, for me it made me question why have a child if you're not going to look after it and keep it safe? Why have it only to pass it off to someone else because you don't want it? I guess some react differently to others, I know I hurt my parents when I told them that I wanted to find my birth parent's and I guess if you adopt then you have to be ready for that." He took the now empty wine glass out of my hand and placed it on the bedside table.

Moving back to me he pushed my shoulder back until I was lying flat on my back, his hands resting either side of chest as he hovered over me. "You're fucking gorgeous." He murmured out as his eyes scanned down my body before his lips captured mine in a gentle cherishing kiss. "Are you hungry?" He asked as he pulled away from my lips.

"For you." I answered without thinking. Feeling slightly embarrassed I looked away from him only to hear him chuckle.

"It's a good job I'm on the menu then." He purred in my ear.

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_See what happens when I leave the boys to play? Not that I'm sure any of you will have minded there activities in the bedroom :)_

_Okay my lovelys hit the review button send some love and i'll give you a teaser for the next chapter!_

_Jen x  
_


	7. Chapter 7

**_AN/_**_ Hi all! _

_God its been ages since I updated, well its been about two weeks but it seems like ages to me. RL is busy kicking my ass and I swear to god that the days have suddenly gotten shorter, I seem to have zero time to myself hence the week late update. _

_Thank you to everyone who reviewed the last chapter,are you guys still liking this story? I have been asked if I'm feeling okay as this doesn't seem like me. Hehe you guys know me too well!_

_Thank you to dtav for fixing my chapter for me and making it all pretty and readable._

_I have a recommendation for you all. Destination by Kerrfrano, its one chapter in, and starts off very hot and heavy after E and J meet at an airport. Go check it out and drop the girl some love!  
_

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_**EPOV**_

__Slowly waking up, I felt Jasper's strong arms wrapped tightly around me. My face was pressed into his chest and his shallow breathing fanned the top of my head. Kissing his chest, I opened my eyes and gently pulled out of his embrace as he whimpered softly. His arm fell down my body slightly to my hip and rested there. Casting my eyes down I took every part of him in. He was gorgeous. His golden curls covered and fanned the side of his face as he slept. His plump pink lips were slightly parted and swollen with the very tip of his tongue just poking out slightly making me want to touch it with my finger.

Gently brushing the hair off his face, Jasper sighed and rolled onto his stomach as his soft snores filled the room. My eyes became transfixed to the muscles in his back and broad shoulders. Golden tanned skin that looked so smooth and silky covered every inch of his body. The faint hint of a tan line was just visible from where his boxers sat at the base of his spine. Gently my fingertips touched his back lightly ghosting over every plane and dip of his back.

My fingers felt almost on fire as they tingled on his skin, like an electric spark that hit my skin every time we came into contact. Slowly my fingers ran from the very nape of his neck down the long line in the centre of his back to the waistband of his boxers and back up again before moving across his right shoulder and down his side. I couldn't seem to stop touching him, tracing idle patterns on his back over and over again. It was hypnotic to me, I was doing it almost subconsciously, unaware of what else was going on around me. I wanted to stay put and do this forever, just touching him over and over again.

He was so captivating to me yet so mysterious, every sound he made sent my world into a frenzied spin. "Mmmmm, don't stop." Jasper murmured out to me.

My hand froze, resting just on his spine. I hadn't meant to be doing this when he woke up but somehow I had gotten carried away, losing myself in the feel of his skin underneath my fingertips.

Feeling embarrassed for getting caught touching him when he was asleep, I mumbled a "Sorry" and pulled my hand away. He turned slightly moving his hand down to the base of my back pulling me closer to him.

A sudden rush of energy ran though me, causing sparks to fly across the minimal space between us. Every nerve ending, every fibre in my body was shocked wide awake as a shiver of pleasure ran though me. Jasper opened his eyes and looked at me with a warm beautiful smile across his pink, plump lips making his eyes sparkle at me.

"It was an amazing way to wake up. I could get used to it." He touched my face gently, running his fingertips down from temple to my jaw. "Did you sleep well?" He asked as pulled me even closer to him and placed soft kisses down my neck.

"Y....Yes." My voice shook as a nervous ball of energy stirred in the pit of my stomach. "Di...did you?" I managed to get out as he continued to kiss up and down my neck while his fingers played around the waistband of my boxers.

"Hmmm I did, having you next to me." He murmured against my neck as he breathed in deeply.

Being frozen in place with embarrassment, my cheeks began to burn. With every kiss and nip from him, I was getting harder and harder making my morning wood even worse. This wasn't the first time I had woken up next to someone with morning wood, but it was the first time I had woken up next to a man, and not just any man, but Jasper.

Jasper kissed the end of my nose and smiled. "So fucking cute first thing in the morning" Jasper said as he threw the covers back and got out of bed. His morning wood created a tent in his boxers that he didn't seem to mind me noticing as he stretched right in front of me. "Come shower with me babe." _Shower?_ Oh no, no fucking way.

Pulling the cover tighter to me I suddenly felt very self conscious being in his bed, in just my fucking boxers complete with tent effect. "Umm....." _Fuck what was I meant to say to him?_

Thankfully Jasper didn't give me chance to answer as he threw me a wink and walked out the bedroom. Hearing the water hit the shower floor I knew, well I was hoping, that Jasper was stripping off his boxers and climbing in. Slowly sliding out of the bed, I picked up my jeans and began to pull them on. _Please don't think I'm just leaving._ I thought to myself as I looked for my shirt.

It was how it was going to look though wasn't it? He disappears out of the room and I quickly get dressed while he is gone. _Just tell him you need to study and you'll call him later. _Easier said then done.

"Edward?" 

_Fuck!_

Turning I saw Jasper standing there still in his boxers looking confused.

"You're leaving?" He sounded so disappointed that I couldn't lie, but I didn't know what to say.

"I....um......" I sucked in a deep breath and looked to the floor. "I feel embarrassed." 

_You're a dumb fucker, you know that don't you?_ I cursed myself mentally.

Jasper moved towards me and trailed his fingers up my bare forearms setting my skin on fire. "What are you embarrassed about? Waking up next to me and suddenly thinking I'm not really good looking?" He joked "Or was it the showering thing with me?" Not being able to lift my head up and look at him, I simply nodded.

Jesus this is fucking stupid now! I'm acting as though I'm fucking fourteen years old! What the fuck could he possibly see in me? If I wasn't freaking out over one thing it was another. All of this was so new to me, and I didn't have a fucking clue what I was doing. Dating Jasper was proving to be a lot harder then dating Leah had ever been.

"Look at me Edward." Slowly I lifted my gaze to him. "I saw you naked last night and correct me if I'm wrong here, but last night wasn't the first time your cock has been down my throat. Don't be embarrassed to be naked in front of me. I liked what I saw and I want to see it again. Now come shower with me, babe." His fingers were already undoing my jeans and pushing them down.

Stepping out of them he took my hand and led me to the bathroom. The steam was already filling the room as he pushed the door shut behind me and pinned me to it. His lips brushed softly on to mine before he pulled back and looked at me. "Feeling better yet?" He asked while pushing his body flush against mine. His hard cock rubbed against mine making me moan softly. "That's a yes then." His thumbs hooked the waistband of my boxers and pushed them down.

Jasper pulled me gently towards the hot steamy shower. Once inside, the hot water cascaded down over us from the topical shower head above, wetting Jasper's golden curls and making them stick to his face. My eyes watched in wonder as he closed his eyes, tilted his head back and brushed his curls off his face. The water ran down his tanned toned body literally taking my breath away. _Stunning! _ There was no other word for it.

My cock twitched and throbbed as my eyes drank in each glorious inch of him. My fingers wanted to reach out and touch him, to pull him closer to me, but I didn't. The fear was too great for me to do that, not to mention I was so unsure of how to touch him.

His eyes opened, and he caught me standing here like an idiot just staring at him. I watched his eyes darken as they roamed down my body, slowly making me feel self conscious. Jasper moved closer to me and wrapped an arm around my waist, pulling me closer to him and placing sweet kisses on my neck. Jasper caught onto my nervousness as he whispered "Relax babe," in my ear before bring his lips to mine.

As our lips moved perfectly with one another, I began to relax more into Jasper. Breaking away from the sensual kiss, Jasper took hold of the shower puff and gel and began to wash me slowly. He teased me and caressed me all over so intimately that he soon had me breathless and unbelievably hard.

Taking the shower cloth off him, I began to wash every inch of his muscular body, teasing him the same way he had teased me. Every movement he had made on me I mimicked on him, following his lead so he would enjoy it as much as I did.

As my hand slid down his washboard abs, Jasper trembled slightly. His breath was coming out in short sharp breaths as my fingers lightly ghosted over his hard cock. "Jesus..." He moaned out almost silently. He grabbed my hand, stopping me from teasing him further. "I need you so fucking bad." He murmured in a husky voice.

"You do?" I knew I sounded almost surprised to hear that he wanted me.

Jasper moved behind me and pushed me up against the wall. "You have no idea how badly I want to fuck you." His words excited me but scared the shit out of me. "Do you trust me?" He whispered in my ear.

Without even thinking I replied, "Yes." It wasn't a lie. Something about him made me trust him.

"Good," he whispered in my ear before I felt his lips on the back of my neck.

His lips moved across my neck and shoulder blades so effortlessly making me moan softly, while his hands trailed up and down my sides. He nipped, kissed and sucked every inch of my back moving lower and lower causing me to shake in trepidation as I rested my hands on the wall in front of me.

I trusted Jasper but the lower he got the more the fear grew in me. Though it was good to feel his lips move across my skin, I still felt so exposed to him standing like this.

Turning my head slightly I saw Jasper drop to his knees as his hands roamed up my thighs. The water continued to fall from above us as I took in a shaky breath to steady my nerves more then anything.

"Wh....what are you doing?" I asked as I shook slightly from fear. This was stupid. I was shaking over nothing yet the fear of not knowing was making it hard to let go.

With a wink Jasper answered. "Something I am dying to do. Relax and enjoy." Nodding slightly, I turned my head away and faced the wall as his fingers lightly trailed up the back of my thighs and over my ass. "You're so beautiful." He whispered out almost to himself before I felt his fingers part my ass cheeks.

His tongue ran down the crack of my ass and swirled around the tight ring of muscles. Gasping out at the new sensation I moved away, scared by what he was doing. Looking down I saw Jasper on his knees with his wet golden curls sticking to his face. "Ju...wh..." My words failed to come out as I tried to speak.

"Edward, come here babe." He held his hand out to me. "I should have warned you about what I was about to do, I'm sorry. Didn't you like it?" He asked as I took hold of his hand.

"A little?" My answer sounded more like a question. Jasper chuckled at me and licked his lips before turning my palm over and placing a gentle kiss on it.

"Turn back round babe, I promise I will stop if you don't like it." Complying I turned back around and I rested my hands on the shower wall.

Parting my ass cheeks once more, I slowly felt his warm tongue run down my ass crack and circle the hole before he ran the flat of his tongue against it. The tip of his tongue flicked against my puckered hole before he placed a soft sensual kiss on it. My heart rate picked up and a whole new world of sensations was suddenly opened up to me.

"Are you enjoying it, babe?" Jasper asked me in husky voice.

"Yes." Was my breathless reply.

It was so different, unlike anything else I had felt before, but fuck it felt so good. As my head fell forward and I moaned out loud, I gave way to the new sensations that were rushing through me. His talented tongue flicked, swirled and pushed against my tight hole making me pant and my cock even harder. As the tip of his tongue pushed though the ring of muscles I gasped loudly.

"Jasper..." His name rolled off my tongue in breathless pleas as he continued to thrust his tongue in and out of me.

His hand traveled up my inner thigh and towards my aching cock. I thought I was going to come undone. My body felt alive with desire that I hadn't known before. It was like a fire ripping through my body at lightening speed, highlighting all my senses, bringing a fresh wave of new feelings my way. His tongue thrust in and out of me as he slowly stroked me, keep me just hanging on the edge.

"Jasper...Please...please..." I moaned out in desperation wanting my release. As if to torment me even more his hand disappeared from around my cock as he removed his tongue and got to his feet.

Turning me around, Jasper crashed his lips against mine. So much hunger and need was laced through the kiss as our tongues met and tasted each other. My fingers weaved through his hair pulling him closer to me, feeling his hard body pressed against mine. My hips bucked against his, seeking out more friction. I moaned loudly into the kiss as his hard cock rubbed against mine.

Gaining more confidence my hand traveled down his body towards his hard cock. Jasper broke away from the kiss as my fingers wrapped around his hard steel length. " Fuck...don't....cum with me." Jasper moaned out as his hand came down and lapsed over mine.

Pulling my hand away he guided it over both our cocks before he slowly moved his hand up and down them, causing them to rub together. I couldn't stop the moan that escaped my lips feeling his cock sliding against mine. There was nothing that could explain how amazing this felt, being locked away with him in the shower as the hot water poured down over us, his hard silky cock rubbing against mine as we stroked each other to the edge.

Feeling my stomach muscles begin to clench I cried out. "I'm about...to...cum"

Jasper moaned loudly at my words and suddenly exploded in our hands. His teeth sunk down onto my shoulder as he came sending a wonderful feeling of pain through me which pushed me over the edge. Cumming hard my head fell back as wave after wave of ecstasy washed through me. Jasper kissed up my neck and across my jaw, from ear to chin, until he reached my lips.

As our lips met and began to move with one another so slowly and intimately, I fell in love with him. Pure, raw feelings ran between us as our lips moved in a perfect rhythmic motion. All traces of lust and need were gone and in it's place came nothing but passion and desire for the other. Breaking apart from the kiss our foreheads rested together. He smiled warmly at me as his thumb rubbed against my cheek.

"You're amazing, do you know that?" He whispered to me, causing me to blush slightly.

"Thanks, but that's you. I have no idea what I'm doing." My honest answer caused Jasper to laugh and pull back away from me.

"Oh, I don't know. You being all shy is quite a turn on." He smirked and cut the water off. "Besides I don't think you're as sweet and innocent as you're making out." He said as he got out of the shower and grabbed two towels.

"Why? Jasper, I wasn't lying-" He cut me off as he handed me a towel.

"I know babe." He wrapped his arms around my waist and pulled me closer to him. "I'm just playing with you." He gave me a kiss before walking over to the cabinet and pulling out a toothbrush that was still in its wrapper. "Here." He said handing it to me.

"Thanks. Do you keep a collection of new toothbrushes for every guy you spend the night with?" Part of me was joking as I said it, the other part wasn't. The last thing I wanted to hear was that this was a regular thing for him.

_Yet you can't blame him if it is. He's good looking, single and isn't shy when it comes to sex. _

He chucked and shook his head. "Most guys don't spend the night, and if they do they're out first thing in the morning with no exceptions." I don't know why but my heart suddenly plummeted as my stomach twisted and knotted.

"Oh...So you have slept with a few guys then?" I suddenly became very interested in the toothbrush.

"A few. It's not like I pick a guy up every weekend, Edward. And besides, before I met you I hadn't been with anyone for about two months." He smiled at me. "You're not one in a long list, babe. Mindless, emotionless sex got boring a long time ago." He kissed my cheek and disappeared towards the bedroom.

Brushing my teeth, I felt a twang of jealously sit in my stomach. Of course I couldn't think that Jasper hadn't been with others. He was good looking, gorgeous in fact. I dreaded to think of how many men he had been with. But this only raised the question that plagued me - why me? I was inexperienced. This was the first time I had attempted to be with a man after years of suppressing my feelings, and I choose to do this with a man who knew what he was doing. As far as I was oncerned, all I would ever be to Jasper was a disappointment.

Sighing, I rinsed my mouth out with water before spitting the contents in the sink and letting it wash away. Turning the tap off I dried my face and paddled back to Jasper's bedroom, holding the towel firmly around my waist. Jasper sat on the edge of the bed wearing a pair of dirty paint covered light blue jeans and nothing else. Next to him was a pair of sweat pants and a Tee.

"Thought you might like to put something else on other than your jeans and shirt while you're here." His face lit up with a smirk as his eyes cast up and down my body. "Or you could just stay in that towel, I won't mind." He licked his lips hungrily at me.

Blushing slightly I answered, "I'm sure you wouldn't," in nothing more then a whisper. Jasper chuckled and got up from the bed, and touching the side of my face he asked, "You are staying for a bit, right?" His eyes were almost pleading with me to stay.

"If I'm not in your way."

He smiled at me showcasing his dimples. "No, I'll let you get dressed." Placing a parting kiss on my lips he left the bedroom.

Changing quickly into his clothes my nose was filled with his scent, something that I could smell all day long and never get bored of. Putting the towel into the hamper, I ran my fingers through my damp hair as I walked down the stairs. The radio was on somewhere letting the sounds of the local radio station fill the house. Pots of paint, brushes and rollers were collected on the floor in the hallway ready to be use. I was sure I didn't see them there last night when I arrived.

A wave of guilt washed over me as I headed towards the kitchen where I could hear Jasper. He was planning on decorating and I was getting in the way, messing up his plans when he had things to do. Maybe I should just go and get out of his hair, let him do his own thing without having me around. Why didn't he just say he had things planned? It wasn't as though we were connected to the hip and needed to constantly be together. As far as I knew we weren't even together.

Stepping into the kitchen, my eyes fell on the back of Jasper as he poured the boiling water out of the kettle and into the mugs in front of him. Standing there feeling slightly awkward I scratched my arm and looked around the modern kitchen. The work tops were thick granite matching deep dark wood cupboards with silver crooked handles. The large round stainless steel sink sat just below the large window frame looking out over the side passage of the house. A giant double doored, high glossed black fridge freezer with long silver handles sat over in one corner matching the same high glossed black washing machine. The long frosted glass top dinner table with high back chairs sat just in front of the large patio doors that were open letting the sun shine through into the house.

"You like it?" Jasper asked, bringing me out of my thoughts.

"Umm yes, you worked hard on it." _Do you really need to open your mouth and say the first thing that pops into your head? _Cursing myself mentally for being stupid, I looked down at the black tiled floor.

"You know I would love to say yes, that all of this was my handiwork but its not. This is my mother's handiwork." My mouth formed an 'O' as Jasper continued walking across the floor towards the large fridge. "She's an interior designer so when I decided to do this place up she saw it as the perfect challenge. Milk?" He asked walking back with the milk carton in his hand.

"Please. So its all your mum's work then?" I asked leaning back on the counter top.

"Pretty much. I had final say on it all but other than that I just let her get on with it. It's a lot easier for me. Sugar?"

"Two, please." I answered while shifting uncomfortably on my feet."Do you want me to leave?" I mumbled out feeling awkward.

"Leave? No. You don't have anywhere to be do you?" He asked with a slight confused, concerned look on his face.

"No, but I noticed the paint and the jeans and figured you're busy decorating your place and that I would just get in the way." I rambled out quickly.

"Yeah, I am, but that doesn't mean you have to go. I want you to be here." He flashed me a smile and handed me the coffee cup.

"Why? I mean we're not actually going out, are we?"

Jasper sighed and placed his cup on the side and moved closer to me. His finger trailed up my arms slowly until he reached my shoulders.

"Maybe you haven't figured it out yet, but I am into you in a big way. I'm pretty crazy about you Edward." His hands moved up my neck until he cupped my face in his hands. "Will it make you feel better if I ask you out? If I ask you to be my boyfriend?" He smiled softly at me.

My breathing quickened as I stared into his stormy blue eyes, which were pooling with emotion. He held me there, unable to move almost as though I was under some spell that couldn't be broken until he decided to release me. The only thing I could do was nod at him. My throat had suddenly become so dry, that I knew if I spoke it would only come out as a squeak.

"Is that a yes, then?" He whispered just centimeters way from my lips. "Yes," I answered in a whisper before his lips met mine in a soft, gentle cherishing kiss.

Breaking apart from the kiss, Jasper picked up his coffee cup and headed out of the kitchen and into the hallway with me following close behind him. I sat down in the middle of the floor and began to watch him start painting the ceiling.

"So what's your sister like?" I asked before taking a drink of my coffee. Jasper snorted and turned to look me.

"Oh no, Eddie, not this time. I have been under the lamp twice. Now, it's my turn." He smirked at me before continuing. "So, I know I'm the first man you have ever done anything with, but what about girls?"

"You know I'm a virgin, Jasper."

He chuckled, stretching his long tanned toned body as he reached up to the joint at the top of the wall. "That's not what I meant, babe. Surely they have questioned you about sex?" He urged.

"Yeah, but I just kinda put it off. Gave an excuse about wanting to wait for the right time." He didn't say anything for a while. He just continued to paint the wall with a base coat before he finally said something. "Your last girlfriend was when?"

_Shit! Should I tell him the truth, that I was with Leah only until a few days ago? _Before I could really think about it, I answered. "A few months ago."

"So, have you given much thought to telling your parents that you're not into women?" He turned to face me as I panicked. Though I knew I would have to tell them, it wasn't something I had given much thought to yet. "I'm not pressuring you to run home and tell them babe, just asking that's all."

Fumbling with the hem of his sweats, I swallowed hard trying to remove the lump that had formed in my throat. "Um...I...well .." I gave up trying to speak, and trying to form some sort of coherent sentence that wouldn't make me sound like a complete and utter fool.

"It's okay. Telling them is hard, but it won't get any easier the longer you leave it." Placing the brush down in the tray, Jasper moved toward me and sat facing me. His fingers trailed down my legs until they reached my fingers that were playing with the hem of his sweat pants.

"How will they take it? What if they are disappointed in me for becoming gay?"

Jasper shook his head at me and laced his fingers through mine. "You haven't suddenly become gay, Edward. You either are or you aren't. You have just decided to embrace your feelings instead of pushing them away. And as for your parents being disappointed in you for being true to yourself, that's their problem. You will still be you; still be the same Edward attending Vet school; still the same shy, blushing guy who makes my heart flutter."

I blushed slightly at his words. "Do I? I mean make your heart flutter?"

He smiled and nodded at me taking my right hand and holding it against his heart. "Do you feel it?" He asked. The fast rhythmic beat of his heart vibrated on my palm making me smile and feel embarrassed all at the same time. "I feel it whenever I'm close to you or whenever we touch." He smiled softly at me. "Don't worry yourself about telling them. Do it when you're ready." Kissing my lips once, he got up from the floor and continued to paint.

We chatted for a while about different things, our past, our friends and such. He quizzed me endlessly about my family, payback from my questions over his adoption. When I thought he couldn't think of anything else to ask about them, he shocked me by coming up with something else. I told him about my father working in the medical field, and my mother who worked as a midwife. We spoke about how they met, and all the while my eyes stayed fixed on his back.

His dirty paint covered jeans sat low on his tanned hips as he painted the wall in the hallway. His chest was bare with little tiny spec's of white undercoat on him. My eyes were fixed on him, watching the muscles in his back move with every stroke of the brush, or how his bicep flexed every time he bent his arm. It was mesmerising, he was mesmerising. I couldn't tear my eyes off him as I sat on the floor staring up at him. He bent down giving me a full view of his ass. I moaned loudly, unable to stop myself, seeing his ass bent right in my face. Jasper chuckled and looked at me over his shoulder.

His stormy blue eyes looked me up and down as he smirked. "You could help me, you know?" He asked placing the brush down on the paint tray and walking towards me.

"I could." I grinned as he dropped down onto his knees in front of me. Our faces were just centimeters apart as his warm breath fanned my face.

"Stop staring and moaning at me, lose the Tee and come help me." He kissed my lips once before moving to my neck, nibbling and sucking on the delicate skin making me moan. "Please."

"I thought you were quizzing me about my life." I answered breathlessly as his warm, wet lips moved up and down my neck. I felt him smile against my skin before answering.

"I was but I found something more interesting." He pulled back and looked at me, his eyes darkening with lust before pushing me back onto the floor and straddling my waist.

His lips attacked mine with force, pushing his tongue into my eagerly awaiting mouth. Moaning into the kiss Jasper rocked his ass against my hardening cock. My fingers weaved through his golden curls, pulling him closer to me. My hips bucked upwards against his ass making him growl from deep within his chest casting the vibrations against mine. Breaking apart from the kiss, his hot breath fanned my face as he sucked in deep breaths.

"Do you want to fuck me, Edward?" He asked in a husky voice.

I moaned out loud at his words, holding his hips and keeping his ass over my throbbing cock.

"Is that a yes, Edward? Do you want to feel your cock in my ass?"

"Fuck, Yes!"

Jasper groaned out loudly, biting his bottom lip. "You have no idea how badly I want to fuck you, Edward. How badly I want to feel you and make you mine." His lips crashed hard onto mine full of wanting and need.

Jasper tugged on my hair as he ground his ass against my cock. The room filled with moans and groans as we teased and tormented each other. My hands slid down his back feeling his wonderful smooth skin underneath my fingertips until they disappeared under the waistband of his jeans.

"Oh, don't let me stop you. Though I would imagine the bed would be more comfortable." A female's voice broke through our lust filled moment, stopping us both from moving.

I was mortified knowing that someone had walked in on us. My face was on fire as I felt the blood rush to my cheeks. Jasper whispered a "sorry" in my ear before getting off and looking at the woman in the room. Sitting up, I dropped my head down unable to look up at her.

"Nice of you to just walk in. Anyone would think you owned the place." Jasper said, his voice laced with annoyance at being interrupted.

"How was I meant to know you had a boyfriend? Are you going to introduce us?"

I lifted my eyes up to see a small dark haired girl who I recognized from the photo upstairs.

"Edward meet the pain in the ass, also known as Alice." He laced his fingers through mine giving them a reassuring squeeze. "Sorry babe, are you okay?" He asked softly in my ear.

"Aww, how sweet! It's nice to meet you, Edward. Sorry for um...c_umming _in at the wrong moment." She smiled. Her emphasis of the word _cumming_ didn't escape me_._

_  
_"Just what are you doing here? Don't you have things to do? People to bug the shit out of without me being involved?"

"Can I not come and see my big brother?" She said sweetly, making Jasper snort.

"Um, it's okay. I'd better go anyway. I need to study for my exams." Jasper frowned slightly at me and then shot Alice a dirty look.

"I'll go get dressed and go." Standing, I looked at Alice. "Nice to meet you, Alice."

"I'll give you a lift back, babe." I simply nodded before heading towards the stairs.

Walking up them I could hear Jasper and Alice talking to one another, or more Jasper giving Alice a round of fucks for just turning up. Pushing open his bedroom door, I smiled looking at the bed remembering last night's events. Remembering how he felt in my hands, the way he moaned and whispered my name, and the connection I felt between us. I was falling for him in bad way. Already I could feel myself not wanting to leave and wanting to spend all of my time with him.

Pulling his Tee off my head, I felt two strong arms wrap around my waist pulling me close to him. My bare back touched his chest setting my skin on fire. "I really wish you weren't leaving." He murmured while kissing my neck.

"I have to do some studying, but I would sooner be here with you." I turned around in his arms to face him wrapping my arms around his neck.

"Um, so are you free one night this week? Maybe we could go out somewhere?" He asked, tightening grip around me.

"Any night is fine by me."

* * *

_Did you like it? Was the shower scene hot enough for you? _

_Hehe anyway my lovelys hit the review button send me some love and a hug. Jen x  
_


	8. Chapter 8

_**AN/** Hi guys! Thank you to everyone who reviewed the last chapter, I am complete fail on replying, life is really, really busy right now that I just don't have the time. I do read every single review and I love seeing what you all think._

_I know I haven't updated BDBN in about two weeks, but as you can guess its a lot harder to write and is very draining, this is just a lot easier to write with my life being so busy right now, hopefully I will get an update for it by the weekend, I have started it, promise._

_Thank you to dtav for doing her thing and making it look all pretty for me, and the girls I WC'd with to get this chapter done._

_I hope you guys like this chapter!  
_

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_**EPOV**_

The days passed by so fast that I wondered where the time was going. Three weeks had passed since I met and started dating Jasper, and they had been the best three weeks of my life. Everything about him was so captivating, so intense that I craved more and more of him. I wanted to always be around him, to always spend my time with him and while I knew it wasn't possible, I couldn't help but want it. My studies were getting in the way. Training to become a vet was time consuming. The work was hard, the essay's where long and tiring, the exams were a nightmare and the summer break consisted of five weeks off.

While everyone else I knew at uni had off for something crazy, like three months, I got five weeks before we were back in. I couldn't and shouldn't complain; Vet school was hard to get into. Many of the students that were in my year had been rejected two or three times before getting in. I had been lucky and got in with my first application.

Jasper had been great while I was studying. He was always there to calm me down when I felt as though I was never going to get it. When my head felt like it was going to explode with all these words, he would sit me down, take the book off me, hand me a drink and tell me to relax. He had gone as far as to pop quiz me on my lessons, which I found highly amusing considering he didn't have a clue what half this stuff meant.

Nevertheless, Jasper continued to help me through it, offering me rewards for actually working a full hour without stopping and moaning about it to him. He wanted to make sure that us dating didn't come in between my studies, that I followed the path I was on before I met him and that I achieved my goal. I couldn't thank him enough for helping me and encouraging me through this. After every exam I would receive a text from him telling me "well done" and that he would speak to me later. These little things made my heart flutter and they increased my growing need for him.

My sexual inexperience had bothered me to no end, but to know that Jasper was crazy about me had helped smooth my fears over it. I wondered if he was falling in love with me the way I was for him. I knew he was crazy about me, he had told me so himself. But did he love me yet? The way I loved him? I didn't know and this stopped me from telling him just how I felt. Even though I never believed you should say it to hear it back, I didn't want to make myself look stupid by making this something more then it was. The fear of having my feelings laughed at was too great at the moment for me to make them known.

I had invited Jasper to my place today to meet my parents. After giving it some thought and talking to Jasper, I had decided to come out and tell them that I was dating Jasper. I had no trouble being seen with him, holding his hand and being affectionate towards him when we were out. Now I didn't want to hide from my family. Telling them worried me slightly, but I hoped they would be fine after the first shock of hearing it. The truth was I had no idea how they might act, hence the need to have Jasper with me.

I was hoping Jasper's presence would not only help me but also make them see how serious I was about Jasper and how strong my feelings for him were.

Running down the stairs, I headed into the kitchen where my mum was busy cooking for Sunday lunch. They both knew that I had invited someone along but they didn't know who. The questions had been fired at me left, right and center, as they wanted to know just who this person was, but I had kept my mouth clamped shut. They knew me and Leah had broken up and they had assumed that this person was my latest love interest. Though they weren't wrong, they just had no idea that this person was a man and not a woman.

"What time is your friend getting here?" My mother asked with her head stuck in the fridge. "Red or white? Do you have a preference? Do you know if she prefer one over the over?"

"Um...Red?" I took a guess and made it seem like a question. "My friend should be here in about ten minutes." _Fuck! _I was so nervous doing this.

"She must be pretty important, I don't think I have seen you this worked up over a girl before." She smiled at me before turning her attention back to the cooking. _He_ was important to me, very important. I was in love with him and yet he didn't know. "Have you changed again? I'm sure you had a T-Shirt on the first time I saw you this morning." She eyed me up as I looked down at my white striped shirt.

"Yeah, I thought I would change." Change? I had changed four times this morning wondering what to wear. "Mum...I," I stopped, hearing the doorbell ring and my dad walking through the back door.

"The girl has great taste in cars Edward. A nice looking Audi parked on the drive!"

Blushing nervously, I walked out of the kitchen and towards the front door. My heart was beating wildly in my chest as my hands gripped the door handle. Sucking a deep breath in, I opened the door to see Jasper standing there. A fully blown smile was lighting up his gorgeous face showing off his delicious dimples. My eyes traveled down his body drinking him in as though this was the first time I had ever laid eyes on him. A dark blue shirt covered his chest, leaving the top few buttons open and giving me just a small glimpse of his tanned toned chest. His sleeves were rolled up to his elbows, showing off his sun-kissed forearms. My eyes continued to travel lower, noticing the pair of tight fitted black jeans. He looked so fucking gorgeous that the sheer sight of him made my cock twitch in my pants.

"Hi!" He whispered out to me, smiling gently. "I brought a bottle of wine," he said lifting up his hand.

"Hey, you didn't need to." He shrugged as I moved out of the way to let him in. Closing the door behind him, I gently brushed my lips to his. I desperately needed to feel him, to have his body close to mine.

"Relax babe." He whispered in my ear so no one could hear. "You'll be fine." I smiled weakly before sucking in a deep breath and walking into the living room.

Looking excited to meet my guest, my parents were standing there all smiles, waiting for us to come in. This only made me more nervous, as I felt Jasper just a few inches behind me.

"Mum, Dad, this is Jasper. Jasper, this is my mum, Elizabeth and my dad, Edward." Seeing their faces flush with confusion, Jasper moved from behind me and stuck his hand out towards my father.

"Pleasure to met you, Mr. and Mrs. Masen." Jasper shook hands with my parents, who were now looking more and more shocked as the seconds rolled by.

"Um..." I started nervously running my hand through my hair. "Jasper is my...my boyfriend." It felt as though it were hours before one of them finally spoke, when, in fact, it had only been minutes.

Slowly, I slipped my hand down and laced my shaking fingers through Jasper's. He gave me a reassuring squeeze, as I noticed both my parents eyes watch the exchange between us. I so badly wanted the ground to open up and swallow me whole.

"You are gay? Is this what you are telling us?" My mum asked. All I could do was nod in response, not trusting my voice at all.

"Well...it's a relief." My head snapped up at my father's words. A relief? They thought it was a relief? How? That didn't make any sense at all to me.

"Edward we thought for some time that you batted for the other team. We are glad that you have finally admitted it to yourself and to us." My mouth hung open as I stared at my mother.

"How did you know?" I rasped out in a whisper.

"Mother's intuition I guess. You have never really seemed that comfortable with any of the woman you have dated." She explained with a smile on her face.

"You are...you are not disappointed?" I asked as Jasper gave my hand another squeeze. Of all the times I had imagined this conversation, I had never thought they would accept me, let alone have some sort of feeling that I was gay. Gobsmacked didn't even cover how I felt at the moment.

"No, of course not! You are happy with Jasper and that's the main thing. Now dinner won't be long. Jasper would you like a drink?" My dad asked while I tried in vain to process what had just transpired here.

"Please, that would be lovely. I brought a bottle with me, I hope you both like it." Jasper said handing over the bottle.

"Oh you shouldn't have, but thank you very much. Edward, close your mouth before it stays that way. Jasper, I'm sure you have found out that my son can be more then a little stupid from time to time." She smiled as Jasper chuckled besides me.

Watching my parents leave the room, the blush crept up my face turning me bright red. Not only had that gone better then I had dared hope for, but they had also managed to embarrass the hell out of me in front of Jasper. Tugging on my hand, Jasper pulled me to the sofa and sat down. I was in some sort of frozen state, unable to do anything right now. My mind was trying to work out if this was real or just a dream.

"That went very well, babe." Jasper whispered in my ear as he cupped the other side of my face turning me to face him. "Can I have a kiss now?" A slow nod later, Jasper's warm and soft lips touched mine in a gentle loving kiss. He broke away and looked at me with happiness radiating through his eyes.

"I love you." I whispered out, causing Jasper to move back and look at me.

_Fuck, Fuck, Fuck! I didn't just say that!_

"Excuse me?" Jasper asked, slightly shocked, but with a hint of a smirk just resting on his lips. _Think, think, think! _I couldn't repeat it. We hadn't been dating that long, it had only been three weeks. He would think I was completely insane if I told him now that I loved him.

"I said, I thank you. You told me it would be fine, and I should have listened to you. I also thank you for coming here today." I rambled out watching as confusion washed over his face.

"Really? It didn't sound like that, but you are welcome." He smiled at me. " Your parents seem nice, babe. I guess now that I have met yours, you should meet mine."

"Yeah, I would like that."

Dinner was soon ready. Taking Jasper by the hand, I led him to the dinning room where my parents were already seated and waiting for us. They exchanged knowing glances as they watched us both come in and sit down next to each other. Conversation was light as we ate. Jasper was relaxed throughout the whole thing, happily chatting to my parents about his job, his parents and his life. None of it seemed to faze him at all. As for me? I was uncomfortable throughout the whole dinner.

It seemed weird to have Jasper sitting here, next to me, with my parents, in the same room, like this was meant to happen. I was so comfortable to be with Jasper, and happy that my parents knew, but this just seemed so surreal to me. Over the years that I had buried these feelings, I had never once pictured my parents sitting across the table from me and my boyfriend. I had always imagined some woman beside me. And now, with Jasper actually here, it set me on edge. It was as if I were waiting for my dream to end and for me to wake up.

Every now and then I would feel Jasper's hand trail up my thigh lightly or give it a squeeze. He seemed so happy to be sitting here with us that I wondered if he had held some sort of doubts about this before he came. My parents smiled widely at us as they talked, both seeming to fully accept the situation very well_._ The thought did cross my mind that this was purely for Jasper's benefit, and that they would want to talk to me once he had left.

"Are you okay? You've hardy said anything during dinner," said Jasper as my parents cleared the dinner plates away leaving us both alone.

"Yeah, it's just a bit surreal, you know?" He wrapped his arm around the back of my chair, and rubbed his thumb on my back.

"I know. To be honest, I was worried coming around here today. There was always a chance that it wouldn't go this way, that it would go the other." He smiled. "I'm glad it went so well though. It would have been so awkward otherwise."

"Why did you come if you were worried how it might go?" I asked as I picked up my glass of wine and took a sip. He smirked and rested the palm on his hand on my back.

"For you. You asked me to come, to be here with you when you told them. What kind of a boyfriend would I be if I didn't support you when you needed it?" He asked, cocking his eyebrow at me.

"You came because of me?" He simply nodded at me. "Thank you." Moving closer to him, I captured his lips in a cherishing kiss that set my body on fire. "Want to come upstairs?"

"And see your room?" He snickered at me. "Sure, I can feel fourteen again." He gave me a wink and stood up from the chair, picking up his glass of wine as he went.

Heading upstairs and towards my bedroom, I felt butterflies in my stomach filling me with both nerves and excitement. Pushing open my bedroom door, I waited for Jasper to come in before I closed the door behind us. He looked around my room before turning his attention on me, with a smirking smile on his lips. He pushed me up against the door and crashed his lips onto mine, hard.

His tongue pushed its way through my lips, into my mouth exploring every part of it. My fingers found their way into his hair fisting it tightly in my hands as my head tilted to deepen the kiss. Jasper moaned as I ground my erection against his. Bringing his hands to my ass, he squeezed it tightly pulling me closer to him. Breaking apart from the kiss as he was gasping for air, Jasper continued his assault on my neck making me moan.

"Stop...please...my parents...they'll hear us." I felt Jasper smile against my neck. "Let me put some music on." He moved away from me, letting me walk towards the laptop. Feeling Jasper's eyes on me, I pushed the sensor panel to turn it back on. Shock and panic ran through me as I saw what was on the screen.

_Shit!_

Quickly closing the page down, hoping that Jasper didn't see it, I loaded up my music. "What was that, babe?" He purred in my ear, wrapping his arms around me.

"No...Nothing." My voice shook from panic . _Please, tell me you didn't see, please._

"It didn't look like nothing. Move over and let me see." My face flushed with embarrassment as he pushed me out of the way, and brought my page back up. He smirked and looked at me. "Corbin Fisher?"

"It's not how it looks." I flustered out, looking at the floor. Jasper chuckled next to me, "No, of course not. Because what it looks like is you looking at a gay porn website. Did you sign up for membership as well?" He asked, looking at me intently

"No...I...Just go, please, just go." I couldn't handle the embarrassment. I wanted to cry, to curl up in a ball and hide away from the world. He wasn't meant to see that. God! He probably thought I was some sort of dirty perv. "Go, please, just leave.", I whispered out, as my voice shook.

"I don't want to leave. I want to stay here with you and look at your porn collection." He turned to me and placed his hands under my chin, lifting my head up. "Babe, do you really think I care that you have been looking at porn? Honestly, I don't care. What do you think I do in my spare time?" I shrugged still feeling embarrassed. "Watch porn. You are not the only one who has a membership to that site. Now relax babe_, _and take a deep breath. Do you still want me to leave, or do you fancy showing me what you may have learned?"

"I'm...it's just....I mean." I fumbled my words out in a pathetic mess. Jasper chuckled at me, and placed his hands on my shoulders.

"Don't be embarrassed because you watch porn babe. And certainly don't be embarrassed because I found out you watch porn either. Remember, it's just sex. I don't want you to feel embarrassed by it with me." He was so caring with me, I truly didn't deserve to have him be so understanding about this.

"I know," I whispered out, turning away from him, and hitting play on the laptop. By the time I had turned around, Jasper was laying on my bed, his boots already on the floor.

"Come here, babe." He held his hand out to me. Taking it, I let him pull me on top of him, feeling his cock straining through his jeans. "What are the chances of your parents coming in without knocking?" he murmured to me, his hands sliding up the back of my shirt.

"Pretty small, why?" A mischievous grin spread across his face before he lifted up and crashed his lips to mine.

My tongue, this time, forced its way into Jasper's mouth, brushing against his. He tasted so good, so sweet and perfect that I couldn't get enough of him. Feeling him rock his hips against mine creating a delicious friction between us, my mind wondered how other parts of him tasted. Breaking apart from the kiss, I sat up straddling his waist, and looked down at him. His stormy blue eyes were filling with lust and darkening by the second.

"Want me to show you what I have learned?" I asked in a husky voice.

"Fuck yes, I do." Jasper panted out breathlessly. Climbing off of him, I walked to the door and turned the lock before making my way back to him.

Kneeling on the bed, I parted his legs and crawled further up until I was sitting in between his thighs. Gripping his belt, I unbuckled it, before popping the button on his pants. I pulled his zip down, my fingers ghosting lightly over his cock making him hiss in pleasure. Pushing up the sides of his shirt to reveal his well defined six pack, I slowly placed light peppery kisses all over his stomach.

Jasper moaned and arched his back as I went over some of his sensitive spots making a mental note to remember them. Moving my lips towards his hips, I trailed my tongue up, over, and around his hip bone, before biting down gently. Jasper moaned out softly, trying to keep his noises down as his back arched in pleasure. Smiling against his skin, I trailed my tongue down the left side of his V to his waistband before kissing up his happy trail of short blond hair.

His hands went into my hair tugging it gently as his breathless pleas filled my room. It gave me such a rush to know I was doing this to him, making him come unglued at the seams. Hearing his moans of delight only boosted my confidence, enticing me to carry on with what I was doing. Jasper soon became a writhing wreck, completely at my mercy. I kissed around his belly button before swirling my tongue around it and dipping it in.

"Jesus...Edward...you are fucking killing me." He moaned, his body shaking with pleasure.

Feeling very smug and cocky, I kissed my way across his stomach loving how his muscles contracted at my touch. Laying adoring kisses across his hip bone, I repeated the same process of licking and swirling my tongue around his hip bone, before softly sinking my teeth into his flesh. Jasper covered his mouth and let out a strangled cry of pleasure as I began to trail my tongue down the other side of his V. As my tongue hit the waistband of his jeans, my hands griped the sides and tugged encouraging him to lift his ass of the bed so I could pull them down.

My eyes fell on his hard cock. It was big, thick and long and just begging for my attention. It was beautiful and I ached to feel it in my mouth as I ran my tongue along the sides of his hardened shaft feeling its texture.

Starting at his thighs, I trailed kisses and licks up and across his stomach, avoiding his cock. I teasingly kept on brushing my chin across his hot cock, making it twitch and throb on his stomach. His hips bucked, as he fisted the sheets underneath him and cried out softly in pleasure. Trailing loving kisses down his other strong muscular thigh, I thought about my next move.

I had seen this done while watching intently at the porno on my laptop. I watched it not to get off, but to learn how to please Jasper. Though I knew he didn't mind, I didn't want every time we were together to result in him guiding me. I wanted to be able to do it and to just let him enjoy it.

Reaching his knee, I looked up at him to see his chest heaving and his hooded eyes staring at me. Giving him a soft smile, I moved myself until I was directly over his cock. Telling myself I could do this, I sucked in a deep breath and darted out my tongue licking his balls. The moan that left Jasper's lips was the most beautiful sound in the world. It made me even harder than I already was.

Letting my tongue come out again, I slowly ran it from base to tip letting it flick at the head of his cock. His warm silky skin felt amazing on my tongue. Starting from the base again, I ran my tongue up the side of his cock letting my tongue once again flick at the head . Jasper arched his back crying out in both pleasure and frustration, as I avoided running my tongue over his sensitive swollen head.

Repeating the same thing on the other side, I slowly pushed Jasper to ecstasy, wanting to prolong this delicious torture indefinitely. I ran my tongue over the head before running it down the sides. His cock was throbbing against his stomach, his head wet with precum that I wanted to taste but had left until last.

"Edward...Babe...Please." Jasper pleaded as I pushed the flat of my tongue up his hard cock once more. I finally passed my tongue over his slit collecting the droplets of precum.

Groaning softly at the taste of him, I kissed his head before gently pushing my lips over it bringing it into my mouth. Jasper's back arched high off the bed as he gripped the sheets biting his lip to stop the moan that wanted to come out. Sucking on his head, I tried to remember what I had seen this morning when I watched the porno**.** I knew there was no way I could take him all the way down my throat just yet**.** Hoping that I wouldn't disappoint him, I pushed my lips further down his cock.

"Your...mouth...fuck babe...it...feels amazing." He moaned out as he pushed his head back onto the pillow.

Bringing my lips back out, I held the base of his cock in my hand and swirled my tongue around his head before flicking it against his slit repeatedly. Pushing my lips back down his cock, I took him slightly further than before being careful not to gag. Coming back up his cock my tongue pushed against it feeling the thick veins against it before going back down.

My head bobbed up and down going between fast and slow as Jasper gripped his fingers in my hair. He was trying to buck his hips into my mouth wanting me to take more of him inside. Thankful that he was fighting the urge to buck his hips, I trailed my hand up his thigh ever so lightly before bringing it to his balls.

Rolling and tugging on them gently, I felt them tighten up almost instantly. His cock twitched in my mouth as I picked up my speed knowing he was close to the edge of orgasmic bliss. Sucking him harder into my mouth, I wanted him to let go, to let me please him fully, like he had pleased me time and time again in the three weeks we had been together.

"Babe...I'm...gonna cum." Jasper moaned out in a high pitched cry, before a muffled "fuck" filled my room as his cock pulsated in my mouth. Slowing my movements down a fraction, he exploded in my mouth and his back arched high off the bed. His thigh muscles trembled and twitched, as he shot stream after stream of hot cum down my throat. Swallowing all I could, I realized that the taste itself wasn't that bad. In fact, I liked the way Jasper tasted. The flavour was sweetened by the fact that I had done this to him.

Letting his softening cock slip from my mouth, I sat up to see Jasper's face covered by my pillow. His chest was heaving as a light shimmer of sweat covered his body. Tugging the pillow away from him, I saw his cheeks were filled with a lovely pink blush and his full pink lips were slightly parted.

"Did you...was it...I mean..." My confidence had suddenly left me now that it was all over.

"You have to have done that before...Babe seriously...you're telling me you learned that from just watching porn?" He asked as he raised himself up on his elbows.

"Yes." I answered honestly**.** He chuckled letting his head fall back.

"That was amazing! So much better than amazing that I can't even think of a fucking word!" He breathed out as his respiration started to return to normal.

"You liked it? Honestly? You are not just saying that to please me, are you?" He laughed and looked at me.

"You are fucking unbelievable, babe. If we were at my house, I would have screamed the fucking place down. It was that intense! Your fucking licks and kisses drove me insane. The slow fucking licks on my cock felt fucking amazing! I'm not just saying this shit, but fuck that was the best fucking blow job of my life!" I blushed as he pulled his jeans and boxers back up, leaving them undone.

"But I didn't deep-throat you." Jasper sat up and cupped the side of my face with his hand.

"So fucking what? Deep throating doesn't mean great head babe. Sure, it is nice, but I would sooner have what you have just done to me than a guy who can deep throat." He answered before crashing his lips to mine.

I parted my lips, letting Jasper's tongue meet and dance with mine. He moaned into the kiss as his hand ghosted over my throbbing cock which strained hard against my jeans. Flipping us over, Jasper began to undo my jeans as his mouth moved down my neck kissing, sucking and biting as he went.

"Lift your ass up babe." He whispered huskily in my ear. I complied, allowing him to slowly push my jeans down. Surprised when his hands ran over my bare ass he asked, "Commando?"

"I like going commando." I replied, watching as he smirked at me. "That makes two of us babe. Have you got any lube?" He asked as he ran his hand over my aching cock.

"Lube? Jasper...I'm not ready...not yet...I want-" He cut me off by chuckling at me.

"No babe, I wouldn't fuck you in your parent's house, but I do want to try something, so do you have any?" He demanded again.

A small ripple of fear ran through me as I opened my bedside drawer and pulled out a small bottle of lube. Taking it from me, he smiled and placed it beside him.

"What are you doing?" I asked, slightly nervous.

"Trust me, babe. I won't hurt you, and I will stop at any time. But I want to find your magic spot and blow your fucking mind, okay?" He bent down and placed a gentle kiss on my cock, making me shudder in delight.

I nodded to him, as Jasper laid down in between my legs. His hot wet tongue licked right up my cock from base to tip, swirling it around my head. A shiver of pure euphoric bliss ripped though me, as he sucked one of my balls into his mouth_._ His talented, knowing mouth played around with my balls rolling and sucking on them, before placing kisses up my hard cock.

My fingers threaded through his soft golden curls, as he took the head into his mouth,sucking lightly before descending down my cock. I felt the back of his throat before he swallowed around me and hummed. The vibrations sent me into overdrive, causing me to grip his hair tightly and arch my back high off the bed.

As he moaned around me, I heard the unmistakable click of the lube bottle. Bobbing his head up and down my length bringing me into a beautiful state of pleasure, he nudged my legs wider apart. Feeling slick warm fingers run smoothly towards my tight hole, I tried not to think about what was coming next. His fingers circled my hole as he sucked me harder and faster. I suddenly felt the pressure of his finger pushing against my hole.

"Jazz..." I moaned out breathlessly, his finger pushing through my tight ring of muscles. Tensing up around him, my body became torn with both pleasure and discomfort.

I didn't want him to stop. I wanted him to do whatever he had set out to try. But a small part of me was scared that this was gonna hurt. His finger hadn't moved, not even a fraction, giving me time to relax and calm down around him. Willing myself to relax and to trust him, I sucked in a few shaky breaths as well as releasing a cry of pleasure. Slowly his finger began to move in and out of me as his bobbing movements slowed down, taking me to the back of his throat time and time again.

I moaned softly, the discomforting feeling disappeared as pleasure began to take over. Having his fingers moving in and out of me felt so nice that I began to wonder what it would feel like having his cock thrusting inside me instead. Carefully he released me from his mouth, and he looked up at me with lust filled eyes.

"Are you okay?" He whispered out to me, as his finger slowly continued to thrust in and out.

"Yes...god yes!" I moaned out breathlessly, as I stayed on my ultra high. My breathing was hard and heavy making me feel light headed as my body took in large lung fulls of air. He was fucking killing me with pleasure. I could die right fucking now and be completely fucking happy.

"Good, relax babe." Jasper murmured to me as he slowly pushed a second finger in. I tensed up again feeling the stretch against my muscles. It stung slightly causing an almost burning sensation to rip through me. "Breath babe, relax. You feel so warm and tight. I can't wait to feel my cock in you." He murmured as he licked up my cock.

Breathing again, I began to relax at the intrusion and got used to the feeling of his fingers inside me. Jasper watched me intently as he moved his fingers slowly in and out of me making me cry out in pleasure. Curling his fingers, he swept them across me hitting something that sent an intense tingly feeling throughout me which knotted in my stomach.

My back arched as I fisted the sheets besides me. He continued to sweep his fingers across this sensitive spot again and again making me almost scream in pleasure.

"I found your magic spot then." He whispered just before he took my cock back into his mouth.

Taking me right down his throat, he hummed and swallowed around me as his fingers flicked against my spot over and over again. Emotions and feelings that I had never felt before crashed through me. My body felt completely alive with ecstasy as he continued to rub his fingers against me pushing me closer and closer to the edge.

The knot in my stomach tightened as my body was swept up in a heightened tingly sensation that gripped every inch of me. My body trembled as I felt the swell of my orgasm being to nip at the edges of me. I knew I couldn't hold on much longer. His humming around my cock and his quickening flicks against that sensitive spot were driving me insane.

My body ripped and shook as the orgasmic waves crashed over me. Crying out loudly, I exploded into his awaiting mouth. The muscles in my stomach contracted almost painfully hard as I experienced the most powerful orgasm of my life. The sheer intensity of it left me shaking and trembling as my body tried to come down from it's high.

"Jasper...I..." I couldn't get my words to come out. Nothing made sense as my brain swam in a misty haze of post orgasmic bliss.

Jasper chuckled as he got off the bed and walked over to the box of tissues on the side pulling a few out and wiping his hand. He threw it in the bin and walked back to me.

"How was that for you?" Jasper asked while I pulled up my jeans and sat up, resting my head against the head board. Jasper crawled up over me and placed a gentle kiss on my lips.

"That...wow... I haven't felt anything like that before." He smiled beautifully at me, showing a set of adorable dimples in his cheeks.

"I'm glad I made you feel that way, babe." He chuckled slightly. "Though you might have been heard by your parents. Should I climb out the window to go home?"

"Crap, do you think they heard?" I could feel the blood creeping up my face turning my cheeks bright red.

"I wouldn't put it past them. You were pretty loud, but the sounds you made were incredibly sexy." He sat up straddling my waist. "I should go. You have your final exam tomorrow before you break for the summer." Wrapping my arms around his waist, I pulled him back down to me not wanting him to go just yet.

"Stay, please." I whispered in his ear before breathing in his scent. "Don't go yet. I don't need to study." I pleaded.

"Yes, you do. I'll tell you what, how about tomorrow night I take you out to celebrate? We could go for a meal somewhere nice, just me and you. Or if you want, you could come round? I'll cook and we can watch a DVD together?" He asked looking down at me.

"You can cook? I won't get food poisoning, will I?" I joked as his slapped my chest playfully.

"Don't get cheeky or I'll never make you feel like that again." He cocked his eyebrow at me while smiling playfully. "So what's it to be tomorrow, babe?"

"Dinner at yours and a DVD sounds great, but if you want to go out then that's fine with me." He pursed lips together while tilting his head, thinking about it.

"I guess if you are at my place, I won't have to keep my hands to myself. Though the living room still isn't done, so a DVD will have to be watched upstairs." He smirked. "Actually, the more I think about it, the more I like the idea of you coming round."

"Sounds fine to me." My body ached as he got off of me and pulled his boots back on. My body yearned for him, to feel him close to me. Him leaving was beginning to hurt. I wanted to fall asleep with him next to me, and wake up in his arms.

"You gonna see me out then?" He asked as he gave himself the once over in the mirror. His hair was slightly messier then it had been when he arrived this afternoon, but he still looked gorgeous as ever.

Climbing off my bed, I straightened myself out before taking his hand and leading him out my room. The slow gentle tingles ran up my arm as our fingers locked together. This was one feeling I never wanted to lose. I always wanted to feel this sensation from holding his hand. Reaching the front door, I opened it and stood on the porch with him. The air was slightly cooler now as rain had been forecasted for this evening. Brushing my cheek with his thumb he smiled at me, his eyes lighting up as he looked at me.

"I had a nice time today, babe." He whispered before closing the distance between us. His arms wrapped around my waist as he stared into my eyes. "Go study babe, and I'll see you tomorrow."

"Jasper...thanks for being here today." He smiled as he brushed his lips with mine. "You are welcome, babe." Bringing his lips to mine again, his tongue pushed its way through my lips and into my mouth brushing and twirling with mine. So much flowed through the kiss, so many emotions were passed between us. My feelings for him were pouring into the kiss as I fell deeper and deeper in love with him.

"I'll see you tomorrow babe." He whispered as he broke apart from the kiss. Unwrapping his arms from around me, he pulled his car keys out his pocket and slowly began to walk towards his car.

"You gonna text me the time to be at yours?" I asked sticking my hands inside my pockets. Flashing me a smile, he opened his car door. "Of course, I'll call you later, once you have pulled in a few hours of studying."

"Fine, I'll study, okay?" I huffed. Looking at those books was the last thing I wanted to do right now, but I did only have one more exam left, and then I had five weeks of not having to look at them at all.

"Speak to you later babe." He closed the car door and started the engine. He pulled off the drive giving me a wave before disappearing out of sight. Sighing, I turned and headed back into the house to study with my mind thinking about tomorrow night.

* * *

_So...Was it hot enough for you? Did you guys like Edwards first time? _

_I do love this Edward, I think he is my fave out of all my Edwards...He's just so cute!_

_Anyway you know what to do, hit the review button and drop some love, Jen x  
_


	9. Chapter 9

_**AN/ **Hi! I know its been weeks since I last updated this fic, or any of my other two. Real life has been crazy, I have had another project that I had to have my full attention and so everything else just got pushed to the side. _

_I hope your all still interested in this story...though I don't blame you if your not reading it now, it has been so long since I updated, can anyone remember what was happening last? _

_Anyway for those that don't know and my be interested, I am currently posting a Vampire fic, it was written for the support Stacie auction and the girls who brought me have been kind enough to let me post it. Its Called Crimson Love and Biting Jealously, go check it out if your interested. _

_Thanks to my girls dtav and Ealasaid 77, for making this chapter look all pretty and readable._

_Hope you enjoy the chapter!  
_

* * *

_**EPOV**_

_'Tick,Tick,Tick'_

The sound of the clock ticking was driving me insane. It was teasing and tormenting me, bringing me a mixture of sheer hell and heaven. Nine minutes remained. Nine either very short or very long minutes, depending on the situation. For me? I couldn't decide. My paper was finished and had been for the last three and a half minutes. After a quick look around the hall, I noticed I was the only one finished which made me worried.

_Did I answer it all right? Did I miss something? I must have. FUCK!_

Flicking through the papers, I saw nothing that I could have missed. But why had I finished and no one else? I could see the eyes of other students looking at the clock as panic washed over them. They knew those last nine minutes would fly by. For me though, these nine minutes were killing me. Deciding that if I had missed something I didn't have time to correct it anyway, I chose to sit and stare at the clock, wanting nothing more than time to hurry the fuck up so I could go and begin my five weeks of freedom, and of course see Jasper.

_Hmm,__Jasper._

We had spent over an hour on the phone last night chatting mindlessly about nothing of any importance. Discussing why coffee was better than tea, and Pepsi was better than Coke. Jasper had disagreed with me on the last one. He had kept things light not letting anything of any major importance filter in, just to keep me calm. He seemed to know just what to do to keep me calm and relaxed; just like with everything else between us.

_Four minutes to go! _

My eyes stared once again at the clock that was keeping me prisoner here. Why they couldn't have a rule where once you're finished you could leave I did not know. Sitting here seemed pointless, I had finished. Well I thought I had, but that niggling doubt was sitting in the back of my mind that maybe I hadn't done everything.

I couldn't wait for tonight. I wanted to see him now but knew that it was impossible. He was working and I had arranged to go to the pub after the last exam with a few of my friends to celebrate ending our exams and any work load for the next five weeks. Seeing Jasper was going to have to wait until tonight, though, what I wouldn't give for just a few seconds with him right now. That thought made me smile. Jasper had swept into my life like a tornado, uprooting everything that I knew, and causing utter carnage with my emotions. But I had never been happier then I was right now. I was so content with how my life was, falling in love for the first time, and enjoying the new and exciting things that came along. I just wondered when my bubble would burst.

Movement around me broke me out of my train of thought that I had been so wrapped up in. Collecting my things and my exam paper, I headed to the front desk and handed it in. Breathing a sigh of relief, I walked out of the room and into the corridor where my friends had gathered.

"Thank fuck that is over," Riley said as we began making our way out of the building. "I have so fucked it, and I mean fucked it. I had to go back to question four, dude. I am gonna have to resit it." I couldn't help but chuckle. Riley had this magical way of just knowing it, whatever we were told. Riley soaked it up like a sponge and could easily recall it at any moment.

"I doubt it. If you have to resit it then what about the rest of us? Edward seemed to be relaxed for the last fifteen or so minutes. He was busy smiling away while staring off into space. Who put that smile on your face?" Sam asked.

The heat slowly crept up my cheeks. _Fuck. _Had I really sat there smiling to myself while thinking of Jasper? Running a hand through my hair, I dropped my head down as we walked through the main doors feeling embarrassed that I had been so lost in my own world that I didn't even realise I was smiling like a fool.

"And who the hell is that hottie?" Angela's voice cut through my thoughts. Lifting my eyes up off the ground, they travelled up his body.

Light blue jeans that were covered in all sorts of crap sat dangerously low on his hips. A white tight Tee covered his chest, accentuating his tight pecs and broad shoulders. The material pulled tightly around his biceps as his arms were folded over his chest. His golden locks were tied back in a ponytail showing off the strong line of his jaw, which was sprinkled with stubble. Seeing me looking at him, he smirked at me and swept his pink tongue over his kissable lips.

"I'll not be a second guys, I'll catch up to you." Walking away from my friends, I headed towards a smug looking Jasper.

"Hey, babe," his beautiful voice wrapped around me clouding my head and making my heart rate pick up. His face broke into a breathtaking smile showing me a set a perfect white teeth and dimples that sent my stomach in knots.

"What are you doing here?" I asked slightly confused to see him. The last I knew, I wouldn't see him till tonight.

Chuckling, his eyes roamed my form. "You would sooner me not be here?" he asked, almost sounding hurt.

_Shit! _I made it sound as though I didn't want him here. Looking to the ground, I nervously ran my hand through my hair wondering why he even bothers with me when all I do is the wrong thing.

"I... I didn't mean it like that," I mumbled, unsure of how to fix my stupid blunder.

"Babe, I'm playing with you. I know what you meant." He slowly reached his hand out and touched my chin lifting it up so I could look at him. I caught sight of his eyes flicker towards my friends, his hand dropped away suddenly as though my touch burned him.

Confused by his sudden change in affection, I moved back slightly. Jasper had never acted like this; he openly kissed me and held my hand in town, when we were at a restaurant, even in front of my parents. I had always assumed he was comfortable in his own skin, that he wasn't ashamed to be who he was... Had I got that all wrong?

Jasper's eyes narrowed at me slightly seeing me move away from him. He sighed running his hand over his ponytail looking almost defeated. _What was wrong with him? Had I done something wrong? _Thinking back, I tried to pinpoint where I had gone wrong, what I could have done to set him off and make him feel uncomfortable.

"Jazz?" I reached out and touched his hands letting my fingers lace through his. "If this is because of my friends..." I trailed off unsure of what to say next. He smiled and tugged my arm pulling me close to him. We were just centimetres apart; his warm breath fanned my face. It was a coffee and mint mixture.

"Yes, but I take it you either don't care or they know." He smirked at me. "Still, I thought I would play it safe even though I am dying to kiss you." The tip of his pink tongue came out and wet his lips, quickly.

Without thinking, I dropped his fingers and placed my hands on his hips gripping him firmly. My lips crashed hard onto his taking advantage of his slightly parted lips to push my tongue into his warm haven. Jasper's arms wrapped around me resting on the base of my back holding me in place as he tilted his head to deepen the kiss.

My body tingled all over as though it was being hit with a thousand tiny pins. Pleasure crashed through me casting me off into a euphoric state of bliss. His mouth, his lips, his touch, everything about him was like heaven, so pure and perfect. I became lightheaded, feeling a fuzzy state lay over me as though I was drunk. He was so intoxicating to me; I craved more and more of his wonderful drug.

Moaning, our lips parted. An exquisite smile spread across his plump lips making me wonder if he felt the same as me when we kissed. Staying locked in our embrace, I bit my lip trying to control myself from going any further. My cock was as hard as rock and straining against the denim of my jeans. My hips wanted to rock against his, to feel his cock brush against mine.

"How was your exam, babe?" My eyes stayed focused on his lips watching them move so gracefully that I couldn't help but have flashes from last night. Seeing his lips descending slowly down my cock in my mind's eye I whimpered making Jasper chuckle. "You're not thinking about the exam, are you?" Hearing his voice brought me back out of my thoughts and brought a sense of realization with it.

_Had he just heard me whimper? Did I whimper louder than I had thought? _Feeling the heat creep slowly up my cheeks, I nodded.

"Last night," I whispered, unable to stop myself from admitting everything to him.

Jasper moved closer to me and whispered in my ear, "me too," in a husky voice that made my cock twitch. "Your exam, babe?" Jasper asked again with a slight smirk.

"I don't think I did too well. I finished about twelve minutes before everyone else," I grumbled out.

"I'm sure you did fine, babe. Stop worrying." Jasper's hands rested at the top of my ass. "You looking forward to tonight?"

"Hmm, food poisoning, just what I'm after," I joked, receiving an almost painful squeeze off him. Yelping slightly, Jasper raised his eyebrow to me. "I'm joking, what are you making?"

"You're not getting anything other than a sore ass if you carry on," he playfully scolded me. "It's a surprise, babe, one in which I hope you like."

"I'm positive I will. Want me to bring anything?" I asked, letting my fingertips play with the hem of his Tee.

Jasper chuckled and shook his head. "Only yourself, babe." He brushed his lips with mine. His soft lips moulded to mine perfectly as I shivered in delight. "I need to head back," he whispered as he broke away from the kiss. "And your friends are waiting for you. I'll see you tonight." With a parting kiss, Jasper got back in his work van.

Not wanting to look like a complete and utter love sick nutter I turned and headed back towards my friends. My lips still tingled from his kiss goodbye, but a slightly uneasy feeling settled in my stomach. I had just outed myself to all my friends. Though I didn't give a shit what people thought, their reactions worried me slightly. Angela and Sam both had their mouths hanging open looking at me.

"He's.... he's gay? Nooo," Angela said as I reached them.

"Masen... Shit... You're... gay... When?" Sam stuttered out. Nervously, I ran my hand through my hair while looking down.

_Shit! Are they even going to want to talk to me again?_ I thought while looking at the ground. Yeah, I didn't care what people thought, but these were my friends. I wanted them to still accept me. The thought of spending the next few years being out of my small group of friends was a little daunting.

"Screw Edward being gay... No offense, Edward, but did you not see the fucking golden haired god? Shit, I wanna be a man and gay if there are men that look that fucking good." Angela stunned me with her remark. I hadn't expected her to go that way.

"You're telling me, Sam, that you seriously didn't grasp that Eddie boy here batted for the other team? Come on, he screamed he was gay." Riley placed an arm around my shoulder. "For what it's worth, I don't give a shit. I'll just have to watch my ass around you."

"Thanks," I muttered. "What do you mean, you knew? How?" This was like my parents all over again.

"Edward, that fine piece of ass you were dating you never nailed her. That makes you either blind or gay," Riley answered.

"Am I the only one that didn't figure out Edward's a fudge packer? Sorry, but I'm a little fucking freaked right now. Edward, man, we've showered together at the gym... You've seen me naked... Were you looking?" Sam almost demanded at me.

"What? No, of course I wasn't." I defended, wishing that the ground would open up now and swallow me whole.

"Yeah right, a free fucking show for you to store in the wank bank. It's fucking disgusting." Sam's russet coloured skin grew redder as the anger boiled underneath the surface.

"Sam, come on," Angela tried to reason with him.

"Come on what? He's not been raking his eye over you for later," Sam growled.

"I haven't. Sam, I'm not interested in you. Honest to God, I'm not. I never said anything because... well, Jasper is the only guy I have dated. It's all pretty new to me." Sam's facial expression didn't change at my confession.

Giving up, I began to walk away. There was only so much I could say. If he believed that I had been checking him out then nothing I said was going to change that. I didn't want him or any of my friends to think that I had been looking at them like that. Heading towards my car, I decided to just head home and get ready for tonight. Fuck Sam and his narrow mindedness. If he couldn't handle this then that was his problem, not mine.

"Edward, Edward, wait up." I turned to see Angela running to catch up with me. "Edward, just ignore Sam. He'll get over it, he's just a little shocked that's all." Shrugging, I leaned up against the side of my car.

"Angela, I really, really don't care. Sure I don't want everyone to stop talking to me, but if they do, then they do. For the first time in my life I'm happy, really and truly happy. Nothing or no one is going to spoil my happiness; whatever anyone wants to think, let them." Breathing a sigh of relief, I closed my eyes. It felt so good to get it off my chest. To know that I wasn't lying when I said I didn't give a shit what people thought.

"You looked happy with him. It's the happiest I have ever seen you, Edward. How long has it been? Still in the honeymoon period?" The heat began to creep up my face as I looked down and nodded with a silly grin on my face.

"Um... about three weeks now. Yeah, I guess you could say we are." Smiling I looked up to see Angela beaming at me "What?"

"You. Look at you, the slightest mention of your relationship with him and you look as though you're going to burst with happiness," she said, before adding. "Though him being gay is really unfair to the female race."

Chuckling at her, I answered, "For you, yes. For me, no." Angela laughed.

"Are you still coming for a drink? Screw Sam, I'm sure Riley has talked to him." I thought about it for a minute.

"No, I'm gonna head home. This has kinda spoiled my mood slightly." She sighed and looked over at Riley who was talking to Sam.

"Okay, keep in touch over the summer break okay? And I want to know how things go with you and the blonde god." She pulled me into a hug. "Don't worry about Sam," she whispered in my ear. Her comforting hug had little effect on me. Not because I needed comforting over Sam being nothing short of a prick, but because they weren't the set of arms my body craved.

"I'm not and I will," I answered pulling out of the hug. "Have fun over the summer." She smiled warmly before I opened the car and got in.

Letting out a long slow breath, I started the engine. My eyes closed for just second as I began to giggle. The silly, stupid sound of a giggle was trying to break out into a full blown laugh as I thought about what had transpired. In front of my friends I outed myself, just like that. Without so much as a passing thought to what they may think I kissed Jasper when he had been trying not to out me until I was ready. Their reactions shocked me. Riley had known, or at least had his suspicions about me. Angela didn't seem to care, other than her trying to wrap her mind around Jasper being gay. Now Sam? Sam did surprise me.

Pulling out of the car park, I happened to glance at my friends. Sam was still visibly pissed off and both Riley and Angela were trying to calm him down. How could me being gay really cause such a stir within him? I got and understood his reaction to a degree. He was one hundred percent right in what he had said. I had seen him naked in the showers at the gym. I had been in many situations with him that if it were the other way around I, too, would wonder if he had looked and stored those images away for later. The difference was that I would accept what he was saying if he said he wasn't remotely interested in me. Why would I do anything other than believe him?

You don't pull apart what a friend says. You trust them, and you believe them when they tell you things. Why should this be anything different? Was it really stupid to think that in this day and age there were people who still acted that way towards gays? I guess it was, and that only left me to question my own stupid intelligence.

Arriving back home, I chatted to my mum. I told her how my exam had gone and how I had spent the last twelve minutes or so wondering if I had gone wrong somewhere. She was unbelievably proud to see me training to become a vet, and she said that she wished she had my brains. It was nice to sit and chat with just my mum even if she continued to ask me questions about Jasper. She wanted the full details of how we met, which in turn earned me an earful and a frowned look as she told me how wrong I was to start something with Jasper when I was still with Leah.

Around six I decided to head upstairs and get ready to see Jasper tonight. Just thinking of his name made me smile like a fool. The happiness I felt wasn't like anything I had ever felt before. The butterflies were floating around my stomach making me giddy and unable to stay still. My body felt as though it had been wired up to the max and was being hit with shock after shock of electricity making me want to rush to be with him. It was stupid. I wasn't a silly teenager, yet I felt as though I was with all these emotions coursing through my veins. Was this really what it felt like to start a new relationship with someone and actually be interested in them?

While showering and shaving I tried to calm myself down. My excitement was starting to get the better of me. I finished washing in record time just so I could get dressed and go see him now. He had taken over my brain. Knowing I was seeing him in a few short hours was killing me, but this morning it didn't bother me. Why was that? What made the difference in these last few hours?

Coming out of the bathroom, I stood in front of my wardrobe looking at the contents as though this was the hardest decision in my life. _Fuck!_ It was dinner at his place and a DVD. I had been round countless times before and had dinner with him. Why was tonight so bloody different? Oh that's right, because this dinner was planned. The others hadn't been and this date felt special. Him wanting to cook for me made it all seem so real. I had wondered if he felt the same way as me, wondered if this meant anything to him. Maybe it did mean more to him than I had thought?

Finally pulling out a pair of black jeans and a deep, almost brick, red shirt, I changed before looking at my hair in the mirror. It was a little damp and already standing out in all different directions. _Why must I have such shit hair? _I thought to myself as I opened the small pot of wax and dabbled some on my palm. Warming it up in my hands first, I ran it through my hair in some attempt to control it and make it look somewhat decent. Giving up, I grabbed my phone and car keys and made my way downstairs.

"Edward?" _Fuck, what now?_ Grumbling under my breath, I walked into the living room where my parents were both curled up on sofa together, a glass of wine in their hands smiling at me. "You going to Jasper's now?" my mum asked.

"Yeah. Why?" I asked looking between the two of them. My dad looked embarrassed and I wondered if he was having trouble accepting the fact that I was gay even though he hadn't said anything to me yet about it.

"Are you coming home or staying at Jasper's?" She smiled at me while my dad wiped his face, slowly.

"I'm staying the night." My dad's eyes grew a little wide at my words effectively killing my happy mood. "I gotta go, bye," I mumbled whilst turning away and heading towards the front door.

Sighing, I got in the car pushing away the picture of my dad's face when he heard I was staying the night at Jasper's. I didn't want him to kill my mood completely, but it still sat there. His reaction with his wide eyes and the wiping of the face. Maybe I should talk to my mum and see what she thinks? Then again I didn't want to have that sort of chat with my mum. I wanted to talk to Jasper to see what he had to say about it all. But at the same time, did I really want to bring up this topic over dinner?

I did want to talk to him though about how Sam had reacted. Did the same sort of thing happen to him when he came out? Did they ever get over it and accept it or did they just stay that way? Were they always thinking there was something more than friendship and convincing themselves you were checking them out? I guess I never really thought about how my friends would act. It seemed unimportant to me at the time, but there was no denying the slight feeling of hurt when I heard Sam say those things.

Pulling up outside Jasper's house, I cut the engine and got out. Walking towards Jasper front door, my mood lifted slightly at the thought of seeing him again. The front door opened before I even reached it and there stood Jasper grinning at me dressed in all black with his curls hanging down.

"Hey, babe," he said as I approached the door.

"Hi," I mumbled out, sounding less happy than I had intended to.

His arms wrapped around my waist pulling me closer and flush to his strong body. He smiled softly before brushing his lips gently against mine while we stood on the doorstep. "Missed you," he murmured against my lips making my heart flutter.

"Missed you too, and I'm happy to see you right now." He pulled away and looked at me. His eyes were covered in concern as he looked at me. Taking my hand he pulled me into the house.

"What's happened? Edward, what's wrong? Talk to me, please," he pleaded with me as he led me through the house and into the kitchen. My nose was filled with a delicious aroma of food that made my mouth water.

"Something smells good." He smiled at me, letting go of my hand and opening the fridge to pull out a bottle of wine.

"Thank you, now tell me what's happened?" he asked popping the cork on the wine bottle and pouring out a glass.

"Sam, one of my friends, acted strange towards me when he found out. He started saying things like, 'did I fancy him', or 'have I been checking him out for the wank bank'. It just kinda stung a little bit to hear it from him, you know?" Jasper handed me a glass of wine and kissed my forehead.

"Babe, it's a shock, that's all. Give him time to think it through and if he still continues to act this way towards you then you know he isn't worth your time. People say things when they are shocked, not really thinking it through, and not looking at the whole picture beforehand. Don't worry about it. What about the rest of your friends?" he asked resting his hands on the table and looking at me.

"Angela was great over it. In fact, she was more upset that you were gay and unavailable to the female population." Jasper laughed, breaking into a breathtaking smile that made my heart miss a beat. "Riley said he knew all along, or at least had a suspicion that I was gay. They both took it really well unlike then Sam."

"That's good. Babe, don't worry about one prick when there are hundreds out there. So, how have your mum and dad handled it?" I screwed my face up at the mention of my dad. Jasper touched my cheek, running his fingertips lightly down it until he reached my chin and lifted it up. "Well?"

"My dad looked really uncomfortable when I was leaving. His eyes grew wide when I said I was staying the night." I sighed. "Do you think he's rejecting me?" Jasper shook his head and pulled out a chair sitting down and taking hold of my hand.

"Your dad isn't rejecting you, he wouldn't have acted the way he did on Sunday if he was. He has now slept on it, babe. It's a little uncomfortable for him to think his son is with another man, doing things with him. He more than likely doesn't know what to say at the moment. Babe, I went through this with mine, and it was a little awkward at first. He didn't really know what to say when I mentioned boyfriends. He fussed with the paper or suddenly found the cricket game really interesting when I brought it up." Jasper chuckled. "It was like you could see him thinking, 'please don't mention sex, please don't mention sex'. I don't know about you, but when I was growing up the sex talk came from my dad. Suddenly, he finds out I am gay and everything he told me about sex means fuck all because I wasn't about to do it with a woman. He was worried I might suddenly start questioning him on gay sex." He chuckled again and took a sip of his wine.

"So you think he is worried I may go to him about it or bring it up?" I asked feeling a lot better.

"I think so. Your dad just needs to find that comfort zone again like mine did. A few days from now you'll have a little chat and it will be fine. He wants you to be happy, remember that." He got up from the table and walked towards the oven. "Dinner should just be about ready, hope you like it."

"Yeah, I've already got my bed booked in the hospital for food poisoning." I smirked, watching as he frowned at me.

"You really don't think I can cook? I am disappointed in you. I hope it chokes you." The playful smile on his lips as he spoke told me he was only playing.

Deciding to play along a little bit more, I said, "So will you give me the kiss of life if I happen to be choking?"

Chuckling, he walked back towards me and stood behind me running his hands down my chest while he kissed up my neck, working his way towards my ear. "I think if I gave you the kiss of life, you would owe me your body in return, and I would be able to do anything I wished," he whispered in my ear in a husky voice. The heat began to run up my face turning my cheeks pink, Jasper chuckled. "That's better. For a moment I wondered where you were. Not that I mind the more confident Edward."

"You like to see me embarrassed?" I asked as he walked back to the oven and pulled dinner out. I have to admit it smelled even better. "That smells so good." He looked over his shoulder at me and smirked.

"I hope you like it, babe. And yes, I love that pink tinge to your cheeks when you get embarrassed. It's cute as fuck. Having said that though, I am happy to see you being more confident around me, feeling more confident in your own skin," he said while serving up dinner.

"I guess I am starting to feel more comfortable now. So what is for dinner?" He smiled and placed the plate in front of me.

"Taste it and I will tell you. I want to know what you think before I tell you what it is, and yes, it's chicken before you ask." He sat down next to me and watched me cut up a small piece of chicken and take a bite.

I moaned at the wonderfully sweet, almost honey taste that coated the chicken. Taking a bite of the creamy pasta topped with Parmesan cheese, I moaned again as it complimented the chicken perfectly. Jasper was watching me intently, his eyes bright and twinkling at me as he smiled.

"You like it, huh?" he asked, I nodded taking another bite. "It's chicken coated in maple syrup and gnocchi pasta topped with Parmesan cheese. Nice, isn't it?"

"Amazing! How did you end up putting maple syrup on chicken? It seems like a strange thing to put on it." Jasper laughed and took a sip of wine before he spoke.

"You know, the first time I tried it and they told me what it was, I screwed my face up and said I wasn't eating it. I'm not a big fan of maple syrup anyway, but Alice convinced me to at least try it and I have to admit I am very glad I did," Jasper answered.

We chatted throughout the rest of the meal, catching up on each others' day as we enjoyed the evening the together. The more he talked, the more I fell in love with him. It was so easy to talk to him. It was as though I had known him my whole life, and nothing he said bored me. Even when he spoke about his job and what was happening on the site, he just seemed so perfect. How did I end up dating someone as wonderful and caring as he is? I can't imagine there are many men that would put up with my embarrassment and lack of inexperience, yet Jasper took it all in his stride and never once made me feel stupid for having no clue what I was doing.

Half a bottle of wine later and a full stomach, we cleared the dinner table together. While loading the dirty plates into the dishwasher and refilling wine glasses, I noticed Jasper had a beautiful flushed glow to his cheeks. He was smiling widely at me, showing me his dimples and prefect white teeth. His happiness was radiating from him

"You look happy," I suddenly said, and flushed with embarrassment the moment the words left my mouth. Running my hand through my hair, I cursed myself for letting my own inner musing just run out of my mouth like that.

"Well," Jasper stated, placing the bottle of wine on the side and wrapping his arms around my waist. "I am happy. Very content, in fact, aren't you?" I grinned at him and gave him a small peck on the lips.

"I am. I'm just overwhelmed by how wonderful you are." I chuckled at my own cheesy line. "That was lame and cheesy wasn't it?"

"Just a bit, but there is nothing wrong with lame and cheesy every now then in life. People are lying if they say they don't do it. We all do shit behind closed doors." He unwrapped his arms from around me and picked up the bottle of wine and his glass. "So it's DVD time. I have already chosen one I want to watch and if you don't like it, well that's tough. You can choose next time." He smirked at me over his shoulder and walked out of the kitchen hitting the light switch as he went.

"What DVD is it?" I asked following him through the living room and up the stairs towards his bedroom. Walking into his bedroom, he hit the switch on the bedside lamp creating a warm, gentle glow in the bedroom.

"It's nothing recent. In fact, it's pretty old, but I wanted to see the original and I heard it's way scarier then the updated one." I nodded sightly making Jasper chuckle. "Not a fan of horrors?"

"I don't mind them, just wasn't expecting you to pick a horror, that's all." I was lying though my teeth. I hated horrors. Jasper raised his eyebrow at me questioningly as he set up the DVD player as though he saw through my lie. If he did, he didn't push it further.

Toeing off my shoes, I climbed onto the bed and waited for Jasper to join me. Turning off the bedroom lamp as the starting credits began, the room was filled with darkness and Jasper laid next to me on the bed. I could feel my heart begin to pick up as the film began. Even though I tried to tell myself it was due to Jasper proximity, which certainly wasn't helping matters, I couldn't deny that the film was scaring me.

Jasper's arm wrapped around me, making me jump and yelp a little. Jasper chuckled and pulled me closer to him. "You're perfectly safe, babe, I'm here." Cuddling into him, I tried to relax and tell myself that none of this shit was real, but it played on my mind. Stopping myself a few times from asking him to turn it off, I told myself that I would only end up looking like a child if I did that. The movie wore on, and I was getting convinced it was never going to end. It seemed to be the longest movie in history.

By the time it ended, I was gripping tightly onto Jasper as my heart raced. Pulling my fingers off his sides, Jasper sat up and flicked the light back on before turning to look at me.

"You hate horrors, don't you? Why didn't you just say so, babe? We could have put something else on. I hate to think I have scared you, all because I wanted to watch it." I shrugged before downing the rest of my wine.

Jasper got off the bed and stretched before rubbing one of his shoulders. I watched him work his shoulder, rolling it around while slightly screwing his face up. "You okay?" I asked as he turned off the DVD player and TV and walked back to the bed.

"Yeah, I'm okay. I pulled it slightly at work so it's a bit stiff." He smiled and kneeled on the bed.

"Take off your shirt and let me give you a back massage." Jasper slowly began to unbutton his shirt.

"Is this just your plan to get me to remove my clothes?" he asked as he undid the final button and looked at me. His shirt was hanging open letting me see a small panel of his tanned, muscular chest. My fingers ached to reach out and touch his chest having my fingers glide down over his pecs and down his abs before running them back up again.

"Looks like it's working to me." I winked and sat up on the bed as he pushed off his shirt and laid down on the bed. Straddling the backs of his thighs, my eyes ran down his sculpted back. He rested his cheek on his hands, and I had to bite my lip to stop the moan that wanted to escape from seeing his back muscles becoming even more defined. "Beautiful," I murmured while running my fingertips lightly over his skin.

He sighed as my fingertips ran up his spine and to the nape of his neck. Kneading my thumbs into his neck, I slowly began to move across to his shoulder feeling the knots under his skin. Working out the knots, I slowly moved across each magnificent inch of his back. I could hear his soft moans escape his lips as I kneaded his back. Running my hands down the sides of his back and across the base of his back, I leaned forward and began to kiss up his spine.

Slowly moving my lips up his skin, I couldn't help but let my tongue come out and taste his warm, soft skin. Running my tongue up his back, I moved a little resting my now hard cock against his ass. Jasper moaned softly as I kissed across his shoulder blades and up his neck. His skin tasted divine, I couldn't get enough of it. My hips rolled against his ass grinding my hard cock against him making him moan and pant out loud breathlessly.

Kissing up his neck and along his jaw, I slid off his back letting him turn over so I could kiss his lips. Warm, soft and slightly wet lips touched mine softly, as a wonderful tingly feeling travelled from my lips and through my body. His tongue gently pushed through my lips, caressing mine slowly as we kissed. I moaned into the kiss as he tugged my hair, pulling me closer to him. He was completely intoxicating me, taking over every part of me like some drug or higher power that left me completely unable to do anything other than let him in.

My fingers ran down his chest to his jeans. I lightly palmed him through his jeans, feeling suddenly very brave. The wine had definitely helped there. Jasper moaned and rocked his hips against my hand before I moved it up towards his button which I popped open. Jasper broke away from the kiss and grabbed my hand stopping me from going any further. Confusion washed over me as I began to panic. _Does he not want me now?_

"Babe, stop," his breathless voice sounded almost pained. _Had I done something wrong?  
_

"What? Why?" I asked suddenly feeling very self conscious of my actions. "Did I do something wrong?" My voice shook slightly as my internal battle continued. I must have done something wrong for him to just stop me like that.

"You did nothing wrong. In fact, you did everything right. But I want you to stop." My head dropped down as I became even more confused. He touched my hand, but I pulled away from him.

"You're rejecting me? Why? Don't you want me?" I asked.

He touched my chin and lifted it up, forcing me to look at him. "I want you so fucking bad, babe. I am dying to fuck you, no, dying to make love to you. I'm not rejecting you. I just don't want every time we're together to end up with us getting off. I want our relationship to be more than just sex, babe. I like us getting to know each other like this without it leading to that." He smiled softly at me. "Though I would love to feel your hand around my cock again." He chuckled softly making me blush.

"You are dying to... make love to me?" I whispered. Jasper bit his bottom lip pulling it between his teeth.

"Badly, babe, really fucking badly." Jasper rolled onto his back and stared up at the ceiling. "Are you okay?" he asked, turning his head to the side and looking at me with hooded eyes.

"Um, yeah. Just thought this was what you wanted, that's all," I mumbled whilst playing with the rich, chocolate brown bedding.

Taking hold of my hands and stopping me from fiddling with the bedding, he pulled me to his chest. Looking down at him with my hands resting on his chest, I looked at his face. Jasper's stormy blue eyes were dark and hooded, his pink lips were parted and slightly swollen from me kissing him hard. His golden curls were spread around the pillow in a halo of waves. He looked completely breathtaking and I had to thank my lucky stars that he wanted me.**  
**

"Babe, it is, but not tonight. Right now all I want to do is curl up with you in bed." He smiled before lifting his head up and capturing my lips with his in a soft, cherishing kiss. "Get undressed and get into bed," he murmured against my lips.

Getting off the bed I began to undo the buttons on my shirt. Jasper was still on the bed, propping himself up on his elbows watching me undress. Stopping with my shirt half open I looked at Jasper who was smiling seductively at me.

"Are you removing your jeans or are you just going to continue to watch me undress?" I asked, smirking slightly.

"I'm enjoying watching my beautiful boy undress in front of my very eyes. Your beauty is something that should be savored." My cheeks burned with embarrassment at his words.

Looking down I answered, "Thank you," my confidence all but gone again.

"Fucking beautiful, babe," he purred making me look up and smile at him.

Jasper slid off the bed and made his way towards me. He wrapped his arms around my waist pulling me close to him and kissing my lips gently with his, before he pulled back, looking at me with a sweet smile on his kissable lips.

"I thought you were watching me undress?" Jasper chuckled and nodded his head.

"Yeah, I was, but I can't touch you from all the way over there, and you were taking too long to come back to bed to me," he murmured while unwrapping his arms from around my waist.

"A little impatient, are we?" I asked as he kicked off his jeans and pulled back the covers before getting in.

Removing my jeans and shirt I folded them and placed them on the side as Jasper patted the spot next to him. I smiled looking at this sleepy god, holding his hand out to me, wanting me next to him. Lacing my fingers lightly through his, I got into bed before being pulled onto his arms.

* * *

_So after weeks of waiting around, was the chapter worth the wait? _

_If your still hanging in there with my awful time of update, please hit the review and tell me what you think and I'll send you a teaser of the next chapter. My way of sayng sorry for taking forever to update. Jen  
_


	10. Drabbles  JPOV!

_**AN/**Hi all! Thank you to everyone who reviewed the last chapter of S&L, I think I have replied to all, if you didn't sign in I couldn't reply and send a teaser, leave me your email or sign in next time so I send it. _

_A few of you ahve asked for a Jasper POV. Well I couldn't think of a whole chapter as it all mainly Edward, so I thought I would turn my hand at drabbles all Jasper, just to give you a little insight into his head. I hope you like them_

_Thank you to dtav, who not only gave me the prompts but edited this for me. With this being so short, and I hate to wait when I am excited_, _they have only been though dtav. But my DMT is fucking awesome anyway. _

_A thank you to My Name is Seren Dipity, I really do think she has become my muse! I right so much better when she is around!_

_Anyway, Enjoy!  
_

* * *

**_JPOV_**

_**Curiosity**_

I had to ask. The way he had captured every inch of my mind made me ask him. Waiting for the answer scared me, but I had to know.

Was this just an experiment for him to know what he wanted or did he genuinely want me?

I held my breath as I awaited his answer. My heart pounded in my chest as my palms began to sweat. _What was he doing to me? I had only known him a few days_.

Relief washed over me as he spoke. My heart rate calmed as a smile hit my lips.

He wanted me.

_**Taste**_

The first time I tasted him was heaven! He instantly became my new favourite favour.

I hadn't planned on attacking him by the canal, but I could stop myself. I had to have him.

Looking up at his gorgeous face, seeing the light pink blush caress his skin as I took him into my mouth made my cock twitch and throb with need.

Letting my lips slide down over his hard length, feeling him twitch and pulse in my mouth just before he came was divine.

Feeling his warm cum slide down my throat almost made me cum on the spot.

_**Love**_

I hadn't felt like this before. Ever. The way he made me feel whenever we touched set my heart racing.

He was addictive. I couldn't seem to get enough of him. The more I got, the more I wanted. Could I trust myself enough?

It wasn't a case of trusting him or myself to be faithful. I wasn't like that, and Edward? Highly unlikely.

But could I trust what I was feeling for someone who hadn't been in a relationship with a man before?

Could I fall in love with him and trust him with my heart?

I already had.

_**Fear**_

Even though he said he wanted me, I was still scared.

He didn't really know, did he? What if he suddenly decided that he couldn't handle being with a man after all?

Yeah, he had said he didn't care but when it all came down to it, would he really care?

The fear was in his eyes as he stood facing me outside his school. I could see it running quickly though his green eyes, mixed with emotions.

His friends, just off to the side, watching our every move.

He breathed, sucking up his fear, and kissed me, hard.

_**Embarrassment**_

__That beautiful pink blush that covered his cheeks when he was embarrassed was one of my highlights when seeing him.

I know I shouldn't. It wasn't nice to wind him up and embarrass him, but fuck, he looked hot as hell all flustered and shy.

The sheer mention of the word sex, and his cheeks turned pink. Mention what I wanted to do with him and he went bright red.

I loved it about him. He would be so confident one minute and then so shy the next.

Never thought that would appeal to me, though I hadn't met Edward before.

* * *

_So, did you like the little look? Hahaha I gave nothing way, other then how Jasper feels, sorry about that. _

_Anyway my lovely's, I am currently editing It's Fate, so all being well that update, BDBN is in the pipe line too, and the next chapter for Crimson should be out in a few days time. _

_Hit the review button and let me know what you think to my try at drabbles and being in Jasper's head, Jen x  
_


	11. Chapter 11

_**AN/** Thank you so much to everyone who reviewed the last chapter. I think I replied to everyone, if you didn't sign in to leave the review I couldn't send the tease sorry. Did you all like the drabbles? I really wanted Jasper to have his say, but I didn't want a full chapter as everything is all planned out in Edward's head. _

_So I know a few people were concerned about the teaser I sent out, hehehe, aren't I mean? It was almost like the old Jen, turning it all mean and nasty. _

_Thank you to my girls, dtav for just being the best prereader a girl can have, and Ealasaid77 who works her fantastic magic and sorts out my nasty grammar. And of course a thank you to My Name is Seren Dipity who has certainly become my muse. _

_I hope you guys enjoy this chapter, see you at the bottom  
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_**EPOV**_

__"I know you're awake, babe," Jasper whispered in my ear.

The sun was shining through the bedroom window, casting a bright orange and yellow glow into the room. Jasper's fingertips were running up and down my spine, so softly, almost not touching my skin at all. My head was turned away from him facing the window, but my eyes were shut. Hearing his soft morning whispers in my ear made me smile, but I didn't move to face him. Instead I stayed as I was, pretending I was still asleep.

"Edward, look at me, babe." His voice was closer this time, just a few inches away from my neck, but close enough to feel his warm breath fan across my bare skin. "Babe." His lips touched my neck placing soft, wet, open mouthed kisses on my skin. I shivered, unable to stop it from happening as his touch set my skin on fire. "Game's up, babe," he chuckled out, teasing his fingertips across the waistband of my boxers.

"I don't want to get up," I grumbled out, turning my head to face him. His stormy blue eyes twinkled at me as he smiled. He was so perfect.

"I know, but you have to go home at some point. We talked about this, you agreed. And besides, your mum is wanting her baby boy home." He chuckled at me making me pout.

"Don't you want me here?" I asked as he slid out of bed.

"You have been here for a week now, babe. It's time you went home." _Why did those last little words sting me so much?_ My lips formed an 'O' shape as I looked at him. "You know what I mean."

"No, Jazz please." I pouted like a child. At some point I would have to go back home, face my dad and sit down with him. But right now, that wasn't what I wanted to do.

Pulling the covers up, I covered my head in an attempt to hide. Truth was, I had been hiding here for almost a week calling home every couple of days to check in. My mum was wondering why I hadn't shown up. Not that she minded me being at Jasper's, more I hadn't come home to get any change of clothing. I admit I was being childish by hiding away like this, but I didn't want to sit and chat with my dad. And seeing him, how he acted around me when I mentioned Jasper, angered me. Jasper had spoken to me a few times over the last week trying to get me to go home and see my dad. To talk to him man to man instead of hiding, but what if he rejected me? What if my dad suddenly thought that having a gay son was somehow wrong?

"Ed..." Jasper sighed, pulling the cover away from me. "A few hours is all you need, then you can come running back here like a little girl."

"I'm not a girl," I whined causing Jasper to chuckle.

"Oh really? Then why are you hiding?" The bed dipped as he crawled back on it and straddled my waist. Leaning forward, he placed his elbows either side of my head and hovered his face just centimeters from mine. His warm, coffee laced breath fanned my face. "It won't be as bad as you think, babe."

"No, it'll be worse." Jasper chuckled and kissed the tip of my nose whilst slowly grinding his ass against my cock.

"It won't. Ed, listen, if it's a bad as you think, which I doubt, call me and I will leave the site and come and get you. Besides, you going home will mean you in fresh clothes instead of in mine." Pressing his body closer to mine, I moaned taking in a ragged breath as I felt his hard cock push against mine.

"You'll come?" I was surprised to hear him confess this to me. Sure things were going great between us, but I really thought that once I left today he would want free time away from me. "You even want me to come back here?"

"Yes. Edward, if something happens call me and I will be there in a flash. Why wouldn't I want you to come back here?" He moved his lips to my neck and began placing soft, wet, open mouthed kisses up my neck. "I have loved you being here. That's, of course, if you want to come back here," he whispered in a husky voice in my ear.

My hips bucked wanting more as I moaned out a breathless, "Yes"

"Good, come shower with me," he purred in my ear before sliding off the bed and making me whimper. "You want more? Then shower with me. Some of us have to go to work. It would be nice to have five weeks off from studying."

"I study hard I'll have you know," I pouted. Jasper laughed at me, his head tilting slightly backwards showing me the full column of his neck. "I do," I defended.

"Yeah, when you're made to." He tugged on the ends of the cover. "I will drag you to the shower if you don't move it."

"You going all cave man on me?" I chuckled.

"If I have to, but if I do that then you're going over the nearest rock and getting fucked into oblivion." My cheeks slowly began to burn at his words.

Jasper was being so patient waiting for me to be ready, but I knew he was growing tired of waiting for that day. He was making more and more remarks about fucking me, but that thought scared me. Yes, he had said he would bottom for my first time, but sooner or later he would want me to bottom for him. Jasper was a big boy, how that would ever manage to fit in there without it causing me to scream in complete agony was beyond me.

"What's wrong?" Jasper's words cut through my thoughts reminding me that I was currently laying on his bed while he pulled the cover away from me.

"Huh?" Surely I hadn't looked like I was completely lost in my thoughts, had I?

"Huh? Edward, you've been tugging and twisting the edges of the cover since I mentioned fucking you. So, what's wrong?" I shook my head as he sat down on the edge of the bed and tucked his foot under his knee. "Tell me."

"I was thinking about... um sex." The last word came out in just a whisper as the heat began to creep up my neck and cheeks.

"What about it? Us having it you mean?" Nodding was the only reply I could muster. "In what way were you thinking about it, babe?"

"Me bottoming. Jasper... that... um... I don't think, I mean its going to hurt so much." Lifting my eyes up, I looked at Jasper who sighed and rubbed his forehead. This wasn't the first time we had talked about this. We had gone through it over and over again. I'm sure this was starting to wear thin on Jasper's nerves. There were only so many times he could talk to me about this, explain it through until he just told me to forget it.

"Babe, it won't. Well maybe a little a first, but it will pass and as long as you're prepped well enough it will be more pleasure than pain." I cringed. I hadn't meant to or for him to see it, but I couldn't change my expression now that he had seen it. "You think I'm lying?"

"No, no it's not, it's... I don't know." I shrugged.

"Edward, I won't hurt you, I promise. I'll do everything to make sure it's as painless as possible." He smiled at me slightly.

"But what if you do, Jasper? What if you do hurt me really bad and I have to have stitches because of it?" Jasper got off the bed in some state of disbelief.

"Really? You think I won't give a fuck as long as I get off? Thanks, Edward." He looked so hurt, staring at me with a fire burning in his eyes that I hadn't see before.

"I'm scared," I mumbled out, though I doubted my words had any effect on him. The thought of thinking before I spoke suddenly seemed even more important now than ever. My stupidity in voicing just how scared I was had come out sounding as though I thought Jasper didn't care.

"Yeah, so I see. Scared that all I want is to get off and I don't give a fuck how it will be for you. All this time I thought I had been showing you that... you know what? It doesn't matter." He walked away from the bed and out of the bedroom slamming the door hard behind him.

It had come out all wrong. So wrong, and I couldn't take it back now. I knew Jasper would do everything to make sure it didn't hurt, but that still didn't take away the fear of it hurting. This was new to me. I hadn't done this before and it scared the crap out of me. In my attempt to get my own fears out, I had hurt Jasper in the process. Would he ever think I thought any differently now? Would he always think that all I thought was that he just wanted to get off, not giving a shit about how he got it just as long as he did?

Throwing the covers back, I climbed out of bed and made my way towards the bathroom. The shower cut off just as I opened the door and walked in. Jasper was getting out of the shower with a towel wrapped around his waist and his golden blonde curls all wet and sticking to the sides of face. Droplets of water clung and ran down his tanned muscular chest. He was so beautiful, so perfect, almost as though the gods themselves had created him.

Jasper threw me a dirty look as I closed the door behind me. Smiling weakly, knowing how badly I had fucked up with my words and lack of being able to think before I spoke, I made my way to him. Jasper never even stopped as I closed the distance between us. He continued his path towards the sink to brush his teeth. "Jazz." He snorted loudly picking up his toothbrush from the stand and turning on the tap.

Moving behind him, my heart was beating wildly in my chest as I wrapped both arms around his waist and pulled the toothbrush out of his hand. "I'm sorry, it's not how I meant it. I'm just scared that it will hurt." Feeling my nerves tremble slightly in my hand, I slowly began to run my fingertips along the hard, dented lines of his abs heading towards the rim of the towel that was around his waist. "You are big," I whispered out, trying not to let my voice shake as I slipped my hand under the towel causing it to fall to the floor.

Jasper moaned slightly as my fingertips trailed up and down his hardening cock. Slowly I began to kiss up and down his neck, feeling his damp, warm skin against my lips. Breathing in his scent, I sighed letting it wash over me. "I thought we were showering together?" I purred in his ear. My hips were slowly rocking against his ass. Jasper moaned loudly and turned to face me. Bringing his hand around the back of my neck, he crashed his lips hard against mine invading my mouth with his tongue.

Pulling back slightly, he rested his forehead against mine and his warm breath fanned my face. "I would never hurt you, Edward. When the time is right, I will do everything to make sure that I don't hurt you." His eyes blazed with so much passion in them before he closed his eyes and mumbled something I didn't catch.

"I know, and I'm sorry." I wanted to ask what he mumbled, but at the same time I didn't want to know.

Jasper opened his eyes and his stormy blue eyes had turned dark with desire. "Shut up," he demanded in a short, firm tone before crashing his lips back to mine. His fingers hooked the waistband of my boxers and pushed them down letting them fall to my feet. Stepping out of them, I slowly started to pull Jasper back towards the shower. Our lips never left each others as we climbed in fumbling with the shower, each of us unwilling to break apart from each other to look at what we were doing.

The hot water suddenly cascaded down on us as our lips broke apart. Kissing across his jaw and down his neck, Jasper's breathing came out in pants as he weaved his fingers through my hair. Pushing him up against the shower wall, I began to kiss down his chest working my way towards his right nipple. His moans filled the steaming shower as I grew a little braver. Grazing my teeth over his nipple, Jasper gripped his hands tighter in my hair and he gasped as my teeth sunk into his hardened nipple.

"Turn around, Jasper." His eyes narrowed questionably at me. "Please?" The nerves in my stomach twisted as Jasper slowly turned round to face the wall. Dropping to my knees, I ran my hands down his wet body. My fingertips tingled as I glided them over his hips and ass. My eyes followed the same path my fingers had made. Moving closer, I kissed his ass cheeks once before gently parting them.

"Ed, babe, you don't have to do this." Jasper looked over his shoulder at me as he spoke, his voice breathless and his lips slightly swollen.

Looking up at him, I saw his want and need burning heavily in his eyes mixed with so many other emotions. "I want to, please?" My voice shook slightly. _What if I did this wrong and he hated it?_

Battling with myself inside, I slowly leant forward and very tentatively ran the tip of my tongue down the crack of his ass and over his puckered hole. Jasper moaned and shivered. Taking it as a good sign, I ran my tongue back up taking my time to swirl the tip around his hole. Pushing further back to me, Jasper moaned out loud as I teased my tongue around him.

"Is it okay?" I asked, pulling back a little.

"Fuck, Edward, don't stop... please." His breathless pleas made me smile filling me with confidence to carry on.

Trailing my tongue gently back down the crack of his ass, Jasper groaned out loud again, a groan that came from deep within his chest. Hearing him make that sound went straight to my cock making it become almost painfully hard and twitch. Flicking my tongue against his hole, I tried to remember what Jasper had done the time he had done this to me. I wanted to get this right and not completely fuck it up. My tongue swirled and flicked around his hole teasing him and tormenting him with different speeds. Slowing down and speeding back up, he made the sexiest sounds I had ever heard.

Running the tip of my nose over his hole, Jasper pushed his hips backwards and closer to me. Kissing his tight hole, I trailed my fingers up the side of his thigh and round the front towards his cock. Gripping it firmly in my hand, I began to stroke him. Slow, firm, long strokes up and down his shaft while I began to flick and push my tongue against his hole at a faster pace. Jasper was moaning loudly above me, crying out in breathless pleas and bucking his hips as I ran my thumb over his sensitive head.

"Babe...Please... I need more..." he pleaded. Obliging his wishes, I quickened my pace loving the feel of his cock, so smooth and hard, sliding effortlessly in my hand. I pushed my tongue through his tight hole. "Fuck, Babe... Jesus," he cried out, resting his head on his forearm against the shower wall.

Fucking him with my tongue and quickening my peace, Jasper began to cry out in long lines of incoherent words. His thighs started to tremble as his breathing quickened. He thrust his hips more as he climbed towards his peak. Sliding my hand in between his legs, I played with his balls giving them a tug. Jasper's body stilled as he cried out shooting his cum all over the shower wall.

Slowing my pace down to prolong his orgasmic high, Jasper sucked in deep, hard breaths. Letting go of his now softening cock, I sat back on my heels as the rain forest shower cascaded down over me. Jasper didn't move. His head stayed rested on his forearm in front of him. Panic began to set in as I started to wonder if I had done something wrong.

"Jasper?" My voice was timid and embarrassed. Personally, I thought I had done a fantastic job, though I wasn't the one on the receiving end of it and it was my first time. He didn't answer me, or even look at me. He continued to pant, slowly slowing himself down. "Jasper? I'm sorry. What did I do wrong?" I heard his soft chuckle as I looked down at the shower floor working out if I should just leave him in here on his own and go.

"I just need a minute, babe." Slowly, he turned and rested his back against the wall. His eyes were closed, with the back of his head tilted slightly. A light, pink glow sat on his cheeks, neck and chest. He looked so stunning, so perfect, that I had to pinch myself to make sure that this god did actually want me.

"A minute, for….?" I asked. Jasper had suddenly started taking these minutes when we were together. No touching, no looking, no nothing. He had yet to tell me the reason why. "Is there something wrong with you, Jasper?" He nodded his head at me. Worry set in me, _what was wrong with him?_ "What is it? Are you sick?" He shook his head and chuckled before opening his eyes and looking at me.

"You really have no idea, do you?" _No idea about what? _I thought. My expression must have given away what I was thinking. "You have no idea just what you do to me. How I have to fight so hard to control myself and not take you and make you mine. I so badly want to feel you, to be in you, to feel you in me. You're killing me and you have no idea." He chuckled.

"Do I?" I still couldn't quite believe that Jasper wanted someone as inexperienced as me. Surely my constant blushing at the sheer mention of sex was enough to turn him off.

"God, yes! Come here." He held his hand out to me. Taking his hand in mine, he pulled me up and to him. Our bare chests touched as he smiled sweetly at me. He fanned his hand down my cheek and to my jaw coming to a stop at the base of my throat. "You're fucking gorgeous, Edward. Every little thing you do to me sends me into some sort of spin. It's like I'm a little girl suddenly getting noticed by her crush. You have completely scrambled me inside. All I think about is you. You're all I want, and I know you're not ready for us to move forward. This, by the way, is fucking killing me. I can wait until you're there." He kissed me softly on the lips just once. "I'm in love with you, Edward."

My heart jumped. It actually jumped up and into my throat hearing his words. A warm, soft, fuzzy feeling swarmed around in my stomach. He was in love with me. Grinning widely at him, I crashed my lips hard against his. The kiss was slow and passionate as our lips moved perfectly with one another. My tongue pushed through his lips tentatively until it touched his awaiting tongue. Brushing my tongue against his slowly, his hands weaved their way through my hair pulling me closer to him. All too soon we needed to pull away from each other for air. Happiness swelled inside of me as Jasper smiled at me. His love was suddenly there swimming in his eyes. All the times I had wondered what was flickering through his eyes, and it was suddenly there for me to see.

"By the way, that day at your parents? I heard you loud and clear." My cheeks burned as I remembered my slip up the first and only time he met my parents. "It's okay. You'll tell me when you're ready and not before. But so you know, I know anyway." He smirked at me looking like a cocky fucker for knowing it all.

"You never said?" I questioned, making him chuckle.

"That's because you didn't meant to say it. Feeling it is one thing, being ready to say it is another." He wrapped his arms around my waist securing me close to his body. "Now, it looks like I have a big problem to take of." He smirked. "Put your back against the wall, babe."

"No." Jasper looked surprised and taken aback by my answer. "I'm fine. I wanted to do this for you." Smiling, I leaned forward and kissed him. "You have work to get to."

"Screw work. I can be late." He pulled me closer to him and began trailing kisses up and down my neck. Moaning, I pulled him away seeing his eyes darken. "Babe..." he whined out.

"You said, last week in fact, that you didn't want us to just be about sex." Pushing him towards the shower door, Jasper pouted.

"I did say that, and it's true. But right now, I want to taste you. So, back against the shower wall." I shook my head at him, smiling. "Since when did you become all dominate and demanding?" he questioned. "Where has the nervous, flustered, blushing Edward gone? Where is my Edward?" My heart fluttered at the word 'my'.

"Maybe I'm just taking control to stop you from being late." He groaned loudly, screwing his face up. Leaning forward, I gave him a kiss on the lips before pushing him out the shower.

"You're worse than my mum about being late for work." He closed the shower door, letting me shower in peace. "You know, you still have to meet my folks. Maybe at the weekend you want to come with me?" he called.

My hand froze over my chest. Meeting his parents scared me. It wasn't just the whole, 'what if they don't like me' thing that everyone has. It was the whole thing of never having met my boyfriend's parents. Jasper was the only guy I had ever been out with. I had no idea just how they would be. Yes, they knew Jasper was gay, but it was more of would they act like the girlfriend's parents I had met over the years, or would they act as though I was just his friend?

"Um... sure?" I made my answer sound like a question, making him chuckle.

"They won't bite you, babe. Though I might." I heard his soft laugh as he turned the tap on. "I have been thinking. Wanna go away on holiday with me? You have a few weeks off and I can score a couple of weeks off, so what do you say?"

"Where?" I called out, washing the shampoo out my hair. Jasper's shampoo had become my favourite during our time together. I loved to use it and be able to smell it during the day. _Was that sad?_

"Where do you want to go?" Cutting the shower off, I opened the shower door and got out seeing a black towel wrapped around Jasper's waist. He was bent slightly over the sink brushing his teeth. The motion caused his ass to shake slightly in the towel. I whimpered, feeling myself growing hard and wishing I had now taken Jasper up on the offer in the shower.

"I... um... don't know. You?" My eyes were fixed to his ass, making it hard for me to speak straight.

Rinsing his mouth out and cutting the tap, he turned around to look at me smirking. He rested his hands behind him on the sink as his eyes traveled up and down my body. His smirk grew even more when he saw my erection through the towel around my waist.

"Bet you wish you had taken me up on that offer, huh?" _What the fuck?_ How could he know what I was thinking? "I don't mind. Europe, maybe. We'll talk about later if you like?"

"Sure." That would at least give me something to think about while I sat and spoke to my dad. Jasper came closer to me and wrapped his arm loosely around my waist giving me a sweet, loving, gentle kiss.

"Stop worrying about your dad. It's going to be fine. I'll see you downstairs." Giving me one last, parting kiss, Jasper left the bathroom.

Brushing my teeth and shaving, I headed into the bedroom to get changed. Chuckling to myself, I could hear Jasper shouting and swearing while looking for something. Over the course of the week I had been 'hiding' out here, I had grown so used to hearing this most mornings. Whether it was his van keys or his phone, there always seemed to be something he couldn't find in the morning. Pulling my jeans on and putting on one of Jasper's T-shirts, I ran down the stairs in search of Jasper.

"What have you lost?" I said as I leaned against the door frame.

"Nothing. One of the builders ordered the wrong stuff and guess whose job it is to go down to the yard to sort it out? Me, fucking me. Do you have any idea how much it takes to get those fat bastards to move and sort out their shit?" he fumed at me.

"No, surely it's just a case of sending it back and reordering it?" Jasper threw me a look letting me know that no, it wouldn't be that easy.

"They are builders, babe. They have to have an hour break, read the local rag, and take a shit before they even think about processing the order I just sent back. Ordering it is simple, but sending something back and reordering it? Bang, there goes my morning." he grumbled.

Chuckling, I answered, "But you're a builder. Does that mean you have to do all that stuff before you think about working?"

"Ha fucking ha."

"Well, it's true, isn't it?" Seeing the anger flash in his eyes, I decided that it wasn't the smartest move to poke fun at him.

"No, not for me. Those fat bastards give builders a bad name. Lock the door on your way out," he snapped picking up his keys and phone.

"Jazz, I'm leaving with you." Though I knew he was pissed off with work and that phone call, I couldn't help but feel a little hurt by him snapping at me.

"Fine, move it then. I have to go too." He stormed past me towards the front door. Grabbing the rest of my things, I followed him towards the front door and outside. His whole persona was screaming his annoyance.

This was really the first time I had seen Jasper mad. Sure, I had seen him lose his temper, but only ever so slightly, not to the state he was in now. He looked viscous, deadly almost. His normal, stormy blue eyes were thunderous. Slamming the front door shut with enough force to make the windows shake throughout the house, Jasper locked it muttering under his breath the whole time. I wanted to ask him if he wanted me to still come round tonight, but feared he may bite my head off. Instead, I chose to just head towards my car and hope that later on Jasper would be out of his bad mood.

"What? No kiss goodbye then? Suit yourself." His sharp tone cut through me, stopping me dead in my tracks.

Frozen to the spot, I heard his heavy builders boots crunch the loose stone under his feet as he walked towards his van. The beeping sound seemed even louder than normal as he unlocked it and got in. So badly I wanted to turn to look at him, to move over to him and kiss him goodbye, but Jasper seemed to have made his mind up and didn't want any part of it. The loud diesel engine kicked in to life followed by the unmistakable sounds of the tires against the stones. Turning my head slightly, I saw the dirty, white coloured van leave the drive and disappear down the road. Sighing heavily, I got in my car and made my way back home.

Home. There was something so off about thinking it. Over the course of the week, Jasper's place had become to feel like home. I enjoyed being there too much, much more than I should. Going to sleep and waking up next to Jasper was one of the best feelings in the world. Even watching TV together, some crap soap that happened to be on that neither of us could be bothered to turn off while we ate dinner, was great. I knew I couldn't and shouldn't think about being here all the time, our relationship was still so young, so fresh. We had been together a month or just over. We were nowhere near sleeping together. Yet here I was thinking about never going back home, and having Jasper's home as mine as well.

_Get a grip on yourself! You're twenty-one, not fourteen!_

Slapping myself mentally, I pulled onto the drive at home. Both my parents cars were parked out front. The groan that escaped my lips couldn't have been stopped. I was hoping for time alone, or maybe just having my mother there and talking to her about it before I spoke to my dad. But, lady luck wanted to be a bitch to me today. Cutting the engine off, my phone beeped causing my heart rate to pick up. Grabbing my phone, I smiled as I saw Jasper's name attached to the little slanted yellow envelope.

_'Sorry babe, I was an ass. The thought of having to sort this shit out... I just took it out on you. Come round tonight, babe, J x.'_

_****_Smiling like a fool, my mood suddenly shifted and became happier. Sure, I was about to sit and chat with my dad over recent events, but Jasper seemed to make that black cloud look grey and not so bad after all. Hitting reply, I typed back,

_'It's okay. You still want me to come round? Aren't you sick of me yet?' _Chuckling, I hit send and waited for his reply. Tapping my fingers almost impatiently on the steering wheel waiting for him to reply, I felt silly.

This was something you did when you were a teenager, not an adult. Though if I was truly honest with myself, this was the first real relationship I had ever had. Dating the girls I had before had never made me feel this way, never made me feel the way Jasper made me feel. My phone beeped, sending an echo throughout the car.

_'Of course. I'm not ready for an empty bed just yet. Text me and let me know how it went with your dad, love you, J x'_

Just seeing the words made me melt just that little bit more, though I couldn't understand why he would be in love with me. Yes, I had fallen for him and slipped up and told him I loved him but tried to cover it up when it happened. I hadn't said it since, though I wanted too. I just didn't know how to. Deciding that I had to face this, I opened the car door and made my way inside to see my parents. Trying to close the door gently so I wasn't heard just yet, my plan back fired as I heard my mum behind me.

"So, you have come home then?" Cringing I turned to face her.

"Yeah, sorry... I just... Well, you know."

I expected a 'do I?' but instead I got a sigh followed by, "My main concern is that you haven't been home since you left last week, and to my knowledge you didn't take any other clothes with you. Edward, if you're going to stay at Jasper's don't you think you should take your own clothes instead of wearing his?" She gestured towards the Tee I was currently wearing, the Tee that was Jasper's.

"Sorry, I didn't plan on staying there that long. I just didn't want to come home just yet." She raised an eyebrow at me wanting to me explain what I meant. When I didn't, she pushed the issue.

"So, which one of us are you avoiding?" She smirked at me as she crossed her arms over her chest looking slightly amused.

"Dad," I sighed defeated.

"Why?" I shot her a look as if she should know why. They were married after all, so surely they talked... I was their son after all.

"Where is he?" I may as well get this over and done with.

"Living room." She smiled before turning and heading back upstairs.

Sucking in a deep breath, I opened the living room door and walked in. My dad was sitting in his armchair, the paper was in front of him, with his reading glasses on the edge of his nose. Moving through the room I sat on the sofa and waited for him to talk, to even acknowledge I was here, but he didn't. The pages turned as his brow fused together reading whatever article that had caught his interest.

I sat there just staring at him waiting for him to look up from his paper and see me, but he didn't. It hurt to think that he couldn't even look at me. It was like I wasn't even there at all. _Had he already started to forget about me? _My hands began to shake as my nerves started to get the better of me. I wanted Jasper here; wanted his arms around me; his scent to cloud my mind and relax me; his reassuring words to be muttered into my ear. Looking at my father, I took a deep breath.

"Dad, please," I whispered to him. "Talk to me." He closed the paper and folded it up. Placing it on his lap, he looked at me and sighed.

"What do you need to talk about?" _You have to be kidding me!_

"You know what, about me being gay and dating Jasper." His face cringed slightly at my words. _Please don't do this, _I silently prayed. Friends rejecting me was one thing, but my father?

"I'm not sure what you want me to say." He brushed it off looking everywhere else but at me. Jasper had been wrong. He didn't need time or to find a comfort zone with it, he hated what his son was.

Anger flared through me causing me to lash out. "I want you to be honest with me. You can't even look at me right now. You screw your face up at the mention of me being gay or being with Jasper. Do you have any idea how that makes me feel? I'm happy, he makes me happy, why can't you accept that? Mum has, but you? You think it's disgusting."

Tears stung my eyes as my father's mouth opened and closed like a goldfish. "You're ashamed of me and what I am, you two faced fucker."

"That's enough, Edward," he scolded me, but at that point I didn't care.

"Enough? Does the truth hurt?" By now the tears had escaped me and were slowly trickling down my cheeks. I wanted and needed to get out of here, but I needed to hear it, needed him to admit it and tell me the truth.

"Truth? I see nothing but lies, and things you don't know about. You honestly think I'm not happy for you? That I find it disgusting to know you're with a man? Edward, I wasn't lying or acting that Sunday we found out and you brought Jasper here. It's just..." he sighed and rubbed his forehead. "I want you to be happy. If being with a man makes you happy then who I am to judge you?" For the first time since we started talking he looked at me.

"But I...I..." I trailed off unsure of just what to say to him now.

"Truthfully? I am uncomfortable with it. Not with you being gay, just the act itself. Edward, don't take this the wrong the way, but the thought of men together like that just creeps me out a little. Your mum is different there. It doesn't creep her out. Maybe it's more because I'm a man and the thought of something going..." he trailed off looking embarrassed and hoping I was getting his point.

"Having sex, you mean?" I asked nervously looking at the floor and not wanting to look at him when I mentioned the word sex.

"Yes, it makes me feel uncomfortable to think about it. Hearing you say you're staying at Jasper's... well, I just feel uncomfortable at the moment. But I am not, nor have have I been ashamed or disgusted in you being comfortable in your own skin. Your happiness means the world to me." My father looked up at me as I slumped onto the sofa, completely in shock.

"We're not... you know, not yet anyway." I could feel my cheeks burn. This was so embarrassing.

"I don't know if I am happy to hear that or not." He smiled trying to ease the embarrassing situation between us. Half smiling, I hoped he would just drop the sex chat with me. It was bad enough talking about it with Jasper, let alone my own dad. "Is this why you haven't been home all week?"

"Yeah..." I raked my hands through my hair while looking at the floor. "I had just convinced myself that you hated me for liking a guy, and no matter how much Jasper tried to tell me otherwise, I wouldn't have it."

My dad chuckled slightly. "Just what has Jasper been telling you?"

"That you need time to adjust, to find a comfort zone. That if you were going to go off on me you would have done so right away. That I needed to come to talk you instead of hiding away at his place where the problem would never be solved, only made worse," I explained.

"Jasper seems like a smart man." He smiled. "You should have come to me sooner if you felt there was something wrong, Edward."

"I know, and I'm sorry." Dropping the paper on the arm of the chair, he got up and walked towards me.

Placing a hand on my shoulder and squeezing it, he said, "Don't hide like this again."

* * *

_Oh before I forget, I signed up to the Fandom Give Back thing that starts soon, if your interested in buying a little something off me, or all your favourte authors are taken then come bid on me, :)_

_So how was the chapter? Did we all like it? If so hit the review button drop some love and I'll give you a little snipet of the next chapter. Jen x  
_


	12. Chapter 12

_**AN/** Thank you to everyone who reviewed the last chapter. I think I manged to reply to everyone with a tease. So glad you're all still loving my little Twinkward. 11 chapters in and I am still being nice! Hehe. See I can be nice to the boys.  
_

_Again, a massive thank you to dtav, who is just being super woman to me while Amy is out with a bad shoulder. MWAH massive love to my girls! _

_A little recommendation. A Decade Apart by SarahAH30. Go check it out and drop her some love. _

_Hope you enjoy this chapter!  
_

* * *

_**EPOV**_

__Brochures covered the bed. The pages were either open, folded in half or the corners were turned over. The laptop rested on top of what seemed like a mountain of brochures as we both laid on our stomachs and flipped through them. Since Jasper mentioned us going on holiday together at the beginning of the week, our spare time together had been consumed with us looking at deals.

"So, are we agreed with Greece then?" Jasper asked, nudging my shoulder gently.

"I'm happy if you are." Jasper smiled at me. His radiant smile lit up his whole face dimpling his cheeks and making his eyes shine and fill with hidden emotions. If Jasper wanted to go camping in the back garden, I would happily agree to it.

Placing the laptop on the floor, he then pushed the brochures off the be, letting them scatter all over. Turning slightly onto his side, he wrapped his arm around my waist and pulled me closer to him. His eyes began to darken with desire as he stared at me. My body buzzed with excitement feeling his body so close to mine. His lips gently brushed mine setting my lips on fire. The fire burned slowly, trickling throughout my whole body as I brought my lips back to his wanting and needing to feel them on mine once more.

Jasper pulled back slightly, smirking at me. My fingers tugged at the hem of his shirt before slipping them up and letting the tips of my fingers trail over his hard abs. Jasper's stomach muscles contracted underneath my touch making him moan softly and bite his bottom lip.

"What are you after?" He whispered to me in a husky voice.

"You." I murmured looking down and avoiding his eyes.

"Me? What exactly do you want?" He asked bringing his lips to my neck and lightly kissing it. "Tell me what you want. What do you want to do with me?" He pulled my Tee over my head and let his eyes travel down my chest.

"I want to feel you." He groaned, running his hand down my chest and pinching my left nipple. "Need to taste you, to wrap my lips around your cock and feel you in my mouth." Jasper crashed his lips hard against mine forcing his tongue into my mouth.

The two days worth of stubble rubbed against my skin tickling me slightly. My hands pushed up his Tee. Breaking the kiss, I pulled it over his head before bringing my lips back to his. Pushing him back so his back was against the bed, I straddled his waist and began trailing kisses across his jaw followed by nips. As I moved down his neck, Jasper tilted his head back as he moaned. My tongue ran over his Adam's apple, before I sucked on it gently inciting the most erotic moans from him.

His hips rocked against me seeking more friction as I continued my journey south. Reaching his collarbone, I sank my teeth into his skin causing him to cry out and tug my hair almost painfully hard. Placing a soothing kiss where I just bit him, I trailed kisses down his chest and towards his right nipple. Jasper was writhing beneath me, panting out in moans and groans as my assault continued on his body. His scent clouded my mind, and his freshly showered aroma drove me crazy. There wasn't an inch of his body that I didn't want to lick, kiss and explore.

Flicking my tongue against his pebbled nipped, Jasper arched his back. His grip in my hair tightened pushing my head to where he most wanted me to be. Shifting down his thighs, I sat up and looked at him. A pink tinge was resting on his cheeks. His lips were parted taking in deep breaths. Hooded, lust filled eyes looked back at me as I hooked my thumbs through the waistband of his sweatpants. Raising his hips off the bed, I tugged them down slowly, inch by inch. The V of his abs came into view as did the the soft, short dark blonde hairs of his happy trail. Pulling his sweatpants down more, my mouth watered seeing the sight of his big, thick, rock hard cock lying against his stomach.

Moving over more, I pulled his sweatpants down his thighs and off his legs. Throwing them on the floor, I crawled back up his body and nestled myself in between his legs. His cock throbbed with need pooling droplets of pre-cum against his skin.

"I've changed my mind." I teased. Jasper shook his head at me.

"No fucking way, babe. You created this, you sort it out."

"But I've changed my mind. Why don't you just use your right hand to get off?" As the words left my lips, my fingertips ghosted over his hot, hard length causing him to buck his hips and moan out.

"I don't want my hand wrapped around my cock. I want your fucking hot, wet mouth around it." He playfully demanded of me.

"Is that so?" I challenged.

"Mouth around my cock now, twink." Chuckling at him, I shook my head.

"No." Jasper sat up on his elbows and looked at me.

"I'm not playing, babe. If those lips of yours aren't on my cock in the next thirty seconds, you're in fucking trouble."

"Trouble?" I asked. "What sort of trouble?" Jasper groaned at me, his cock twitching against his stomach.

"You really don't want that trouble yet, babe." My hands lightly wrapped around his shaft stroking him slowly. "Please stop teasing me, babe. Give me what I want."

Winking at him, I released him from my hand and laid between his legs. Jasper moaned bucking his hips gently as the tip of my tongue ran up the underside of his cock. Flicking my tongue as I reached his sensitive head, Jasper growled at me. Excited by his growl, I swirled my tongue around his head and against his slit collecting the droplets of his honey on my tongue.

Moaning at the taste of him, I slowly took him in my mouth. My lips slid almost painful slow over his head and down his length taking him as far as I could. Jasper tried not to buck his hips. The muscles in his stomach and thighs tensed as he tried to keep still. Grazing my teeth on his shaft as I slowly came back up, Jasper cried out and dug his fingers into my hair. Wrapping my hand around the base of his cock, I slowly ran the tip of my tongue up and over his head. My tongue swirled around the tip before it dipped into his slit. Flicking my tongue against it, Jasper's hips bucked thrusting his cock in my hand.

Resting my lips just on the head, I kissed it and then blew on it gently. Jasper's back arched and he pulled my hair just a fraction short of it being too painful. I began to suck just the head of his cock into my mouth taking it in and out repeatedly before taking more of him in my mouth.

"Fuck...babe. I love your fucking...mouth." Jasper panted out.

Bobbing my head up down his shaft, I began taking him faster and harder. My cheeks hallowed creating a strong suction around him. Jasper fisted the sheets and arched his back grunting out incoherent sentences as I pushed him closer and closer to the edge. His hands continued to stay in my hair, resting but not forcing, as he cried out in pleasure over and over again. Jasper bucked his hips hard as I went down causing him to hit the back of my throat and making my gag reflex kick in.

Releasing him from my mouth, I was coughing as I sat back on my heels. Looking over at Jasper, his cheeks were flushed with a light shimmer of sweat covering his body. He sat up and touched my arm.

"Babe, I'm sorry. Shit, are you okay?" Concern laced his words as he gently stroked my arm.

"Yeah, I just wasn't expecting that. It's my fault." Embarrassment rushed through me. "Jasper, I'm sorry." I muttered. I had truly fucked up his blow job. Why on earth did he want me when I couldn't even given him a good blow job?

"Hey, don't. It was my fault. I bucked my hips. I just got lost in the moment of it all. You have nothing to say sorry for." He ran his fingers down my arm and laced them through mine.

"I can't even deepthroat you. Why the hell do you want me to do that when I can't do it right?" Jasper chuckled and squeezed my fingers.

"You do a fucking amazing job. I'm certainly not complaining. Deepthroating is nice, but it's not everything. You'll get , babe." Leaning forward, he brushed his lips against mine.

"Will you teach me, and tell me what to do?" Jasper sighed and pushed the hair off his face. "Please? I want to do this." I pleaded with him while playing with the bedding.

"Okay." He chuckled and looked a little embarrassed himself which surprised me. Jasper was always so confidant in the bedroom never once showing any signs of ever being remotely embarrassed. "I've never had to tell or teach anyone how to do this." He said, almost as if he was reading my mind.

"Well, you insist on dating a twink." I joked, nudging his shoulders. Jasper laughed and nodded his head cupping my chin and placing a soft, warm, loving kiss on my lips.

"I do, but I also happen to love this little twink." Smiling, he moved around on the bed taking my hand and pulling me up near the top. "Take the jeans off, babe and lie down." Undoing my belt and popping the buttons on my jeans, I pulled them down along with my boxers. Lying back down on the bed, I watched Jasper run his eyes down my body and lick his lips. "I do fucking love you."

Feeling the heat warm my cheeks, I bit my bottom lip as Jasper laid down next to me. He placed his long, muscular tanned legs near my face and his head near my hips. My nerves twisted in my stomach. This was something we hadn't done before. In fact, it was something I had never done, period. Jasper's warm loving lips kissed my thighs as he inhaled deeply letting out a soft hum.

"Jazz...What are we doing?" He chuckled at me, trailing his fingers up my thigh.

"Lie on your side and face me." Complying with his wishes, I rolled on my side to face him. "Okay. I'll tell you, then show you, and then you'll try it. It's gonna take more than one attempt to do it, but you'll crack it."

"Okay..." I mumbled nervously.

"Relax, babe. The trick is to relax your throat muscles, take your time and go slow. Do it a bit at a time. Each time you take me in, go a little bit further. I tend to try and keep it near the roof of my mouth using my tongue to keep it there."

"Does that work?" He shrugged his shoulders at me.

"It does for me." He smiled and winked at me. "Feel." With that he picked up my now hardening cock in his hand and stroked it a few times.

His eyes were on mine as his pink tongue came out and flicked against my head. Pleasure ripped through me as he slowly took me in his hot heaven. Seeing his lips wrapped tightly around my cock as he slowly took me deeper into his mouth was one of the most erotic things I had ever seen. The sight of his lips traveling inch by inch slowly down my cock, made me even harder than I already was and caused me to twitch in his mouth. Letting out a moan, I tried to fight the urge to close my eyes as I felt myself touch the back of his throat before he slowly moved his lips back up my shaft.

Jasper winked at me before he slowly took me back down his throat going all the way this time. I touched the back of his throat feeling his tongue press against the underside of my cock. Jasper swallowed around me and hummed. The vibrations ran straight through me making me moan and buck my hips. He bobbed his head faster and faster hallowing and his cheeks. I couldn't help but begin to thrust slightly into his mouth.

"Jazz...Jesus!" I panted feeling every nerve in my body come alive. It felt like an electric current was running through me as though I had been plugged into some socket somewhere. Wave after wave of this pleasureful bliss crashed over me taking me higher and higher into euphoria. Suddenly, Jasper released me from his hot heaven and looked up at me.

"You know, you're meant to be learning. So far, I haven't seen anything you've learned." He smirked out at me. _Crap! _

"I was...err, wanting to get the full lesson before I attempted my homework." Jasper chuckled at me and shook his head. "What?" I asked all innocent.

"Nice try babe, but this teacher isn't buying that excuse." He leaned forward and placed a kiss on my sensitive head making me groan and buck my hips. "Suck me babe. Let me feel that fucking hot mouth of yours."

Groaning at his smouldering tone, I licked the tip of his cock tasting his pure essence. Jasper moaned and the weight of his lust filled stare burned through me. Looking at him, my eyes locked with his as I slowly sucked his head into my mouth. Slowly, I lowered my lips down his shaft taking him further and further into my mouth. Jasper's moans filled the room as he watched me take him in. So badly I wanted to get this right, wanted him to feel me be able to deep throat him like he could do with me. Relaxing my muscles, I closed my eyes as I felt him hit the back of my throat making me gag slightly. Slowly, I moved back up his cock feeling him twitch and throb against my lips. Wanting him to feel good, I dragged my teeth all the way causing a delicious sound to fall from Jasper's plump lips.

"Babe...so good." Jasper panted at me.

Pushing my tongue against the underside of his cock, I pushed it more to the roof of my mouth and slowly moved back down his cock. Trying to remember everything I felt and everything he said, I felt him touch the back of my throat. Pausing for a second, I tried to relax my throat muscles even more before moving a little bit further. Jasper's cock slid down just a little more before I pulled back all the way to the tip. Determined that this time I would do it, I closed my eyes and moved down his shaft. My tongue ran down the underside of his cock as he hit the back of my throat and slid down it. My nose was suddenly buried in his short, blond little curls as his cock lay down my throat. As stupid as it seems, I was proud of my little accomplishment.

Jasper's hot mouth suddenly captured my cock taking me deep down his throat, and swallowing. Bringing my lips back up his shaft, I couldn't help but moan around him feeling his talented mouth work its wonderful magic on me. Mimicking Jasper's actions, I moved down his hard length as he came back up mine. Moaning and humming around one another, I felt my stomach slowly start to tighten. I didn't want to cum yet or to have this over so fast. We had only just started to pleasure each other at the same time.

Moaning around him, I felt Jasper's cock pulsate against my tongue. He groaned loudly increasing his suction around my cock as he shot his warm cum down my throat. Feeling his cum hit my throat and tasting him on my tongue pushed me over the edge.

Releasing Jasper's softening cock from my mouth, I sat up grinning from ear to ear. Jasper rolled onto his back smiling as I crawled up his body letting my eyes trail over lean, sculptured body. Reaching his face, I leaned forward and kissed his lips letting my tongue slip in and explore his mouth. Tasting myself on his tongue, I moaned into the kiss before Jasper pulled away making me whimper from the loss.

"Don't you look all smug?" Jasper murmured, letting his eyelids droop.

"I did it. I managed to do it right." Jasper sighed, bringing his hand to his chest and rubbing there slightly.

"You did babe, but you were doing it alright, all along. Come here." He pulled me closer to him. My head rested on his chest listening to his heart beat.

Jasper's fingers trailed softly up and down my back. His breath fanned the top of my head as the steady rhythm of heart beat drummed in my ear. My eyes started to become heavy, completely contented in his loving embrace. Snuggling closer to him, his arms tightened around me keeping me locked in place as I battled to stay awake. His scent, his embrace, and the drumming of his heart beat was like a lullaby to me, and no matter how hard I wanted to stay awake, I knew it was useless.

My stomach twisted and knotted all morning. I hadn't had anything to eat or drink as I was too afraid that if I did, my nerves wouldn't be able to handle it and I would throw it all back up. Jasper had become almost a child all morning shoving bits and pieces of toast in my face, or wafting coffee under my nose. He found it amusing and was fully set on having a laugh at my expense. I didn't find it funny, not in the slightest. While he was relaxed and chatting about everything and anything he could think of, I hardly spoke. My mind was fully set on today. Meeting his parents scared the crap out of me. It was worse than waiting to take any exam. The exams were something I would sooner do with needles sticking in my skin than go and met his parents.

I had showered and spent a large portion of the time just standing there thinking. _What if they didn't like me? What if I was__n't__ what they had in mind for their son to date? _The questions swam around and around in my head making my nerves even worse than they already were. Part of me wished I had said I couldn't make it when he invited me, that I had come up with some stupid excuse as to why I couldn't come. Maybe I could have found an excuse that would have prevented this from ever happening, like some rare illness or a phobia of some sort. But no, I agreed and now I was regretting it

Jasper had been watching me pace the floor in the bedroom for the last ten minutes. I wanted to go and get it over with already. Jasper had said it was too early and wanted to wait which left me pacing.

"Jesus! Will you chill the fuck out?" Jasper seethed at me as I continued to pace the bedroom room floor.

"It's easy for you to say." I snapped back. Tugging my hair nervously, I felt Jasper's arms wrap around my waist.

"Listen to me Ed, please. They are going to love you. You're getting into such a state over nothing. Do you honestly think I would take you there if I thought for one minute they would make you feel uncomfortable?" He murmured in my ear.

"How will they act?" I asked, relaxing into his embrace and resting the back of my head on his shoulder.

Jasper chuckled at me, placing a kiss on my neck. It was easy for him to laugh and make fun of me. I wondered if he even remembered the first time he met his boyfriend's parents. Sure, I had met past girlfriend's parents but that was different, that was the norm. Well, what society classes as normal. This was a whole new ball game to me, and completely different to anything else I had done. It was more like meeting a mates parents, than my boyfriend's.

"Babe, this is just the same as meeting your past girlfriend's folks, chill out. They aren't going to look at you funny, or treat you as if you're just a mate. They know I'm gay and have for a long time. Trust me babe, you're going to be fine." He kissed my neck. "Let's go then, and later when you realise you over reacted for nothing, I will say I told you so." Unwrapping his arms from around my waist, he walked in front of me and kissed my lips softly. "Ready?"

Could I say no? Tell him I had changed my mind about this? I didn't really need to meet his parents. There wasn't some law that said I had to. But looking into his eyes, seeing his emotions run through them, I knew I couldn't pull out and hurt him. Taking his hands in mine, and feeling my nerves getting the better of me, I squeezed his hands and nodded.

"Jazz...you won't leave me there, will you?" My voice shook as I battled to keep my nerves at bay. Jasper chuckled and led me out of the bedroom by my hand.

"Yes, I'm gonna lock you in a room with my parents and let them grill you." Jasper chuckled out, while I snorted.

"Not funny, Jazz." He smiled over his shoulder at me as we walked down the stairs. "You know what I mean, though?"

"Babe, stop. This will be fine. I won't leave you or let them put you under a lamp. I promise."

Leaving his home and driving to his parents, I fiddled with the corner of my shirt. Jasper chatted about our holiday, the next plan in the house, and what he was planning to do next in the living room. All the while, I just nodded and answered in single words. My nerves were still no better then what they were before we left. My stomach was still twisting and turning around making me feel sick. My palms were sweaty and I was unable to stay still. All of this because I was meeting his parents!

I knew it was silly to feel and act this way. This sort of thing happened all the time, and there was nothing to fear. But, I also knew that parents not liking someones partner could place a strain on their relationship. Jasper was far to important to me for them not to like me and cause such a strain. I loved him. Though I couldn't bring myself to say it, I did. If they didn't like me, for whatever reason, it could cause trouble with him and his parents not to mention between me and him.

Since that slip up where I told him that I loved him, I wanted to tell him again. Yet fear stop me. I was scared that if I told him, face to face not just a slip up, he would laugh at me and tell me I was stupid. That me admitting it would change everything between us. I didn't want that. I didn't want him to laugh at my feelings or question them because this was all so new to me. When I told him, I wanted him to know that what I was saying was true. Even though he confessed his love to me, I still thought he would doubt mine and question it. After all, Jasper was the only man I had ever been involved with. The only person I had ever had any sort of strong feelings towards.

Feeling the car slow down, I came out of my thoughts as we pulled up on the side of the road. The house was an old Victorian three story town house. Large, over sized windows with dark wood fitted frames covered the front of the house. Taking a few deep breaths, I noticed a girl on a horse complete with riding gear walking down the road. A woman was next to the horse, holding the reins as they moved slowly down the quiet street. Turning, I looked at Jasper who was grinning at me.

"There's some stables about two blocks from here. Most of the kids learn to ride." He said as he cut the engine.

"Did you?" He nodded and laughed.

"I looked fucking stupid in one of those riding caps. I fell off more times then I stayed on, so I gave up." He chuckled and shook his head. "It was my mums "great" idea. You know she only sent me just because she thought it would give me something to do. I wanted to ride my BMX and skateboard, not prance around on a fucking horse and wear those fucking clothes."

"My mum made me take piano lessons, which I hated. It was so bloody boring!" Jasper snorted at me.

"Can you play, then?" There was a hint of amusement in his eyes that made me feel slightly embarrassed by my confession. Nodding, Jasper laughed at me making me feel worse.

"Thanks. I didn't laugh at you." I mumbled out.

"I'm not laughing at you babe, just the thought of you being dragged off to do something you hated. I'm just seeing a little sulking Edward, all pouty and moody in my mind." He leaned across and lifted my chin up with his hand before giving me a loving kiss. "You know, I wanted to learn but I seriously just didn't have the patience to learn it. Maybe you could teach me one night?" His eyes twinkled at me, showing me nothing but love lurking in their depths.

"Maybe." Jasper moved closer to me. His thumb stroked my cheek as he pressed his soft, warm lips to mine.

Tangling my arms around his neck, my fingers weaved through his soft blond curls. Moaning into the kiss, Jasper took full advantage of my slightly parted lips to slide his tongue into my mouth. His tongue brushed mine tasting me and he moaned in soft, gentle whimpers.

Jasper sucked on my bottom lip before gently biting down on it. I moaned loudly feeling my cock begin strain against my zipper. Bringing his lips back mine, the kiss intensified. Passion coursed through my veins sparking a hot molten fire that burned deeply in my stomach. Forgetting where we were, my hands detached themselves from his hair and ran down his back towards the hem of his Tee.

Teasing the hem of his Tee, Jasper tugged on hair encouraging me to continue. His other hand had started the slow trail down my chest towards my aching cock. Letting my fingers slowly slide up the back of his shirt, Jasper arched his back bringing himself closer to me as my fingertips made contact with his warm, smooth skin.

Completely lost in the lust filled haze of want and need, we jumped apart as someone tapped loudly on the car window.

"Fuck!" Jasper cursed under his breath as he nodded to whoever it was at the window behind me.

My face was burning. There was no doubt that I wasn't bright red. I couldn't bring myself to look at who it was. Instead, I chose to look down at the floor in complete embarrassment.

"Babe? Edward?" Jasper's soft voice whispered in my ear. "Look at me, babe. She's gone." Slowly, I lifted my head up to look at Jasper's stormy, blue eyes pooling with love in them.

"Who..Who was it?" I noticed Jasper's own cheeks were slightly pink.

"My mum. She must have seen my car and came looking. It's okay, you don't need to be feel embarrassed. It's not the first time she has caught me like this." He smiled, but his eyes gave away the slight hint of embarrassment he was feeling.

"She caught you before?" Jasper bit his bottom lip and nodded. "How?"

"I'll tell you later. Come on, they're waiting for us." Jasper opened the car door and got out. Taking a few deep breaths, I followed suit. Jasper was standing on the pavement waiting for me. He smiled and hit the remote lock before taking my hand and leading me down the side of the house.

Opening the large, solid wood gate, Jasper pulled me through and into the back garden. Squeezing my hand, we walked along the path towards the deck. The large, French bay doors were wide open carrying a nice smell of freshly baked bread out into the open. A woman with long wavy, brownish hair smiled at us. Her eyes were warm and friendly, filling with love as she looked at Jasper. She nudged the man who was sitting on one of the bench chairs reading the paper. He looked up at her slightly confused, until she tipped her head towards our direction.

He folded the paper and turned to look at us. His light brown hair was tinted slightly with golden blond locks from the sun. It was pushed back off his face. He smirked at Jasper, the same sort of half smiling, half smug smirk I seen him use before. _No wonder where he got it from. _I thought to myself as we walked up the three steps and onto the deck.

Jasper stopped, and turned to look at me, smiling widely with afull on toothy grin that dimpled his cheeks and made his eyes sparkle. He squeezed my hand as my heart rate sped up knowing he was seconds away from introducing me to his parents. Almost as if he sensed my nervousness, he stepped that fraction closer to me. Our arms were touching, and the heat from his body was reflecting onto me. The tingly feeling was making my skin feel alive, and it worked its way through my body.

"Mum, dad, this is Edward." He grinned again, and so much love flooded though his eyes as he spoke. "Edward, this is my mum, Esme, and my dad, Carlisle."

"Nice to meet you, Mr. and Mrs. Cullen." Surprisingly, my voice was a lot calmer than I expected it to be, only shaking slightly with my nerves.

"Welcome to our home, Edward. Please, call me Carlisle."

* * *

_So what did we all think? Aren't I mean,stopping just as the boys reach Jasper's parents, hehe._

_Anyway, you know what to do. Hit the review bar, drop some love, give me your thoughts and of course you get a teaser for the next chapter, Jen x  
_


	13. Chapter 13

_**AN/** Okay, I know, I suck. I promised a teaser for this chapter and I failed to get it out. Between work being busy and pulling extra days and laptop fails I have had very little time...I hope you can all forgive me this time. _

_A massive thank you to dtav, for working her wonderful magic on my chapter, and to my girls who have stopped me more than once from scrapping this chapter and starting again...Yeah its been interesting writing this one. _

_I hope you all enjoy this chapter, and I'll see you at the bottom :)  
_

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_**EPOV's**_

Carlisle held his hand out to me. Shaking his hand a firm handshake, I began to feel a little less nervous. "Please sit, you look as though you're about to go under the lamp."

"Jasper, go and get some glasses out the cupboard. And no picking at the food." Esme smiled at me before rolling her eyes at Jasper. "Have you noticed he picks at food all the time?" Esme chuckled, while Jasper suck his tongue out at her and walked inside the house.

"He does always seem to be eating something." I mumbled whilst fidgeting with the hem of my shirt.

"Jasper! Leave that alone." Esme scolded him. Jasper chuckled and walked off through the house, leaving me alone with his mum and dad. "So, Edward, Jasper tells us you're training to be a vet?"

"Yeah, it's um...good, I'm enjoying it." There was an awkward moment between us. No one seemed to know just what to say to each other. Part of me began thinking about moving, saying I had something in the car that I forgot. Jasper had left me. He promised he would stay with me, yet minutes into us being here he had disappeared somewhere.

Smiling weakly, I tried to avoid looking them in the eyes praying that Jasper would hurry up and come back. The awkward silence grew going on even longer. It seemed the longer it went on, the harder it became to say something. The birds continued to tweet around us in the back garden and time just seemed to drag on and on.

"Mum, where's Alice?" Hearing Jasper's voice, I let out a breath of relief knowing he was back. Turning my head, I saw Jasper walking through the large bay french doors carrying two glasses. He flashed me a wink as he placed the glasses on the table.

"With Mike." Jasper snorted and sat down next to me.

"She's still seeing that piece of shit?" He snarled out pouring a glass of ice tea and handing it to me.

"Language!"

"Oh come off it, dad. I've heard worse come from you." Looking a little confused, Jasper enlightened me. "Mike is this piece of shit that Alice is seeing. Babe, the guy screams 'I'm a piece of shit.' Alice, it seems, can't see it and thinks the sun shines out of his ass."

"She'll be here soon. Jasper, leave her be. Things are a little rocky for them, and she doesn't want to talk about it." Esme warned.

"I won't say a word." Jasper grumbled taking my hand and playing lazily with my fingers. "When's dinner ready?"

After the awkward start, I found myself relaxing more and falling into a conversation with Jasper's dad about cars. Jasper looked bored to tears as we discussed the latest Audi models and which out of the Aston Martins was better. Dinner was, without a doubt, amazing. Esme had chosen to make a beautiful, rich and creamy chicken pasta dish complete with home made garlic bread.

"Would you like a hand?" I offered as Esme began clearing the dinner table.

"No sweetheart, you're a guest. Jasper, kitchen, now."

"What? Why me?" Jasper grumbled, sticking another piece of garlic bread in his mouth.

"Because I said so, that's why." I couldn't help but chuckle seeing Jasper's face as he reluctantly got up.

"Jasper will make a good wife one day. He cooks, cleans, does the dishes, and he can iron too." Carlisle smiled.

"Bite me." Jasper snapped as he walked off.

"Come on, let me show you my baby." Carlisle picked up his wine glass and motioned for me to follow. Like the fool that I am, I sat there unmoving. "Jasper will know where to find you. I think he will be happy to see us bonding."

Following Jasper's dad out through the kitchen, Jasper cocked an eyebrow at me as we walked past. Carlisle lead me through the garden and out the back gate to the garages there. Smiling, he unlocked one of the garages and pulled up the door before walking in. The car was covered with a protective cloth in a spotlessly clean garage.

"This is my baby. I would sooner keep this than Esme." He joked as he pulled back the cover.

There, in high glass black paint, was a 6.5L V12 Lamborghini Murciélago. An audible gasp left my lips as my eyes ran over the beautiful body. I could see and fully understand why he would keep this over his wife. Without a doubt, this car was fucking perfect. Hesitantly, I stepped closer to it with my hand coming out to touch the paint work.

"Beautiful, isn't she?" I could only nod in reply to Carlisle.

Carefully, my fingers glided over the car just skimming so I didn't leave prints all over it. Slowly, I walked around the car drinking in its beauty. The black, thin wheels didn't have one spec of dirt on the outside of them. The alloys were highly buffed up, almost sparkling at me. Again, not one mark was on them. I desperately wanted to open the door and slide into the soft, black leather seat.

"Want to get in?" He asked as if reading my mind.

"Can I? Really?" The excitement in my voice made Carlise laugh.

Pulling the door up, the smell of real leather hit my nose. I couldn't help but grin as I got in. It smelled wonderful. It felt amazing and I never wanted to leave it. The car was as spotless inside as it was on the outside. This baby didn't go for many spins, and who could really blame him? This car wasn't designed to go on city driving with its stop starts. It was designed for speed, for power, for seeing how fast you could push it down an open road. It was a shame that it sat in the garage like this away from what it was meant to do.

"This must have cost you a packet." I mumbled, running my hands around the steering wheel.

"Not as much as you may think." He answered, climbing in next to me. "When I bought it, it didn't look like this. It had been wrecked. The front end was completely smashed in. I've spent a lot of money and a lot of time working on it to get it back to this. I put in a new front body kick, new engine...well most of it is new, resprayed, the lot. I have the pictures somewhere in the house of how it looked when I bought it."

"You rebuilt it? This?" I was shocked. Yes Jasper had told me all about his father's business, but I had no idea he was into rebuilding things.

"Yes. A lot of it has been my own hard work. I know one or two things about the workings of cars underneath the bonnet. And, of course, being in the trade myself I know one or two people that owed me a favor or two." He dangled the keys in front of me. "Want to take her for a spin?"

I'm sure I groaned out loud hearing those words. Who wouldn't want to take this baby for a spin?

"Are you sure?"

"Yes, just around the block and back. Don't want to keep you away from Jasper too long." He smiled as he handed me the keys.

Turning the key, the car purred into life. A light, soft gentle purr came from it which brought a smile to my face. Tapping the pedal just slightly, it purred even louder at me and I'm sure I moaned at the sound of it. Pulling the seat belt across me, my hands shook slightly. I was more scared of hitting something then anything else. Taking a few deep breaths, I pushed her into first gear.

"Be careful, she bites really low and has some force if you pull off too high." Nodding, I slowly pulled my foot back feeling the car dip slightly.

I eased the car slowly out of the garage and down the side road. The car was purring beautifully, and I could the feel the power of her pulling to break free and shoot off down the road. I would love to take this beauty for a real spin, open her up and see what she could do, though I doubt Carlisle was about to let me do that.

We chatted about little things, mainly the car and how Esme almost killed him when he bought it. He laughed as he told the amount of groveling he had to do just to keep the car. Carlisle let it slip that the real amount of how much this had cost to repair and the amount that Esme thought were two different things. Though he claimed she had bent the truth on things she had paid for in the past, and that this was how it worked. Confessing how much everything cost would only result in an argument. She would never understand why the alloys cost so much, much like how he would never understand how anyone could pay so much for a pair of shoes that get an outing once in a blue moon.

All too soon, I was pulling back up the side road towards the garage. Jasper was standing there, in front of it, with his arms crossed over his chest sulking.

"Just stop it here, Edward. I'll put her back in the garage, I think Jasper is sulking about our outing." He chuckled.

Opening the car door, I heard Jasper say, "Took your time didn't ya? Two hours? Seriously?" _Two hours? Surely we hadn't been that long, had we?_

"Don't sulk Jasper. Edward appreciates the finer cars in life." Carlisle chuckled at Jasper.

"Find your own, dad." Jasper grumbled out. Sticking my hands into my pockets, I looked down at the ground wondering what to say to Jasper. I hadn't meant to be gone that long, time just sort of slipped by.

"Sorry." I whispered out, lifting my eyes slightly to see Jasper smiling at me.

"I'm not mad babe, I'm only playing. Feeling a little left out, though." He pulled on my wrists taking them out of my pockets and lacing his fingers through mine lightly. "I told you that you had nothing to worry about." He smirked, closing the distance between us and giving me a soft kiss.

"You did." I murmured against his lips, feeling him smile.

"If I told you this morning that you would be disappearing for two hours with my dad, you wouldn't have believed me, would you?"

"Nope." Jasper brought his lips back to mine in a sweet and gentle kiss. We broke apart as someone cleared their throat.

"No one wants to see the free show, boys." Jasper stuck his tongue out. "And no one wants to see your tongue either, Jasper."

"You're just jealous." Jasper smirked, resting his hands on the base of my back.

Jasper led me back into the garden rubbing his thumb against the back of my hand. My nerves and panic from this morning had long since subsided leaving me feeling very relaxed surrounded by his family.

We sat out on the deck drinking and relaxing as the late afternoon sun began to drop out of the sky. As the day turned into night, we headed inside the house. Sitting down in the living room with his parents, I wasn't sure how close I could get to Jasper. I was used to cuddling up when a film went on, not sitting apart unable to touch.

Thankfully, Jasper placed his arm around my shoulders and pulled me back to him so my back was against his chest. I felt a little awkward to begin with, I wasn't sure how his parents would react to seeing us like this. Jasper's fingers lazily traced patterns on my shoulder and arm as we settled down to watch some film. His parents didn't seem bothered by how close we were, which made me wonder how mine would be if they saw us like this?

They weren't ashamed of me, but would they feel a little awkward to see us like this? Chances were they would see us like this very soon. My cousin was getting married in two weeks, and I wanted Jasper to come with me. So, they would see us like this. Would that embarrass them at their niece's wedding? I hadn't asked Jasper to come with me, so I could be worrying about nothing.

Halfway through the film, the front door slammed shut followed by someones sobs. Confused as to what was going on, Jasper pushed me away and went into the hallway to see who I could only assume was Alice.

"What the fuck? Where is he?" I could hear Jasper scream.

Alice was sobbing uncontrollably in the hallway. Esme and Carlisle had now followed Jasper into the hallway, leaving me wondering just what was going on.

"I'll kill the fucker. Tell me where he is now, Alice!" Jasper demanded. His tone was so harsh and deep and full of venom. Muffled voices, full of concern, followed but I couldn't tell what was being said. "Like I give a fuck! Where the fuck is he?" Jasper screamed as he stormed back into the living room.

His face was furious as he picked up his keys from the side table and pulled his boots back on. Carlisle was now standing in the doorway blocking his path.

"Jasper, you need to calm down. Remember, you have Edward here." Carlisle's tone was strong and forceful, but his voice wasn't raised.

Jasper snorted. "So? You think that's gonna stop me? You're fucking wrong." Jasper was back on his feet and moving towards door. "Move now, dad."

"Jasper, you will sit back down and we will deal with this differently."

"No, we fucking won't. Fucking move now, Carlisle. Move out of my goddamn way!" Jasper raged at him.

"No." To my surprise, I saw Jasper square up to his dad. "Jasper, I will not warn you again. Sit back down, now." Carlisle's voice didn't falter at all.

Jasper was now face to face with him. His over six foot frame was tense and ready to fight. The change in Jasper was unnerving. He was always so calm, so controlled. He had never shown a hint of violence in him, but now he was ready to kill someone? No longer did he look like the sweet caring man I had fallen in love with. This wasn't the Jasper I knew, this was someone completely different all together. Suddenly, Jasper's hands were on Carlisle's shoulders pushing him back. Carlisle grabbed his wrists before he had chance to push him out the way. My heart rate sped up as I saw Carlisle grab Jasper and pull him out the living room.

"Open the back door, Esme." I heard Carlisle call, followed by Jasper screaming, 'Get the fuck off me!'

I heard the back door open and slam shut, and then muffled screams. Alice was still sobbing in the hallway, while I sat there completely confused and a little nervous over what had just happened. Standing, I slowly walked into the hallway just in time to see Alice run up the stairs and away from Esme.

"Edward...I'm so sorry." Esme's voice was strained and concerned as she spoke to me.

"Is everything alright?" I asked, trying to look past her towards the kitchen.

"Umm, no. I'm so very sorry you've had to witness this." She turned and walked towards the kitchen. Following her into the kitchen, I saw Jasper and his dad shouting at each other.

"What's happened?" Esme sighed and shook her head. "Sorry, it's none of my business."

"No, it's fine. I just don't know where to start. Maybe Jasper will do better talking to you about this." She started to talk but I soon stopped listening.

I could hear Esme talking to me saying something about how sorry she was. Other than that, nothing else went in. My eyes stayed on the glass french doors that were closed. I could see Jasper talking to his dad in the dark. His shoulders where square, his jaw was set and his head tilted slightly down.

Jasper's chest was heaving up and down as Carlisle rested his hands on his son's shoulders while talking to him. I wanted to know but at the same time I didn't. How this had happened was still a little mystery to me. One minute everything was fine and the next Jasper was exploding in a rage and being dragged outside by his dad.

Somewhere in the house, Alice was crying. I could hear her sobs and her curse words which only gave Esme another thing to say sorry for. Carlisle pulled Jasper into a hug, continuing to talk to him before pulling back and nodding his head in my direction.

Trying not to look as though I was staring, I looked back at Esme who smiled weakly at me. The door opened and Carlisle walked through and headed towards where ever Alice was currently crying. Jasper stopped at the door. His whole body seemed to be shaking slightly as his eyes darted around the room.

"Edward? Babe? Can we go for a walk?" He sounded afraid to speak to me. His voice was shaking slightly and he wouldn't meet my eyes.

Nodding, I got off the bar stool and followed Jasper. He walked through the garden and out the back gate. Not once did he turn to look at me, or speak to me, as we made our way down the side road and onto the street. I wondered where we were going. I wanted to ask but I thought better of it. Jasper had shown a completely different side of himself tonight. I had seen him mad but never like this, never to a point where I thought he was going to fight. This scared me and I wasn't sure if this rage would suddenly be turned on me one day for no reason.

Jasper continued to walk in front of me through the street before turning off down a narrow lane. The lane was dark. There were no street lamps on this part and it unnerved me even more.

"Are you okay?" He asked, his voice weak and shaky.

"Yeah, I just can't see where I'm walking."

"We're almost there." Again, he didn't turn and look at me.

Deciding not to say anything else, I stayed quiet behind him and followed. Slowly the fields came into view and I could see the outlines of horses as my eyesight adapted to the lighting more.

Soon, Jasper stopped and climbed onto the waist high fence. Sitting down, he rested his feet on the wooden bar and ran his hands through his hair sighing loudly. I stood in front of him wanting to touch him, to try and comfort him. He looked like he was in so much pain. Not understanding what had just happened made my heart ache for him. I wanted to wrap my arms around him, and love him, but I didn't. I stayed still, unsure of how he would react if I hugged him.

"I'm sorry, Edward. I haven't been completely open with you about a few things." He wiped his face and looked at me. "God, what must you think of me now?"

"I'm confused, Jasper. And a little scared right now." Jasper whimpered.

"I don't want you to be scared, scared of me or what you just saw. I would never hurt you, never." He rested his elbows on his knees and placed his head in his hands. "I have a lot of issues, Edward, a hell of lot."

Moving towards him, I touched his hand pulling it away from his face. "What issues, babe?"

"Edward... I... I never handled things well as a child, nor when I grew up. My issues..." He stopped and wiped his face again. I realised he was crying.

"Alice...the guy she is seeing hit her tonight. I lost it, I saw red and just exploded. I have anger issues, and I sometimes struggle to keep my temper under control. I feel like I have to fight for what's mine, all the time. If something happens, I can't stand back and let it go, I have to fight to keep what's mine." I squeezed his hand in mine trying to comfort him.

"Why? Why do you have to fight for what's yours, Jasper?"

"Because... Because I was never wanted, babe. I've sat in countless rooms with countless shrinks all trying to get to the bottom of it. It's all because of my adoption. I wasn't wanted. My own family didn't want me, Edward, and that was hard for me to handle. Even with Esme and Carlisle's love, I still couldn't handle it. To me, I feel like if I do nothing I will lose all that I have just like my own family did. I couldn't fight back, I couldn't fight to keep what was mine. It's like I feel if I don't fight they will just give me up."

"Jasper..." I soothed, running my hands up his arms.

"Don't tell me it won't happen, I already know and I know this is all in my head...but it's how I feel. It's why I'm protective babe. Remember that night we went clubbing when we first met?" I nodded. "There was that guy dancing behind you and you thought it was me...it took so much not to smash that guy's face in. You're mine, not his or anyone elses. I feel I have to protect what is mine. I don't want to lose you, or anyone else in my life, babe."

"You're not going lose me, babe. You don't have to fight to keep anything. Your family loves you. If you don't fight, they aren't going to give you up." I wrapped my arms around his back and pulled him into my arms. His head rested on my shoulder as he held me. "Why didn't you ever say anything?"

"Oh yeah. Hi, I'm Jasper and I have anger issues and not only that, but I have issues of rejection. Yeah, I'm sure you would have been thrilled to hear that." He mumbled into my neck. "I guess I was kinda hoping that I wouldn't react like that around you." He pulled back and looked at me. "I haven't reacted that badly in a long, long time. But seeing Alice like that...I just snapped."

"And Carlisle? I thought you were going to hit him." Jasper shook his head.

"I hit my dad once, when I was 14. He gave me the biggest pasting of my life. Told me if I was man enough to hit him, I was man enough to take a beating. I wouldn't hit him. Yeah, I pushed him out the way, but I wouldn't have hit him. I've got more respect for him than that...most of the time." Jasper fidgeted and pulled out a packet of smokes.

"Since when?" I asked, noticing this was the first time I had seen Jasper smoke.

"I don't, my mum does...but she hides them from dad. I used to but I gave it up years ago,. Tonight I just felt like one...with everything that's happened." He lit one up and took a deep drag before blowing the smoke out.

"So, what did he do? I heard you screaming and shouting." I was now standing in between Jasper's legs while he rested his arms over my shoulders.

"Dragged my ass outside. If he didn't, I would have hunted the little shit down, and pasted him into next year. As you can guess, it's not the first time I have blown off at my parents and needed to be dragged outside to stop me from doing something stupid. "He took another drag and flicked his ash. "I guess I fucked this up, didn't I?"

"Fucked what up? Me meeting your parents, or us?" He shrugged and turned his head to the side looking away from me. "I'm scared over what I saw, scared of how you may act with me one day."

"I was afraid of that." He mumbled. I had never seen Jasper look so scared, or unsure. He was always so sure, so confident, cocky even. To see him laid bare like this broke me. "I would never hurt you, not like that anyway. I understand why you're scared, though I wish you weren't." I touched his chin feeling the slight stubble on his jaw as I turned his head towards me.

"I know you wouldn't. I don't think you're bad guy, we all have our quirks." Slowly, I pulled his lips to mine. His smooth lips molded with my own, and they moved perfectly with each other.

My tongue flicked against his lips wanting entrance. He moaned into the kiss parting his lips and letting our tongues brush together. His fingers weaved into my hair tugging slightly, just how I liked it. My own arms were wrapped around his waist, as our kiss became filled with more passion. It didn't become heated, or dominating, it stayed slow and sweet just filling us with more passion.

Breaking apart from the kiss, our foreheads rested together. Our breaths came out in soft pants as we calmed down. A gentle smile rested on his lips as his fingers drew small circles on the back of my neck, making me shiver.

"I love you so much, Edward." He breathed out, his warm breath fanning my face.

"I love you, too." Jasper pulled back and looked at me. His smile was wide, dimpling his cheeks.

"You do?" He asked. I nodded in response and moved to kiss him again but he pulled even further away. "So, I was meant to hear this one? You know I don't think I caught it the first time, say it again?"

"You did." I looked down, feeling a little embarrassed.

"Maybe...but I want to hear it again, babe. Tell me you love me." He brought his lips to my ear and whispered, "Please."

"I love you, happy now?" I smirked.

"Very. Wanna head home?" I shrugged. "Back home, as in mine?"

"Yes, but what about your parents?" Jasper jumped down off the fence and laced his fingers through mine.

"We'll say goodbye. It's best if I stay away for the rest of the night with Alice being how she is right now." He sighed. "I'd better not see the fucker again, I knew he was bad news the moment I laid eyes on him. But Alice thinks or thought he was so amazing, I hope she sees sense now."

"Is she okay? I mean, you said he hit her, what happened?"

"She's got a busted lip, other than that she's okay, I think. Not sure what happened but I'll call her tomorrow to find out. He stopped and pulled another smoke out of his pocket. "Don't breathe a word, okay?" He joked.

"As long as it's not a permanent thing." Jasper chuckled.

"No babe, it's not."

"Good, wouldn't want to grass up." Jasper laughed again, slowing his pace down a little more. "Jasper? Have you thought about seeing someone again about these issues? You know, now that you're older?"

"I have, and I have. Babe, I saw someone about two years ago and the same set of shit came from her as it did from the last one. I want answers, answers that no one can give me other than my birth parents. They think that's where my issue comes from. Because I cant' have the answers I want, I have these issues." He took a long drag of his smoke, and turned his head up to the night sky blowing out his smoke.

"So, do they think if you got those answers, these issues would go? Or improve?"

"That's what they think." Jasper answered. "Though I don't think I really want to go down that road to see them and I don't know how it will affect my parents." He shrugged.

Giving his hand a gentle squeeze, I said. "Maybe you should? What harm can it really do? Your parents love you and you love them. Surely they will understand you wanting these answers if it sorts out these problems?"

"I have the information, but I don't know. I could be opening up a door that might be better left closed." We turned the corner back onto the street again. "I'll think about it, okay? Right now I just want to go home and relax with you."

I went to speak, to tell him he should go and get these answers, but I knew Jasper well enough now to know he wouldn't listen any longer. He had said he would think about it, and was leaving it there. For him, the matter was closed until he saw fit to reopen it. I wanted him to go and find them. If these problems and issues stemmed from his adoption and his inability to handle the fact he wasn't wanted as a baby, then surely these answers would only make things better for him?

We reached his parent's house, and the lights were still on in the living room. Jasper looked at me, and smiled weakly. His inner turmoil was so evident in his eyes. In all the weeks and months I had known him, Jasper had never shown any sort of vulnerabilities or insecurities. He was always so sure of himself, so confident in who he was, that to see him like this broke me inside.

"Do you want to go inside?" Jasper sighed and looked towards the house. His mood had shifted again bringing dark, black clouds over his head. His shoulders slumped forward like a weight was pressing down on them. I wanted to know what had changed. From walking back from the wooden fence to now, something inside of him shifted.

"I don't know. I should, but right now I feel isolated and unwelcome." Jasper mumbled. His statement had concerned me which only added to my general worry over this evening.

_Could he really not see what I saw?_

His family loved him. I could see it the moment we arrived in the way Esme smiled at him. Her whole face filled with love. The way Carlisle had spoken to me about him showed he was so proud of him. How could he feel isolated and unwelcome by these people?

"Babe?" The weak, shaky voice was back again. His words were laced with so much worry. Touching his chin with two fingers, I lifted his head up to make him look at me.

"Wouldn't it be rude if I didn't say goodbye to them?"

"With what happened tonight, I think they'll understand." Jasper pulled his keys out his pocket. "Just knock on the door and say goodbye. It will put my mum's mind at rest as she'll only worry about it." Leaning forward, I pressed my lips softly against his. He seemed so distant now, and not as open and loving as he had been.

Worry seeped though me slowly working its' way throughout my body. In truth, I was still a little shaken by what I had witnessed. I trusted Jasper and believed him when he said he would never turn on me like that, but at the same time I worried that this could happen again. He had already confessed he had to stop himself from smashing that guy's face in at the club. Would he be able to stop himself in the future now that things were a lot different between us?

Pushing the thoughts away, I tapped lightly on the door and waited. The door opened slowly, and Carlisle stood there. He smiled trying to cover his concern, but I saw him look over my shoulder to Jasper.

"Edward?" He spoke, looking at Jasper the whole time.

"Umm, I just came to say goodbye, and thanks for having me today. It was really nice to meet you."

"You're very welcome, Edward. I hope we see you soon, and I'm very sorry for what happened earlier." Again he wasn't really looking at me when he spoke. His eyes kept darting back to Jasper.

"It couldn't be helped. Will you tell Esme I said goodbye?"

"Of course, take care of yourself." He smiled slightly.

"And you. Bye." Turning, I walked back down the path to where Jasper was. He was leaning on the hood of the car twirling his keys in his hand. "Jasper? You okay?" He let out a long, frustrated sigh.

"Not really. We'll talk when we get back." With that, he pushed himself off the bonnet of the car and walked to the driver's side.

Following him I got in, in silence. Jasper's mood scared me. I wanted to see the sure Jasper back, not this worried Jasper that was currently sitting next to me. The drive back was longer than the one going there. The atmosphere in the car was tense. Jasper didn't say a single word. He hardly even looked at me choosing to pretend I wasn't there. That hurt, and the prudent child in me was sulking. I had confessed I loved him, finally admitting to him what he meant to me and to see him now shutting down and cutting me out stung.

Yes, Jasper was upset with the events of this evening. He had almost come to blows with his dad and threatened to kill the guy his sister was seeing. But, there was a small part of me that thought that when I told him we would be in some lovely dovey bubble for a while. Instead he smiled, kissed me and popped that bubble. In truth, I knew I was being selfish. Right now the events of this evening were far more important. His sudden change of mood was far more important. Everything seemed far more important than me.

Pulling up at Jasper's house, he cut the engine and got out walking off towards the front door before I was even out. Closing the door behind me, I saw him raise his arm over his shoulder and hit the remote locking the car before opening the front door.

Following him, I closed the front door behind me and walked through the house toward the kitchen. Jasper was already leaning back against the work top draining a bottle of beer. I watched him down the bottle in one go before throwing it in the bin and opening another one.

"Want one?" He mumbled at me. Nodding, he passed me a bottle and chucked the bottle opener on the side. "Let's go upstairs." He walked away taking his beer with him.

Upstairs in his room, Jasper flopped on the bed and placed his forearm over his eyes. Sitting on the corner of the bed, I watched his chest move up and down with each breath he took. So badly I wanted to break the silence between us, dispel this awkwardness that sat wedged there, but I didn't know what to say.

"Edward, maybe this...Us, isn't going to work." His voice shook as he spoke. Panic hit me with G force power. My eyes grew wide as I tried to process what had just happened.

"What? Why?"

"I saw your face. I saw it when we were talking, and when I was explaining what happened. You're afraid, afraid of me. That isn't what I want, Edward. I don't want to look at you and see that fear, and to worry that you are too afraid to be with me. So maybe it's best we call it day." The arm across his face hadn't moved. That was a good thing as now he wouldn't see the tears that had filled my eyes and were spilling over slowly.

"Don't...Don't you love me?"

"With everything that I have, Edward, I love you. But I can't guarantee that I will never freak out like that again. I can't promise you that what you saw was one off, and I can't live with the worry that I am on borrowed time until you decide you're too afraid of me to be with me." Slowly, Jasper moved from his spot letting his arm fall away as he sat up.

He still hadn't looked at me, instead he picked up his beer from the side and held it in his hands as he looked down. My tears still continued to travel slowly down my face. I couldn't stop them. My pain was growing with each passing second. I had told him I loved him; the first time I say those words to him and he wants us to part.

"And I love you. Please Jasper, don't do this." Pathetically, I begged. "I'm not afraid to be with you, what I am afraid of is losing you." He lifted his head slightly to look at me through his long, dark blond lashes that shadowed his cheeks.

"I sometimes feel like I'm crazy, Edward. Like no one really gets me or what I am saying. I've heard and been told how selfish I am, how I should be thankful. Not many children coming from adoption walk into such a well suited family where they'll want for nothing. Or I should be thankful that I was adopted full stop as there are children who never get fostered or adopted. Older children or children with special needs get left behind to stay in these homes until they reach eighteen." He paused taking in a shaky breath before continuing. "Do they really think I don't know that? That I don't understand it? I'm more than thankful for the life I have had with them, but I can't help how I feel inside. I can't help that I need these answers, that I can't let go or fully understand."

Jasper stopped again and wiped his face. The light off the nightstand was catching the shimmer of tears on his cheeks, and again my heart ached for him. Seeing him like this, releasing all issues out, made me realise just how complex Jasper was. He was so strong on the outside, so sure. The mask he wore was flawless, but one little crack or stone thrown and it shattered showing just how vulnerable and broken Jasper really was inside.

I watched as he pulled out the packet of smokes from his pocket and lit up. His head was now back down staring at his feet on the bed as his thumb rubbed against his bottom lip.

"I feel like I can never win whichever way I go. If I don't fight, I feel they will reject me. But now, just like all the time before, I worry that they will reject me and isolate me because I freaked out. When I try and explain this, I feel like I don't make any sense to anyone, and that once again I am crazy. I'm not crazy, I have a solid grip on reality. I just need answers to move on." Jasper sat back resting his head against the headboard.

"You make sense to me, babe. Some people can't just let go, it happens. Maybe not to the extent you have it, but I'm willing to bet that some people find it hard to let go of past relationships especially if they have parted without any real answers. Jasper, what answers are you looking for?" He lifted his head off the headboard and took a long drag of his smoke.

"Really? I want to know why. Why I was given up and why I was rejected at such a young age. I was baby, a few days old and rejected by the people that created me. I want to know if they have ever thought about me, or wondered how I turned out. Did they ever want to get in touch with me, to see me or was I just rejected as scum and never crossed their minds again? I know I may never get those answers. Even if I do I know that I may not like what I hear, but I need to know babe." He stubbed out his smoke and looked at me. His eyes, normally so grey and stormy, were burning with rich emotion. "Don't be afraid to be with me, please."

Crawling over to him, I parted his legs and crawled up his body. Pushing his shoulders back, I urged him to lie down. Resting my arms on either side of his head, I smiled looking down at him. He was so gorgeous, even finding out about his issues tonight hadn't hampered his beauty at all. It only added to it making him completely whole and perfect in my eyes. Leaning forward, I captured his lips with mine in a soft, gentle but searing kiss. Jasper's arms weaved their way around my back pushing up the back of my shirt as he moved his hand up my back. His tongue forced my lips apart brushing effortlessly with mine. I moaned into kiss making Jasper buck his hips against mine. Our lips parted as our hardening cocks rubbed together inciting the most wonderful hiss from Jasper.

Jasper's fingers began undoing the buttons on my shirt as our lips met again. A shiver rippled through me as I felt the soft touches of his fingertips run over my bare skin. Slowly, he trailed his talented fingers down my chest tweaking and playing with my nipples. Moaning into the kiss, I began pulling up Jasper's Tee wanting to feel his skin next to mine. Jasper flipped us over and sat back on his heels to pull his T-Shirt off. I moaned loudly as inch by wonderful inch, his tanned hard chest came into view. Throwing the Tee across the room, he grabbed me underneath my knees and pulled me further down the bed. My arousal grew as I saw his eyes darken and become lust filled followed by his fucking smirk.

Jasper's right hand came forward and he rested it lightly in between my pecs. Smiling, he looked up at me and began slowly running his fingertips down my chest and abs. He reached the belt on my jeans and stopped. My painfully hard cock was straining against the fabric of my jeans wanting to be released from its confinement. His torture continued as he trailed both of his hands down my thighs and back up again. Jasper began to palm me through my jeans making me cry out and buck my hips so desperate for more.

"Jazz..." The word left my mouth in a breathless whisper.

His fingers began undoing my belt on my jeans, slowly. The slowness was killing me. I needed, no wanted, him to hurry up and remove my jeans. He popped the button and pulled down the zipper. My cock finally sprang free as Jasper hooked his thumbs through the waistband and tugged. Lifting my hips up, Jasper pulled down my jeans with a low moan.

"Commando? You're so beautiful babe." Unable to help it, I felt my cheeks begin to burn as his eyes travelled up and down my naked body. "And that blush? I love seeing it."

"Jasper...Take your jeans off and come here, please." He shook his head at me and leaned forward kissing the tip of my cock. As much as I wanted this, wanted him to continue with his licks and kisses, I wanted to love him. He was the one hurting, the one upset, not me. "Jasper please. Please let me love you." Sitting up, I pushed him off me and looked at him. Holding his chin in between my thumb and forefinger, I kissed him softly. I could feel his slight stubble rubbing against my skin as we kissed. It was something that I enjoyed feeling, feeling his stubble tickle my skin let me know he was there.

Parting our lips, I looked into his deep, stormy eyes that were so rich with emotion as I began to undo his jeans. Jasper sucked in a shaky breath as my fingers touched his newly exposed skin. Pushing down his jeans a little, Jasper removed them the rest of the way kicking them off and throwing them on the floor with the rest of our clothes. Taking his hand, I pulled him down so we were laying side by side.

Our lips met tentatively moving slowly against one another. Jasper's hand rested on my hip pulling me closer to him. The room was filled with soft moans and breathless whimpers as our cocks rubbed together. A pleasurable shiver ran through my body feeling his silky skin, covering his hard steel, sliding against mine. I began trailing hot, wet, open mouth kisses across his jaw and down his neck. Jasper moaned and tilted his head back giving me better access to his neck. My hand trailed down his chest towards his cock. Taking him in my hand, Jasper bucked his hips hard against me as I ran my thumb over his head spreading the droplets of pre-cum around.

"Let me love you." I whispered in his ear, making him shudder.

Slowly, I began to stroke him completely loving the feeling of him in my hand. Jasper's head rested on my shoulder with his hot breath coming out in pants across my chest. My tongue came out and licked up the side of his neck tasting his slightly salty skin and an essence of pure Jasper. My lips soon replaced my tongue, kissing and nibbling my down his neck until I reached the curve of his neck. Biting him gently, Jasper cried out and bucked his hips.

"Babe...Cum with me...please." He pleaded breathlessly.

Wrapping my fingers around both our cocks, I picked my pace up. Stroking faster, I heard Jasper moan in my ear as I pleasured us both. Our hips rocked, rubbing our cocks together. Jasper's moans increased, coming out in pants and whispered words of love as he neared his climax. His moans were like music to my ears playing a beautiful symphony that filled me with love.

His cock twitched in my hand as I bit down again on his collarbone. Jasper's hand slid off my hip and came up to his mouth. He wet his finger and I felt his hand glide over my ass cheek before his fingers slid down the crack of my ass and began teasing around my hole. His fingers circled around and gently pushed against the ring of tight muscle making me moan out.

"I want you so bad, babe." He whispered in a husky voice making me shiver.

"I want you, too." His lips crashed hard on to mine forcing his tongue in my mouth.

Our hips continued to rock against each others as we neared our release. My grip tightened around our cocks as I stroked us faster. Jasper cried out loudly and pushed his wet finger passed my tight ring of muscles. My hips bucked feeling him fuck me with his finger. Panting and moaning loudly, I picked my pace up feeling Jasper begin to pulsate in my hand.

"Babe..." Jasper whispered out in a cry as he came over my hand and cock.

Feeling his warm cum cover my hand and cock pushed me over the edge. Grunting loudly, I came moments after Jasper. Resting my head against his shoulder, we both came down from our high. Our heavy breathing began to subside as a feeling of complete contentment washed over me. I was so in love with him. I wanted him to know that what happened today was okay; that things hadn't changed between us; that I still wanted him.

Jasper pulled away first rolling over and opening the bedside drawer to pull out a packet of wet wipes. Pulling a few out, he handed me the packet to clean up. Once we were all clean up, Jasper passed me a pair of sweats and climbed on the bed, looking at me.

"You okay?" He nodded slightly, sighing as he did.

"My head's just a mess, babe. It always is after these freak outs. It takes me a while to settle again, but I'll be fine in the morning." He held his hand out to me.

Taking his hand, I crawled next to him and kissed his soft lips gently. "I love you." He smiled at me, his eyes lighting up and glowing with love.

"Even though I'm a bit of headcase?" He chuckled out, rubbing the tip of his nose against mine.

"I happen to have a thing for headcases." Jasper snorted and smiled resting his forehead against mine as we laid together. His thumb was slowly stroking my cheek as he closed his eyes. "Umm... Jasper?"

"Hmm?"

"My cousin is getting married in two weeks...Would you like to come with me?" Jasper's eyes shot open making me panic and begin to back track. "You don't have too...it's no big thing. I just...Well, wondered that's all." By the time I had finished rambling, Jasper was smiling at me with a low chuckle seeping through his lips.

"I would love to come with you. Are you sure you're ready for all your family to see you with another man? If it will make you more comfortable, I can pretend I'm just your friend." Taking in a shaky breath, I shook my head.

"No. I came out to my friends, my parents know and I have been in town with you. I don't care what people think, not really." Jasper smiled at me.

"Yeah, I know. I just wanted to make sure, that's all." He gently pressed his lips to mine just once. "I'm looking forward to meeting all your family."

* * *

_Okay..._

_You know what to do even though I was a complete fail with my tease. Jen x  
_


	14. Chapter 14

_**AN/** Thank you to everyone who reviewed the last chapter, even though I am complete fail with replies. Life is crazy, hence why I never offered a tease last chapter, I just knew I wouldn't I have the time. _

_Of course a huge thank you to my girls, Ealasiad77 and dtav, for holding my hand and making my chapters lpook nice and pretty. _

_Enjoy!  
_

* * *

_**EPOV**_

I nervously played with the cuffs on my shirt while I waited for Jasper to arrive. Today was the day my whole family was about to find out I was gay. To say I wasn't nervous would be a lie. Of course I was nervous, they're my family, and I didn't want to be the outcast at family events. My parents had both told me that I had nothing to fear. Jasper had said the same thing. He even added, which was a very valid point, that it only mattered what my parents thought and not my whole family. I guess he was right, but did I really want to be the freak in the family? Hell no.

It was all fair and well saying I didn't give a fuck about what people thought, which I don't, but when it came to my family, I was a wreck. I didn't want anything that could upset Tanya's day. Yeah, she and I had a difficult relationship from time to time, but I couldn't bear to ruin her day just because our family didn't take too kindly to it.

_Calm the fuck down! Get a grip on yourself._

Taking a couple of deep breaths, I attempted to sort out the mess that was my hair. Jasper would be here in a few minutes and I was still flapping around like a girl. Being that this was a family wedding, my mum had taken it upon herself to vet my clothing beforehand. She wanted to make sure we all looked the part or, more to the point, didn't embarrass her. The fight over the black vs. white socks was still going on between my mum and dad. While I saw my mum's point over the white sock issue my dad has, I really thought there were more important things to worry about than the colour socks my dad choose to wear.

Ruffling my hair in the mirror once more, I looked at the end results. Still as messy as ever, and sticking out in all different directions, but at least it looked slightly more styled. Looking at myself, I smoothed down my crisp white shirt and pulled on the light beige jacket. Sliding my arms through it, I fastened up the buttons. I had to admit, I looked pretty good even though the thought of wearing a suit bugged the fuck out of me.

"Edward? Downstairs now!" Why the hell my mum was suddenly panicking today was beyond me. Although my mum was always the same when it came to any family functions.

"I'm coming!" I called back while picking up my phone off the bedside table and leaving my bedroom.

Jogging down the stairs, I heard Jasper's voice talking to my parents. My heart skipped a beat hearing it, bringing a smile to my lips. In the recent weeks since I met his family, Jasper had calmed himself back down and was back to his old self again which pleased me. That night, Jasper had been restless throughout the night. Moving around in bed and in the end giving up and heading downstairs at five AM. Part of me wanted to go to him, but another part of me told me to give him time, let him sort his head out and talk to him in the morning. Leaving him be won though, and I was woken up with soft, loving kisses on my neck and the smell of coffee and a cooked breakfast floating in the room.

Heading into the living room, I saw Jasper standing there smiling widely at me. His cheeks dimpled, and his eyes danced and sparkled at me. So much love was held in his eyes as he looked at me that I wondered just what I had done to get such an amazing man. Moving towards him, my eyes ran over his body noticing how his jet black suit hugged him perfectly in all the right places.

"Hi," I whispered just before I kissed him gently on the lips. His hands ran down my arms until he reached my fingers. Lacing his fingers through mine, he gave them a gentle squeeze before he pulled back from the kiss.

"You look gorgeous, babe." Feeling slightly embarrassed, I dropped my head down. "You do, though." He moved his lips to my ear and said, "You look even better with your clothes off." His purr sent a shiver throughout my body.

"You don't look too bad yourself." Jasper grinned while gently playing with my fingers. "How's Alice?" Jasper rolled his eyes.

"Hmm, pestering me over some shoes she wants for her birthday." I chuckled at his statement. "Thing is, though, these shoes are stupidly priced. She thinks I should cough up a couple hundred for some bit of leather on a heel. Not happening, and she can play the whole 'I've had an emotional experience' card all she likes, it doesn't mean I'm gonna pay for some overpriced pair of shoes."

"How's she feeling now? Has Mike stopped calling her?" Jasper nodded. "That's good."

"Yeah, puts my mind at rest. So, you looking forward to today? Not having any seconds thoughts about your family seeing you with a man?" He smiled slightly, his eyes roaming my face looking for any signs of my fears.

I couldn't lie to him as he always seemed to see through my mask that was hiding my fears. Not wanting to admit it, but knowing it was useless to lie, I confessed, "Not second thoughts as such, I'm just a little worried that they may cast me out and ruin Tanya's wedding." Jasper nodded slightly his eyes looking away from me. "Sorry," I mumbled. Jasper just shrugged at me.

"I understand, really I do. It's just that I'm not used to hiding myself anymore. I'm used to just being me when I'm with my partner, as I have said, but if it makes you feel better we can just act like friends." His voice sounded a little disappointed.

It wasn't fair for me to ask him to do that. He had already been so patient with me, so understanding. Jasper was desperate for us to become more physical with each other. The whole idea of sleeping with him still scared me. Yes, I wanted to, but the fear of it was still too large for me to overcome just yet. I had to be thankful that Jasper was willing to wait as long as he had; that he was so understanding with me, when most wouldn't be.

Squeezing his fingers in mine, I leaned forward and slowly brushed my lips against his. "I don't want us to act like that." A weak smile crossed my lips as my insides became a mess of knots and twists. Jasper looked at me questioningly. His stormy blue eyes were staring so intently at me, waiting for me to confess. "We have to do this one day, right? May as well get it out of the way now." The smile that ran across his lips made my heart flutter.

"Happy to hear that, babe."

"Are you two ready to go?" Hearing my mother's voice broke us out of the intimate bubble we had been in. "Let me look at you." _Oh God, was there no end to her embarrassment? _

Jasper chuckled and snickered beside me as my mum began pulling at my shirt collar getting it right. Her eyes travelled up and down me before she sighed. "What?" I asked feeling slightly annoyed.

"Did you at least try and sort that mop of hair out?" _Please ground, just open up and swallow me whole. _Jasper continued to chuckle beside me finding my embarrassment with my mum highly amusing. "Can you not comb it?" Her hands moved towards my hair, making me groan and pull my head back.

"Leave it. It's not my fault I have crap hair." She frowned at me and attempted to say something else, but stopped. The heat on my cheeks was burning my skin. I was beyond mortified that my mum could be so embarrassing with Jasper standing next to me.

"The taxi will be here in a few minutes. Please, Edward, don't touch that mop of hair anymore as I would like it to look somewhat decent for the photos." She smiled sweetly at me and went off in search of my dad.

Jasper continued to chuckle beside me making me feel even more embarrassed. Why did he still have to laugh? Looking down at the floor, I wished for my embarrassment to go away. I could hardly look at Jasper right now after my mum's killer performance at making me a laughingstock. Why did my family have to be freaks? Jasper's seemed perfectly normal, and not willing to embarrass their child. Why couldn't mine be the same? _Oh yeah, that's right, life's a fucking bitch!_

Jasper's warm breath trailed on my neck before I felt his lips softly kiss my skin. "Don't be embarrassed, babe," he murmured in my ear. "Family events are big things for mums. Mine is just as bad. You have to be perfect, you can't go looking anything less than spot on. Can't embarrass the rest of the family that way."

"It's so embarrassing," I grumbled. Jasper chuckled and nodded.

"Yeah, but listen to this. A few years back it was my Nana's birthday. The family threw this big party for her. Anyway, halfway through the night, my dad went to my Nana and gave her a big hug and wished her happy birthday and all that. My Nana grabbed the napkin, dabbed it on her tongue and wiped it on his cheek to remove something. My dad was mortified, and I was pissing myself with laughter," Jasper chuckled out. Unable to help myself, I began to laugh. Looking into Jasper's eyes, I saw them shining with happiness. "That's better. I hate it when you're embarrassed."

Slightly confused by this I asked, "But I thought you said you loved to see me all flushed and embarrassed?" Jasper chuckled and shook his head.

"I only like seeing you like that when I have caused it, not other people." My mouth formed a perfect 'O' shape. Still, I was unsure about the difference between the two but brushed it off.

Taking hold of his hand, we walked through the house and went outside on the front porch to wait for the taxi to arrive. My nerves began to calm down and relax. Jasper's arm was now around my back, and he was resting his hand on the base. His touch was so soothing to me, making me feel safe and protected. He had worried to no end that after the burst up at his families home, I wouldn't want him. How could he think that? I was happy that he had told me his problems and taken off that slightly perfect persona he had. This made him seem human to me, not so perfect and slightly flawed just like the rest of us. Jasper had an amazing loyalty to his family. His willingness to protect and fight for them at all costs, was something I truly admired. I just wished he would let go of the issues he was carrying around with him.

Since that night we had spent ages sitting and talking about it. Jasper's trust in me, that I wouldn't freak out with him, made me feel so much love towards him. I knew that Jasper was afraid to talk to me about it, he was worried that I wouldn't accept him fully if I knew the full in's and out's of his mind. Jasper had nothing to fear, I wanted to help him through his issues and encourage him to seek these answers he so desperately needed. I truly did believe that he would be able to close the door on this if he knew why. It was his soul and the only reason for all of this was him not knowing why he was given up. It had affected him so deeply, that only the answers from his birth parents could heal him.

Being pulled closer to Jasper, he snuggled his face into my neck. "What are you thinking about, babe?" Coming out of my thoughts, I smiled and kissed the top of his head.

"Just stuff, nothing really." He lifted his head up and smiled at me giving me a soft a loving kiss.

"Taxi's here, Edward." Breaking apart from the kiss, Jasper and I headed towards the taxi.

XXXX

The sun was high in the sky by the time we reached the church. Family and friends had already gathered outside waiting for the bride to arrive. Everyone was all smiles and looking happy. Weddings had never really been a big thing for me, they were something that I hated going to. They're boring, plan and simple. In the past I had kicked up a fuss over going, trying everything to get out of going, only to be forced into it. But this time? This time was different. While I was nervous as hell for my family to find out that I was gay, I was also feeling very loved and in love. The thought of one day marrying Jasper entered my head.

It was stupid to even think about anything like that. We had only been dating a few months. Thoughts like this just made me seem like a sad pathetic loser. Maybe it was more the fact that I was in love now? For the first time ever, I was suddenly in love. Being in love was making me suddenly think of things that had never entered my head.

Sitting inside the church with Jasper next to me, time slipped by so fast. No sooner had I seen Tanya walk up the aisle on her father's arm, then I was seeing her walking back down on the arm of her new husband.

"She looks beautiful," Jasper whispered in my ear as we began to stand and make our way out the church.

Chuckling, I asked, "Thought you were gay?"

"I am, that doesn't mean I can't tell a beautiful woman when I see one." He smirked and winked and added, "Though, your beauty outweighs hers." Taking my hand in his, we walked outside to the confetti that was being thrown over the newlyweds.

If I had thought that my family hadn't spotted me holding hands with a man, I was wrong. Now that we were outside and the wedding was over, their eyes had started drifting towards us. Jasper didn't seemed bothered by the awkward glances we were receiving. Instead, he continued to talk to my parents as though it was nothing. Jasper kept ahold of my hand, squeezing it reassuringly and rubbing small circles on the back of it.

"Relax, babe. They are shocked, nothing more." I nodded, though not totally believing it. "This is the boring bit about weddings, waiting around while photos are being done. People are bored and this is why they are staring."

"They have nothing better to do, right?" Jasper nodded with a smirk.

"Eddie!" her high pitched voice vibrated in my ears. "I'm so glad you could make it!" Tanya's arms were suddenly flung around me holding me tight. "And I am very happy."

"I should hope you are. It's your wedding day!" I rubbed her back before pulling away only to be given a hard slap across my chest.

"No, about you!" She looked at Jasper and smiled. "He's very cute."

"Jasper, this is Tanya. Tanya, this is my boyfriend, Jasper." Jasper grinned widely at me and held his hand out to Tanya.

"It's a pleasure to meet you. You look very beautiful," Jasper said watching as Tanya blushed slightly.

"Thank you. Jasper, it's great to meet you. I am so happy you brought out my cousin. Oh and Edward, don't worry about the family, they'll get over it." Tanya spoke loud enough for the whole family to have heard. I wasn't sure if I was more relieved or more nervous now.

"Where's Garrett?" Tanya shrugged.

"The last I spoke to him, he was moaning that the suit was too hot and he wanted a drink." She giggled. "I guess I'd better go hunt him down and finish off these photos so we can get out of here. I am so hungry. I'll see you boys later." With that, Tanya picked up the front of her over-sized wedding dress and took off in search of Garrett.

Soon we found ourselves at the reception venue. My nerves had fully relaxed, thanks to Jasper and the alcohol I was consuming. The looks soon disappeared. Only one remained, which was from my grandma. Jasper assured me that she would take the longest to come round. Her time was a lot different back then, and being gay was swept under the carpet. Still, even if she never accepted it, I couldn't complain as the rest had accepted it with no trouble.

Jasper had kept his touching to a minimum, wanting me to lead the way. This I was thankful for. His soft touches on the small of my back, or the holding of my hand was, enough to let me know he was there.

Picking up our champagne glasses, I took his hand and led him outside to the back gardens. Walking through the grounds, I found a picnic bench just a little hidden underneath the trees. Placing my glass on the bench, I sat down on the table and took his glass from him. Jasper cocked an eyebrow at me as I took hold of his hands and pulled him closer to me. Crashing my lips hard against his slightly parted ones, my tongue slipped straight in. Brushing my tongue against his, I moaned at the taste of him as I pulled him closer. Jasper's fingers weaved through my hair as our lips moved slowly together. My thighs were on either side of his as he stood in between my legs. I could feel him begin to harden as our kiss became more demanding.

It had been a while since we had kissed, and I had missed the feel of his rough lips against mine. I had missed the taste of him on my tongue, and I had missed hearing his moans as we kissed. Breaking apart from the kiss, our foreheads rested together. Our breaths fanned each other faces. A beautiful smile was sitting on his lips.

"I love you," my voice came out in a breathless whisper as I looked at him.

"Love you too, babe." He leaned forward and kissed me once more softly on the lips before pulling back. "Feeling more comfortable, now?"

"Yes, the champagne is definitely helping." I blushed slightly and looked down mumbling, "I want you, tonight." Touching my chin with his fingers, he slowly lifted my head up to look at him.

"What did you say?" There was a slight bit of humour in his voice. My cheeks began to burn as I felt the weight of his stare on me. "Babe?" he pushed.

"I'm ready, I want you tonight." Jasper beamed at me, his eyes lighting up and dancing at me. "If you are," I added.

"Unbelievably ready. Babe, I've wanted you for so long." Downing his champagne, he gave me another kiss soft kiss before saying, "Want another one?"

"Please, it will help me relax." Jasper smiled and ran his thumb against my bottom lip.

"I told you before, babe, I won't hurt you. We'll take it slow, okay?" I nodded, feeling happy but with a mixture of fear running through me. "Right, I'll be back with drinks, I need a piss first." Leaving me with a parting kiss, I watched him walk back through the gardens and disappear out of sight.

Placing my hands behind me on the table, I leaned back and enjoyed the last remains of the sunset. Tonight was the night, and while I was a little scared about it, I also trusted Jasper completely. I knew I was completely safe in his hands, he wouldn't hurt me. There was the wonderful feeling of excitement washing its way through me, knowing that soon we would be back at his place making love for the first time. I couldn't wait to feel him, to be connected to him like that, to share in that wonderful feeling of love.

Jasper soon appeared in my view walking towards me. His head was down, his hands in his pockets. Seeing him lift his head up to look at me, I smiled at him, but the look he shot me soon wiped the smile off my face.

"Jasper? You okay?" He shrugged at me, turning his head away. "Jasper?" He looked back at me with dead eyes, making me feel uncomfortable.

"What?" he spat, and so much venom laced that one word.

"What's happened? Are you okay?" An uneasy feeling began to sit in my stomach. "Talk to me, please." Jasper just snorted at me. "You want to leave?"

"Yes." Jasper walked off ahead of me walking around the side of the building so he didn't have to walk through the reception.

We got into a waiting taxi and spent the drive not speaking to each other, heading towards Jasper's house.

XXXXX

The nervous feeling in the pit of my stomach tightened more and more. Jasper refused to look at me, answer me or even acknowledge I was even here. For the life of me, I didn't know what had happened. He seemed fine one minute, laughing and joking, smiling at me with love in his eyes, then suddenly he became this. The smile had gone, the love in his eyes had disappeared and the laugh had certainly had its curtain call. This silence between us was killing me! I couldn't understand it. If I knew just what I had done for him to be so mad, I could understand, yet he failed to tell me.

"Got a confession to make, Edward?" his sharp tone suddenly cut through the tense atmosphere. Looking over at him, his back was facing me as he looked out the window.

"Confession?" Confused by what he meant, I walked towards him and placed my arm on his shoulder. His body tensed before he swiped my hand away.

"Don't fucking touch me," he growled out, turning his body more towards me. "Your little secret is out. I overheard the fucking gossip, and surprise surprise, you were the fucking topic of conversation," Jasper raged at me. Becoming even more confused by what he had heard, Jasper continued. "Leah," he spat her name as though she was something dirty.

_Shit!_

Closing my eyes, I tried to think of something to say to sort this mess out. "Jasper...I'm sorry. It's not what you think." Jasper snorted loudly at me and shot me a dirty look.

"Do not make me out to be fucking dumb. I may not be as fucking smart as you are to get into Vet school, but I am certainly not fucking dumb. You were cheating, Edward, fucking cheating, seeing me and her at the same time. Fucking explain how that isn't what I think it is!" Looking down to the floor, I began to feel my eyes fill with tears.

"It was only a few days, nothing more," I mumbled out in my defense.

"Before or after the canal?" Jasper demanded.

"After."

"What was it, Edward? Did you just want to find out how gay men give head compared to women? I asked you when your last girlfriend was and you lied. You fucking lied and continued to lie!" Jasper's form began to shake as his rage took over.

"It wasn't like that, I love you." Jasper laughed at my words. Throwing his head back, he let out a deep throaty laugh.

"Well, I don't fucking love you, Edward." My face suddenly fell as the words left his mouth. Jasper, having seen my reaction, smirked rather smugly at me. "You were a game, Edward, nothing more. Your shyness drove me insane, your inexperience bored me to tears! I don't want a little boy who has no fucking idea what he wants or what he is doing. I am looking for a man, and you are not it."

"Jasper," my voice shook as a sob got stuck in my throat. Tears ran down my cheeks slowly, as I took his in vicious words.

"Jasper," he mimicked. "Please, stop being a fucking pussy and grow a set. Jesus, all I wanted from you was a fuck. It's a great turn on to know you're taking some fucking twink's cherry, but you wouldn't put out. I invested a lot of time into you and I am sad the payoff didn't come, but fuck it. There are plenty more fish in sea."

"You said you loved me, that you were crazy about me," I choked out through my tears.

"Ha, well I lied. Edward, why would I love you? Think about it, you are fucking stupid when it comes to sex, you blush at the slightest mention of it, and I have had better get offs with my right hand and a porno!" Flinching at his words, my heart split in two. My fears from the very beginning about him not really wanting me were true.

"It meant nothing to you, nothing at all?" My heart wouldn't fully believe everything he was saying.

"Listen, Edward, this meant nothing for me. All you were ever going to be was a fuck, and once I had that, I planned on dumping you. Get out, Edward. Run along back to mummy and daddy and your perfect little straight life. Trust me, you'll have better luck with a woman." Jasper turned on his heel and walked towards the front door. Opening it, he looked at me. "Out now, or do I have to throw you out?"

"How will I get home?" Jasper just shrugged at me. "Jasper, please," I pleaded again.

"Get the fuck out. I don't give a shit how you get home, not my fucking problem." Walking past Jasper, my tears continued to pour down my cheeks. Stepping into the cool air, I turned around about to speak to the man I loved only to get the door slammed in my face.

"Please, Jasper, let me explain," I pleaded in a whisper, with my forehead pressed against the door. He didn't answer. All I wanted was a few minutes of his time, to explain to him why I hadn't told him and that I never set about to cheat. He wouldn't even give me that.

Jasper's cruel, nasty, vicious words spun around in my head screaming at me and letting me know how much of a fool I had been. I believed him, believed everything he said, how he felt, how I made him feel. All of it had been a complete and utter lie. From the very beginning, I had wondered what he could possibly see in me. Why would someone like Jasper want someone like me? Inexperienced, shy, unsure of everything. Jasper was confident in his own skin and very experienced, I was way out of his league from the get go. I never thought that someone like Jasper could be so cruel and heartless. He never seemed the type to just string someone along. Though, if I had seen that then I wouldn't have hung around, but I did. Jasper invaded my life, my mind, every part of me, and to know that I had lost him tore me apart.

_You never had him, Edward. _

That was true, I never had him. This was a game and I was his toy. He just wanted to get laid, fuck the virgin and say goodbye. That was something I didn't understand. What could be the great thrill?

_Because it was just a game._

Wiping my face to remove the over spill of tears from my face, I saw the taxi pull up outside of Jasper's place. Staring at it, I wondered if Jasper was leaving. The sound of the car horn honked, and Jasper's front door clicked open. Turning, I saw him standing there, his arms folded across his chest, looking at me.

"Jasper, le-"

"Taxi is here, get the fuck off my property, Edward." Jasper turned slightly and picked something up. Turning back towards me I saw a bag in his hand. "Here, these belong to you, now go." Shaking slightly, I took the bag from him and began to walk towards the taxi, feeling everything inside of me break and fall apart.

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_*Hides* If you don't hate me too much, hit the review button and drop some love._

_Jen x  
_


	15. Jasper POV

_**AN/** *Waves a white flag and creeps out from hiding place.* WOW, I upset a lot of you with the last chapter, didn't I? Hehe, I love it! Thank you for the reviews, guys. The next chapter is almost done, I have about anohter 1.5k to write and then its done. So, all being well, next week we should have the next chapter out. _

_Okay, so I thought that maybe Jasper was painted a little unfairly. Yes, he was a twat and there is no excuse, but I felt he needed to have his side of things told. Its not long, but we get a little look inside his mind as everything happens. _

_Thanks to my girls, for just being the best!_

_Enjoy!_

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_**JPOV**_

__One little lie, a few misplaced words around someone who didn't know any better, and it all comes crashing down.

Hearing those words froze me to the spot. At first I was sure they were on about Edward, but that sinking feeling in the pit of my stomach grew the more I listened.

_'Well, you know Edward was still seeing her up until a few weeks ago.'_

_'Really? So how long has he been on the scene then? He seems pretty smitten with him. They must have been going out a while.'_

_'From talking to his mum, it's been a couple of months.'_

My world just stopped spinning.

He never really wanted to be with me if he had _her _waiting in the wings. Edward was already rejecting me without even giving me a chance. How could he not be? He wanted a back up just in case being 'gay' wasn't for him. He was writing off me, and us, before we had even begun.

I felt sick thinking of everything I had done. How much I had wanted him to accept me, to accept us, only to find out his rejection was already in place from the beginning. I should have known fucking better! God, how stupid could I be? The warning signs were there at the very start. The first day I met him he told me that he wanted to try, that he had never done this before and wanted to explore. Fucking muggins here thought that those eyes, that smile and the fucking blush were worth enough to take a risk.

He didn't know what he wanted, and yet I wrote that tiny little fact off because I wanted him. _You're a fucking moron, Jasper Cullen, a complete fucking moron._

My heart shattered just before my anger kicked in.

Did he really think he could play me like this? Play with the gay boy and then go have his pussy? Not a fucking chance.

My love for him turned into hatred in seconds. I was in pain. He had hurt me, and hurt me bad. I wanted to hurt him and I wanted him to feel like he wasn't wanted, which is just how he had made me feel.

Standing in my living room, my anger continued to grow. I wondered if he knew his little secret was out. If his fucking lie of "not had a girlfriend in a while" was fucking blown. Not that it mattered anymore right now.

I tore into him. I watched him fall apart in front of my eyes and saw the tears form and fall from his deep green eyes. I heard him beg, and plead for me to listen, but I wouldn't move. There was nothing I wouldn't have done for him. I wanted to keep him safe, and have him never have to feel pain from others. If anyone ever tried to hurt him, I would hunt the little fucker down and make sure he never went anywhere near him again.

He was mine!

I loved him!

And I protect and fight for what is mine!

Yet, he wasn't mine. He was _hers! _Some little piece of pussy had him from the get go.

_Did he go back to her after he had been with me? Compared getting his cock sucked by a man and a woman?_

_Why did he reject me?_

_What did I do to him? _

My own tears fell as I sat with my back against the door hearing him crying outside. I wanted to go to him, to hold him in my arms and believe that this wasn't true. Part of me wanted to believe that what I heard was just a lie, but I knew it wasn't. He admitted it to me. Admitted that he was with her at the start. How could I have him now, when he had already cheated in the early weeks of our relationship?

Wiping my face, I called him a cab and got his things together. Walking into my bedroom and seeing my bed that I had started to think of as our bed, I was almost sick. Hearing the car horn outside, I shot down the stairs and composed myself before opening the door. Doing the only thing I knew to do when I was hurt, I let my anger take control as I thrust the bag at him.

The sight of him almost broke me. He looked so broken, so sad and in pain. Pain that I had caused him, but pain I wasn't going to take the blame for. He did this, he hurt me. He destroyed my heart after I so willingly gave it to him. He was to blame.

Pain gripped me in a choke hold and wouldn't let me go as I closed the door hearing the taxi pull off. Refusing to give into the pain I went on a rampage and tore my house apart.

I hated everything in this place, everything I had bought, everything he had helped me pick, I destroyed. To think I had even consider him living here with me, yet he just rejected me from the get go and I was none the wiser.

Falling to my knees in the middle of the mess I had made, I broke down unable to comprehend just how I was meant to recover from _his _rejection.

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_So, that's Jasper's take on things. Doesn't excuse what he said, but I'm hoping it makes him a little more understandable. _

_Please hit the review button and drop some love, Jen x  
_


	16. Chapter 16

_**AN/ **__Hi all. Thank you to everyone who reviewed the last two chapters. I know, I have the put the boys through the mill haven't I? Hehe. Did you guys like Jasper's point of view? I hoped it took a little heat off Jasper, though what he said was still wrong, I hope you guys got a better understanding. _

_Thanks to my girls, dtav for being the worlds best prereader and smoothing over my holes and bumps in the chapter. Ealasaid77, for being a grammar whiz and sorting out my horrid grammar. You girls rock my world. _

_I hope you guys like this chapter!_

_**EPOV**_

The lock on my door had been permanently on, give or take the odd trip to the bathroom or collecting the food my mum insisted on leaving outside. I hadn't left my room. I had called and called, left message after message, the last one even more sad and pathetic than the one before. Begging, pleading and crying down the phone just to get him to talk to me; yet he never returned one single phone call or text.

His words from that night continued to haunt me, like a record permanently stuck inside my head; they went round and round. He never wanted me. All I ever was, was a joke to him, a toy. All my fears and doubts had come true. All the times I wondered what he saw in me finally came to a head. Truth was, I believed him when he told me he wanted me, believed him when he said he was crazy about me and I believed him when he told me he loved me. It was too good to be true, he was too good to be true.

My heart had broken, and re-broken, a thousand times since that door slammed in my face. I lost count of how many times I cried, how my times I prayed and begged to anything and everything that possibly could be listening to me. It made no difference. My heart was broken and shattered so badly, I wondered if this pain was ever going to end. Or, if the dark, depressive mood that currently hung over me would ever leave.

Maybe he was right when he said I would be better off with a woman, that I wasn't what any man was looking for. Who really wanted the unsure, inexperienced and just out of the closet type? Jasper certainly didn't. He wanted someone that was sure of themselves, not just of their sexuality. Someone who was experienced and someone he didn't have to show what to do. When I sit and think about it, what did I really bring to this relationship?

Nothing, but inexperience and being able to get all embarrassed and blush over sex. What a great turn on I must have been for him. Did he think of me to get hard? Was he sleeping with someone else behind my back? He had to have been. He wanted sex and I wasn't putting out. Just how many men had he been with while we were together?

While I battered myself with these endless questions, I tortured myself with what was on my phone. The volume of pictures I had taken of him, of us together, I had to look at. No matter how much it hurt to see his fake smile of happiness, I had to look and see what I had never really had.

The videos on my phone of us messing around together filled my nights when sleep just wouldn't come. I had two favourites that I watched a handful of times a day. One was of him working on his house painting the wall. He had taken the paint brush and began writing and drawing silly, stupid little things on the wall making me laugh. The other one was of us in bed together. I had straddled his waist with my phone in my hand and filmed him. Jasper's warm, honey blond curls were fanned out on the pillow. His bare chest was rising and falling as he looked up at me with his stormy grey eyes. His cheeks had dimpled as he smiled looking happy over what I was saying to him.

Listening to his rich, husky voice as he told he loved me broke me every time. He had sounded so true, his eyes had held nothing but love in them when he looked at me. How was it possible to lie about that? How could he change the emotions I saw in his eyes when he told me he loved me? Was it there in his eyes, or was it something I just wanted to see?

I felt worthless, and completely useless. No relationships seemed to work for me. Dating women was boring and I held no interest in them. And, as dating Jasper had shown, men just weren't looking for someone like me in their lives. Who was I meant to date when I didn't seem to fit in at all?

My heart jumped and began beating frantically as my phone kicked into life. Staring at the phone, I saw Jasper's name flashing. For what seemed like hours I stared at the screen, convinced my eyes were playing tricks on me from not enough sleep, before I answered it.

"Jasper?" My voice was so harsh and raspy, evidence of my tears and screams into the pillow as my heart broke over him.

"Stop it, stop it fucking right now," he barked down the phone at me.

"Jasper, please. Please just let me explain what happened," I pleaded hearing him snort loudly down the phone.

"Stop being such a pussy. Listen, stop fucking calling me, stop texting me, stop trying to get in contact with me. You're like a fucking girl, all clingy and shit, unable to understand the basics of words!" His growling temper made me shiver, but I wasn't too sure it was from fear.

"Please, let me explain, you got it all wrong." Again, I pleaded to him.

"Were you, or were you not, seeing some little piece of pussy when you started seeing me?" he demanded.

"Yes, but-" He cut me off before I could even finish what I was trying to tell him.

"Then I got it exactly fucking right. Listen to what I am saying and understand this. I. Don't. Want. You." He paused in between every word as though I was a child, making me feel even worse. "I'm changing my number. You're worse than some fucking stalker." With that, I heard the click and the call disconnected.

A painful sob escaped me as I threw my phone across the room, smashing it against the wall. Big, fat, hot, salty tears fell from my already sore eyes and ran slowly down my face. I struggled to breathe as my sobbing took full hold over me, tightening around my lungs. Everywhere hurt, my lungs burned and hurt from both lack of oxygen and the sobs that wracked through my body. My head hurt from all the thinking I had done, my face and eyes hurt from rubbing them when I cried, but most of all my heart hurt. That pain wasn't going to go away with a couple of pain killers and some sleep.

I loved him so much. How could he just treat me like this? Just throw me aside like I meant nothing to him? Had our time together really meant absolutely nothing to him?

How was it fair that I was suffering like this? Feeling my heart being ripped into tiny little pieces while I yearned for his touch, his love that I couldn't get? Why didn't he feel like this? Why wasn't he hurting like me? What had I actually ever done in my life to receive this sort of treatment?

_He isn't hurting, because he never cared about you or loved you._

Time passed on, and I lied down on my bed just staring at the wall. Waiting. What I was waiting for, I didn't know. I may not have been waiting, but it felt like it. Maybe I just didn't care anymore and was completely shutting down? The darkness of the room grew letting me know that night time was once again here. I had made no attempt to move out of my bedroom today. Nothing held any interest in me right now, I didn't want food, I didn't want to shower, I didn't want to see anyone.

Since this morning's phone call, hearing him spell it out for me that he didn't want me, I had frozen. Somewhere deep inside of me, I thought that he was just mad and needed to calm down; that he did love me and he did want me, and that once his anger had subsided we could talk and sort this out. That phone call showed that everything I heard that night was true and everything I thought since that night had been wrong.

Banging on the door semi broke my inner musing, yet I made no effort to unlock the door. Whoever it was would soon get the massage that I didn't want to talk nor to see anyone, and they would leave me alone. That's all I wanted now. Just to be left on my own and for me to suffer for my mistakes by myself. Jasper was all I wanted, and all I couldn't have.

The banging continued on the door, followed by shouting. Both my mum's and dad's voices, though they seemed to be arguing with each other and not shouting at me. Whichever it was to be, I didn't care, just as long as they stopped banging on the door and left me alone.

"Thirty seconds to open this door, or I will break it down." Normally, hearing that sort of remark from dad would have at least caused me to snicker if not chuckle, not this time though.

Everything happened so fast, but also in slow motion. The wood cracked loudly, echoing in the room, before I heard the door smack the side of the wall. The bright light suddenly streamed down on me, making me shut my eyes tight to avoid the light hurting my eyes. Even though all this had just taken place, that my dad had just kicked down my bedroom door, I hadn't moved a muscle. The bed dipped as someone placed their weight on the bed, most likely my dad. A hand touched my shoulder, giving me a gentle shake. I didn't respond.

It wasn't that I couldn't, of course I could. There was nothing stopping me from rolling onto my back of my own free will, nor there was anything to stop me from screaming at my dad for breaking into my privacy. I just simply couldn't be bothered to move.

"Liz, go and get him something to eat and a sweet tea." Tea? Sweet tea? What did he really think sweet tea was going to do? Keep me out of shock? I wasn't in shock, I was heartbroken, there is a difference.

"Edward? Edward, look at me." Not being given the chance to move on my own accord, my dad rolled me over.

His concerned face looked down at me. I saw his eyes go through a mixture of emotions as he took in the sight of me. In the time that had passed since Jasper broke it off with me, I hadn't shaved or showered. My time had been filled with me in tears. I hadn't looked in the mirror, but I could easily assume that my eyes were red and swollen. After all, they hurt to touch them.

"Tell me what's happened." Shrugging in response, I battled inside to try and think of the best possible way to explain my broken heart. "Is it Jasper?" Hearing his name fall from my father's lips was like a stab in the heart.

A sob choked through me as I nodded, slamming my eyes shut in the hope that my tears wouldn't escape this time. Feeling my father's hands grab my wrists, he pulled me up into a sitting position and engulfed me in a hug. My sobs continued to come, even though I tried hard to keep them inside of me. It wasn't that I was ashamed to be seen in tears in front of my dad, it was more the shamefulness I was feeling knowing that this was my fault.

Gently rubbing my back, my dad whispered soothing words in my ear trying to get me to calm down. Slowly, my sobs turned from painful heart wrenching cries to sniffles before stopping all together. Pulling back from my father's loving embrace, my eyes glanced at my mum who was sitting on the edge of the bed. The plate of sandwiches and the mug of tea sat on the side, waiting for me.

"We've left you alone in the hopes that you would come to us, son. I think now it's time you told us just what has happened." Of course they wanted to know. They had broken the lock on the door just to get in here. But talking to them now? Both of them, together? I didn't think I could begin with both of them firing questions my way.

"Nothing happened, we broke up," I stated matter-of-factly. My dad looked over to my mum and back at me.

"Would it be better if you spoke to just one of us?" The words left my mother's mouth and circled around my head. Part of me was hoping that they would give it up and leave me alone. That was a stupid thought, really, they weren't about to go and leave after breaking through the door.

"Please," I muttered. A gentle squeeze on my shoulder from my mum and she left the bedroom, leaving just my dad and me.

"Well?" Came the prodding word to get me to start.

"Jasper dumped me the night of Tanya's wedding. He didn't love me like I thought he did. He was just using me for some sick game." My father raised an eyebrow at me.

"Sick game?"

"Jasper thought... He wanted me... It was because.." I sighed and gave up.

"Edward? Was he trying to pressure you into something you weren't ready for?" I snorted and shook my head.

"No, he never tried. He told me he was waiting until I was ready, yet he never wanted me." Confusion crossed my father's face as I spoke.

"He didn't want to be with you, but never pressured you into anything?"

"Yes," I stated dryly wishing I had known all of this before. Though, if I knew it, then we wouldn't have been together. "I was a conquest he wanted, that was all. The first time was a turn on for him. He just put up with everything else waiting for the pay out." Looking down at my fingers, I realised just how stupid I sounded.

So caught up in the fact that I was finally exploring something about me with someone who didn't seem to mind, I never once considered that Jasper was just waiting for the pay out. Yeah, I wondered what he saw in me, that the inexperience of me could never do anything for him, but I never thought that he was just after the pay out of sleeping with me.

"And he said this?"

"Yeah. He told me no man would want me, that I was better off living a straight life. Dad, he told me he loved me. I believed him and fell in love with him. How can people just play with your heart like that?" I sobbed out.

"Edward, Jasper was the first man you had ever brought home. To my knowledge, he is the only man you have been involved with. There are plenty of others. Just because one doesn't want you doesn't mean it's the same across the board." Moving, I picked up my tea and took a sip. "He didn't seem like he didn't care for you. From what I have seen of the two of you, I would have said you were both very loved up."

"That was an act, dad. My inexperience with everything drove him insane. My being so unsure of everything we did repulsed him. I was ready, you know, to... well you know. And he knew this, then he just dumped me when we left the reception. He wouldn't even listen to me, dad." My dad fell quiet for a moment while he thought about it all.

Looking at the food on the side, I felt sick but decided to pick at it. If anything, it would lessen their worry over me not eating. Food lost its appeal to me, it reminded me of him. Considering I wasn't at home, and my time had been spent living at Jasper's, I had grown so used to him cooking. Even though I teased him in the beginning Jasper, as it turns out, was a great cook.

Peeling back the bread, I looked to see what the filling was. Seeing something so innocent as cheese and pickle clamped an iron cast grip around my chest. Pushing the plate aside, I tried to reason with myself that the sandwich wasn't taunting me, and I had been able to eat a cheese and pickle sandwich before with ease.

That was the problem, before I didn't know his love of it. Jasper had a thing for cheese and pickle on a sandwich, but it could only be smooth pickle and not the lumpy one.

"Edward... it's not adding up. You're basically saying that Jasper was with you for one thing, which you weren't ready for. And that when you were ready, he dumped you?" he asked, looking at me with questioning eyes.

"Yes," I mumbled out.

"I have no experience with gay men, but I gather the same sort of thing would work both ways. If he was after you for one thing, then why would he dump you when you were ready? What are you leaving out?" I shook my head, pretending I had confessed to everything.

"Son?" he pushed a little more in a firmer voice.

"He found out about Leah, okay." The realisation of it all covered my dad's face. I saw the disappointment form in his eyes.

"Are you telling me you were with Leah when you first started dating Jasper?" Nodding my head, I looked at the bedding unable to look at my dad.

"So you were cheating on Leah with Jasper and Jasper found out? Why Edward?"

"It wasn't long, a few days, a week tops. I dumped her after our first real date when I knew I wanted him. Before, when I first met him at the coffee shop, I wasn't sure if it was what I wanted. I needed to be sure, but I didn't want to hurt anyone, dad." Lifting my eyes slightly, I saw him shake his head at me.

"It doesn't matter. The fact is you kept Leah around while you started something with Jasper. You should have been truthful to him or not agreed to anything until you were single." I needed to be sure, couldn't he see that?

"When I came back from our date I knew I had to dump Leah, and I did. The next morning, I went to see her and broke it off with her. I needed to be completely sure that it wasn't just my curiosity that made me want a man, that it was because I was gay. If I had dumped Leah and found out on that date that the idea of being with a man was gross, I would have had no one." Admittedly, as I confessed my reasons as to why I had kept Leah around, I realised just how selfish I had been.

"So because you were scared of what any of this meant, you played with both of them and hurt them. Edward, I thought we had raised you better than to cheat." The disappointment in his voice hurt, but what hurt more was what came out his mouth next. "I'm not surprised he dumped you."

The words cut through me; like a hot knife through butter, it sliced through my heart. My eyes began to fill with tears. He wasn't surprised Jasper had dumped me? Was that because he could see how embarrassing I was to be with? My blushing and the fact that everything was so new to me, was it no wonder Jasper hadn't wanted me?

"Thanks a lot, dad," I choked out through my tears.

"Would you have stayed with Jasper if you found out he was with someone else when he first got with you?" I didn't answer.

"Well? How would you feel to suddenly find out that the guy you're dating was seeing someone else?"

"It was a few days, a week, that's all. Don't make it sound as though I carried it on, because I didn't," I defended myself.

"I'm not saying you carried it on. What I am saying is how would you feel?" Pulling at the hem on my Tee, I chewed my bottom lip.

"I wouldn't like it," I grumbled out like a child who had just been told off.

"And maybe Jasper might not have liked it either. Maybe it hurt him to know you were seeing someone else at the start of your relationship?" That wasn't true, he never wanted me. He wanted a man, not a little boy.

"He didn't want me, dad." Wrapping my arms around my knees, I tried to hold myself together.

"I don't believe it for a second. The way he looked at you, not all the time, but now and then he would look at you and smile and you could see that he cared for you. So, I don't think he was after one thing at all," he said. Part of me wanted to laugh. He wasn't there, he didn't hear what Jasper said, and how much venom was in his words.

"What am I meant to do now?"

"I don't know, try and explain. If he won't listen then leave him alone and forget about it." He placed a hand on my knee. "I know you have had your heart broken for the first time, but it will get better. What will be will be, Edward. Don't hide away in the darkness of your room, come out and eat. This really isn't healthy." Nodding he stood up from the bed and looked at me. "If you want to talk, we're here."

"Thanks." I watched as my dad left my room, closing my now broken door behind him.

Try and talk to him, that's what my dad's great advice had been, but hadn't I already tried that? Several times, in fact? Calling him and texting him and getting nothing back from him? Well, I had that phone call from him but other than that, I had nothing from him.

Was my dad right? Was Jasper just hurting and this is why he lashed out? If that was the case, then why did he treat me like that on the phone? I really wanted to believe that our time together, our relationship, meant something to him, anything. That I was more than just some conquest for him, that he saw me more than just a guy that he could just take my cherry from and then finish with me. Though this was what I wanted, his words kept going around my head.

_I don't want you._

Four tiny little words that ripped into me worse than anything else he said, other than he didn't love me.

Maybe if I had known more, if I hadn't needed teaching or freaked out when he did something so unexpected, he would have wanted me. Maybe if I didn't blush at him all the time, or panic over meeting my parents and his. God, his parents. He actually took me to meet them, have dinner with them, all the while he never really wanted me. And then all that stuff, his anger issues, his trust issues and rejection issues. Was any of that true or had he just done that in the hopes that I would feel sorry and give it up? Was he that sick and twisted?

Not that it mattered anymore, he didn't love me or want me. He wouldn't even let me explain. I had no idea what had been said to him or what he had overheard. All I knew was that he knew about Leah. He knew about my lie, my time with Leah when we first got together. If he just let me explain, let me tell him everything. But he wouldn't. Maybe I had gone about this the wrong way, again.

Yeah, I made a big fucking mess. I should have told Jasper about Leah. I should have come clean when he asked me. He wanted me to be truthful, yet I lied to him when I was given the chance to come clean, and I didn't. If I had told him then, would it have made a difference? Or was I always just some twink that he could nail first?

_Who are you kidding? You were nothing to him other than some challenge._

My sore eyes filled with tears, and I was reminded of just how pathetic I really was. Twenty-one and a virgin, with the man I want telling me I would be better suited with a woman. No, he said I would have better luck with one. Maybe he was right, I wouldn't feel embarrassed because I wouldn't actually care or have any desire for them. I could lose my V card and not have that to worry about with someone else. Maybe that's what I needed to do?

Yet, my father's words rang around my head. Talk to him.

Though I had tried to call him and explain, maybe it would be better if I went to see him in person? Face to face talking was better than talking over the phone, wasn't it? It would at least seem more genuine when I confessed everything to him. Hopefully, confessing everything to his face would give us this chance to sort it out.

Grabbing my phone off the floor from where I had thrown it, and my car keys, I took off out of my bedroom. Running straight down the stairs to the front door, I didn't even stop to tell my parents where I was going. All I wanted to do was get there and see him. Gunning it out of the drive, I raced towards Jasper's house with my heart pounding in my chest. My palms were sweaty, my breathing slightly hard and erratic and my head a mess with thoughts. The closer I got to his house, the more my nerves kicked in.

I had no idea what I was going to say. In my impulse decision to see Jasper, I hadn't given much thought to how this might go. If he agreed to give me a few minutes of his time to allow me to explain, just what was I going to say? How could I word this and make him see that I never planned to hurt him, that I never set out to cheat, I just didn't know what to do?

By the time I pulled up on Jasper's street, a few cars down from his house, my heart was beating so fast I was sure it would just burst out of my rib cage. Taking shaky breaths, I cut the engine and got out of my car. Locking up and walking towards his house, I tried to push away the twisting nervous feeling in my stomach, and focus on walking. I don't think I had ever felt this nervous before, not with any date we had, anything we did in the bedroom. These nerves topped them all.

Suddenly, I remembered just how I looked. The stubble of hair growth on my face from lack of shaving, my hair a mess from not washing it. No doubt I actually smelled as well. Red eyed, messy hair and facial hair, yeah, he was going to love the sight of me. I should have stopped, not rushed out the front door. Instead, I should have showered and cleaned up before coming here. Yet, in my haste to come to him, I had forgotten that over the days since he dumped me, the normal routines of showering had stopped. I had just stopped to wallow in my own self pity.

Turning onto his drive, I saw his van and car parked up, but no lights on. It was late, but that not late, not really. Hoping he was upstairs, I rang the door bell and waited. After a few moments of no sign of life, I rang it again holding my finger on the ring a little while longer. Minutes passed and I reasoned with myself that he wasn't in. Turning around, I walked back to my car to wait for him, hoping to catch him on his return.

A chill began to fill the car as I sat there waiting for his return. My eyes looked at the clock on the dashboard, watching as the minutes ticked by. Ten-forty-four, eleven, eleven-fifteen, and finally at eleven-twenty I saw him. His head was down, his hair tied back and his hands rammed in his pocket. He looked in pain, sad even. The sight of him looking so distressed pulled and my heart.

_He was hurting over me._

Gaining a boost from the sight, I went to open the door to go to him, but stopped dead in my tracks. A man, a little taller than Jasper, ran around the side of the car and to him, throwing his arm around his shoulder and pulling Jasper closer to him. Jasper lifted his head and smiled at the man who was talking to him. My heart shattered at the image in front of me. Their closeness, the way he kept Jasper's body close to him, ripped me apart. Jasper's smile at the man he was taking home to fuck made my head fill with questions.

It was clear that I had meant nothing to him. Not even a week had passed and he had found someone else. Tears stung my eyes as my pain washed over me. The realisation of it all was there. I couldn't deny it anymore, I had to accept it and move on.

_I never meant a thing to him. _

_The boys had complete control of the chapter, and I wrote what they wanted. _

_Hit the review button and drop some love, Jen x_


	17. Chapter 17

**_AN/_**_Hi guys. I know its been forever since I last updated this fic, and I know some of you were starting to wonder if I had given up on it. Real Life has been seriously kicking my arse at the moment, and this chapter was just a pain to write because of it. I do have chapter for all my stories in the works, hopefully I will be able to get a few updates out soon. _

_Thank you to everyone who reviewed the last chapter, faved it or put it on alert. _

_A massive thank you to my girls, dtav for being a amazing prereader and Ealasaid77 for being a kick ass beta, love you girls. _

* * *

**EPOV**

Seconds turned into minutes, minutes turned into hours, hours turned into days, days turned into weeks and weeks turned into a month. How the time had passed to a full month, I didn't know. At times it felt as though the days were never ending, or the nights seemed to stretch out forever. Yet somehow, I had made it to the month mark of our break up. I missed him. There was no denying it. My body ached to touch him, to feel him in my arms, to be in his arms. I tried to push forward, and forget, but it was never long until he was back in my head and digging up memories I long wished I had forgotten.

I could blame Jasper for my pain, and for a while I did. I blamed him for shedding so much pain on me when I thought he loved me like I loved him. I blamed him for getting over me so quickly and being in the arms of another. I even blamed him for leading me on the way he did, for me just being nothing more then someone to fuck. Then after a while, I soon saw that Jasper wasn't to blame, I was. The pain I felt could have been avoided, I could have avoided it all if I had been truthful. Maybe if I had told him the truth then we would have never carried on the way we did. He never loved me, nor did he care for me, he fed me words and feelings I wanted, and I was the fool that bought it all.

Since seeing him with that man, I had stopped calling. Though it hurt when I so badly wanted answers from him, I realized that the answers I wanted would always remain unanswered. Seeing him being held so close by someone else gave me all the answers I could ever want, even if it wasn't the correct information.

Slowly I pulled myself out of my dark hole, or more so, I learned to mask it better and was able to pull a front up and pretend that I was fine. I wasn't. My heart has been broken for the very first time and I wasn't sure how long it would take me to fully recover from it. Everyone told me different things, but they all said time was a great healer... Maybe time was a great healer, or maybe you just learn to deal with it better, who knows.

In the times when everything would come back up to the surface, I swear I could feel him. Feel his energy, his presence around me or his voice in my head talking, whispering, and laughing. It both comforted me and tore me apart. While it was there, I was comforted. The moment it went, the torment arrived. I knew I was going crazy in those late hours at night. My mind was giving me something I wanted, something I craved so badly, yet something I was battling inside to let go of. Only when I was at such a state of relaxation would it happen. When I least expected it, there he was, haunting me and taunting me; driving me crazy.

When would that end? When would my mind stop throwing memories at me that I wanted to forget? Jasper didn't want me, he didn't love me nor did he care, so why should I? Why should I be left feeling like this, when all he ever saw in me was just some sort of conquest? Jasper admitted he was interested in taking my cherry and nothing more. Everything he had done and said during our time together was just to get that. That was the problem. Everything he said and did during our time together meant something to me. I thought I had someone who cared about me, who wanted me the way I wanted him and dare I even say it, I thought I had found my one. How wrong was I?

My torment wasn't as easily covered as I had thought, as people saw through it. My mum saw through it, she saw how I was still hurting over it and had even sat me down to talk to me telling me that it was okay to hurt. She told me it was okay to be sad and that just because I was a boy doesn't mean it wouldn't hurt any less when my heart gets broken. That's the thing though, it's okay for a girl to be upset, to spend weeks showing her pain and suffering, but for a boy? It wasn't seen as the norm to spend weeks sulking and suffering over someone. How long was it okay to be seen like that for? A few days? A week? I wasn't sure. What I was sure of was, I had to hide it and pretend at Vet school.

Going back after the five weeks off, I had to place the mask on and hide my feelings. The final exam which marked the start of summer was seen as me coming out when Jasper turned up to see how I had done. I had left feeling like shit after Sam had thrown a fit over me being gay, and to appear five weeks later all broken hearted and a mess would have only made him worse. Everyone bought the 'I'm fine' act I had when I mentioned that me and Jasper were no longer seeing each other. Everyone expect Angela.

She hadn't bought it, she had twigged that there was something else going on that I wasn't sharing. After a day or two, she finally cornered me to spill what I was keeping from her. After much denying and trying to get her to leave it, I finally broke down and confessed what had happened. She heard the full story, not just bits and pieces, but everything. The holiday we had planned and booked to take, the first I love you's, the time I spent with him, the wedding and how that night was going to be our first time. And last, but not least, I confessed how Leah had still been in my life during the first early days of our relationship, and I told her how we broke up.

Angela hugged me as I cried like a little bitch over what he had said, and what I had seen a week later. She soothed words in my ear when I then went off saying how it was no wonder Jasper didn't want me, as I was nothing more than a pathetic whining bitch. Most of all, she was there when I just needed to express what I was feeling, about Jasper or not.

All of mine and Angela's talking had led us here to the same night club Jasper had brought me to when we first met. Angela decided I needed to go out and test the waters, claiming that just because I had made a mistake didn't mean I couldn't find a man, no matter what Jasper had said. Reluctantly, I agreed to come. She would only be on my case more and more until I finally cracked and went.

I felt strange being in here again. My one and only time in a gay night club before had been with Jasper, and while I enjoyed it, he had been there. That pang of pain in my chest hit me the moment I walked through the doors, reminding me of the night we shared here and later that evening at his place.

Of course the moment we got in there, my eyes scanned the room to see if I could see him, knowing full well that if I saw him, there was a chance he could be with someone else. I still had to look, maybe I enjoyed torturing myself. I thought I saw him, a spilt second glimpse of him looking miserable and looking down on the dance floor below, but when I looked again, there was no one there.

"So, I've been thinking," Angela shouted in my ear over the thumping bass line. "Maybe, just maybe, you should see if anything takes your fancy in here?" Her eyes, slightly clouded by the shots of vodka she had been knocking back, twinkled with mischief.

"Angela..." her name came out in huff of frustration.

"No, no, no, Edward. Listen to me. I know you loved Jasper, I know you want him, but he has made it clear that he doesn't want you. You can't keep going on like this. I'm not saying go out and fuck the first guy you find, I am saying just chat with someone, share a drink, that sort of thing," she said as she rested her hand on my shoulder.

"Maybe," I answered with a shrug watching as Angela beamed at me. "What?"

"Him, there! Tall, big, dark hair, eyes locked on you. God, why does he have to be gay?" she said, sounding disappointed which caused me to chuckle. "My next life, I wanna come back as a gay man. Do you think he is gay?"

Laughing, I replied, "Well, he is in a gay club, what does that tell you?"

"He could be straight and here with his gay friend?" Rolling my eyes at her, she sighed, "Okay, maybe not. So, he's looking, go over and talk to him."

"No."

"Come on, just turn your pretty little head and have a good look at him," she pleaded while placing her hands on my chin and turning my face to him.

Taking a good, long look at him, my breath caught slightly. He wasn't what I would have classed as my type, though the only one I had any sort of relationship with was Jasper. Leaning against the railings, his right arm was bent across his stomach, holding his drink. The action caused the muscles in his biceps to tighten and push against his tee. Square, broad shoulders and neck led to a hard lined jaw, and he had dark short hair. Catching me looking at him, he smirked and made his way over.

Weaving his way through the crowded club, he easily stood a good two feet above everyone else. He was taller than me, or Jasper, and easily twice our sizes. Angela began giggling next to me, breaking me out of my staring.

"I'm gonna go and... yeah. Look, call me if you're leaving, okay? I promise I won't leave the club until I hear from you," she smiled and quickly left me alone just as he reached the table.

"Mind if I sit?" Giving a slight nod of the head, he sat down next to me. "Emmett," he said while holding his hand out.

"Edward."

"Nice name. So, first time in here? Can't recall seeing you before," he said with a smile just before he took a sip of his drink.

The nervousness I had felt when I first met Jasper was there once again, this time for a different reason. Before, with Jasper, it was because he appealed to me in such a strong way. He made my body and skin tingle with anticipation. Not just at the thought of him touching me, but of where it could have all gone. In short, I knew I wanted Jasper the moment I saw him. With Emmett, I didn't have that. I didn't want him. Yeah, he was good looking, but that spark I had with Jasper wasn't there.

My nerves grew as I wondered just what he may want. Did he fall into the category of 'I'm out to get laid'? Would he begin to ask me a whole selection of questions about sex? Would he expect something from me by sitting here and chatting to me? Taking a few steady breaths to calm myself down, I answered him honestly.

"Shit? Really? This is your second time here?" Emmett asked almost in a state of shock.

"Yeah, the whole club scene isn't my thing, not really anyway." _That's not true. This place reminds me of Jasper__,_I thought to myself. It didn't seem to matter how much I tried to push away Jasper from my mind, he kept coming back and coming back stronger than before. Why did I insist on torturing myself?

"I can see what you mean. It can sometimes look more like a meat wagon then a night club. Still, it's never stopped me from coming here," he grinned at me. "So, the chick I saw you with, friend or sister?"

"Friend. She dragged me out here trying to lift my spirits, sort of." The moment I finished talking, I realized how much I had just said. Or how little I didn't say, depending on which way you looked at it.

"Ah. Yeah, I tried the same with a friend of mine. Didn't work and he walked off in a sulk. Friends, huh?" Emmett smiled. "Was yours a bad break up, or life just being a bitch?"

"Life," I replied, aware that I wasn't being completely truthful, then again, I wasn't lying either.

We fell into an easy conversation over life and how karma is a bitch and a half when it wants to be. Slowly, our topics moved around, from the heavier of topics to lighter ones. Emmett was easy to talk to, and the more I drank, the more relaxed I became around him. We laughed and joked around and had a good time, but one thing lacked in all of this; there was no spark at all. The desire to want to see him again wasn't there, neither was the thought of how his lips would feel against mine. There was nothing between us, other than what could be a good friendship.

There was part of me that wished I liked him more. The part that wanted to get to know the person on a more personal level was missing. Jasper seemed to be even more evident on my mind. With every topic, every laugh and joke me and Emmett shared, that day I met Jasper flashed through my mind reminding me of what we spoke about, how he sounded, the passion in his voice on certain topics, or just how he made me feel; all of it was there.

"Man, I hate to cut this short, but I have to get up early in the morning to look after my little nephew for a few hours. You wanna hook up around lunch time tomorrow?" Emmett asked as knocked back the reminder of his drink.

Looking at him, I wasn't sure if this was really what I wanted to do. In the back of my mind, there seemed to be some sort of battle raging, I was arguing with myself over this. Angela wanted me to try and move forward and forget about Jasper, which I knew she was right, but the other part of me was saying that there was nothing there between us. Deciding that no harm can come of this, not really, I agreed to meet Emmett.

"Sweet. You know The Fountain?" Emmett asked.

"Yeah, I pass it often." I watched as Emmett grinned at me.

"Nice pub, do great food and they don't skimp on the sizes either," he smiled. Looking by the size of Emmett, I wouldn't put it past him if he could eat a cow and still have room for pudding. "Say, half one, in there?"

"Sure. I'll -" My words were cut off by Emmett placing a hand up as he answered his phone.

"Dude, stop being a bitch! Just call." Emmett rolled his eyes at me and mouthed a 'sorry'. "Just give me one second and I'll be able to hear you better." Emmett looked down at me and smiled. "Half one tomorrow then?"

"Yeah, I'll see you then." Emmett grinned and began walking through the club, not before I caught, 'Yeah, had my eye on him all night.'

Hearing that made me feel slightly bad, as Emmett clearly saw something more between us than I did. So why did I agree? Because I figured that this may actually help me get over Jasper. I had to get over him, this wasn't good for me, and while I had no intention of getting to know Emmett on a more personal level, I was hoping that we could at least be friends from this. Jasper was the only gay guy I knew, all my friends were straight, so maybe having a gay friend would help me along. I know Angela didn't mind coming here with me, but I couldn't ask her to come all the time, could I? Knocking back the rest of my drink, I spotted Angela making her way over to me.

Suppressing a groan as I saw her cheeky grin and twinkling, though drunk, eyes, I smiled encouragingly and waited for her to begin firing her questions at me. Angela sat down next to me, and placed her clasped hands on the table, grinning like a fool.

"What?"

"Spill! I saw him go, he seemed happy, you two arranged to meet up? Did you get his number? Did you kiss? Was there tongue action going on?" she fired off her list of questions.

"Do you quiz all your friends like this?" Angela smiled sheepishly and nodded her head.

"It's what girls do. I wanna know the whole thing," she beamed at me.

"Yes, we arranged to meet up tomorrow. No, I didn't get his number and no, I didn't kiss him." Angela pondered this for a minute or two before nodding with a sigh.

"Well, how do you feel? He was cute, Edward... Like really cute."

"I dunno. He's not Jasper, there wasn't that spark there like there was with Jasper," I grumbled out, feeling utterly like shit. How was I meant to go through tomorrow's date when all I could do was compare him to Jasper.

"No, he's not. But that doesn't mean you two can't have a good time. Edward, Jasper was gorgeous, you know how I was gutted he was gay when I first saw him, but you need to let go. So, tomorrow go on the date with that guy-"

"Emmett," I cut in.

"Go on the date with Emmett, and just have fun. You never know what you may feel once you loosen up a little."

XXXXX

The sunlight shone through my room waking me up from a deep, alcohol induced sleep. Groaning, I pulled the spare pillow over my head, while wishing that the full sized marching band would stop playing in my head. It was times like these when I wished I hadn't touched any alcohol the night before. Angela had continued to fire questions at me, and give me a million reasons why I should go on this date with Emmett. After assuring her a thousand times over that I would go and meet Emmett, she finally gave up and let me leave the club. I had taken in everything she said, and even being drunk, I knew she was talking sense. Emmett may not have that spark I was looking for, but going out on a date with him would make it easier to date in future. The hardest part would have been over.

Reaching for my phone, I rolled slowly out of bed and made my way downstairs in search of coffee and pain killers. Walking into the kitchen, I expected to see my mum pottering around as she normally does on a Saturday morning, instead I saw a note stuck on the fridge.

_'Gone to see Nana, she would like to see you too. Be back around 6ish. Mum' _

Pulling the note off the fridge, I screwed it up and threw it in the bin. Seeing my gran was not at the top of my things to do. She would only want to grill me over Jasper being at Tanya's wedding, and I wasn't in the mood to have that sort of talk with her.

Making a fresh cup of coffee, I popped two pain killers and made my way back upstairs to shower and change before my 'date' with Emmett.

My morning flew by, between nursing my hangover, showering and changing and spending large portions of time on the phone to Angela, I was finally making my way to The Fountain. Dressed in a pair of black, loose fitting jeans and a white Tee, I walked into the pub. Spotting Emmett sitting near the beer garden door, I nodded my head at him and headed to the bar. Ordering a coke, I could feel my nerves begin to go. My stomach turned and twisted uneasily as I walked towards Emmett. All I could hope for was that Emmett wasn't after something more as I highly doubted that I could try and have a relationship with him when there was no spark.

"Eddie," Emmett grinned, "On the hard stuff, I see?"

"Yeah, after last night I thought I'd take it easy," I answered as I sat down. "You been here long?"

"About ten minutes. Wasn't sure if you would turn up, to be honest," he said somewhat honestly.

"Why? Did I give you that impression last night?"

"Honestly? Yeah, you seemed to enjoy me chatting to you but not really anything else." _FUCK! FUCK! FUCK!_ What was I meant to say now? You're spot on there, pal? Somehow, I couldn't see that going down well. "Look man, it's okay. Let me guess, your heart's still with someone else?"

"Yes," I answered in a whisper as I dropped my head down, ashamed that I had somehow led Emmett on.

"You want to know something? I kind of had this feeling last night that we would be better suited as friends more than something else." My head snapped up, looking at him with wide eyes. _Had I just heard __him__right?_

"Then why did you ask me out?" Emmett grinned at me.

"Well, I had a good laugh with you, and figured that if nothing came about from this date, that maybe we could be friends." Relief washed over me at his words, and I'm pretty sure I released the breath I hadn't realized I had been holding. "You seem pleased at that."

"Yeah, I um...," Emmett began laughing at me.

"Dude, I'm not cut up by it. I see it as this way there will be no awkwardness now. Who wants to sit through a date wondering if that person feels something more than you do? I know I don't, so how about we drop this romantic crap date thing, and just have a lad's afternoon?"

"Sure, why not," I answered, feeling more relaxed now then I had done in the last twenty-four hours.

The atmosphere between me and Emmett softened and relaxed. I guess Emmett had been thinking the same as me. We ordered food, and began talking about our lives. Emmett told me that he worked in one of the gyms in town, which suited him perfectly as he could train while working. I told Emmett how I was training to be a vet, but over the last few weeks my desire to become a vet had dwindled down to nothing and I was seriously considering quitting the course all together and finding something else. Unlike my parents, who would tell me over and over again that I would be throwing away my education, Emmett told me to quit if I wasn't happy doing it and it wasn't what I really wanted to do, but to make sure that this move wasn't because of some guy I had recently broken up with.

Emmett posed great questions for me to think about. If I hadn't met him, would I be sitting here thinking of quitting? Was this something I really wanted to do, or just something to make my parents proud? I really needed to sit and think about everything and see where I wanted to go and what I wanted to do. It's all fair and well quitting, but what am I actually going to do after I quit? This was something I hadn't even remotely considered. Nor had I even thought that I was doing this just for my parents to be proud of me, sort of making something of myself. I had a lot to think about, and it was nice to actually talk to someone away from college or my family, who wouldn't go on the whole 'you're throwing it all away' route like they would.

"You know how you're getting over this break up?" Emmett asked as he came back from the bar with two more pints.

"Yeah?"

"Well, the guy I dragged to the club last night is in a right state over his latest love. It's almost like he's had an arm ripped off or something," Emmett said while opening a packet of pork scratching. "Dude, it took me hours to talk him into coming out, and he hung around for twenty minutes before sulking off."

"Long term relationship ended?" I asked, but Emmett shook his head.

"A few months, but he was taken by him, completely. I mean, I've known the guy for like ten years and never, not even once have I seen him act this badly over a break up. The closest I've seen him is when he got cheated on at nineteen. He was completely destroyed, or what I thought was destroyed, but this? Damn, it's been worrying," Emmett continued.

"Worrying? You don't think your friend would do anything stupid, do you?"

"Nah, he's not a complete pussy. But, he's been so lost, like a lost little puppy. I don't want him to fall into some depression trap over a guy who didn't give a rat's ass over him." Emmett's whole facial expression suddenly changed. His face reddened slightly, as his eyes narrowed. "The guy he was seeing was a complete and utter cunt to him. Made up this whole fucking lie just to go play with the queer, all the while he's running around with some bitch behind his back. If he ever points out who this guy is, I'm likely to break his fucking face!"

"Wow. You're pretty loyal to your friends, aren't you?" I was slightly taken back by Emmett's declaration. I thought what I had done to Jasper was bad, but this guy had really done a number, at least mine only lasted all of two days before I broke it off with Leah.

"Yeah, he's a good guy, and doesn't deserve this sort of crap by some twat," Emmett said before his face softened, "You know we have really taken a complete U-turn on this, haven't we? How about we head off and play some pool and drop past relationships and mates who are broken right now?"

"Sure, sounds like a good plan to me."

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_I'm hoping to have the next chapter out in a few weeks. I have it all planned out already, and if the boys don't change their minds, it should be easy to write. _

_If you're still sticking with this story, even though I have become really crap at updating, please hit the review button and drop some love, Jen x_


	18. Chapter 18

**_AN/_**_Hi all! Not even a week later and I am back with another chapter. I'm shocked at how quickly this one came out, but I am not going to complain, and I'm sure you guys won't either. Thank you to everyone who reviewed the last chapter. WOW! The stroy broke the 800 review mark, I am on happy bunny! _

_The next chapters of EoL and Major are both almost done. I just need to tie off both ends of the chapters and its off to my girls. So hopefully, next week one of them should be out. _

_A massive thank you to my girls. dtav for just being the best prereader and filling in all my little whole and missing words, and Ealasaid77 for being a kick ass beta and sorting out all my nasty grammar. Love you girls!_

_I hope you all enjoy this chapter, see you at the bottom.  
_

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**EPOV**

In the weeks that passed since I met Emmett, he and I had become great friends. While his appearance didn't give much to his intelligence, I found out that underneath the body builder image and almost childlike nature, Emmett was very smart. Emmett had great common sense and life knowledge. While I was academically intelligent, I was also fundamentally stupid.

He gave me good sound advice over things that were currently going around in my head. Not just how I felt over my break up with Jasper, but also about what I wanted to do with my life. Emmett was sure that my reasoning behind wanting to ditch my vet career was because of my break up. That because I felt like I had royally screwed up my relationship and it had caused me immense pain, I had become afraid to follow my chosen career path for fear of getting it wrong.

In all honesty, I wasn't sure if he was right or not. Everything just seemed to have lost interest to me. Things that I once loved and adored now held very little interest to me.

Slowly, over the course of the weeks that I had known Emmett, I had started to heal and accept that the answers I wanted and so badly needed, I was never going to get. I had to move on and let go.

Jasper still consumed so much of my mind at times, but as the days moved forward, his hold was becoming less and less. Either that or I was learning to just block it out of my mind. Emmett, much like Angela, refused point blank to let me wallow in self pity. He had insisted that I go places with him. These places also included the gym.

I classed myself as fit, running every now and then and sometimes heading to the gym. Emmett showed me just how unfit I was compared to him. Dragging me there to the gym at 6.00 AM one morning, he put me through my paces. Never again, for as long as I live, do I want to go to the gym with Emmett. By the time he had finished coaching me though, I was sweaty, out of breath and in a lot of pain.

"Dude, you so should have taken me up on the party offer!" Emmett boomed as he freely opened the front door and walked in.

"Em, just because my parents are away, doesn't mean I should throw a house party," I answered as I ran wax through my unruly hair.

"I know, but dude, I've bailed on some friend's stag night to go out with you," he whined at me.

"I thought it was a friend of a friend? Em, you don't have to come out with me, you could have gone to that. Honestly, I wouldn't have minded." Emmett shot me a look and rolled his eyes at me.

"Yeah, but I only know one of them. Besides, I was hoping you would let me throw the party."

"And have my parent's home trashed? Not a chance." Emmett pouted. "No," I answered more forcefully, "I saw the state of your house following that party you threw a few weeks back."

Emmett chuckled and shook his head, "You should have been there. Dude, it was a great night."

"Yeah, how long did it take you clean up again?"

"Too bloody long. Okay, I take your point. Come on, I'm looking for some shots and some ass tonight. Maybe you should look at a hook up tonight?" And there we were. Back to the hook up talk.

Emmett didn't know my full experience with men was with one man and that I was still a virgin. He just assumed I was more on the side of not fucking my way through every gay guy in the club. Dropping my head down, I waited for Emmett to go on and tell me fucking him out my system would be a good thing. Surprisingly, Emmett didn't say it, something I was thankful for.

"Okay, I'll drop it. You ready to hit this shit?" Emmett asked with a smirk while rolling his shoulders as though some fight was about to break out.

"Yeah, you're pretty pumped up for tonight aren't you?" I asked as we made our way out of my parent's house.

"Hell yeah, I am! The Emmett love machine is in need of a full service and MOT," he declared making me chuckle.

Twenty minutes later, we found ourselves standing in the pouring rain, waiting in line to get in the club. Emmett looked unhappy at the idea of his shirt becoming an extra layer of skin before we had even made it inside the club, and was spending his time trying, albeit in vain, to stay out of the downpour.

I felt a lot better going into the club this time, than I did the night I met Emmett. He had dragged me here more than once, telling me that I couldn't let my past hinder my future. Each and every time we came here, I didn't see Jasper, or anyone that looked even remotely like him, something I was thankful for.

"Beer and chaser," Emmett stated as we finally made it inside the club.

Making a beeline for the bar, my eyes scanned across the dance floor, not just looking for Jasper, but just looking in general. Following Emmett, it took him all of a second to get served at the bar. Maybe something about the sheer size of him made it possible for him to get served right away. Whichever it was, I thankful to have my drink in my hand in record time.

"Anything around here catching your eye, then?" I asked Emmett on our way upstairs to the balcony.

"Hmm, one or two. It's a little early, and I need to make sure I pick right," Emmett grinned at me.

"Oh, I'm sure there is a queue of guys just wanting to service the Emmett love machine," I chuckled out.

"You so know it!" Rolling my eyes at Emmett, he playfully hit my arm. "I'm no slut, but once in a while it's good to go out, get wasted and fuck till the early hours."

We soon fell into easy talking, rating what we were seeing. The beer and chasers continued to flow as the club began to fill up more and more. Two hours into the club and the beer and chasers were starting to take their toll on me.

Emmett disappeared off to the bar in search of more beer, leaving me standing alone. Nodding my head to the heavy beat in the club, I looked down onto the dance floor. My eyes caught sight of five men. Three of them already had their shirts off and they were sticking out of the back pockets of their jeans. All of them had cowboy hats on.

Watching them laugh and dance on the dance floor, one of them turned suddenly to face the guy that was dancing behind him. He smirked at him, letting the guy's hand run down his bare chest and over his nipple ring. _Nipple ring? When?_

I became frozen to the spot as I blinked rapidly trying to process what I was seeing. _Jasper! _

The dagger went flying through my still healing heart as he moved forward to kiss him. I could feel the tears begin to come, but I blinked them back. There was no way I was going to cry over him, not now, not here. I wanted to look away, to tear my eyes off the two of them as this man's hands traveled slowly down Jasper's back to his arse, where he gave it a firm squeeze, but I couldn't.

I had no reason to feel hurt. We were over. Yet the sight of him, half naked, with sweat glistening off his toned chest, hurt so badly. I still wanted him, I still loved him, and yet he continued to hurt me even without him knowing it.

A hard, firm hand clamped down on my shoulder breaking me out of my staring. Turning my tear filled eyes, I saw Emmett looking ready to kill someone. Me.

"You! You're the fucker that Jay was seeing?" Emmett growled in my ear. "I should have figured it out. How many other fucking Edward's are around and about?"

"Emmett...you have it all wrong. Whatever he told you, it's not true," I pleaded.

"So you weren't seeing some bitch behind his back then?"

"No, well yes, but it's not like that." Emmett cracked his knuckles at me. "Please, let me explain, hear my side of things, please Emmett."

"Why the fuck should I? It's not going to change the fact that you played him, is it? Give me one good reason why I shouldn't kick your goddamn arse right fucking now?" Emmett demanded.

"Please, five minutes. Give me what Jasper wouldn't. Please Emmett," I pleaded again, aware that attention was being drawn to us. My eyes scanned down to Jasper again, who was now grinding against someone, completely unaware of what was taking place between Emmett and me.

"Five minutes, follow me." Turning sharply on his heel, Emmett walked through the nightclub and outside.

He continued to walk, with me following behind, at an almost running pace. He turned sharply, leading us down an alleyway, before stopping about halfway down and turning to look at me.

"Talk!" he snapped at me.

So I did. I told Emmett all about our relationship. How Jasper was the only guy I had ever had a relationship with, how I was seeing Leah for all of two days into the relationship and that I ended it with her the moment I realized Jasper was what I wanted. I told Emmett, unashamedly, that I was a virgin. Emmett heard my side of the events that took hold that night, and everything Jasper had said to me. I left nothing out. Everything that had happen between us, including what had happened at his parent's, came flooding out. My one, tiny, little lie had caused so much damage and I didn't want to leave anything out.

By the time I was finished, Emmett had relaxed himself and was leaning against the brick wall. "So that's my side of it. Jasper may have told you that I was running around with someone the whole time, I wasn't, and that's the truth."

Emmett sighed, long and deep. "He never gave the amount of time it had been happening. I just assumed it was the whole time."

"Well, he never really gave me chance to explain anything. God, Emmett. When I met Jasper, all these feelings crashed through me. I knew I had to at least try and explore this part of me," I sighed and wiped my face. "Emmett, he tore me out that night. Told me he never gave a shit about me, and he was just using me. Now he's been bad mouthing me?"

"That may have been all me. Edward, I'm sorry I kicked off at you, Jay never bad mouthed you. He said he found out that the man he loved had a girl on the side. It crushed him. I'm not going to stick up for the prick for what he said, because he shouldn't have said those things to you, but what I will say is this. Jasper has a nasty tongue when he gets mad, it's worse when he is hurting. He wanted to hurt you, to make you feel what he was and he used words to do it," Emmett said.

"It's not an excuse, but it's how he is. He knows full well what damage he can create when he lets his tongue run. I can say that he didn't mean a single thing he said. He loves you and he's been broken into pieces over you. If he didn't care about you, he wouldn't have said any of those things, trust me." For a minute or two, I stood and thought about what Emmett had said.

"That doesn't excuse how he treated me, Em. I spent our whole relationship thinking I wasn't good enough for him. That everything we did together he had to teach me, and he would get pissed off with it. It confirmed everything I thought and broke apart what little confidence I had." Emmett closed his eyes and rested the back of his head against the wall. "I tried so, so many times to call him that in the end he blew off down the phone at me."

"Yeah, he does that. Thing with Jay is to let him calm down in his own time. The more you try and talk the more he'll dig in his heels. If you leave him be, nine times out of ten, come the next day he has calmed down and is sorry for what happened and is willing to talk. I know, this sounds like I am defending him, but I'm not." Emmett pushed himself off the wall as the rain started to fall again. "Follow me, let's go somewhere else."

Slowly, I followed Emmett with my heart breaking all over again. All I could think was what I saw. Another man's hands on him, his lips against Jasper's, their bodies pressed closely to one another's.

_Was Jasper over me?_

It certainly looked that way. By now they'd be either in the back room or leaving the club together. Again, that thought stabbed through my heart. Maybe if I had of left Jasper after that night then he would have calmed down enough to want to talk about it. Was it more my fault that all this continued and we never talked about it because I couldn't leave him alone?

Emmett jerked me out of my thoughts by pulling my arm and dragging me through a small, narrow door. I had no idea where we were or what this place was even called. While following Emmett, I had just switched off from everything as my mind took over. Emmett dragged me through the almost empty bar, to one of the booths and pushed me in it. Aware that Emmett had gone, I didn't bother to look for him. All I could think about was how things had gone down between us.

I could accept the fact that he had a nasty tongue when he was mad, a lot of people were like that, what I couldn't accept was how he never allowed me the chance to explain to him. Surely, even though I had pestered him, he should have realized what he had said was wrong and allowed me to explain?

In a way, I liked the fact that he has suffered too since we broke up, but I knew he had been with at least one guy since we spilt. A week, in fact, after we spilt. Maybe that's what his way was? His way of coping was to fuck a line of men.

"Here," Emmett suddenly said as he held a bottle of beer in front of me. "The guy he was kissing? Means nothing you know." I snorted loudly at his comment. "It's true. He won't go any further then that. I've known Jay for years and he's not going to fuck anyone until he's over you. He was just having some fun and trying to move forward," Emmett said as though he knew what I was thinking.

"Didn't look like it," I mumbled out.

"No, but it's the truth Edward," he stated.

"I saw him a week after we broke up. A guy was with him with an arm round his shoulder, pulling him closer to his side. A week, Em, that's all it was," I said before knocking back some of my beer.

"Tallish, dark hair, about the same size as Jasper?"

"Yeah, why?" I asked while looking up at him.

"Sounds like Peter. I know he spent the first week with him after you two broke up." My mouth formed an O shape. "Edward, I know that this is a great deal of mess, but Jasper never meant those things. To him, you..." he trailed off and knocked back his beer.

"You, what? Emmett?"

"Look, all I'm gonna say is this. To him, when he found out about that girl, it was as though you were rejecting him. On top of that, it's not the first time he's been cheated on. You need to sit and talk to him, Edward," Emmett sighed.

"Don't you think I've tried? He wants nothing to do with me!" I all but screamed at him.

"You love him, right?"

"Yes, he's all I think about Emmett," I answered honestly.

"I'm gonna go. I suggest you go home, I'll call you tomorrow or something," Emmett suddenly said as he stood up, cutting the end to our talk.

"What? Is that it?" I whined out, "Go home?"

"Yes. A lot's gone off tonight, let's leave it for now, okay?" Emmett stared down at me until I sighed and nodded. "Okay, I'll see ya later." With that Emmett left me in the empty bar alone.

Sighing deeply, I moved out of the booth and walked out of the bar. The rain was once again pouring down, though I didn't care. My head was a complete mess once again. Just when it seemed as though I was slowly getting over Jasper and moving forward, all this happens? How was that fair?

To learn that half of what Emmett had said were things that hadn't actually come from Jasper was a relief. Much like how I had learned that Jasper had been hurting over me, and that he did in fact love me. Even with all of this, why hadn't he given me the chance to explain myself? It wasn't as bad as he seemed to think. Yes, I was wrong with what I did, but it was all of two days. The moment I realized I wanted Jasper after our date, I dumped Leah.

_I should have just come clean at the start and saved myself all of this crap. _

Soaking wet and cold, I hailed a taxi and went home. The drive to my parent's house was full of seeing Jasper in the club. He looked good, there was no denying that. His abs looked a lot tighter and more defined since the last time I had seen him. Maybe they weren't and it was just because I hadn't seen him like that in so long, I don't know.

His jeans were sitting so low on his hips, showing the fine, baby blonde hairs that trailed from his belly button down, making me want him all over again. There was one thing that was completely new, the nipple ring. When did he get that? Why did he get it? All I wanted to do was take it in between my teeth and tug it, yet I had to watch as some guy's hands moved and glided over his body, taunting me.

Slamming my eyes shut, I tried to burn the picture out of my mind. That was the last thing I wanted to see in my mind when I closed my eyes. The taxi came to halt outside my parent's. I didn't even realize I was home until the driver cleared his throat. Paying the driver, I made my way into the house and up stairs. I didn't even bother turning the lights on as I went. The darkness was fine by me.

Stripping off my wet clothes, I walked into the bathroom and flicked on the shower. Not really giving it much time to heat up, I climbed under it. Placing my forearm on the shower wall, I rested my head on my arms as the warming water ran down my back.

My happy mood had gone. The repairs I had made to my heart and snapped open, and everything I felt for Jasper made me feel sick. No matter how hard I tried to hide or fight my tears before, I was now losing the battle. My tears began to slowly pour down my face as the picture of Jasper kissing that guy flashed over and over in my mind. Yes, Emmett had said it was nothing more than a kiss, and Jasper wouldn't go any further than that, not while he was still getting over me. Yet, that didn't stop the thoughts of Jasper taking that guy home from coming to the forefront of my mind.

Pulling myself together, I showered quickly and climbed out. Drying off, I threw the towel in the hamper and pulled on a pair of PJ bottoms and a Tee. Flicking on the little bedside lamp, I laid on my back on my bed, wishing that I could have the chance to talk to Jasper. Even if nothing ever came from it, I wanted him to know that I never once rejected him.

The rain continued to pour down and slam against the windows while I thought about Jasper and Emmett. Would Emmett tell Jasper he had it out with me? Would Jasper even listen if he did? If he did listen to him, would Jasper come to talk to me? Did he even want to talk to me?

All these questions and so many more continued to plague my mind. In all of this, I had only thought about what I wanted and not what Jasper might want. There was no way of knowing that Jasper still wanted me, no matter what Emmett said. He wasn't Jasper and didn't have Jasper's mind, he could only guess and assume what he would do and what he wanted.

A tapping sound on my window broke me out of my thoughts and made me sit up. Turning my head to the side slightly, I listened again as something hit my bedroom window. Figuring it was the branches off the tree near my window, I laid back down, wishing the wind would die down. Considering we were still in summer, albeit the end of summer and near enough autumn, the storm would make you believe it was winter.

Again the tapping sound hit my windows. Sitting up, I stared at the window, watching for it to happen. What looked like a small stone hit my window making it tap again. Convinced I was seeing things, I sat there waiting for it to happen once more. Sure enough, another tiny little stone hit the window.

"What the..." I mumbled as I got off the bed and cautiously walked to the window.

My heart stopped. Seconds passed by that felt like minutes and then hours, before I breathed again.

_Jasper._

There, in my parents back garden, drenched in the pouring rain, stood Jasper. My heart began to beat wildly in my chest and my eyes drank him in. Opening the window, I popped my head out, more so to find out that he was standing there and it wasn't in all in my head.

"Jasper?" my voice came out in a trembled whisper still not completely sure that what I was seeing was true.

"Can we talk, please?" Jasper shouted up, his voice full of sorrow and despair.

"Why?" It came out stronger and blunter than I had intended it to, but I couldn't find it in me to feel bad.

"Please, Edward, just five minutes," Jasper pleaded.

Anger rocked its way throughout me, hearing him plead and ask the same thing I had asked him all those weeks ago.

"Why? You wouldn't give me the time of day to explain anything to you, so why should I allow you five minutes of my time?" Looking down at Jasper, I saw him flinch slightly at my words. _Good. _

"I'm sorry I was so stubborn and pigheaded that I wouldn't listen, Edward. Emmett spoke to me, and he told me your account of the event. Please, Edward. Just give me five minutes," he pleaded once again.

"No!" I screamed down at him.

"Edward, please. I understand you're pissed at me, and I deserve everything you say or do, but please give me those five minutes."

"Stay fucking there," I seethed at him and slammed my window shut.

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_I know, I know! I had to cut the chapter there as it was the best place to stop it. I do, however have the next one in the works and its already up to 4k and not even near done. Can you see why I cut the chapter? lol. _

_Please hit the review button and drop some love, Jen x  
_


	19. Chapter 19

**_AN/_**_ Hi all! I know, I was super mean and left it hanging at the end of the last chapter, but I needed to. Thank you to everyone who has reviewed the last chapter, I love reading all the wonderful and interesting things you all say. Its lovely to see so many of you attached to my boys :D_

_A massive thank you to dtav, who preread and beta'd this chapter for me. You are a star babe MWAH!_

_I would like you all to send out a special thought to Ealasaid77, Who is in hospital at the moment. Amy was taken in sunday morning, and as far as I am aware, she is still there. I'm deeply saddened that she has taken so ill and I am hoping and praying that she makes a full recovery is back with us again very soon.  
_

_I hope you all enjoy! See you at the bottom._

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Unlocking the back door, I stepped out onto the porch and stared at Jasper who was still standing in the middle of the garden soaking wet. Crossing my arms over my chest, I wanted to laugh at him and tell him to go away, that I wasn't interested. I wanted to repeat every nasty, vicious word he had said to me when I was begging and pleading for those five minutes.

But, that wasn't me. It wasn't in me to be that nasty. No matter how angry I got, I couldn't turn on Jasper the way he had turned on me. I guess that made me a fool. Jasper went to walk towards me, to come out of the rain, but that was just a step too far.

"I agreed to five minutes, I never agreed to let you in the house, Jasper." Jasper stopped in his tracks, and pushed his wet hair off his face.

"Okay. Edward, I'm sorry. I'm sorry for what I said, and I didn't mean any of it, not a word. I was hurting. Do you have any idea how it felt to hear that you had some bit of pussy on the side? It made me feel rejected, it made me feel like you never really wanted us to work or at least try," he said.

"Really? And you didn't make me feel rejected when you told me that I drove you insane with my blushing, or lack of sexual experience? Oh and why not go for the killer, that you had gotten off better with your right hand and a porno!" I screamed at him.

"I never meant those things. I don't have any excuses; all I can say is that I'm sorry. You hurt me so bad, I wanted you to hurt, and I wanted you to feel what I was feeling. Above everything, I felt rejected by you." Jasper wiped his face and I noticed he was crying.

"All I wanted was you, Edward, your acceptance. When we met, I hoped you would want me the way I wanted you. I tried to do everything I could for you to be happy, and not reject me. When I heard about Leah, it broke me. I went from being on cloud nine to being on the bottom of the earth in seconds, and I didn't want to believe that you had been seeing her behind my back."

"Two days, Jasper. That's all it was, just two days. It was nothing. I know I should have told you about her and come clean long ago, but I was sure if I did, you would end it. I never wanted to hurt you Jasper, I fell in love with you, yet you just destroyed me," I shot back at him.

"I'm sorry I hurt you. I'm sorry that I said those things to you," Jasper began to tremble. Being out in the cold and the rain was starting to affect him.

Seeing him shaking from the cold and in pain, broke me. I didn't want to see him like this; I didn't want him to hurt any more.

"I just wanted to say I was sorry, and that I never meant any of those things. I wish I could go back and do things differently. I wish I had stopped for even a minute and heard you out, maybe then this could have been avoided," Jasper sighed and looked down at the grass. "I did and still do love you, never think that I didn't." Wiping his face again, Jasper began to turn and walk out the garden.

Watching him walk away, I battled inside. This was what I wanted, wasn't it? Here it was, a chance to talk, to tell my side of the story and maybe hope that we could sort things out. Yet, why should I let him have his way? What would talking now solve? He had hurt me more than I ever had been hurt before. If I continued to talk to him, we could sort this out, but did I really want to risk my heart again with him?

_He came all this way Edward, soaked to the skin just to talk to you. Pull yourself together and sort it out. _

"Jasper? Stay, please." Stopping in his tracks, Jasper turned to look at me. "Please?" With a swift nod, Jasper began to walk towards me.

Turning around, I opened the back door and walked in, leaving it open for Jasper. Opening the cabinet, I pulled out the bottle of whiskey and two shot glasses. Hearing the door click shut, I looked over to see Jasper shaking slightly and unsure of where to stand or look.

"They're not here. My parent's, I mean," I told him while passing him the shot of whiskey. "The morning after our first date, I broke it off with Leah. I even told her about us. Part of me battled inside with wanting to tell you, but I didn't know what to say. I figured you would think I wasn't serious about us if I told you about her."

"I wish you had," he answered making me snort.

"Really? So, if I had told you, you wouldn't have reacted that way and torn me apart? I don't believe that Jasper," I snapped at him. While I wanted us to talk and hopefully sort things out, I wasn't ready to buy into his stories of how things would have been different if I had told him.

"I don't know how I would have acted. Taking a guess, I don't think I would have acted the way I did that night. Do you think I felt great saying those things to you? Do you think I've spent the last few months all happy because I didn't have you?" He shot back. "Believe what you want to believe, but the last few months haven't been a walk in a park for me."

"You want me to feel sorry for you? You're the one that wouldn't talk to me after I called you, and begged you to talk to me. In fact, a week after you dumped me I came over and saw you all over someone else." Jasper's mouth fell open.

"I haven't been with or near anyone since you."

"Really? His arm was around you, holding you close to him. Before I saw that, it almost looked like you were upset over me, over us." Jasper knocked back his shot of whiskey.

"You saw me with a friend of mine. You honestly think that I would go and fuck someone so soon after we finished? Do you honestly think I don't care about you?"

"Well, you seem to have a great way of showing it," I answered while pouring out another shot.

"Edward, I'm sorry. What else do you want me to say?" Jasper sighed and tucked his hair behind his ears. "I let my past get in the way. My issues of rejection took hold, and all I saw was you rejecting me, and you not giving me a chance. On top of that, I don't handle any form of cheating well, and regardless of what you say, you still cheated on me when we first got together."

"I'll accept that. It was wrong of me to have both you and Leah on the go, but I did dump Leah the first chance I got. It's not as though I continued to have Leah and you. I made my choice right away. Maybe I shouldn't have agreed to that date with you while I was still seeing Leah, but I wanted to see you. Besides, I wanted to be sure. Not just for you but for me as well." Jasper slid his glass across the counter and walked closer to me.

"What do you want, Edward? Honestly, I need to know. Right now, I don't think there is much point in carry on talking, if we aren't going to move forward from this." By now he was standing just a few inches away from me, "So, what do you want?"

My head dropped down looking at the pool of water that was beginning to gather around Jasper's feet. Warm, fuzzy shots began to spread through my body, starting from my chin as Jasper placed his hand on my chin and pushed my head up. Looking at him, his stormy grey blue eyes locked on to me, holding me in place.

"Edward," he breathed, letting his warm, whiskey laced breath fan my face. "There is nothing I can say or do that will make up for what I said or how I acted. All I can do is try and make it up to you, try and make you realize that I do love you more than anything in my life."

"The guy, in the club...I saw you kiss him," I mumbled out.

"That's all it was, a kiss. It was me trying to move forward, the same as you did with Emmett. I wished that guy was you, babe," he said as his thumb began to stroke my cheek.

"Let's get you some dry clothes." Jasper smiled at me and chuckled slightly.

"Does that mean you want us to sort this out?" he asked

Nodding my head, I placed my hand over his and pulled it away from my face. Holding his hand, I led him through the house and upstairs to my room. My heart was pounding in my chest as excitement crashed its way though me. Jasper was here. After weeks of wanting, hoping and praying, he was finally here with me. The familiar feeling of his hand being in mine, my body all tingly and hyper aware of just how close he was to me, rushed its way through me.

There was so much we needed to talk about. So many things had been said that it would take us a while to get back to how we once were. Would we be able to trust each other again? Would I always hear the nasty words Jasper had used? Would everything we ever did together leave me wondering if I was boring Jasper, or if he was having a better get off with his right hand and a porno?

"Jasper?" I asked almost timidly as we walked through my bedroom door.

"Yeah?" Turning around to face him, I saw Jasper smiling at me. His eyes were radiating love, but were also holding an element of doubt in them.

"Did I bore you? All the things you said before, how I used to drive you insane and you had to fight for control, did you really mean them or was it just talk to boost my confidence?" By the time I had finished talking, my words were coming out in nothing more than a low whispering mumble.

Jasper looked at me for a minute or two before breathing deeply and closing his eyes for a second. "You're always going to think that aren't you? Everything I ever said to you, bar that one night, was the truth. You did drive me insane with lust, there were many times when I wanted you so bad that the thought of actually just pushing you into it did cross my mind. I'm hoping that one day you won't have these thoughts and that you will be ready," he said.

"I was ready, that night you dumped me and told me that it was just a game to you, that all you wanted was to pop my cherry and dump me." Jasper flinched at my choice of wording.

"Babe, if that was all I wanted from you, don't you think I would have gone through with it that night? If that's all I wanted, then hearing that about Leah wouldn't have bothered me."

"I …" I stopped before I had even begun complete losing my train of thought, "I missed you."

Jasper's hands were suddenly resting on my neck, gently playing with the hair at the nape of my neck. "I missed you too, twink," he smiled at me, "And I've still got a cupboard full of sweets and chocolate that you like."

"You do?"

Nodding his head and chuckling, he replied, "Yeah, you know I don't really eat that stuff, well not like how you do. And it seemed that every time I went into the supermarket, I came out with a shit load more. Even not being with you, you were still on my mind."

"Jasp-" my words were cut short by Jasper's lips crashing against mine as though he was reading my mind.

Slowly, Jasper's lips moved against mine as his arms went around my waist, pulling me closer to him. Moaning into the kiss, Jasper's tongue brushed against mine and we were tasting each other again as though it was the first time. My hands weaved their way through his wet locks, fisting tightly with a slight pull making him moan. I had forgotten just how Jasper's lips had felt against mine, how much I loved hearing him moan and touch me.

Breaking apart from the kiss, Jasper rested his forehead against mine, "Babe, let me love you, please?"

Not answering him, my hands moved slowly to the top of his shirt and I slowly began unbuttoning it. Taking hold of my hands, Jasper pulled my hands away and began pushing me backwards towards my bed. The backs of my calves hit the bed before I toppled back onto it. Jasper crawled up my body and hovered above me.

"This is about you, not me. Let me show you just how much I love you and how sorry I am."

Pressing his lips against mine just once, Jasper moved down my body. Taking hold of the hem of my Tee, he pushed it up slightly and began kissing along my stomach. His lips and tongue pressed against every dip and rise of my abs. Pleasure ripped its way throughout me as Jasper continued to tease me with his kisses, licks and nibbles.

His tongue swept around my belly button before dipping in as his hands slid up my Tee and began pinching my nipples. Moaning loudly, my hips began rise up off the bed, seeking any form of friction they could find. My cock was hard and straining against the fabric of my pjs.

Jasper's attack on my stomach didn't stop or move lower. His lips traveled slowly up my stomach and chest, nipping and sucking his way up my body and leaving me a writhing mess underneath him. Sitting back on his heels, nestled in between my thighs, Jasper grabbed a fist full of my Tee and pulled it until I sat up. Running his hands slowly down my arms until he reached my fingers, he laced them loosely through his, and he gave them a gentle squeeze and lifted my arms up over my head.

Taking the hem of my Tee, he pushed it up and over my head. Jasper spent a second or two just staring at me, drinking me in.

"I've missed you so much, babe," he whispered before softly brushing his lips to mine.

Slowly, our mouths moved together as our tongues brushed and caressed each other. My hand went to his damp shirt, slowly undoing the buttons until his shirt was fully open. Breaking apart from the kiss, I looked into his deep, lust filled eyes as I pushed his shirt off his shoulders. It gathered around his wrists before he pulled it the rest of the way off and tossed it onto the floor.

Now it was my turn to stare and drink him in. Tanned and more toned then before, my eyes ran down his body, taking in every muscle and hard line I had missed so much. My eyes caught sight of the silver nipple ring through his right nipple. My fingers reached out and ran over his pec to his nipple and began slowly playing with the new bit of metal making Jasper moan.

"When?" I asked while giving it a gentle tug. Jasper hissed and bit his bottom lip.

"The day before your cousin's wedding," he breathed out, "I remembered what you had said about them."

"You did it for me?" I asked, slightly shocked by it.

"Pretty much, yeah. It's something I wanted to do, and you having this thing for it pushed me into doing it." Breaking into a smile, I leaned forward and brushed my lips just once to his before trailing along his jaw.

Kissing, licking and biting my way down his neck, I bent my neck further down to take his nipple ring in between my teeth. The cold metal on my lips and in between my teeth felt like heaven. Sucking it slightly, Jasper moaned and arched his back so his chest was lifted more towards me. Tugging on it almost painfully hard, Jasper gripped the back of my head tightly while letting out a pleasured cry.

Pulling my head up, Jasper crushed his lips against mine. His tongue plunged into my mouth as he pushed me onto my back. My fingers weaved into his damp locks, pulling him even closer to me. Tugging his hair slightly, Jasper moaned into the kiss and pulled back, leaving me panting and wanting more.

"Jasper...please," I begged as Jasper reached my nipple.

Resting his chin on my chest, he looked up at me through dark blonde, long lashes, "What do you want, babe?"

"I need you...please," I panted out rocking my hips to create some well needed friction.

"Tell me what you want me to do babe," Jasper murmured out while kissing around my nipple.

"I want to feel you," I looked away slightly, feeling my blush creep across my skin.

Jasper's finger's touched my face, making me turn my head to look at him, "How do you want to feel me babe? Tell me, tell me what you want me to do," he said as he began kissing my neck.

"Make...make love to me...please." Jasper froze, and pulled his head back. Looking at me, I could see the shock written all over his face. "Unless you don't want me."

"Are you mad? Of course I want you. Babe, there is nothing more I want than you, but are you sure? After everything that's happened, don't you want to wait a little longer?" he asked. I could see the inner battle Jasper was having right now, trying to do the right thing against what his body wanted.

"No, I want you, please," I almost begged making Jasper smile.

"You don't have to beg me, babe, I just want you to be sure. I don't want to wake up in the morning and have you regret it," he stated while playing with my fingertips.

"I won't." Rolling onto my side, I opened the bedside table and pulled out the box of condoms and lube. Placing them on the bed, I watched Jasper's face fall slightly.

"Prepared I see," he said sliding off the bed and undoing his jeans.

"Yeah...I um...thought...I...brought them...for...um...us?" I mumbled out like the pathetic fool I was, and made it sound like a question.

"I've missed that," Jasper said as he climbed back on the bed in just his boxers.

"You have?" I asked in more of a moan than anything else as Jasper began trailing hot, open mouthed kisses down my chest.

"Of course. babe, I fell in love with you just the way you are. The way you blush over sex or stutter out what you want. Your innocence is one of the things I love about you, though I loved corrupting you," he murmured against my skin while hooking his thumbs through the waistband of my pjs. "Lift up, babe."

"You're looking forward to taking my innocence then?" I asked while lifting up my hips and letting him pull down my pj bottoms.

"Yes. I'm looking forward to rocking your world," he smirked at me and flashed me a wink. "So, top or bottom? I don't mind either way, I just want you."

"Um...can I top?" I asked "But, I don't know what to do," I flushed out feeling embarrassed that once again I didn't know what to do.

"It's easy, babe. I'll talk you through it," he said, looking slightly nervous.

"You're nervous?"

"A little, it's been a while since I last bottomed. But I do trust you," he answered.

"Jasper?" I asked, sitting up and playing with the waistband of his boxers. He nodded his head at me and waited for me to continue. "Are you..um..clean?"

"As in have I been tested?

"Yeah. You're my first...so.." I trailed off.

"Yes, and I'm clean. There was no one after you. Why?" he asked while placing his fingers over mine and pushing down his boxers.

"Could we...um..if you want to...I..want to...um.." Jasper cut me off before I could finish my stuttered, mumbling sentence.

"Not use a condom, you mean?" I nodded my head, Jasper took a deep breath. "Never done that before."

"It was just an idea. I want to trust you, completely." I guess that was my main reason behind it. I just wanted full trust with him. With everything that had gone off between the two of us, I wanted us to start as we meant to go forward, with full trust.

Moving, Jasper kicked off his boxers that had gathered around his knees. Smiling at me, Jasper leaned forward and kissed me. Pushing me back on the bed, Jasper then pulled me so I was on top of him. Slowly, his tongue pushed its way into my mouth as he began rolling his hips against mine bringing my cock back to life again.

Pulling back slightly, Jasper rested his head on my pillow. His blonde hair had now dried and lay in curls on my pillow. "I trust you completely, babe. Now, are you gonna make love to me, or are we just gonna talk about it?"

Taking a deep, shaky breath, I nodded. Picking up the tube of lube, my hands began to shake as I rolled the tube in my hands to warm it up. I could feel Jasper's eyes on me, watching what I was doing. The shaking hands and shaky breaths were being noted by him. It wasn't that I didn't want this, because I did, so bad. Having Jasper here, finally, after weeks apart was like every Christmas and Birthday rolled into one.

"Babe? If you're not ready, we don't have to do this." Jasper soothed as he took hold of my hands. "I can wait for you."

"No, I want you. It's...it's just that I don't know what to do. Well, I do, but I'm unsure of how to do it." Jasper smiled at me and took the lube off of me.

"Open your hand," Jasper said. Complying with what he asked, I opened my hand as Jasper poured a generous amount of lube into my hand. "Okay, coat your fingers and go slow. One finger at a time, I'll let you know when to add a second. Okay babe?"

"Um, yeah."

Coating my fingers, I slid my hand in between Jasper cheeks and circled his tight hole. Jasper's eyes stayed locked on mine, stormy eyes that were flooded with emotion. Jasper nodded slightly at me, giving me a little encouragement to move forward.

Carefully, I pushed the tip of my finger past his ring of tight muscles. I watched as Jasper took a slightly deeper breath and closed his eyes. Slowly, I began thrusting my finger in and out of him and Jasper soon began to relax around me as his eyes opened. Smiling at me, he winked and began rocking his hips against my finger.

"More?" I asked.

Jasper bit his bottom lip and nodded. Pushing in a second finger, I watched as Jasper inhaled a sharper breath as his muscles tightened around my fingers. Stopping my movements, I watched as Jasper took a couple of deep breaths trying to relax himself. Once I felt Jasper begin to relax, I slowly began to thrust my fingers in and out of him. Leaning my head forward, my tongue came out and licked the tip of Jasper cock.

"Fuck, Edward!" Jasper cried out as his hips bucked. "You feel so good," Jasper moaned out as he continued to fuck himself against my fingers.

"Wait until it's my cock in you and not my fingers," I smirked out as I added a third finger.

"Then fuck me already," Jasper half moaned out.

"Are you ready?"

"Yes! Please, I need you." Pulling my fingers out, I picked up the lube and looked at Jasper, "Coat yourself babe." Doing just that, I poured the lube freely over my cock making Jasper moan.

Wrapping his legs around my waist, I leaned forward. My heart was pounding in my chest as a mixture of excitement and nervousness raced its way though me. Positioning myself at his entrance, I slowly pushed forward. Jasper hissed slightly as I broke through his tight ring. His eyes stayed locked on mine as I slowly pushed into him.

Inch by inch his warmth slowly covered me as we connected. Everything crashed though me, my love for him, how much I had wanted us to finally make love, how much I wanted my first time to be with him, and to just be able to feel him and nothing else in between us.

Being inside his tight warmth for the very first time was too much for me. Jasper moaned loudly at me as I became almost fully seated inside him, which was my undoing. Without warning, the tight coil in my stomach suddenly sprang open and I came with a strangled cry. Embarrassment flooded through me as my head dropped down, unable to look Jasper.

Our very first time together and it was over in seconds. I wanted the ground to open up and swallow me whole for blowing my load within seconds of being in him.

Completely mortified and embarrassed as hell, I rested my head on his shoulder as my eyes began to fill with tears. I wasn't sure what to do now, I knew I couldn't bring myself to look at him after that, and the thought did cross my mind to bolt to the bathroom.

_What must he think of me now?_

Jasper's fingertips began to lightly caress my back as he turned his head and gently kissed my cheek, "It's okay babe," he soothed in my ear.

Withdrawing myself from him, I went to move away but Jasper held my arms. "Look at me babe," he asked softly. Slowly, I lifted my head up to look at him.

"I'm sorry," I mumbled out.

"Babe, stop worrying and concentrate on getting hard again." Sighing, I pulled away and sat back on my heels.

"Sorry," I mumbled out once again. Jasper sat up and touched my chin, pulling my face to his.

Softly, Jasper's lips brushed against mine just once before pulling back, "Stop, babe. Just forget about it, think about right now, my hands on you, my lips kissing yours."

Jasper began trailing his lips down my neck. Licking, biting and sucking, making me moan and tilt my head to give him better access. His hands traveled down my chest, stopping briefly to pinch my nipples, before continuing their path to my cock. Moaning in pleasure, Jasper began to stroke me slowly, bringing my cock back to life.

Passion, lust, desire, need and, above everything else, love raced its way through my system. Yes, we had a lot to talk about, and a lot to sort out, but right now I just needed him. I needed to feel loved by him, to feel his love for me in his kisses and touches. We needed to reconnect to each other. I guess this wasn't the ideal situation for our first time, well more second time, on the back end of us falling out, yet it felt so right to finally take that step now when getting back together.

Moaning loudly, my breath was coming out in pants as Jasper moved his lips up my neck to my ear, "Make love to me, babe."

Jasper lay back down on the bed, looking up at me through hooded lust filled eyes. Taking hold of the lube, I clicked it open and poured some in my hand before coating myself once again. Jasper wrapped his legs around my waist as I leaned forward.

Taking a deep breath, and willing myself to calm down and not blow my load again, I slowly pushed just the tip past Jasper's tight ring. Letting out a low hiss, Jasper closed his eyes and tightened up. Stilling my movements, I waited for Jasper to start to relax. Watching him, I saw him take a couple of deep breaths and begin to relax. Opening his eyes and looking at me, he smiled and dug his heels into my arse.

Slowly, I pushed in a little further, feeling his tight warmth slowly covering me. Jasper's eyes stayed locked on me, filled with love as he let out hisses and sighs as inch by inch I entered him. Jasper's fingers ran up my arms to my shoulders, where he pulled me closer to him. Meeting his lips with my own, I moaned into the kiss as I became fully seated deep within him.

"You okay?" I asked, pulling back slightly from the kiss.

"Yes..." he moaned out as he began to rock his hips against me.

Slowly pulling out, Jasper let out a low rumbling moan. Thrusting back into him, Jasper's back arched. Groaning at the feel of him tightly wrapped around me, I raised myself up off my forearms, and quickened my pace.

"Ugh...so...warm...tight...love being...in...you," I moaned out. "Always...wanna...fuck...you."

"Harder...babe," he gasped out.

Picking up my pace, I began thrusting into him harder and faster. The sounds of our moans and cries of pleasure filled my bedroom along with the sound of flesh meeting flesh.

"Holy shit! Babe, right fucking there!" Jasper screamed out as his back arched off the bed.

"Where?" I asked and then thrust hard into him, making him scream again, "There?"

"Yes...fuck..." he moaned out in breathless pants.

Thrusting into Jasper's tight ass, I could feel the coil in my stomach begin to tighten up again. Looking down at Jasper, his body was covered in a light shimmer of sweat, his lips were swollen and parted as he moaned out a long line of incoherent sentences as I continued to slam into him. Reaching his hand down, he began stroking himself in time with my thrusts. His eyes fluttered closed as his moans became closer and closer together.

"Babe...fuck...cumming," Jasper screamed.

Arching his back high off the bed, Jasper pushed his head back into the pillow. His eyes were closed shut tightly, his mouth parted as his body shuddered and he came. Looking down at Jasper, I watched his cock pulse and shoot streams of cum over his hand and stomach.

His muscles clenching tightly around me pushed me closer to the edge. My thrusts became more erratic as I neared my release, and I was thrusting hard into him. My body froze before I let go. Flying over the edge, my orgasm crashed into me. Crying out Jasper's name, I came hard deep inside of him, wanting this euphoric feeling to never end.

Once completely spent, I collapsed on top of Jasper. Panting and breathing hard, I could feel my heart beating hard and fast as I came down from my high. Jasper's fingers ran up my back and under my chin. Lifting my head up slightly, a flushed looking Jasper smiled widely at me before brushing his lips ever so softly against mine.

Withdrawing from him, I rolled onto my back, as my heart rate began to slow down. My eyes were fixed to the ceiling as I felt him move on the bed, followed by my drawer opening. Tenderly, Jasper cleaned us both up.

My mind began to race. Jasper had been with guys before, plenty of them. This wasn't his first time. He had so much to compare me to, where as I had no one. After my first failed attempt, I thought the second wasn't too bad. I enjoyed it, but did Jasper? And the underlining thought that now wanted to make itself known, would Jasper just leave now for getting want he wanted?

"Earth to Edward?" his voice suddenly whispered in my ear.

"Huh?"

"Huh?" he chuckled out, "I've been talking to you and you have been off somewhere else."

"You have?"

"Yes, I asked you if you enjoyed your first time with me. So the silence I'm getting right now is because you either regret it or loved it so much that you have lost the power to speak," he said.

"Sorry, I was just thinking," I answered honestly, watching as Jasper's studied my face intently.

"About?"

"Stuff," I answered, not wanting to admit to Jasper that I was worried that he may not have enjoyed our first time together, or that this would be it between us.

"Okay," he answered, not looking convinced by my reply. Moving closer to me, Jasper pulled me into his arms. "If you're thinking I didn't enjoy it, then you're wrong. I loved it, every minute of it."

"You did?"

"Yes. Babe, I've have been wanting us to sleep together for a long time. This, for me, was perfect. You don't regret it, do you?" Jasper asked.

"No. It was mind blowing. I didn't think anything could feel like that." Moving in his arms, I turned so I was facing him.

Chuckling, Jasper lightly stroked my cheek, before pinching my chin and placing a loving kiss on my lips. Right now, I was heaven, a heaven I never wanted to leave or end. "I love you," he murmured against my lips.

"Jasper?"

"Yes?" he answered smiling at me.

"We need to talk. I don't want to just brush everything away and forget about it. I want to talk about everything that's happened," I answered.

"I know, and we will in the morning. Right now I just want to enjoy the feel of you in my arms again." Moving, Jasper crawled under the covers and held his arm out, waiting for me.

Grinning like a fool, I slid under the covers and tucked myself into Jasper's side with my head resting against his chest hearing his heart beating. Wrapping my arm over his stomach, I placed a light kiss on him and murmured "I love you," before drifting off into a contented sleep.

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_So...We all happy?_

_Hit the review button and drop some love, Jen x  
_


	20. Chapter 20

**_AN/_**_ Hi all! I've not fallen off the face of the earth, though it seems like it. God Its been ages since I last updated anything, you all still with me? Hope so. :) Thank you to everyone who reviewed the last chapter, I hope you all enjoyed the boys coming back together again...its been a while. And was the wait worth it? lol. _

_This is my last update of the year. I tried really hard to get an update of EoL or Major out, or anything else I have going on, but RL is just too busy right now. Some of you know I flying out to the States for Christmas. So I am running around like a blue arsed fly trying to get everything ready before I fly in a weeks time. Penny has the wonderful Joy of putting up with my crazy ass for a fortnight, hehe. While I'm out there, we're going to see the 100 Monkeys so I am very happy bunny, if not a little stressed. _

_I will be back in the new year with new updates for everything. Just hope you all can hang in there with me. _

_Okay, hope you enjoy the chapter, see you at the bottom!_

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_**EPOV**_

The sun shone through the window as I slowly opened my eyes. Last night flashed through my mind, bringing a smile to my face. Rolling over I stretched my arm out, expecting to feel Jasper's warm body next to me. Instead of feeling Jasper I felt the cold, empty side of the bed. Snapping my eyes open, I looked around the room. There was no sign of Jasper, or Jasper even being here.

Had I made last night completely up? Did I just fall asleep while it stormed outside and dreamt that Jasper turned up here? Lying back down on the bed I tried to get over the aching feeling in my heart; and come to terms that Jasper would be waking up next to the guy from the club, despite whatever Emmett might have said.

Squeezing my eyes tightly shut I grabbed a pillow and placed it over my face, wishing for just once that life wouldn't be a complete bitch to me. Why did my mind have to make up something so sick and twisted as this? To dream that he came here, that we talked, even that we went as far as sleeping together. None of it seemed fair to me.

"That bad, huh?" Bolting upright and pulling the pillow off my face, I was met with Jasper's smiling face.

His hair was a mess and sticking up all over the place from his sleep, yet he still looked as gorgeous as ever. He was holding his arm out with a mug of coffee in his hand, standing there in a pair of my boxers.

"You're here," I whispered out, making Jasper grin at me.

"I went and made coffee while you were snoring your head off. Did you think you dreamt last night?" he asked as I took the coffee off him. "I put my clothes in the dryer, they're still a little damp, hope you don't mind."

"No, course not. Last night really happened then?"

"Yes. Any regrets this morning?" Taking a long gulp of my coffee I sighed and relaxed back onto the bed as Jasper sat on the edge, looking at me.

"None. Not one, though I would like to do it again," I answered as the blush started to creep its way up my face.

"That's nice to hear, but don't you think we should talk before that?" Jasper asked.

"I know you're right, but I'm worried what us talking will mean."

"Like?" Jasper asked looking a little concerned.

"Will we be okay after it, or won't we?" Jasper sighed and tucked his hair behind his ears.

"Well, I think we'll be okay. We both want each other, right? So I can't see what harm this talk could do to us," he said as he tucked his foot under his knee. "If you're thinking that all I wanted last night was sex then you're wrong."

"It's hard not to think like that when you told me that was all you were after." Jasper nodded at me and began playing with the cover on the bed.

"I know what I said to you that night was wrong, Edward. I wish I could take it back, go back in time and just stop, but I can't. All I can do is say I'm sorry and hope you can forgive me for it. I've said sorry, and I am more than willing to answer and to talk about it, but I'm not going to beg and plead for your forgiveness," Jasper stated.

"But you did say those things. I'm still not sure that you even want to be with me." Jasper rolled his eyes at me. "It's true. All you wanted was my cherry, you said so. What's to say that when you do top me that you won't dump me again?"

"Is that why you wanted to top last night? To save your cherry and hope to keep me around?" Jasper asked in a sharp tone.

"Yes."

"Thanks a lot," he mumbled out in a hurt tone.

"Well, it's true. I had to protect myself here. You made it clear to me that night that my cherry was all you were after. My reasoning, to myself, was if I topped and you dumped me, you still wouldn't have taken it."

"Thanks, Edward. Honestly, thank you for making me feel like fucking shit. Last night meant something to me, Edward. I didn't sleep with you for any personal gain, or just to take your V card. Hell, I didn't bottom for you in the hope that the following morning you would bottom for me and I could have your cherry. I slept with you last night because I wanted you, because I love you. It's nice to know that last night meant fuck all to you," Jasper barked out at me, anger flooding his face.

"What do you expect me to say to that? Huh?"

"I don't know. Honestly, I really don't. Maybe last night was a mistake," Jasper said.

"Maybe it was."

"Do you want me to leave?" Jasper asked with his head down. "I don't want to be where I'm not welcome."

I didn't answer. This was just what I was afraid of; being truthful about how I felt regarding us sleeping together would result in Jasper getting hurt and us not being together. Jasper had put these thoughts into my head, his words had done the damage and left me wondering if this was some game to him, a new game. Of course, I didn't want it to be. Last night meant the world to me, I just didn't want to tell him that for fear of it giving him some advantage over me.

"You destroyed me that night, Edward. I gave you so many chances to be honest and open about your girlfriends. Asked you countless times, and you always said the last one was months before, not weeks but months. Hearing them say you had a girlfriend when we met shattered my world. I could have handled the fact that they lapsed over. Honestly, I could have, if you had been truthful to me, but you lied. Any idea how that felt? It made me question just how long it had been going on, and was this whole shy and innocent Edward I had fallen in love with just an act," he wiped his face and took a few deep breaths.

"To me, you just rejected me. Like you never even gave me a real chance from the get go. How could you have really given me a chance if when we met you had Leah? You were trying to pick the right choice, me or her? I feel like I have to fight constantly for acceptance, for people to accept me the way I am and nothing else. The last thing I want is to have to fight for it with my boyfriend. You know my past, how I fight for things and what's mine. But, to have known that I had done everything I could to get you to accept me, to accept us and you just rejecting me, was too much. It's hard to try and explain it, I don't think I really can."

"Jasper, I admit that I did wrong by going on the date with you while I was with Leah, but I needed to be sure. Before I met you, I had no idea where to go or how to approach some guy. I guess part of me just hoped that the different feelings I had would go away. No one I knew was gay, and the chance to explore had never presented itself before. When I met you, suddenly I had this chance to find out, to see if I was just curious or if this is who I truly am. I hoped that you would never find out, that my lie would stay just that. It scared me to death that everything we had would suddenly disappear." Pulling my knees up and wrapping my arms around them, I rested my chin on my knees.

"Why wouldn't you let me explain?" I asked

"Too angry," he answered. "It's not like I didn't want to, I just needed to calm down, but you just kept pushing and pushing. There were so many things going around my head that I needed to think about. Every time you called just wound me up even more, and I began to believe that this whole crying and begging act was just to go play with the queer a little more, see how much of a fool I really am. By the time you stopped calling me and I had calmed down, it was too late."

"How do you know? I would have talked to you, Jasper. That's is all I wanted, a chance to sit and talk, to try and sort out our relationship." Jasper sighed, long and deep, with tears slowly running down his cheeks.

"Because I was worried that if I did you wouldn't want to know. That I had done too much damage and you were over me. I couldn't handle the rejection of you telling me it was too late, babe. I'm still shocked you want me, that you wanted me last night. Why would you still want me after everything I said? I wouldn't give me the time of day." Taking hold of his hand I gave it a gentle squeeze.

"It was Emmett that convinced me to come. He told me everything you had said to him about me. If it hadn't of been for him I wouldn't have come, and that wouldn't have been for not wanting too either. I love and adore you, Edward, always have. Whatever I said that night, I didn't mean. It was wrong of me to mock you, to pick apart your confidence and tell you that you bored me, when that was the furthest from the truth. That night, when it all went down, I just wanted to hurt you the way you had hurt me. At first, I didn't want to believe it. I couldn't believe that the man I loved, who I thought loved and accepted me, despite all my faults, wanted me. It crushed me." Jasper pulled his hand away from mine and wiped his face.

"I have no one to blame but myself for the pain I caused you and in turn caused myself. I can't even blame you for last night. How you wanted to top just to protect yourself from me. That you think if I topped you then that would be it between us. It hurts that last night meant something different to you. And again, that's my fault. Just know that I don't just bottom with anyone, I only do it in a relationship and even then it's not often."

"Then why did you last night?" I asked before finishing the rest of my coffee.

"Because I hoped it would be enough for you to see that I wanted you, us, to work things out. That it was more to me than just taking your V card or cherry."

"It did mean something to me, last night, I mean. I'm happy that my first time was with someone I love. My reason for picking to top is true, but that doesn't mean it meant nothing to me." Jasper snorted slightly. "It's true. I know I made you feel like that, but last night was... perfect. Jazz, I want us to move forward, to be together and not let this stop us being together. We've both made mistakes and wish we had done things differently, but what's done is done."

"I know." Jasper looked pained as he wiped his face with his hand. "You were never a game to me, Edward. You were and are so much more to me than a game."

"Can I ask you something? It's something that Emmett said." Jasper sniffled and nodded, waiting for me to continue. "Emmett said that you were thinking of having me move in with you, is that true?"

My heart rate began to pick up again as I waited for Jasper to answer. There was, of course, a chance that Emmett could have just been saying these things. Jasper had never before given me any kind of sign that that was where he was looking at our relationship going.

"I trashed my house. The night you left I tore it apart. Everything in it got broken. I couldn't stand it, looking at it, seeing the things that you had helped me do or the things you had picked with me. It's taken me a while to repair the damage I caused, even now I don't feel happy with it." Jasper moved and pulled his knees under his chin. "Well, happy with it is maybe the wrong word. I am happy with it. I replaced everything you had helped me pick with the same things, but I can't be in the house for long periods of time without getting the urge to either break down or rip it apart again. Just doesn't feel right, you know?"

"Jasper, if you don't want to answer the question it's fine. Emmett was more than likely just saying shit."

"Don't you see why I don't like it? Why I can't be in the house for long periods of time? It's you, Edward. The house doesn't have you in it, or your things around. Emmett wasn't talking shit, what he was saying is the truth. I wanted you to move in, but never said anything because, well, I didn't want to freak you out. Besides, you were at mine more times than you were here," he finished talking and my heart almost burst with love for him.

"Really? You wanted me to move in?"

"Yeah. Crazy, I know, but it's the truth," he said before moving again. "Would you have said yes? If I had asked?"

"Yes," I replied without giving it a second thought.

"Even though I am screwed up in the head and have a million issues with rejection and keeping what's mine?" he asked smiling slightly.

"Even with all those things. To be honest, finding out those things only made me love you more. You suddenly weren't perfect and I hate that you have all these problems with rejection. I hate that you feel you have to fight and protect what is yours, but I still love you, no matter what." Holding my hand out to him, he took it with a small smile on his lips.

"I've been thinking. You mentioned it to me before, about finding them and maybe I would be able to let go of some of my issues? Well, I decided to find them," Jasper said as he moved closer to me. Pushing my shoulders back, he made me lie down. Putting an arm across me, Jasper hovered over me. "I don't deserve you, but I am thankful I have you... I do have you, don't I?"

"If you want your twink, you can have him." Jasper broke out into a beautiful full teethed smiled.

"I love my twink." Leaning forward, Jasper brushed his lips against mine, just once, before pulling back. "You know what the best part of falling out is?"

"No, what?" I asked smirking up at him.

"Making up," he said wiggling his eyebrows.

"Can I..." I trailed off unsure of how to say it right without me looking foolish.

"Can you what? Babe?" Jasper urged with a smile.

"I want to... um..."

"Top again?" Jasper asked. I shook my head at him.

"No, I want to feel you inside me, please?" Taking the tube of lube off the side I handed it to Jasper. "I want you to have all of me, and not just part of me," I said, seeing Jasper break out into a big cheesy grin as I spoke. "That was corny, wasn't it?"

"Just a little bit, babe. But, corny is good from time to time," he said before brushing his lips to mine.

My mouth opened on its own accord as Jasper's lips touched mine. His tongue slowly slid into my mouth, brushing against my tongue. Slowly and perfectly our lips moved against each others. My lips hummed and tingled as his kiss sent my body into an overdrive of desire. Hearing the lube click open, I moaned into the kiss in full anticipation of what was to come.

Slick, wet fingers brushed past my balls and trailed towards my hole. Jasper's lips trailed down my neck, leaving a trail of fire in their wake as his fingers circled my hole. I gasped loudly as Jasper pushed one finger inside. Jasper stilled his finger as he continued to kiss and suck my neck, trying to distract me.

Slowly, Jasper began to thrust his finger in and out of me. Carefully, Jasper pushed in a second finger, making me wince slightly. Again he stilled his movements, giving me time to get used to it. Jasper began nibbling my ear lobe, making me moan and rock my hips gently against his fingers. Fucking me with his fingers, Jasper began to brush against my sweet spot as he added a third finger.

My eyes clamped tightly shut as I bit my bottom lip. It wasn't painful, not really, but it stung more than anything.

"Relax, babe," he murmured in my ear before sucking on my Adam's apple.

Taking a few deep breaths I began to relax. Jasper's fingers moved slowly, taking the time to let me adjust and get used to the feeling. Combined with Jasper kissing and sucking the sensitive areas on my neck and his fingers brushing against my sweet spot, it wasn't long until I was rocking my hips against his fingers looking for more.

Whimpering, Jasper pulled his fingers from me and slid off the bed. My eyes hungrily drunk in Jasper's body as he pulled down his boxers painfully slow. Smirking at me, he poured the lube on his cock and began slowly stroking himself, letting out low little moans and hisses of pleasure.

"You're teasing, no fair," I whined out.

Jasper chuckled at me, and crawled on to the bed next to me. Sitting up against the headboard he looked at me with a smile. "Come here and ride me, babe," he murmured in my ear making me shiver.

"Ride you? But.. but.." I rambled out as Jasper began pulling me onto his lap.

"Relax. I figured this way might be better for you. This way, you're in control," he answered as I straddled his waist.

Raising myself up and moving forward, Jasper ran the head of his cock over my hole, making him moan. Positioning himself at my entrance, he held onto my hip with his other hand and tugged slightly. Slowly lowering myself onto him, I winced and gasped as his head pushed through the tight ring of muscles.

"Fuck," Jasper hissed out, trying not to move.

Taking a few deep breaths, I tried to relax myself and hope the slight burning and stinging sensation would disappear. Lowering myself slightly more, Jasper began playing with my nipples, rolling them in between his thumb and forefinger. Inch by inch, Jasper was slowly filling me. Tears began to fill in my eyes as I continued to sink myself lower onto him. Closing my eyes, I tried to fight back the tears that were threatening to spill.

"Babe, stop," Jasper words cut through me, making me open my watery eyes. "Take a few deep breaths and relax. There is no rush, babe."

"Will the stinging go?"

"Yes, but you gotta relax, babe," he said, letting his warm breath fan my face.

Leaning forward slightly, I captured his lips with mine. Slipping my tongue into his mouth, I lifted myself up slightly before lowering myself down again. Jasper moaned loudly into the kiss as I continued to lift myself up and down on his cock, each time taking more of him. Our kiss got more heated, more passion filled and more dominating as I slowly moved.

Breaking apart from the kiss to breathe, Jasper began biting, sucking and kissing my neck making me moan out loudly. He moved one of his hands from my hips and wrapped it around my hardening cock. Stroking me slowly, in time with my movements, he continued his attack on my neck. The discomfort and stinging I had felt at the start was quickly becoming replaced with pleasure.

Jasper moaned, deep and throaty, tilting his head back against the headboard as he became fully seated deep inside of me. Stilling my movements, I revealed in the feel of Jasper being in me. Letting out a few deep, but shaky breaths, I grew more comfortable with Jasper being in me. Lifting his head up off the headboard, Jasper's normally grey stormy eyes had darkened to a dark steel grey. Bringing his lips to mine once more, he began to roll his hips slowly, making him moan into the kiss. Taking the idea, I freely rolled my hips against him as his arms wrapped around my waist. Weaving my fingers through his hair, I tugged his head back, inciting a growl from Jasper.

"You're so... fucking tight... god, I love being... in... you," Jasper panted out.

My lips attacked his neck as I began to roll my hips a little faster, feeling him hit places deep within me. Moaning loudly, my body began to tingle. Every nerve ending in my body was completely alive, humming with energy as we made love. Feeling comfortable with Jasper being inside of me, I began to lift myself up and down slowly over his hard cock.

"Ugh... fuck..." I gasped out as I felt Jasper's cock hit my sweet spot.

Quickening my pace, my breath came out in short, sharp pants. Sweat covered my body and trickled down my back as I chased my euphoric high. Jasper began to thrust his hips upwards, meeting my downward movements. His fingers dug into my hips as he pulled me down. My fingers gripped tightly into his hair, tugging it harder and harder as I neared my peek.

"Edward... so... warm... so tight... love... you," Jasper panted breathlessly.

"Love... you... too..."

My cock was trapped between both our sweaty bodies. Our movements picked up lifting and thrusting quicker and faster as we neared our released. With every thrust from Jasper, he hit my sweet spot, making me cry out in pleasure and pushing me closer to the edge. Gripping the back of the headboard I began slamming myself down onto Jasper's cock. The coil in my stomach began to tighten, as Jasper's thrusts became frantic.

"Gonna... cum..." Jasper cried out. "Fuuuck!" he screamed.

Feeling Jasper release his hot cum deep inside of me pushed me over the over the edge. Crying out loudly, my body shuddered as I climaxed hard, covering both our stomachs in my cum. Crashing my lips to Jasper's, I slowed my movements down as we rode out the last waves of our orgasms. Breaking apart from his lips, I rested my now hot and sweaty forehead against his shoulder while breathing hard. Jasper's hands trailed slowly up and down my back as our bodies calmed down. Lifting my head off his shoulder I looked at Jasper. His skin was covered in a light gleam of sweat, his cheeks flushed, with strands of his hair sticking to his skin.

"Was.. was that okay?" I mumbled out, feeling my embarrassment creep through me.

"Edward, it was perfect. Loved every second of it," he said while reaching up to give me a kiss.

"Worth the wait?"

"Oh, hell yes, it was more than worth the wait," Jasper grinned at me. "How about we take a shower?"

"Sure. You want to shower with me?"

"Would love too, but I think it's best if we shower alone. Unless, of course, you fancy being fucked in the shower?" he asked wiggling his eyebrows at me.

Slowly, I pulled myself off of Jasper's lap and winced a bit. "Err, while that's a nice idea, I don't think I could right now." Moving slowly off the bed I tried to keep the discomfort to a minimum. Jasper chuckled at me as I moved slowly and cautiously towards the bedroom door.

"You look as though you've been thoroughly fucked, babe," he said with a smile in his voice.

"Maybe because I have."

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_Did you like it? Love it? Or hate it?_

_Drop some love, hit the review button for my boys and they will see you in the new year!_

_Merry Christmas, Jen x  
_


	21. On Hold

Hi guys!

I know, its been forever and a day with my stories since they were last updated, and the chances are that most of you by now will have given up and moved on. For those that are still hanging around, I want to say sorry for taking ages to bring another update and I am hoping to have something soon. Right now I have hit a full wall. I can't seem to move around it, under it or over it. Things in my personal life have been crazy and I am finding it hard to sit and connect to my boys :( .

Over the last few weeks I have tried and failed to write them, even going as far as letting someone see it to gain feedback. You know its bad when someone who loves your humps tells you it doesn't sound like you and its all disconnected and flat. So, instead of leaving you all hanging and waiting, I am putting everything on hold. Hopefully my "on hold" won't be that long, but I figured I have hit a point where I need to say something.

I hope you all do come back and read my work, and I hope you all had a fantastic Christmas. Yes, I know, it seems so long ago now, lol.

Thanks for understanding,

Jen x


	22. Chapter 22

**_AN/_**_ Hi all! Thank you to everyone who reviewed the last chapter. I hope you guys are still hanging with this chapter. Woohoo! The Last actual chapter took Secrets and Lies over the 1K mark. Super happy over that. _

_A massive thank you to my girls. dtav for prereading and making it all fit and flow better. And to Ealasaid77 for sorting out my nasty grammar and having to battle with Gdocs not working. _

_Hope you guys enjoy!_

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Jasper's arms were wrapped around his knees, his chin resting on top of them, just staring ahead. Blinking every couple of seconds, but other than that he hadn't moved. I want to move to him, to wrap my arms around him and tell him we don't have to do this now, but I know it's pointless. I know he needs to do this now; he needs to talk about what he wants to do now, and how he wants to approach this, but I wish he wouldn't.

It's almost like a switch has been flicked on or off, depending on how you want to look at it. The sun that was shining into our relationship had suddenly turned into a dark cloud. That, I knew, was coming. In the weeks since Jasper and I have been back together, he has mentioned this a handful of times. Now the time of fully talking about it is here, and this is causing the happy, smiling Jasper that I love to become all glum and withdrawn.

He hasn't left my side since he turned up that night in the rain. Jasper seems to think, well, I seem to think, he thinks that if he leaves me be for too long I will convince myself he doesn't want me. Though, the thought would cross my mind, I trust my heart and what it says, and not my mind. The only times we have been apart have been when he has been at work and I have been at college. Even then we end up spending dinner together and we are constantly texting. That was something I really didn't mind. After being apart for so long, I love the closeness we now have with each other, and the wholeness it brings. Problem was I know Jasper's new latching isn't just down to us getting back together; it's also down to him wanting to find his birth parents.

"Jasper?" My voice comes out as an almost whisper, not wanting to rip him out of his thoughts. His head turns slightly towards me, and he smiles, trying to reassure me that he was okay, but I know he isn't.

"I don't know what to say to them. To my parent's, I mean. How will they react to hearing that I want to find my birth parents?" he mumbled out. It's the same answer he's given me over and over again this past week, even without me prompting a question.

"Handle it with care. I'm sure they will understand, and it's not the first time you've ever brought it up to them, is it?" Jasper sighs and shakes his head.

"No, but the last time I did try, I kind of went off the handle a little bit. Fuck, Edward, I don't want to upset them or hurt them, and I fear I will. Will they look at me and think that they haven't done a good enough job raising me? That me finding my birth parents will mean I'll cut them out of my life?" Moving closer to him, I sit next to him on the bed, with my shoulder touching his, my thigh against his, letting him come to me if he wants.

"But you wouldn't do that. I'm sure they're prepared for this, that one day you'll want to find out who they are, when you're ready. Personally, I think you need to sit and talk to them, Jazz. You can't do this without them knowing, it will hurt them more," I soothed to him as his head rested on my shoulder.

"I just don't know how to bring it up, babe. What if my birth parents don't want to find me? What if they're happy with whatever life they have and don't even give me a second thought?" Wrapping my arm around his shoulder, I pulled him closer to me.

"That's the chance you have to take. There's no certainty that you will like what you find, and you have to be ready for the chance that they could say that they don't want to know you. Are you sure you really want to find them?" I asked him as my fingers played with the ends of his hair.

"Yes. I need to know, need to find out why, you know? Maybe this will help me deal with my issues, maybe I won't always feel like I am about to be rejected," he sighed as he curled closer into me. "I almost lost you because of it, because I couldn't stop and listen for just one second. All I saw was rejection, somewhere in my brain, it made sense to me."

"Jazz, leave it alone now. It doesn't matter anymore, we're together and that's what matters, isn't it?" Kissing the top of his head, Jasper squeezed me a little tighter. "We don't have to go now," I said a little nervously.

"I know, but delaying it won't solve anything either," Jasper said as he pulled himself away from me and off the bed. Tying his hair back, I saw just how drained he looked, like everything was coming out of him. Had he not even considered doing this before we got back together?

"I can't do this alone," he whispered so low, I wasn't sure if I actually heard him or not. Pulling him tighter into my arms, I gave him a few minutes to relax and gather his mind before trying to figure out what we were doing. Pulling away from me, Jasper pulled on his trainers and grabbed his phone, wallet and keys off the side.

"I'll wait in the kitchen while you talk to them," I said as I followed him out of the house and towards his car.

This would be the first time I had been there since that night it went down with Alice. I didn't know if they knew about our break up or how much of it. That thought alone made me feel nervous as I climbed inside Jasper's baby. Jasper slammed the door shut and turned the engine on, but made no attempt to move.

Looking at him, I wondered how much sleep he was getting. Dark circles formed underneath his usually bright eyes. Seeing his hair tied up and the baggy hoodie and jeans, made him look so wiped out. A bad feeling sat in the pit of my stomach as I reached for his hand. Deep down, I knew if today's trip to his parents ended with fight, it would break him completely.

"Ready?" I asked, giving his hand a squeeze.

Nodding, I let go of Jasper's hand as he pulled the car into reverse and backed out the driveway. We rode in silence for a few minutes before he spoke. "They know all about it," he calmly stated.

"Know about what?" I asked dumbly.

"Us," he said, rolling his eyes at me. "I told them, they know everything and yes, my mum threatened to castrate me for what I had done."

"Oh. And, um..." I trailed unsure of what to say next.

"My mum thinks you're stupid and you need a slap," Jasper stated. His admission shocked me, I had thought, after that one meeting, that they seemed to like me. Why would she say something like that? Noticing the shocked, and more than likely hurt, look on my face Jasper continued, "She thinks that you shouldn't have forgiven me for what I did. She claims if it was my dad, she would have told him where to go."

"Maybe I am stupid. Maybe she has a point and I need to rethink this," I answered flatly, causing Jasper to slam on the brakes and grind to a halt on one of the side roads near his parent's house.

"Are you fucking kidding me?" he snapped out, "If you need to rethink this, then fuck off out of the car now and I'll save you the fucking bother."

"Jay, I was joking." Realizing that my attempt at playing with him had come at the completely wrong time, I became consumed with guilt. "I'm sorry I said that."

"If you don't want... if you can't forgive me..." he stopped and started before turning his head away.

"I didn't think before I opened my mouth. I was just trying to lighten the mood a little, but I should have been more considerate. That sort of joke, right now, isn't even funny." Reaching for his hand, I took it in mine and kissed the back of his hand. "Love you."

"I have you, don't I?" he asked, fear lacing through his words. "Please, I can't... I need... Edward, please."

"I'm here." Squeezing his fingers just once, I let them go so we could move.

A few minutes later we pulled up outside his parent's house. Cutting the engine, Jasper sighed and looked at me. "Ready?" Nodding my head, Jasper leaned over and brushed his lips against mine. Moaning softly, I relished the feeling of how his warm, smooth lips felt against mine.

Jasper's wet tongue skimmed across my lips, asking me to part them. Opening my lips to him, Jasper's tongue touched mine brushing and lapsing with it, slow and sensual. My hands found themselves around his neck, pulling him closer to me as his weaved into my hair and began tugging gently.

The thought suddenly dawned on me that the last time we came here, we were just like this when his mum began tapping the window. With that thought running through my mind, I couldn't help but begin to chuckle into the kiss.

Jasper pulled back, confusion written across his face and with a look of, 'What the fuck', marring it. The look only made me break out into a full-blown laughing fit.

"What has got you laughing?" Jasper asked. "I'm kissing you and you start laughing. Hardly doing my ego any good."

"I just started thinking that the last time we were here, your mum caught us kissing just like that," I chuckled out, watching as his face broke out into a smile.

"Yeah, that was a little embarrassing, but nothing she hasn't seen before," he chuckled. "Come on, let's get this over with."

Climbing out of the car, I walked around and laced my fingers through his. Giving them a gentle and reassuring squeeze, we began to walk to their front door. The closer we got, which could only have been 100 yards, if that, the tighter Jasper's grip on my hand became.

Reaching the front door, I looked at Jasper who looked as though he was about ready to fall apart. "Babe?" I started and waited for him to look at me.

Without even looking at me, he rang the doorbell and whispered, "Stay with me, please." I knew what he meant.

Originally, I was going to wait in the kitchen while he had this talk. Personally, I didn't think I had the right to be in there, listening to it. At the time, Jasper had agreed, but now it looks as though he doubted it and wanted me to be there. I couldn't blame him. If it were me, I would want him there. He wouldn't have to say anything, just knowing that he was there, next to me, holding my hand as I did it would be enough. Jasper clearly now thought the same.

Before I could answer him, his parent's door swung open. "Jasper? Edward? What a surprise, I had no idea you were coming," Esme gushed out as she smoothed out her hair and straightened her clothes.

"Didn't think I needed to announce my arrival, mum," Jasper mumbled out. Esme's eyes looked at me for a second and then back at Jasper. "Oh," he said realizing what she had meant. "Sorry."

"Come in. How are you, Edward? Sorry, you caught me in a right state, we've been sorting out the loft and, um, well, it's been a bit messy." Jasper made a gagging sound as he walked in behind her.

"Something wrong with your throat, Jasper?" Esme asked as she led us into the living room. "It's lovely to see you, Edward. I was pretty shocked when Jasper told us that you had taken him back."

"It's nice to see you again, too," I answered honestly and gave Jasper's hand a hard squeeze. "Everyone deserves a second chance, Mrs. Cullen."

"Esme, dear," she grinned at me. "Drinks? Food?" She looked at Jasper. "You've come here just to get fed, haven't you?"

"Busted," Jasper lamely answered. Esme's face grew concerned at Jasper's flat toned answer.

"Is everything okay? Are you sick? In trouble?" Esme began running off a long list as the fear grew more and more on her face.

"Mum!" Jasper all but screamed. "I'm fine. Chill out, will ya. I do need to talk to you and dad, though."

"It's something serious, isn't it?" she asked.

"Yeah, you could say so," he shrugged out. "Just go get dad from upstairs, please."

Sitting down on the sofa, Jasper kept his body close to mine as his mum all but ran out of the living room and dashed up the stairs shouting for Carlisle as she went. Jasper sighed deeply and rested his head on the back of the sofa with his eyes closed.

"She knows," he mumbled out in a whisper.

"Of course she does, she's your mum, Jasper. They know when shit is going down." Jasper groaned out in frustration at my words. "Look, right now she is more than likely thinking you are dying or something, just relax, okay?"

Jasper turned his head to me and gave me a sad smile as his dad came rushing into the living. "Jasper, son, what's wrong? You in trouble? Money? Your mother is going apeshit, convinced there is something seriously wrong."

"Nothing is seriously wrong," Jasper snapped out. "I'm not dying, or in trouble, or having money troubles. It's something else. But I am fine. Why does me turning up wanting to talk turn into 'I might be dying'? Or something else?"

"You know how she panics. You suddenly turning up and saying you needed to talk sent alarm bells going off in her head," Carlisle said and for the first time since he rushed into the room, he noticed me. "Edward! How are you?"

"I'm good, thanks. Carlisle, yourself?"

"I'll be fine once my wife realizes the world isn't about to end," he joked as Esme came back into the room. The worry was still on her face, and while Carlisle had relaxed, Esme knew that something wasn't right.

"Okay, I am just gonna say this. I'll state my reasons why in a second." Jasper took a deep breath and sat forward slightly. "I wanna find my birth parents."

Silence.

The room fell deadly silent as they took in his news. I could feel Jasper's palm begin to sweat in my hand, and once again his grip tightened. Looking over at Esme, I saw her eyes were wide and tears were already rolling down her cheeks.

"Mum? Dad? Say something, please."

"I have to do the dishes," Esme suddenly said and shot up out of the chair and out of the room in a blink of an eye.

"Jasper?" Carlisle started and stopped with a deep sigh. "Are you sure?"

"Yes. I have my reasons, and I will tell you them both. It's... it's not because of anything you've done," Jasper said.

"Okay, well, it's a shock, one we both knew would come. If that's what you want, we will give you all the information we have and help you as much as possible." Carlisle ran his hand through his blonde hair with a sigh.

Silence fell again, before Carlisle got up and went to Esme who we could hear sobbing uncontrollably in the kitchen. Turning my head to Jasper, I saw his tears and was suddenly in a bone-gripping hug from Jasper. He sobbed quietly on my shoulder, mumbling out how much damage he had caused, and how much he had hurt his parents by telling them this.

All I could do was hold him as he cried. He wouldn't listen to me right now, not until he had cried some of it out of him. Faintly, I could hear Carlisle trying to calm Esme down in the other room. He was trying in vain to reassure her that she wasn't losing her son. Hearing that, I gripped Jasper tighter, hoping that he didn't hear it.

"It's gonna be okay, babe. She's just upset. Even though they knew you would want to do this, it's still hard for them to hear it, especially your mum," I soothed in his ear.

"I'm not disowning them."

"I know, and when she comes back tell them why, they will understand." Jasper nodded in the crook of my neck.

We stayed like this for a few minutes before Carlisle came back in with Esme still in tears. Jasper pulled away from me and looked at his mum standing there. Her bottom lip began to quiver as they stared at each other. Jasper was suddenly up and had thrown himself into his mum's arms.

After a few minutes they pulled apart, and stood rather awkwardly in front of each other. Jasper wiped his eyes on the back of his sleeve and looked at me, offering a weak smile.

"I'm sorry, Jasper," Esme whispered out as she sat down. "I... It's just... This is..." she stumbled and started before Carlisle chipped in.

"What Esme is trying to say, is that she is concerned you will no longer look at her as your mother," he stated.

"Carlisle!"

"Well, it's the truth. You're worried that Jasper saying this will result in you losing your son," he answered before turning to look at Jasper. "We support your decision, and we will always be here for you, you know that."

"I'm not doing it because I want my birth parents. I'm doing it to find answers," Jasper stated firmly. "You'll always be my parents, and that won't change. I just need answers, need to try and get all this shit in my head under control."

He flopped down next to me and took my hand. "I almost lost Edward because of it," Jasper said giving my hand a squeeze and smiling. "I need to know why they didn't want me, why they conceived me if they didn't want a child. Maybe this will help me let go of my rejection issues. It's worth a shot and I plan on seeing someone too."

"Therapy?" Carlisle asked.

"Pretty much, yeah," Jasper answered honestly. "I figure that, good or bad, I could do with someone poking around in there. Getting my anger under control, sorting out my issues, I need to do this. It's doubtful that I will ever fully let it go, but if I can get answers, and have the right advice, I should be able to get it under control and not react the way I have done in the past."

"And what if she, your birth mother, wants you to stay in her life? What if she wants to make up for all those lost years?" Esme asked quietly while sniffling.

"I won't refuse that, but at the same time I won't be looking to have this whole new family either. They didn't want me when they had me, they can't make up for lost years. I know who and where my family is, and it's not them. They may have created me, gave me life, but they're not my parents, you are." Esme smiled softly at her son.

Her eyes sparkled with so much love, yet there was her pain lying just underneath it. I couldn't imagine what she must be thinking or feeling right now. Hearing the man you have called your son for the past twenty odd years wanting to find his birth mother must be heart wrenching. Her own fears were completely understandable. She feared she would lose her son. It didn't matter that she didn't carry him for nine months, or give birth to him, or even share the same DNA, he was her son.

"When are you thinking of doing this?" Carlisle asked.

"Umm, as soon as I've found their address," Jasper said as he curled into me. Wrapping my arm over his shoulder, I kissed the top of his head.

"Are you sure?" Esme asked. "Have you thought about the bad that could come from this? Are you ready for that?"

"The worst they can say is that they don't wanna know or won't answer my questions," he sighed. "Besides, I'll be no better off than I am now, if that's the case."

Carlisle sat and asked Jasper a whole list of questions, and I was able to guess from what he was asking that he had thought about this over Jasper's life. Esme sat there, listening to both the questions and answers, sniffing and wiping her eyes every now and then. My heart truly went out to Esme. This couldn't be anything pleasant for her to have to endure. Part of me wished that Jasper had kept me out of the room for this. I had no place to be here, listening to all that was being said, and it made me slightly uncomfortable.

Squeezing Jasper's hand, I whispered in his ear that I was going outside for a bit to let them have some alone time. Giving him a soft, gentle kiss on the lips, I headed into the kitchen and out into the back garden. The sun had now set leaving a clear night sky with a few stars twinkling against the black sky. Leaning against the wall, I stared up into the night's sky letting my mind wonder about nothing of much importance. A few minutes later, I heard the patio doors open and close gently. Turning my head, I saw Jasper walking towards me.

"You okay?" he asked

Smiling, I nodded. "Shouldn't it be me who is asking you that?"

Jasper smiled and wrapped his arms around me. "Thanks for coming with me today," he mumbled into my neck. "I wanna go home, and just be close to you."

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_So what you guys think? Hit the review button and drop some love, Jen x_


	23. Chapter 23

_**AN/** Hi all! I know its been forever and a day since I last updated this fic. I hope that you all are still following it, and if not? Well, so what. For those of you that are still reading, I hope you enjoy this update._

_A massive thank you to my girls., dtav and Ealasaod77 for working their wonderful magic and making my crap readable. Love you girls!_

_Enjoy!_

* * *

The textbook stared back at me, mocking me over and over again because I couldn't make sense of it. No matter how many times I read it, Googled it, and looked over the notes on it, it made zero sense. Frustration wasn't even a word I would use to cover how I felt right now.

Sitting at the black, frosted glass dining room table, I looked out of the patio doors as the rain began to hit the decking. A soft, light, gentle breeze came into the dining room, bringing with it the smell of wet grass and timber from the rain. Hearing it and smelling it slowly began to soothe away the tension that was in my head. And, with any luck, I might start to understand this.

The house was nearly complete. Jasper had worked hard to get it done, and now there were just some small, little things that needed work. It was nice to curl up together on the overgrown sofa and watch TV, instead of being in the bedroom. Not that I minded being in there.

Slowly, more and more of my things were finding their way here. I even had my own key to get into Jasper's house. Fuck, my phone bill came here now, I had all but moved in. It wasn't official, but Jasper didn't seem to mind me being here, and we had both fallen into some state of just acting as though it was a permanent thing.

Every now and then, I had to go home. Jasper had all but dragged me there one night and booted me out the car, saying that I could come back the next night, but I had to see my parents. I had pouted, sulked, and thrown a fit to match any child, just to get my own way. Did it work? _Did it fuck._

Jasper still hadn't seen my parents face to face since we had been back together. He was avoiding it as long as possible, before he went. No matter how many times I told him that they were fine with him, he refused to move on it. Claiming that they had seen just what he had done to me and that no parent was going to just go, "Oh, its fine," and leave it at that.

I couldn't argue with him there. They had, on more than one occasion, mentioned that they wanted to talk to Jasper when he came around again. Of course they were happy that we were back together and that I was happy, but they still wanted to talk to him, and that was something Jasper couldn't handle right now.

Jasper not coming with me was the main reason why I kicked up a fuss about going home. If I was going, I wanted him to go with me. It wasn't as though I didn't get on with my parents, I did, but I just wanted to be with Jasper more. Sooner or later he would have to face them, and he would have to deal with all that they said to him. He knew his time on not going, was quickly running out.

Sighing, I sat back in the high backed, leather dining chair and stared at the laptop as the room started to dull. The rain continued to pour down outside, getting heavier by the minute. Summer was well and truly on its way out. Soon, Christmas would be here, our first Christmas together. Neither of us had spoken about what we would do, and how we would spend it.

Of course, Jasper would need to see his family and I would need to see mine, but where were we going to see each other? I didn't like the thought of not seeing him Christmas Day. In fact, I didn't like the idea of not waking up Christmas morning next to him.

The front door suddenly slammed shut, breaking me out of my thoughts. Heavy footsteps walked their way through the living room. Turning my head to the open door, I saw Jasper's very wet form heading towards me. His wet curls hung down his face, dripping water down his already soaking wet Tee that was sticking to him like an extra layer of skin.

Unable to stop myself, I laughed at the sight of him. "Something amusing you, Edward?" he asked as he stalked his way towards me.

"Nope," I chuckled out as I got up from the chair and began to back away.

"You think it's funny that I got stuck up a scaffold when it pissed it down?" Jasper said in a flat tone as he closed in on me.

"That would just be mean if I did," I all but giggled out as he grabbed my wrist and pushed my back up against the wall.

"It would, wouldn't it?" he smirked, "But this isn't." Jasper suddenly pushed his wet, clothed body against mine and kissed me, hard.

Jasper's tongue invaded my mouth, brushing and lapsing his tongue against mine. His hands fisted into my hair as he ground his hips against mine. I could feel him begin to harden through the fabric of my sweat pants. Running my hands down his back, I felt his hard muscles twitch and flex against the wet T-Shirt. Reaching his arse, I pulled him closer to me making him moan into my mouth.

Pulling his head back, Jasper began to kiss across my jaw as his fingers danced across my stomach, teasing the waistband of my sweat pants. My skin broke out in goose bumps under his touch, sending blissful waves of pleasure throughout my body that caused me to shiver.

A fire broke out in my body, deep within the pits of my stomach, and spread outwards. My body was being consumed with love for him, making my heart beat wildly in my chest as I began to feel high. My movements mirrored his as we were working in perfect harmony with one another.

Jasper's lips descended down my neck and across my throat, pausing at my Adam's apple to suck gently. Moaning loudly, I tilted my head back and rested it against the wall, giving him better access to my throat. Jasper kissed down to the hollow of my throat, before pulling back slightly to look at me.

His stormy grey eyes seemed to darken and swirl as he looked at me. The intensity of his stare, full of the love that swarmed in them, was almost scary. I found it hard to look him in the eyes; it was like he was seeing right into me, into my soul, yet I couldn't break his gaze.

"I love you," he whispered, and pulled away from me.

Smirking at me, he walked towards one of the corner units, and opened the drawer. Watching him, he rummaged through it before pulling out a condom and a small tube of lube. Taken aback that he actually kept a stash there, I wondered how long they had been there and why they were there to begin with.

"Always prepared," Jasper smiled as he pulled off his wet T-shirt and tossed it on the floor.

"Good little Boy Scout, huh?" I asked as he pulled at the base of my T-Shirt.

"Never hurts to have things on hand, babe." Pulling my T-shirt up and over my head, I looked at Jasper questioningly.

We hadn't actually slept together outside of the bedroom, and this was making me nervous. I was completely out of my comfort zone, and my inexperience was beginning to get the better of me. Part of me wanted to take his hand and pull him towards the bedroom, where I felt more comfortable and not so exposed for the inexperienced man I was.

Jasper's eyes were trained on me, looking at me hungrily with concern hidden beneath them. I knew he was more experienced and therefore fucking on everything available to him was nothing, but to me? To me, I doubted I could handle this. We hadn't been sleeping together that long, and it was only recently that I had started to come out of my shell and feel as though I wasn't a complete disappointment to him in bed.

"What's wrong?" Jasper's hands were resting at the nape of my neck, twirling the hair there.

"Wh... What are we doing?" My voice cracked as I spoke, feeling my nerves begin to shake inside.

"I'm planning on fucking you right here. What does it look like?"

"Can't we go to the bedroom?" I asked. Jasper shook his head no, and smirked at me. "Please?"

"Babe, relax, okay? I promise to blow your mind." With that his lips met mine again in a fevered passion.

Lips blending, teeth clashing and tongues tasting, left us both panting into each other's mouths. Jasper's hand trailed slowly down my stomach to the waistband of my sweat pants, before dropping under the elastic band and wrapping his rough hands around my cock. My hips bucked, thrusting myself into his hand at his warm touch.

Jasper stroked me slowly, almost too slow, a complete contrast to how his lips were attacking mine. The contrast between the two set my heart racing and a dying need for more. Panting hard, we broke apart. Moaning loudly, I rested my head against the wall as Jasper's lips descended down my chest, pausing at my right nipple to lick across it.

My nipple pebbled under his warm wet tongue, sending a shiver of pleasure throughout my body. Jasper took it between his teeth and pulled slightly, making me cry out. He released my nipple from his mouth and continued to kiss down my stomach.

The feeling of his stubble scraping against my skin as he kissed, licked and nibbled his way down drove me insane with lust and desire. Dropping to his knees, Jasper's mouth danced above the waistband of my sweat pants, kissing and nibbling from one hip to the other. My hands found their way into his hair, winding his curly locks around my fingers.

"Jasper..." I pleaded breathlessly.

My cock was hard and straining against the fabric of my sweat pants, begging for his attention. Jasper's lips continued to tease across the waistband, which was slowly being pulled down. Inch by inch he lowered my sweat pants, revealing more of my lower stomach.

"What do you want, Edward?" Jasper purred out huskily as he licked the V of my abdomen.

I groaned out in relief as he slowly pulled my sweat pants all the way down. Stepping out of them, I looked down at Jasper who was sitting back on his heels. The lube and condom were next to him on the floor. Smirking up at me, the tip of his pink tongue darted out and licked across the head of my cock, collecting the droplets of pre-cum and making me moan.

"Babe?" Jasper chuckled out, "What do you want?"

Moaning in both response and frustration, I gripped his hair, guiding him back to my cock. Pushing back against my hands, Jasper shook his head.

"Tell me, babe," Jasper whispered as he ran the tip of his nose up my length. "Tell me what you want and you can have it."

"You know what I want," I answered breathlessly.

"No, I wanna hear it, babe." He then sucked the tip into his mouth making me thrust forward, before he released me. "I'll not do it unless you tell me."

"Jasper... please," I cried out desperately as he teased his tongue up and down my cock.

"What are the magic words?" Jasper pressed.

"I... want... you... to... suck... me... off," I stammered out as embarrassment flooded me.

Jasper had been trying to get me to talk dirty towards him more often, saying there was nothing to be ashamed of or embarrassed about when it came to sex. To me it was embarrassing. I worried I would say the wrong thing at the wrong time, or say something that made no sense and embarrass myself. At every given opportunity, Jasper either spoke dirty or got me to do it. Slowly, I was getting the hang of it.

"Ugh, babe," Jasper started as he sucked the tip into his hot, wet mouth. My eyes rolled back into my head as intense pleasure rocked its way though my body. Wrapping his hand around my cock, Jasper let the tip fall from his mouth with a popping sound, as he continued to stroke me. "Tell me what you..." The sound of my phone blaring through the dining room cut Jasper off.

My eyes looked to the phone flashing on the table and back at Jasper. I knew the ring tone, Jasper knew the ring tone and I knew he was hoping that I wasn't going to pick it up.

"Babe, leave it. Call her back," Jasper pleaded as my eyes became fixed on the phone.

"It could be important."

"I doubt it, more than likely she wants you home for dinner," Jasper mumbled as he took the tip of my cock back into his mouth.

"Fuck! Jazz, let me just get it, please." Pulling his head back I walked over to the phone, hearing Jasper's frustrated, and no doubt pissed off, grunt behind me.

"Mum?" I said as I picked up the phone and turned to look at Jasper who was still on his knees with his mouth hanging open.

"Oh, you do remember me then?"

_Fuck!_

"Yeah, I've just been bogged down with papers and assignments, that's all." My hand rubbed the back of my neck, almost trying to soothe out knots that weren't actually there while I spoke to her. In truth, I felt guilty as sin for not being in touch sooner with her.

"Well, as we don't seem to be that important anymore to you, I figured I would remind you that this Sunday is your dad's birthday."

_Bollocks!_

My mum didn't tend to pack any punches, and my disappearing act had hurt her deeply. Deep down, I knew that she was just upset with me and that was why she was being like this, but it still stung.

"I know, I hadn't forgotten, mum."

"Oh, well, you could have been in touch. I bet Jasper's mum hears from him," she spat at me. "I only gave you life, why should you bother keeping in touch with me?"

"I just.."

"Forgot?" she cut in, "You didn't forget anything, Edward. You have chosen to stay away for whatever reason it may be. Don't think we aren't aware that Jasper's dragged you here before."

"I'm sorry."

"Leave the poor boy alone. He's young and in love," my dad piped up in the background. I couldn't help but smile hearing that, no doubt they had shared words over this and dad had been only able to hold her back for so long before she went over him and spoke to me.

"Mum? I'll be there Sunday, promise," I said, hoping that it would be enough to let her rest this.

She sighed deeply before saying, "Okay, and will you be bringing Jasper with you?"

My eyes flicked to Jasper who was now standing against the wall, next to the open patio doors smoking.

Of course I wanted to bring him with me, but what I wanted and what Jasper wanted in that department were two completely different things. Jasper would say no, which would only make me beg and plead with him to come. Before me even bringing it to his attention I knew he would use the excuse that it was my dad's birthday and him turning up there and having to speak to them on that day wouldn't be right or fair.

But I didn't want to go alone.

"I'll ask, mum."

A couple of minutes later, I was hanging up with her and promising that I would be there Sunday and that I would make more of an effort to keep in touch. Dropping the phone on the side, I walked back over to Jasper who was smirking at me.

"Where were we?" he asked as he took my hand and pushed me against the wall again.

"My mum wants you to come on Sunday," I blurted out just as Jasper had dropped to his knees.

Jasper looked up at me, and shook his head in complete disbelief. "Did you seriously just bring that subject up now?"

"She just asked me," I replied, confused to his sudden change in mood.

"And you pick now to tell me? You seriously just killed the fucking mood, Edward," Jasper spat out as he jumped to his feet. "I'm going to go shower."

"Jasper, please. I didn't mean to ruin the mood." And I didn't.

Maybe I should have thought more before I opened my mouth and blurted it out, but I didn't. The phone call had come as a surprise, and I hadn't really given much thought to that fact that my parents might actually invite Jasper there on Sunday. I guess somewhere between trying to think about that and how my mum had acted and how to approach Jasper, I hadn't thought that my comment would kill the mood so fast for him.

"Yeah, well, maybe you didn't, but you did."

"Want me to join you?" I asked hopefully.

"No."

It wasn't the word that hurt, or how he looked when he said it, it was the way he said it that hurt. There was no feeling, no emotion, no nothing. Just a flat, monotone 'no' that spoke volumes to me and let me know that the matter was now closed and I had successfully ruined it.

The sound of Jasper moving around upstairs, before finally hearing the click of the bathroom door closing, sent a sharp pain through my heart. I wasn't sure what I was meant to do now. Should I run up the stairs and make it up to him? Or, stand here and feel hurt and wounded? My head swam with all of these things and one thought kept coming back over and over again.

_He'll leave me._

This had been our first fight since we had gotten back together, and the last time we had fought we broke up. That thought scared me. It scared me that I had pissed Jasper off to such a degree that he would break up with me and I would be left with nothing but a broken heart and the guilt that I messed up, again.

Picking up my sweat pants, I pulled them on slowly and sat down in the chair at the dining room table and just stared at the laptop in front of me. The shower was still running in the bathroom where Jasper currently was and I wondered if those few precious moments we had before that call would be our last.

Jasper was my first serious relationship. Every one before him had never had the impact on my life the way he had done. I felt complete, felt whole, felt found with him, no one else could even come close to what he made me feel. And because of my lack of being in a serious relationship, and the way we had broke up last time, I was scared that this was it.

The thought wouldn't leave me. It kept coming back to me and, the more I thought about it, the more sure I became that this was it. I had ruined our relationship.

Sure, I knew that couples argued and fell out with each other, and I knew they had bad patches and good. I wasn't completely naive when it came to relationships, but how strong were Jasper and I? Had my little mishap caused something to shift between us? Did it cause him to see that I was naive and he shouldn't be in a relationship with me?

My chest suddenly tightened with that realization. I was learning things that I should have learned years ago when I was still at school or just left. Jasper had learned these things then, he knew when the right moment was to mention something, and he knew that you didn't mention them when you were about to have sex.

Folding my arms on the table, I buried my head. It didn't matter how many times I tried not to think about it, it was there. I was playing a man's game but only knew the rules for a boy. Jasper needed someone else in his life, not me and my fuck-ups. It was only a matter of time before he realized that. After all, hadn't Jasper already told me I was a game to him?

"Babe?" Jasper whispered in my ear as his arms wrapped around me. "What's wrong?"

His hold on me tightened as he kissed my neck. Taking a deep breath, I let the smell of him wash over me and invade my senses. The smell of lemon from his shower gel flooded my veins and I broke. I knew I had to walk away from him. Yes, it would kill me, but it was for the best. Jasper wanted to find his birth parents, and he needed someone strong to support him and not a boy who screwed everything up and looked to avoid fucking anywhere unless it was in the bedroom.

"Talk to me, twink," Jasper asked again in my ear, "Edward?"

Pushing back off the table, I pulled out of his hold and moved towards the doorframe to the living room. "I... I can't," was all I mumbled out.

"Can't what? Edward, come here."

"I... I think we should break up," I choked out as my tears fell down my face.

Unable to look at him, I heard him move across the room towards me. Jasper's rough hand was suddenly grabbing my chin and lifting my head up, forcing me to look at him. My eyes locked with his and I came face to face with the anger and pain that was swirling in his eyes.

"What did you just say?" Unable to answer him, I pulled my head away and out of his grasp. "Answer me, Edward," Jasper demanded keeping me pinned to the door. " Edward!"

"I... You... You need someone else, not me," I stumbled out as my chest became tighter and tighter.

"I want you," he spat. "Is this over what happened earlier? Fucking hell, Edward! It was a fight, nothing more."

"It made me see."

"See what?"

"That you need a man, not a boy. That night, you were right about me, about us."

I expected Jasper to blow his lid and lose his temper; I expected him to scream and shout at me; I expected to see the Jasper I had seen that night when he lost his temper. What I didn't expect was Jasper's eyes filling with tears before he moved away from me and pulled out one of the dining room chairs.

"That night will always rule our relationship, won't it? No matter what happens or how much I try and make up for it, it will always go back to that," Jasper sighed and pushed his damp curls off his face. "I don't know what you've been thinking, but I know I need you. I know I want and love you and I had hoped that we could move past it and forget all about it."

"Jasper... I"

"Don't. Just don't."

"Let me explain, please."

"Why? So you can tell me what I want and think?" Jasper sat back on the chair and stretched his legs out while lighting up. "I need you, I want you and as far as I'm concerned I have my man in my life. I need you to be there, by my side while I do this, yet you wanna walk away. Walk away from me when I need you the most."

"Jasper..."

"Just go, Edward. You've made your mind up, I fucked up everything that night and it cost me. It cost me you." The stack of papers on the table that Jasper had been collecting regarding his birth parents were suddenly scooped up and carried into the kitchen.

Following Jasper, I watched him place them into a bin before throwing the bag on top of the fridge.

"What are you doing with them?"

"There's no point. Get out, Edward, or are you waiting to see me fall apart? Is that what you want? To see me fall apart over you?"

"No! I... I..."

"You what, Edward? Thought because of our little fight I would dump you?" I didn't answer him, instead I looked to the floor. "Thought so. Did it ever fucking occur to you that maybe, just maybe, we would fight and it wouldn't end in me dumping you? I mean, fucking hell, Edward, you have a God damn key. You are living here without it being official, but you thought I would end it all?

"You thought I would throw what we had away over a fight? I may have been pissed at you, but I still fucking love you. Do you think I wanna fight? No! I came home and had some fun with you, fun that I wanted to lead to more and then that fucking call came and you blurted it out as I'm trying to get back in the mood and it pissed me off. It pissed me fucking off, Edward, but I didn't walk away thinking that it's over. I walked away thinking I would shower, change, cool off and come and talk to you, like grown ups.

"But you," he snorted. "You had made your choice while I was in the shower. You had somehow managed to get it into your head that we were over and it all goes back to that night, doesn't it?"

"I just thought..." I started and stopped, realizing that I had no argument with him. "I'm sorry."

"Sorry for what, Edward?" Jasper asked in a rough voice. "Sorry you wanna walk away from me? Sorry you let me back into your life? Sorry that you let me think I had you to lean on?"

"Jasper... I... I don't know," I sighed. There was nothing I could say to make this right, or to excuse the hurt I had just caused Jasper.

"Get out, Edward. Go back to your life and away from me. I should have known that someone like you was way out of my league." Jasper turned his back to me and rested his hands on the black counter top.

His shoulders moved gently, but no sound came from him. How could he honestly think I was out of his league? It was the other way around.

Moving to him, I touched his back softly feeling the heat of skin soaking through the black T-shirt and onto my fingertips. My fingers slowly ran up and down his back, feeling the muscles in his back move and contract to my touch, but he didn't pull away from me like I thought he might. Jasper stayed perfectly still, letting out a shallow whisper of a cry now and then.

"What's wrong with me? " he whispered. "Why does everyone want to run away from me? What did I ever do?" And then it dawned on me what I had done.

During my internal battle, my argument inside my head, I hadn't bothered to think that my words to him would have a deeper impact then I had realized. Telling Jasper he needed someone else, someone stronger by his side, basically told him I was abandoning him, something he battled with daily.

That wasn't what I had wanted to do. In my mind it had made sense to walk away from him and let him find someone else. To me, I felt like I was letting him down and not the other way around. I wanted to be everything he needed me to be and more. It scared me that I wasn't, that my inexperience in relationships would cause me to say the wrong thing at the wrong time when he needed me. Did I want to walk away from him? No. But inside I was insecure that I couldn't be the man he needed.

"Jasper?" He didn't turn to look at me, or even acknowledge that I had said his name. Instead he continued to grip the counter top, turning his knuckles white with the strain. "I got it in my head, and it made sense to me."

"And what about me, huh?" he whispered out. "What about what I want? Or didn't I even come into it?"

"I thought it was the right thing to do," I answered honestly.

"For you or for me?"

"Us both,"

"Then go. Why stay here when you don't want to? I don't want you to be here through guilt or anything else other than you want to be here, with me. But you don't, so go. Not even my parents wanted me, why would the man I love and cherish want me?" Without another word, or even a look at me, Jasper let go of the counter top and walked away.

Standing in the middle of the kitchen, my mind tried to process all of this. It tried to make sense of the fact that I had messed things up so badly between us and in turn, brought about a whole host of issues for Jasper. I never wanted him to think I didn't want him, because I did. I loved that man with everything I had. It may be all girlie and sappy, but I would do anything for him.

Wiping my eyes, I walked into the dining room, seeing Jasper leaning against the open patio doors watching the rain that continued to slam down against the decking. The trails of whitish, grayish smoke filtered up from his fingertips in a swirl. It was a habit that Jasper had fallen back into and the more stressed he got, the more he smoked.

Lifting the smoke to his lips, I watched him take a long pull from it before flicking it out into the rain soaked garden and blowing the smoke out. Jasper sighed deeply before turning to look at me. His eyes, normally alive with love were suddenly flat and cold. They bored into me, freezing me in place while he moved towards me.

My heart was beating wildly in my chest as he moved in, like a hunter after his prey. Never had I actually been scared of Jasper, but right now I wasn't sure if he was about to lie into me or fuck me.

When he was face to face with me, he stood there staring at me, not moving or blinking. The intensity of his stare both scared me and turned me on. My body felt alive with a rush of energy as my heart beat wildly in my chest.

"I. Love. You," he stated, his eyes not softening at all as he spoke.

"Jasper, I.." His fingers touched my lips, silencing me from speaking.

"Don't. You've got the choice, Edward. Stay or go."

Jasper dropped his fingers from my lips and watched me intently. Staring back at him, I tried to work out what he may be thinking, what was going through his mind. Was he scared that I would choose to leave? Was he hoping that I wouldn't move from this spot and give him the answer that I was a sorry bastard for everything I had done tonight?

His face gave nothing away, and neither did his eyes. His whole face was a complete mask of everything he was hiding and not a single thing was seeping through. I wanted one sign from him, something that showed me what he wanted. My mind was already made, I wasn't moving from the spot. I had chosen Jasper and I would spend a long time making up for my mistake tonight.

My eyes flickered to the lube that was still on the floor by his feet. Jasper caught my movement and smirked at me, the only real sign of anything since he moved in front of me. Before I could even respond to his smirk, Jasper's lips were on mine.

His lips crashed hard against mine as his tongue forced its way into my mouth. Jasper's hands gripped into my hair, pulling me closer to him and moving us around so the glass dining table was behind me. There was nothing soft in his movements, all of them were hard and raw, full need and claiming.

My own hands worked their way up and into his hair, with the intent of pulling his golden locks between my fingers, but Jasper stopped me. His hands let go of my hair and wrapped around my wrist, before yanking them away from his hair with a growl.

"No!" Jasper spat at me and spun me around so I was facing the table.

Gripping my shoulders, he pushed me over the table and kicked my legs apart. The thrill of Jasper's dominance raced through my body so fast that I didn't even register him pulling down my sweat pants and pushing two, slicked, lubed fingers inside of me.

"Jasper! Fuck," I cried out as his fingers pumped in and out of me.

"Shut up," he spat.

I had often thought that this type of act, this brutal act of claiming wouldn't turn me on, but with his harsh tone telling me to shut up, I couldn't help but groan out at him.

His fingers were suddenly pulled away from me, and he slammed his cock into me, hard, not stopping until he was all the way in. The familiar burn raced through me as Jasper stretched me. He didn't wait to give me time to adjust to him, instead he pulled nearly all the way out before slamming back into me just as hard as before.

Gripping my hips hard, Jasper began to fuck me hard and fast over the table, not caring if I was in any pain or discomfort. My face was pressed against the glass, with my body beginning to sweat as it rubbed against the table, creating a noise with every hard thrust from Jasper. His grunts filled the room, matching my screams of delight as he slammed against my sweet spot.

"Jasper... Ugh... fuck."

"Shut. The. Fuck. Up!" he half grunted half spat at me. "You... wanna leave? Wanna... decide what's... right... for us?"

"No... fuck, there! Right there!" I screamed out as I tried to grip the now slippery coffee table.

"Don't... you want... me?"

"Yes... yes!" I cried out.

Jasper gripped the back of my hair and pulled me up, putting my back against his chest. Pulling my head to the side, Jasper's other hand wrapped around my hard cock and began stroking me in perfect time with his hard thrusts. The dual sensation was getting to be too much and the coil in my stomach began to tighten.

His hot breath panted on my neck as he continued his brutal attack on me. "Look... at the... body print... on the table! I... caused that."

My eyes dropped down the table, that moments ago he had me bent over, seeing the sweaty outline of where my body had been pressed against. Groaning at the sight of it, Jasper gave my cock a squeeze along with a hard thrust.

"My mark... on you... You're mine!" Jasper suddenly sank his teeth into the curve of my neck and shoulder.

A mixture of pain and pleasure rocketed throughout my body and sent me crashing over the edge. Screaming Jasper's name out loudly into the dining room, I shot my load over his hand and the table.

Every muscle in my body spasmed with my high as he continued to slam into me. Releasing his hold on my neck, he placed a soft gentle kiss there as he came hard inside of me. Only then releasing a soft, muffled cry against my neck as he did.

Breathing hard, my legs turned to jelly. Jasper's arms wrapped around my waist, supporting me from falling as he slowly pulled out of me.

"Mine," he whispered in my ear. "Hands on the table to support yourself. I'll be back in a second."

Jasper went to move his arms away from me, but I grabbed hold of them, keeping him in place. "Please, don't."

"You need to get cleaned up, and we need to talk, Edward," Jasper's voice, his tone as he spoke, stabbed through my heart like a knife.

"I love you," I whispered to him as I looked at his sad face.

Leaning forward he kissed me softly, "I love you, too, babe. Always." He smiled softly at me and the hurt and pain were back in his eyes once more. "I'll be a second, okay?"

* * *

_So, what do you guys think? Review and drop some love on this little Brit girls birthday. Jen x_


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